29 no-nos for gamers over age 30

by Vladimir Cole on Nov 11th 2005 9:57AM

Old people with nintendo revolution controllers in hand The ESA says that the average gamer is 30 years old. It's time that those of us who are 30 or older realize that some of the things we grew up doing as gamers are no longer really appropriate, cool, or kosher given our new demographic bucket. Here, then, is a helpful guide to 29 things a gamer should never do past the age of 30.

Participate in LAN parties with minors
Quit your job to pursue a pro-gaming career
Start a Star Wars themed PC case mod in the living room
Ever use the jargon OMG, BBQ and WTF together in the same phrase
Pirate games - shouldn't you have an income by now?
Find the idea of teamkilling funny
Choose a female avatar so that you can try to upskirt her
Refuse to play games that are rated lower than mature
Tea-bag a downed opponent in Halo 2
Play any game with Princess Toadstool in it
Choose a gamer handle including any form of the words "hell," "killer," "death," or "-inator"
Yell "pwnt" in a public virtual space
Play a female character in an MMOG in order to troll for "Crying Game" victims
Disconnect when losing at Starcraft or any other RTS
Ninja loot
Get your gaming news from a print publication
Replace the letter S with a dollar sign when writing Microsoft, Sony, or PlayStation
Live in your parents' basement to support a gaming habit
Break mice in a fit of rage after being served in an FPS game
Try to win an argument in a gaming forum
Pretend that movies like Doom and Tomb Raider are anything but crap
Carry softcore anime porn on your PSP to show the guys at work
Hadoken someone as a greeting, complete with hand motions and sound effects
Play competitively against anyone under the age of 10
Read or write fanfiction
Yell or type, "Laggg" when losing an online game
Bogart the controller
Work at GameStop "just for the discount"
Type liek JeffK

Got more to add to the list? Post it!

Reader Comments (87)

I'm glad I can address this, as I'm TIRED of hearing about something so obvious.
Games online have lag. WHOA! NO WAY!??!!!
Whether it's in the code, your PC, or the connection (location to servers/cabling in ground/interference/your ISP.)
So the basic thing is if you have EVER played an online game before you know this as a reality.
It's a sign of immaturity to sit and whine about lag, rather then reporting the problem. No matter how many times it is laggy, you should report LAG and other faulty parts of the game to the source (Developers) that can actually use that kind of feedback to improve/fix the game. IF you feel that you have reported it enough and do not want to pursue creating more helpdesk tickets... UNINSTALL and buy a new game to complain about.
Whining about it just annoys people and it identifies you as young or a newb. EVERYONE complains about lag at least once or twice. Complaining about it EVERYTIME you note it, is not productive in ANY way.
I have played text-based Gemstone, Shadowbane, City of Heroe and now World of Warcraft.
I would also like to add that this guy has posted this list with tongue in cheek. For you to say "like that could happen.." or anything like that is taking it too seriously.
:p

Back in the day it seems that games were more exciting and fun to play. I don't understand that. I think the reason why we have such fond memories about the classic console is because it was something brand new. People take interest in new things. I think the longer games are around they will become less and less appealing. Somebody needs to introduce a new game console (like Revo) that completely separates itself from the older generations. The statistics show that we are losing interest in games and we spend less time playing them. Give us something new. I don't want the same controller, I don't want the same graphics, I don't want the same games. MS & Sony are moving in the wrong direction. I have been playing games all my life and I hate to say it but I am losing my drive to play games. Does anybody else feel the same?

VIRTUAL REALITY GAMES! We would be the healthiest sample of the population in the world then. lol
I would VERY much enjoy that.
Sitting down for long periods of time is not healthy. Developing gaming that can make you a healthier person, as you play your favorite game would be excellent.

#3N: Complain that the you lose when playing the latest version of Tekken/Soul Calibur/Virtua Fighter/whatever because the controls "don't work right" or "the buttons on the controller are harder to reach than the Genesis/SNES/N64/PS1/whatever" or "the games don't require skill any more just button mashing".

I think it would be great if people over 30 did this. Who says you have to be mature when you get older? I can�t even get my dad to enjoy playing video games! If he were to just pick up a controller to play some games with me every once in a while, I wouldn�t mind if he did everything on this list! As long as you�re having fun, I don�t really give a shit!

...Just a side note, while I'm here hehe...
HOW is having a new controller revolutionary? Talk about hype! Who cares about changing a controller/joystick form factor! one handed.. two handed.. It's still the SAME THING!
Again.. Virtual reality is revolutionary.. the next step. Someone be bold and take it! It would make a healthier gaming community. :)

I take that back. I wouldn�t want my dad doing lot of these things� such as number 2, 7, 9, 18, 19, 22, or 28. I guess that if I wouldn�t want my dad doing these, there are some things that you just shouldn�t do as a parent. I should have read the post better before commenting, haha.

No LANs with minors? Just last year SoCal's oldest LAN gamer HatTriqk turned fifty and held a fifty man lan, complete with fifty free gigabit cards. Tell me how that's a bad thing.

Virtual Reality would be a great, but it probably will never come out. Think about it, people already think that the violents in games this generation is too lifelike. If virtual reality was introduced parents and government leaders would go apeshit. The games would be so real that some people wouldn't be able to tell the difference between the games and real life. If Virtual Reality did hit the market it wouldn't be available for kids. Only adults.

im 16. if you AT ALL disagree with any of those, you're just digging yourself into a deeper and deeper hole, my friend.

nk wrote:
>> p-diddy wrote...
>> What, you mean you refuse to play games with
>> a rating under M? What are you, 12 years old?

Sorry I wasn't clear. If you are 30+, you shouldn't have hang ups about playing games that are not rated "M" and above, e.g., all mario games are fine for a 30+ to play.

-p-

will,

What do you mean? Who are you talking to?

will said...
>> im 16.

Obviously.

-p-

#39 i couldnt agree with you more man.....my family is always on my ass to have kids....and the sad truth is.....is that all of my family and friends that have them... are miserable....so this is what i really hear when asked...... hey jimmy when you gonna have kids.....that way you can be miserable like me too...and that way you wont be able to afford all those nice things that you have now... cause you got to spend it on your kids.............yeah.....never never never.....playing games at 31 yeah i have some guilt.....but its easier to deal with than having kids....ill manage..and ill still have fun....

Here's one:

Strive to have the respect of other players/guilds on the server you're playing on in terms of your "achievments".

Nightbuttplug,
That is too bad that you know so many people that have it 'miserable' with kids. I hope that you never do have them. For they would apparently have a 'miserable' life. I am glad to know that I have it 'HAPPY' as do all of the people that I know with kids. MMMMMMMMkkkkkkkkkkk
you just keep having fun, you too zeno

As for the list, pretty funny for the most part. The thing that makes me laugh is that posts like this brings out the people that could always write it better. oh...opinions, they are just great.

Average age 30, hmm, that must mean you are below average. Half of the gamer population must be over thirty. Except for 18, 21, and that hadoken thing every gamer over thirty is doing. Who do you think invented this stuff to begin with. I'm pushing fifty and have been hardcore 313373 since pong whippersnapper and I'll be fragging till they pull my controller from my cold dead fingers.

This is total garbage, and unfunny. Age doesn't have anything to do with anything. I'm almost 27 and I do like 90% of those. Most of those have to do with what is expected in society. I'm not normal, nor do I ever intend to be.

I'm no different than I was when I was 8 years old, and that is not going to change.

It's always funny when people can't take a joke. This is a list of stereotypical gamer behavior; the age thing is really just an addition to the humor. :P

"Age doesn't have anything to do with anything. I'm almost 27 and I do like 90% of those."

Q.E.D. ;)

I'm a 37 year old with two children one of each
gender (6 and 3). Love the list. I'm gamin', and lovin' every minute of it! Oh yeah and I am still youthfull and stacked. My children will bow to the master! Haha.

64# well........with a name like roachclip its no wonder why your always happy....whats the matter cant handle your kids so you have to escape the realitys of raising them by smokin weed....the truth is......is that you are miserable....otherwise you wouldnt have the attitude you have with me......but its all good man....smoke it up roachclip.....im sure youll have great intentions on your children.....and when i spoke of my families being miserable i spoke for them.....and not every family....the problem with the world its too easy for people to have kids... any idiot can make a kid....but it takes a man to raise one.....and raisen it being sober roachclip....but thats somthen you wouldnt understand...well im sure i wrote enough...this is probably more than what you read in a while....so you better get offline now.....im sure your missing your jerry springer show....and dont forget to adjust the cinder blocks your trailer sets on its leaning a little to the left....roachclip.......what a joke......so orginal really....hey you should put like 420 after the name too....

petty.....
keep assuming and see how far it gets you in life.
I agree with the idoits and kids part,very much so. What attitude? It was only slight. I like the name, it gets people like you all wound up. You did have some funny things to say. I did notice that you did not say every family, just your freinds and family. For the most part I felt bad for ya. I'm not trying to make enimies. Just get your point. It worked. Earlier I almost said something about J.S...funny.

well im glad you see my point and found it funny...i see you took my advice for the name....thats funny too...and yes it is sad with my friends and family.....and it may be the reason why i am the way that i am.....i just dont want to end up the way they are....oh well.....anyway.....BACK TO GAMEN.....WOOOOO WHOOOOO

re comment 12 by Vesper

Screw that - I'm the one with disposable income. The kiddies can wait.

re comment 40

Sing it ZeroCorpse!

female gamer here, 38; gamer husband 34; plenty of games - no kids.

Great article. What about a series on Women gamers and female game heroines?

Ok, this is one of THE worst gaming lists ive seen in awhile. One thing that struck me was the "should not attend LANs with minors." what the hell is this? I am currently writing this from a 50 man lan. there are people over 40 here mingled with 16 and 17 yr olds. total range of ages. Trust me, its BETTER this way. having a lan filled with minors can get quite stupid and immature. For having hosting and attending LANs for more than 8 yrs, and gaming for more than 13 yrs... i cannot say how much this list could be more... well, insulting. O_o

I ran into this while browsing on www.beyondunreal.com for mods :P i was expecting something funny

"Play any game with Princess Toadstool in it"

i guess miyamoto has to stop playing his own games, then :P

Hmm...I don't know what the numbers are up to by now, but here's one.

##. Shout out either the word "Penis" or "Boobies" in a public area in WoW.

It needs to stop.

intresting list...if i may add

30)stand at a line for 48hrs to try the lastest next gen gaming console

#31. defend yourself on this forum
#32. refresh joystiq 10 times a day to get your daily gaming news
#33 believe ANY female name on mmorpgs is actually a possible wife
#34. attain level 60 in MULTIPLE characters. (don't you have a job?)
#35. Put your nose up to anyone in gamestop for buying a game older than a month.
#36. play it off non-chalant about beating games that a friend just got that's only a week old.
#37 call your friends at 1 in the morning when you beat a level in a game
#38 guitar hero..... in front of anyone
#39 wear any gaming shirt that is multiple sizes too small for you
#40. have an online girlfriend that you've never met, but only seen pictures of
#41 play any video game until you vomit
#42 have a serious discussion about how real the boobs physics are in ANY game

Sarcasm anyone? Humor? A bunch of you take the list too seriously. Hoenstly, you guys need to get out more. Read a book. :D

#19 - Break mice in a fit of rage after being served in an FPS game

I think its okay if you realize that you can't stop it and so you just buy stock in Logitech (LOGI). Thats the smart over-30 thing to do.

At least I am not in denial.

I agree with most of them, especially #7, with the exceptions being for serious roleplayers. The logic of "so I can see a female's ass when I play" is stupid. Do you only watch shows with a female cast so you don't gotta see guys walking around whenever you see it? If so, have fun watching "The Golden Girls"(it's like the only female-only show out there). Then again I'm only 19 1/2 so I got a long time to do these(I'll skip the more immature ones though).

Oh yeah and "#19-Break mice in a fit of rage after being served in an FPS game". Does that one also apply to console controllers? I know a friend(19 years old) who slams his controller to the floor when he dies in Halo 2. He also screams "oh my god bs!" everytime he dies. I'd say those also apply as extra rules of immaturity.

Previous 50 Comments

29 no-nos for gamers over age 30

Reader Comments (87)

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