Plastic doesn't taste nearly as good as chocolate (Xbox 360 annoyance #005)
by Ben Striegel 
{ Dec 6th 2005 at 5:33AM }
The clock chimes once, snapping you out of your gamer's haze as your fingers continue to instinctively manipulate the controller. It's 1:00 AM on a Sunday, and you're at the turn of a nonstop 48-hour gaming marathon. Your stomach growls-you haven't eaten since Thursday. The fridge has been empty since your wife left you, and your kids have all since run away to join the Peace Corps.
Eating them is out of the question.
You wince as the pangs of hunger rack your intestines, but you can't stop now. You're pwning n00bs on Xbox Live like never before-one wrong move and your unheralded winning streak will come screeching to a halt. If only there were something nearby to satisfy your craving, something succulent and delicious, something right below the television and just a little to the left... the Xbox, of course! Eyes glued to your 50" high-def display, you drop to your knees and shuffle over to the console, fans humming peaceably, blissfully unaware of its fate. You lean over the console, jaws spread wide, and...
WHOA! Just hold on there a second, Sonny Jim. Microsoft, in their infinite wisdom, neglected to plan for such a contigency as yours. This here Xbox 360 is constructed of plastic; a strong, durable, lightweight material which nonetheless tastes like crap. Depending on whom you ask, this here games machine might not even be edible. Good going, Microsoft, now Sonny Jim is lying dead on the floor, his fingers continuing to manipulate his controller, pwning posthumously.
If only he'd bought a Dreamcast.
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
Kyung @ Dec 18th 2005 10:05PM
Maybe funny. Maybe.
Crummy @ Dec 18th 2005 10:05PM
MICROSOFTS LACK OF INSIGHT INTO THIS ISSUE IS A TOTAL DISGRACE.
IF THEY HAVE ANY HONOUR WHATSOEVER THEY WILL ACCEPT ALL UNITS RETURNED FREE OF CHARGE WITH A FULL REFUND OR AN EDIBLE XBOX360.
I AM DISGUSTED AT THE BLATANT DISREGARD FOR THE CONSUMER AND WILL BE SPENDING MY MONEY AT MORE CUSTOMER FRIENDLY EDIBLE COMPANIES.
Shabran @ Dec 18th 2005 10:05PM
PS3 PS3 PS3 PS3 PS3 PS3 PS3 PS3 PS3 PS3 PS3 PS3
REVOLUTION, REVOLUTION, REVOLUTION, REVOLUTION
PS3 PS3 PS3 PS3 PS3 PS3 PS3 PS3 PS3 PS3 PS3 PS3
REVOLUTION, REVOLUTION, REVOLUTION, REVOLUTION
Shabran @ Dec 18th 2005 10:05PM
PS3 PS3 PS3 PS3 PS3 PS3 PS3 PS3 PS3 PS3 PS3 PS3
REVOLUTION, REVOLUTION, REVOLUTION, REVOLUTION
PS3 PS3 PS3 PS3 PS3 PS3 PS3 PS3 PS3 PS3 PS3 PS3
REVOLUTION, REVOLUTION, REVOLUTION, REVOLUTION
MarkTAW @ Dec 18th 2005 10:05PM
joystiq: OMG we sound too critical, quick let's alleviate it with humor.
or
Note to self: PS3 isn't a George Forman Grill.
or
Nintendo Revolution Secret revealed: Stays cripsy in milk!
daniel @ Dec 18th 2005 10:05PM
mmmm..chocolate
Dan Choi @ Dec 18th 2005 10:05PM
So, uh... do you prefer white chocolate (the 360) or dark/milk chocolate (the original Xbox)? I wonder what Vlad would say? =)
David @ Dec 18th 2005 10:05PM
Really shouldn't these all be on the new 360 fanboy blog thing... I honestly dont care for so much trivial things related to the system, there has to be better news out there =/
zanzi @ Dec 18th 2005 10:05PM
ROFL!
JulioC @ Dec 18th 2005 10:05PM
The dreamcast is edible?
*starts looking for his old dreamcast*
justchris @ Dec 18th 2005 10:05PM
Here's a thought. When you run out of ideas, stop posting stories. Don't eat the peyote. Sure, it gives you ideas, but you're too messed up to know if they're any good.
So once again, when you're fresh out of ideas, don't eat the peyote.
RobertO @ Dec 18th 2005 10:05PM
Here's a thought. When you come across a post that doesn't interest you or you think is stupid, scroll past it and go on with your day.
Marshall @ Dec 18th 2005 10:05PM
Compared to all the other articles talking about 360's problems, this is the most humorous out of them all.
Victor @ Dec 18th 2005 10:05PM
RobertO, I completely agree with you x)
Ixalon @ Dec 18th 2005 10:05PM
Who says it's not edible? Does the box have a nice 'Do not eat/chew' warning on it, like certain other consumer electronics devices?
eric @ Dec 18th 2005 10:05PM
Pointless articles on Joystiq some days (Xbox 360 annoyance #006)
Privo @ Dec 18th 2005 10:05PM
Get a real job that makes you do actual work your parents can be proud of Ben. Stop wasting your life, and ours.
Kevin D @ Dec 18th 2005 10:05PM
I SMELL ANOTHER LAWSUIT!!!!!!.... (or 2)
1) Not edible
2) No warning NOT to eat it...
3) No warning not to have sex with it
4) No warning to your parents to stop having retarded kids...LOL...
peace out...
Chaos @ Dec 18th 2005 10:05PM
Wow, wtf planet are you people on Joystiq from? You find it annoying that the 360 isnt made of chocolate? Perhaps you should remind yourselves that if it were, you would have a big puddle of chocolate and silicon goo since the 360 is already just a hair away from setting every 360 owners house on fire.
Zachary @ Dec 18th 2005 10:05PM
"OMG we sound too critical, quick let's alleviate it with humor."
Thats exactly what I thought, looks like the comments in the controller annoyance article rubbed someone the wrong way.
Martez @ Dec 18th 2005 10:05PM
I thought this was funny- gave me a good chuckle when I come onto Joystiq all groggy-eyed this morning. I don't see any reason the site needs to be dead serious all the time. It's fun to have fun, dammit.
drsilverworm @ Dec 18th 2005 10:05PM
ok, the first four xbox360 complaints were legitimate, but this one was just stupid. Also the complaints are getting annoying, think of them all now and group them all in one post. If you think of anymore you can post an update, but please, I don't want to see this series running all week
lust @ Dec 18th 2005 10:05PM
Atleast joystiq can laugh at themselves for perhaps being overly critical of the 360.
vc @ Dec 18th 2005 10:05PM
You ain't seen nothin' yet -- there's a reason I started the series at 000. It's going all the way to 999.
Zachary @ Dec 18th 2005 10:05PM
You started at 000? Thats weird, cause it sure looks like you started at 001. So entry 000 must be some kind of hidden easter egg????
Nik @ Dec 18th 2005 10:05PM
Ahhh, teh lameness. People complain too much. Do you pay to read joystiq? I know if this were MY blog, I would write pretty much damned near anything I wanted too. Isn't that the point of the whole blogging thing?
Paranoised @ Dec 18th 2005 10:05PM
I wonder if I can get a faceplate made out of chocolate. That WUD B3 D4 RUXXORZ XDD!
szimm @ Dec 18th 2005 10:05PM
W...
T...
F...?!
Joe @ Dec 18th 2005 10:05PM
vc
You get paid per post?
Ahhh thant expains it.
Dan Choi @ Dec 18th 2005 10:05PM
"I wonder if I can get a faceplate made out of chocolate. That WUD B3 D4 RUXXORZ XDD!"
Wow, I can see it now... "I'm melting! I'm melting!" Time for fondue. =)
notrealdan @ Dec 18th 2005 10:05PM
#8 Why would they post annoyances on the xbox 360 fanboy site? That wouldn't make any sense!
#12 and #26 I agree.
To the folks saying stuff like "This post is stupid. Why don't you just post real news?" Maybe they would only post real news if this were a news site. It's a blog. They can post about bran muffins if they want. Look it up.
Rick @ Dec 31st 2005 12:50PM
Hey peeps, chill. Humor is the spice of life. :)