Joystiq takes Highest Honors at Spike VGAs, finishes dead last
by Ben Striegel 
{ Dec 11th 2005 at 10:00AM }
Though last night's Spike TV Video Game Awards were an unmitigated travesty and an affront to the dignity of true gamers everywhere, the undisputed highlight of the night was not the 2005 Game of the Year As Chosen By Spike TV's Marketing Department, but the heavily contested revelation of Best Gaming Blog. Tensions in the blogosphere reached a fever pitch in the hours leading up to the ceremony, with numerous girly slapfights erupting amongst the crowd. Nerves mounted ever higher as all of webdom looked on with bated breath, occasionally looking away just long enough to retch into a nearby bucket. At long last, the moment of truth: who would Spike TV recognize as the world's best gaming blog? The envelope, if you please. And the winner is…
IT'S A TIE! KOTAKU AND SLASHDOT FOR THE WIN!!!
The audience burst into deafening applause as Brian Crecente and Rob Malda simultaneously slumped forward in their seats, heads in their hands, shielding their faces from the cameras. Unfortunately, representatives from Joystiq were unavailable to accept the award for Least Association With the Most Egregiously Farcical Event of 2005, as managing editor Vladimir Cole had been critically wounded earlier in the evening during a slap-related altercation on the red carpet, and the remainder of the Joystiq staff had already been ejected from the premesis for multiple counts of indecent exposure. Rob Schneider was eventually fooled into accepting the award, though only after being told it was made of chocolate.
Though we here at Joystiq revel in our victory, we are not deaf to the plight of our blogging brethren. Each of us on the Joystiq crew extend our most heartfelt sympathies to Kotaku and Slashdot, who are even now bracing for the inevitable influx of prepubescent wannabe-hax0rs who think that beating Halo 2 on Normal difficulty makes them totally l33t. However, despite our sweeping triumph, we realize that it could have just as easily been us on the receiving end of such a disgrace, and we must inevitably remind ourselves that the only real winners here are those blogs that failed to be nominated in the first place. Take the hint, Spike. Next year, either drop the gangsta overtones and air an awards show that gamers aren't ashamed to be associated with, or don't bother inviting us to the after party. We'd just end up stealing all the liquor anyway.
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
Dave D. @ Dec 18th 2005 10:05PM
Wow, someone sounds bitter.
Oshi @ Dec 18th 2005 10:05PM
50 Cent can't read.
Jay @ Dec 18th 2005 10:05PM
Maybe its just the strange way my mind works but I think thats a good thing, sure getting the 'Best Blog' award would be the greatest achievement but coming last? people will remember 2 things; who came first and who came last.
Like me and my mates play as a team for this quiz night thats held annually. We always come last, but the people there love us. we walk in with our custom named T-shirts and recieve a greater standing ovation for coming last than the people who come first. Everyone envies the leaders, but they love us for our... dare I say comedic value.
Who was it now that said "there is no such thing as bad publicity"?
hortense @ Dec 18th 2005 10:05PM
Awesome! Congrats, Joystiq! You could not have asked for a higher honor. That show is a fuckin' joke.
AJ @ Dec 18th 2005 10:05PM
I go on all of them, and I like Joystiq the best. Besides they all get stories from onanother anyway.
Mr. Clark @ Dec 18th 2005 10:05PM
I absolutely love that headline.
juju @ Dec 18th 2005 10:05PM
Crecente was on the voting board of the awards group. That man has no sense of self worth.
Also, I noticed that the voting form used to decide who won was easily spoofed. I voted 5 times for one of the entrants within a couple minutes. Nice.
Spence @ Dec 18th 2005 10:05PM
Your readers are cooler, just look at me..
Gazeebo @ Dec 18th 2005 10:05PM
*Double high fives joystiq*
Andy @ Dec 18th 2005 10:05PM
Wow, that post would have been funny if it didn't sound kinda bitter. And anyway you don't need to win it; you're already inundated by "prepubescent wannabe-hax0rs who think that beating Halo 2 on Normal difficulty makes them totally l33t" (if the comments are anything to go by anyway :p).
Edmund @ Dec 18th 2005 10:05PM
Keep up the good work, Joystiq! You guys run the best gaming blog there is, as recognized by Spike TV by the fact that they didn't give you that back-handed award. I'll keep reading. I also just checked out both of the winners and they SUCK. Those are two of the worst gaming blogs I've ever been to. So I guess Spike TV did well.
Reeve @ Dec 18th 2005 10:05PM
Andy: FWIW, Slashdot Games is too. The difference is that there's a moderation system on the comments, mainly modded by those more sensible posters with good-to-excellent karma >_>
Zeta @ Dec 18th 2005 10:05PM
You should be proud. Any game or group that receives an award from the VGAs is usually stinking, putrid garbage. Keep in mind that this is the same group who thinks that the Rock is an excellent actor. What does that tell you about their judgement?
(No offense intended to any fans of the Rock, if you were even capable of reading this.)
vakerorokero @ Dec 18th 2005 10:05PM
"I blame the Nintendo DS for this." Mr. Watson, I think you are up to something, indeed.
Last I memember you guy didn't care for this award, so if you had win, you would care? make up your mind people, should we care or not for next years Spike VGAs?
Slashdot is great but needs a makeover, their code is very unreadable after 20 posts
Toast @ Dec 18th 2005 10:05PM
You just most definitely not care about the VGA's their recognition of accomplishment is more so based on sales numbers and marketing than any discernable artistic notoriety. And no, I don't think the stiq is bitter, their stance on the crappyness of Spike's award show has been documented, so it's not great loss to them. Holla if you hear me...
Doug teh H-Nut @ Dec 18th 2005 10:05PM
When I get Halo 2, I'll remember to wait until I beat it on Hard (Is that the next mode up?) before I start acting all l33t.
I flipped over to the channel a couple of times. I think Cybervixen might have been fairly limited...Sophitia (from Soul Calibur III) didn't even get nominated. And come on, a character from an Activision/Marvel game? That'd have been fine for a movie awards show. But not for a game show. (Anyone see Spider-Man 2's graphics? Yep.)
Congratulations on losing, Joystiq! :P
Abhinav Kumar @ Dec 18th 2005 10:05PM
Bob Dole believes this "award show" was a travisty and an insult to the american people. Bob Dole is behind Joystiq. Bob Dole. Bob Dole. BobDole...
Krindy @ Dec 18th 2005 10:05PM
I've used the parental controls on my cable box to block Spike TV so I don't even see it whenever I flip around. I'd sooner receive the "Alex de Large ministration" in front of a 100" HDTV airing a Lifetime Channel 48-hour marathon of "heartwarming" made-for-TV movies starring Tim Matheson and Patricia Heaton.
Matt @ Dec 18th 2005 10:05PM
kotaku ftw
John @ Dec 18th 2005 10:05PM
The Spike Awards should be called the Mini Oscars! After last year, I refused to watch it this year. The people receiving the awards are worthless voice-over actors. The developers are the people who should be awarded. Halo 2 wasn't a great game because of the Voice Over actors. In fact, it might have detracted from the overall game.
Ross Miller @ Dec 18th 2005 10:05PM
Indecent exposure is the least of our worries - poor Conrad was hospitalized during the Spike TV awards due to roundhouse-related injuries sustained by a mysterious bearded cowboy.
Remember, kids: Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee - this has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Indian.
john @ Dec 18th 2005 10:05PM
It's funny how Kotaku post only have like what 0 replies.
Rare Hare @ Dec 18th 2005 10:05PM
"Indecent exposure is the least of our worries - poor Conrad was hospitalized during the Spike TV awards due to roundhouse-related injuries sustained by a mysterious bearded cowboy.
Remember, kids: Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee - this has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Indian."
yeah well.. before science was invented, autumn was thought to have occured due to Chuck Norris roundhouse kicking every tree in existence.
chudgoo @ Dec 18th 2005 10:05PM
Congratulations are in order!
Losing at an award ceremony that every last person in the know believes is utter shit sets the record straight about you guys. The mainstream has never accepted the real deal.
The fact that games.slashdot was included (much less tied for a win) is a joke in and of itself. They are notorious for being about a month late on all of their "news" items.
Off topic a bit...
Would inclusion of a moderation system be too far fetched for this site? The signal to noise ratio (while much better than slashdot) seems to be increasingly noisy as the site gains in popularity.
Heh, even a "troll" mod could help prevent threadjacking.
Also, have you guys considered using Captcha (or other similar tricks) for forum spam blocking? The email confirmation system in use now, I feel, limits the dialog.
vc @ Dec 18th 2005 10:05PM
Chudgoo: we've got a moderation system coming in the next two months. I totally feel your pain. We have all seen an increase in the noise-to-signal ratio. We'd love to reverse this trend.
32_Footsteps @ Dec 18th 2005 10:05PM
Okay, interesting thing to note...
Last year, the VGAs were aired on a Tuesday. They got roundly ripped in pretty much every gaming blog you could find.
This year, they aired late on a Saturday night. So far, the only coverage I have found is that which I wrote myself (see link in name). You think Spike changed which night to air it to limit the amount of bad press they received?
ZL @ Dec 18th 2005 10:05PM
Not sure, 32. Did they do a gaming blog award last year? I bet they did it this year to flatter those who would normally criticize the crappy show.
Last year, Slashdot wrote a scathing editorial here: http://games.slashdot.org/article.pl?sid=04/12/15/1637255&tid=166&tid=129&tid=10
This year, no such editorial is to be found. Flattery works wonders.
Last year, Kotaku's coverage was negative. This year, Kotaku's editor was "invited" to be on the panel of judges, and Kotaku was at the filming of the event and wrote that they had a good time, that they were "of course" nominated for best gaming blog, etc etc.
Sellouts.
32_Footsteps @ Dec 18th 2005 10:05PM
Looking over my notes from last year, it appears that Spike introduced the Best Blog award this year.
However, it isn't just the big blogs and websites that have wussed out on covering it. Buttonmashing didn't. Video Game Media Watch didn't. Tea Leaves didn't. Cathode Tan didn't. Pretty much every gaming blog I know of didn't. As far as I can tell, only Joystiq and myself bothered to discuss them at all today.
Are we just too inured to the vapidity of the awards? Did Spike deliberately plan to take the wind out of our sails by releasing the winners a month in advance and airing the show on Saturday night? Did someone forget to send Joystiq and Netjak the memo that we're trying to ignore the VGAs and hope they go away?
DigitalDept @ Dec 18th 2005 10:05PM
congrats joystiq the spike vgas r a freakin joke but on a totally different subject am i the only person who thinks that this so called channel for men is the most neutered channel out
JJ @ Dec 18th 2005 10:05PM
Thank you for telling the truth as it is. Does anybody really care if they win a VGA? This is the worst and most boring award show ever, and yes, that counts the Oscars. Spike could not handle this "event" any worse. Spike is like the EA of TV. I hate people who just buy games because they see them on TV. You know, the common PS2 fanboy who thinks that the new James Bond games are better than CS. That who this award show is for, the Adolecent Mainstream sellouts.
Josh @ Dec 18th 2005 10:05PM
I watched maybe half the show, and that was only becuase we were drinking and not really paying attention. We got frustrated at how lame the show was, how it was obviously for marketing, and how the games obviously weren't chosen by gamers like they said they were. Maybe they mentioned it after we stopped watching, but I don't remember Halo 2 being on there, just Heybro. Lame jokes, lame show, no thanks.
DaveKap @ Dec 18th 2005 10:05PM
I feel sorry for anyone who has an ounce of "support" for the VGA. Oh sooooo sorry...
renaldo @ Dec 18th 2005 10:05PM
I watched a half hour of it. I just wanted to see the Red Hot Chili Peppers, but was totally pissed that they didnt play anything and instead Def Leopard played. What the hell was that all about?
The ZeroCorpse @ Dec 18th 2005 10:05PM
I totally ignored the show. I got fed up last year and decided I'm not giving the Spike VGAs another second of my viewing time. It's a joke, a waste of space, and needs to be shot and put out of its misery.
Nate Brunk @ Dec 18th 2005 10:05PM
Honestly. Way freakin cooler here at the stiq.
xnatex
pdxrocket @ Dec 18th 2005 10:05PM
SLASHDOT!? oh give me a friggin' break! They knowingly give these awards to sites that only my mother knows about. I come to Joystiq over that crack-den 19.99 times out of 20.
Just wait till some network with real credentials hands out the honors; then you'll be #1!
john @ Dec 18th 2005 10:05PM
I like joystiq for the news you guys bring, but not for the fanboy war bullshit. The reason kotaku has so few replies is that not just anyone can post freely there. You have to be invited. If you ask me that's how it should be. Would stop alot of the "Ps3 totully pwns joo n00bs!" bullshit, and limit then responses for intelligent ones, providing better reading.
john2 @ Dec 18th 2005 10:05PM
i'll have it known that I am not the john who said this...
"It's funny how Kotaku post only have like what 0 replies."
but the one that said this:
"I like joystiq for the news you guys bring, but not for the fanboy war bullshit. The reason kotaku has so few replies is that not just anyone can post freely there. You have to be invited. If you ask me that's how it should be. Would stop alot of the "Ps3 totully pwns joo n00bs!" bullshit, and limit then responses for intelligent ones, providing better reading."
so now im john2. just wanted to make sure people knew that so i didnt sound like a dipshit..
shivam @ Dec 18th 2005 10:05PM
well, most of the big sites talked about the awards the night they actually happened rather than when they aired. the only awards that hadn't been given out at that time were the awards for best site and such.
L'Emmerdeur @ Dec 18th 2005 10:05PM
Over half of the content posted on Kotaku is obscure Japanese gaming news and trivia. I'm a red-meat-devouring, gun-slinging American. I'm not interested in the pedophilic fantasies of the average Japanese gamer, nor am I interested in games and content that I will never get to see or play (nor ever want to see or play). And Katamari is for sissies.