PSP missing, students suspended, no one cares

In what could possibly be the most underwhelming news story out of Syracuse, NY (a place normally known as a hotspot for headline-grabbing, pulse-pounding news), a group of students have been suspended for disobeying a command to return to their classrooms. A "hall sweep" was called into action after a rumor of a fight surfaced from accusations of a stolen PSP unit, an event that was widely ignored by some 37 pupils, who were apparently more concerned about watching two kids smack each other around than with learning fun stuff like geometry and physics. More details about the debacle have been revealed, but for some reason we just can't seem to keep ourselves awake long enough to find out what they are.