Behold: Our GDC predictions
With the unflinchingly polite Satoru Iwata set to unveil
all manner of Revolution
details tomorrow at his Game Developer's Conference keynote, we thought it would be, at the very least, vaguely
entertaining if we made some bold predictions less than 24 hours before the spectactular event. In no particular order,
here are Revolution Fanboy's
Predictions for Satoru Iwata's Game Developer's Conference Keynote Tomorrow Regarding
the Nintendo Revolution (Working Title) 2006:
- A quick, informal poll conducted amongst
attendees will determine the Revolution's new moniker. Choices include "The Nintendo 360", "The
Nintendo Powerstick", "The Wand of Game-On" and the "VirtuaPoke", though Iwata clearly favors
"The Miyamoto Device".
- In a move closely mirroring the hugely successful Sega Saturn
launch, it is announced that the Miyamoto Device launches worldwide...today. It is mistakenly put in the kitchen
appliance section by most major retailers. It's just as well, because...
- Iwata announces that an elaborate
remake of Burger Time is the system's only launch title, with Metroid Prime: Cookin' with Samus and
Even Newer Mario Bros: Super Chef Saga following just in time for Christmas. When questioned about the
abundance of cooking games on the system, Iwata notes that "Waving a stick around all day tends to make you
hungry. Why not learn something in the process? It's either that or crappy fishing games."
- The
Miyamoto Device's main marketing tagline is revealed to be "It's either that or crappy fishing games."
- As for the pricepoint, Iwata firmly places it at 10,000 Russian Rubles. He also points out that when he said the
system was launching worldwide, he meant exclusively in Russia.
And there you have it folks. We could
have made a joke post out of this and made ridiculous claims such as "We expect a $199 Revolution to launch in
October", but we decided it would be best to remain realistic and fair. We'll find out soon enough how wise a
decision that was.
