Jesus the hardcore gamer
by Ross Miller 
{ Apr 20th 2006 at 6:03PM }
If Jesus of Nazareth, the "annointed messiah" in the Christian world, were alive today, would he
game? Ryan Stone of North Greenville College thinks so, and he points to Halo as a title on which Jesus might
earn a few frags. In his words, "I think He, being the almighty Creator, understands that He built into men the
want to be a hero. I want to save the world and fly through the galaxy shooting the bad guys and coming out unscathed
with a smoking pistol in each hand." We could not say it any better.Stone's article derives from his experiences trying to set up a Halo tournament through his church in order to raise money for Relay for Life, which aids the American Cancer Society. However, some of the chuch members complained, citing not personal experience but "many articles from Focus on the Family and other highly conservative publications" that associated Halo with non-Christian values. But Stone reminds readers how Jesus "fought the conservative and religious people of the day, how he bucked the system."
Stone believes Jesus would have played some Halo, and probably rock at it, too. "He'd probably even beat me terribly and make me look like I'd never played. I'd even hope for a little humorous religious smack talking." We agree that many M-rated games could be seen (and rightfully so) contrary to Christian ideals of morality (e.g. every Rockstar game not revolving around table tennis), but as a government soldier who fights to save humanity against an evil alien race or two, Master Chief is a hero. So, to relay his final question, what would Jesus play?
[via GamePolitics]
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 2)
Paul @ Apr 20th 2006 6:12PM
Jesus could play DDR on water, and turn Daikatana into Doom 3.
Spoon @ Apr 20th 2006 6:12PM
Madden.
Jesus is totally casual.
EJFLEX @ Apr 20th 2006 6:15PM
It hink it's sacrelig that you put a cross on the controller of the most evil company on the planet.. but thats just me. Should have been a cross on a old school Ninty game pad.
Ritz @ Apr 20th 2006 6:16PM
Of course he would play. Jesus is my guild leader.
http://img104.imageshack.us/img104/4961/pajesusguild6oj.jpg
Source: ThinkGeek.com/PennyArcade.
Vik @ Apr 20th 2006 6:17PM
Put on the armour of christ and fight some Satanic demons...
It sounds totally contradictory to principles of pity and forgiveness wrought in Christianity. And I don't mean to be picky - all religions abstain against violence, it's people that assume that rhetoric in scripture is best defended with a mace and sword as opposed to some understanding of the irrelevance of conflict. The Crusades were dark times indeed...
Deustchland @ Apr 20th 2006 6:20PM
c'mon people
Jesus is a Nintendo fanboy!!!
Mystery @ Apr 20th 2006 6:22PM
Jesus would'nt play video games becuase most games today are violent and have themes that he would'nt find likeable. Also he would have better things to do than play video games like say promote god and do miracles. The last thing we need is a savior tht plays video games all day long.
Richard @ Apr 20th 2006 6:25PM
1) He's not real.
2) Slow news day?
TheBlunderbuss @ Apr 20th 2006 6:26PM
I don't know what Jesus would do.
God works in mysterious ways.
Raymond @ Apr 20th 2006 6:30PM
Jesus would play old school. I don't think He would approve of killing a very human like figure (GTA) but theres nothing wrong with stomping a little walking mushroom.
ThomasWerewolf @ Apr 20th 2006 6:33PM
The Sims. But he'd get bored after a while and delete all the doors and the toilet and just fold his arms and watch.
John @ Apr 20th 2006 6:34PM
Im dissapointed with this post.
This is much to riske of a topic.
You can get some people angry.
On the topic of christianity and mature rated games.
Ive talked to many people of faith, priests and soon to be priests and they told me that if you play a game for your own fun and amusment its okay.
But if you play a game for the violence, sex and drugs then you are very likely sinning.
Diablo comes to mind, GTA etc.
Ill stick to mario and zelda thx you very much.
csokn @ Apr 20th 2006 6:36PM
Jesus would get his WoW account banned for duping [Mulgore Spice Bread] to feed the Horde.
Neko Tsukimi @ Apr 20th 2006 6:37PM
ANIMAL CROSSING!!! :D
(This was a moment for all caps... I got excited)
embassy @ Apr 20th 2006 6:46PM
for some reason..i have a feeling jesus wud rock at bible adventures...
and i wud easily give god my 10% to see jesus play DDR on water...
pyrosity @ Apr 20th 2006 6:46PM
(In reply to Richard)
Assuming that your are claiming that the Jesus of Nazareth never existed, I would like to petition you to investigate the hard facts and evidence of his existence. Here's a sample (fair warning--you may be surprised):
http://www.christiancourier.com/archives/historicityJesus.htm
Like you, I also question whether this article was the result of a slow news day or not.
Myria @ Apr 20th 2006 6:47PM
What's that I hear? Ah, yes, it's the sound of Joystiq well and truly jumping the shark.
Dragging religion or politics into where they're not needed is rarely a very bright idea, but it's especially stupid to do so for a badly written puff piece that lacks a coherent sentence, let alone a discernable point of any import.
John @ Apr 20th 2006 6:49PM
I agree with Myria.
Religion does not belong with this topic.
I was a little offended reading it, especially the same week of Easter.
Ninegauger @ Apr 20th 2006 6:49PM
I think Penny Arcade got it right. Bejeweled and Mario Kart.
SuperUser @ Apr 20th 2006 6:53PM
Of course he would play "Black & White" and "Diablo".
And if he was sure that nobody's watching him, he would try to master the "Hot Coffee Mod", just because he is a simple man at all...
Probot @ Apr 20th 2006 7:14PM
Re: John and Myria,
What exactly do you find offensive about this? The fact that someone is openly discussing religion? One guy has an opinion about his faith and gaming. I don't see the controversy in that.
Since this is a gaming blog and there are a lot of gamers that are also christian, this is perfect Joystiq fodder. I know a lot of people that are deeply religious and they enjoy talking about their faith.
"What's that I hear? Ah, yes, it's the sound of Joystiq well and truly jumping the shark."
Someone must not be familiar with the pre-E3 lull where strict NDAs allow for only rumors and minor details to leak. It happens every year, so get used to it.
There should never be anything wrong with discussing sensative topics. I agree they will usually devolve into flame matches, but that's the nature of the internet (and human behavior in general). Like you said, this is a fluff piece, but fluff will always have a place in any news/blog website.
CV_Otaku @ Apr 20th 2006 7:16PM
I think to discount religion as a valid form of discussion when it comes to entertainment is foolish.
As a Christian, I am constantly looking for outside sources of information about my faith and moral views. I wonder how my opinion of the violent games I play stacks up against others of the same faith.
I think taking something as strong a force as video games, or entertainment in general, and not looking at it through the filter of Christianity is irresponsible.
As far as whether Joystiq should be covering this. Why not? It's a video game blog that presents multiple viewpoints of video games. Why should Christianity be left out?
In response to the question of what Jesus would play...Doom 3...and then he'd rant and rave about how a real war on hell is nothing like that.
casey chesnut @ Apr 20th 2006 7:18PM
regardless if he existed or not (people need to reevaluate the definition of 'facts') ... he definitely had a violent streak :
"Those enemies of mine who did not want me to be king over them - bring them here and kill them in front of me." - Jesus (Luke 19:27).
so the game would involve killing people that don't believe in jesus (also homosexuals).
Sabre @ Apr 20th 2006 7:38PM
I dunno what is more stupid...the fact that someone wasted their time to write this article...
...or that sites like this ( http://www.ccgr.org/ ) exist.
symmet @ Apr 20th 2006 7:38PM
Lighten up people, what's the big deal about bringing religion into video games? I swear, I think some people would jump out of their socks at the mention of the word "religion".
RELIGION! Scared you, didn't I?
vadarth @ Apr 20th 2006 7:43PM
RE:Casey
If you would read the text of Luke 19:11-27, you would see that Jesus was telling a parable (story) about a king and his 10 servants, not speaking about Himself. Anyway, if Jesus did play, he would be hard to beat, since He's perfect!
NothingShocking @ Apr 20th 2006 7:49PM
"Those enemies of mine who did not want me to be king over them - bring them here and kill them in front of me." - Jesus (Luke 19:27).
Um, just to clarify, this quote was taken from a parable Jesus was teaching with and not something he actually told someone to do.
We don't want to take anything out of context right?
NothingShocking @ Apr 20th 2006 7:51PM
Oops, guess vadarth be me too it. :)
Um... what he said.
Lee @ Apr 20th 2006 7:57PM
There were the usual over-sensitive people, but that's to be expected, even from the most well-natured posts about religion. Some people find it hard to distinguish between something like this and Jesus popping up in South Park swearing and fighting.
Seriously I don't think he'd play, it's a bit too self-indulgent, not very productive. But I don't think he'd have a problem with most, the bible's not very anti-violent (though admittedly New Testament toned it down a bit). He wouldn't mind Halo, or something similar like old-school stuff, but GTA wouldn't please him too much.
To be honest, I'm not too happy with it, the gameplay's been mediocre for ages, and easily applicable to a less- illegal/immoral theme. But hey, that's what sells it to all of the retards that buy it.
If pushing circle a few times to beat up a random, poorly animated/low polygon character requiring no skill at all is entertainment, you got me.
(note: I don't think GTA is unskillful, just that the slightly more skillful bits, driving, shooting etc, don't involve unentertaining senseless violence).
I mean, it's not even like screwing around with dead bodies because the physics engine is good or it looks cool, as far as I can tell the incentive lies in the killing bystanders. I mean sure I did it, but I'm not 12 anymore and Rockstar's flaws have become more than apparent.
Huh, that was gonna be a brief comment and turned into an anti-rockstar rant. =P Didn't even realise I disliked them so much.
Online Worship @ Apr 20th 2006 8:00PM
Hey guys get real.
Jesus would not play Halo coz Halo is not a very cristian game. It's all about killing. Jesus said love thy enemy. It's easy to love your friends but your enemy? No Jesus would not have played Halo or Doom 3 and games with any sort of violence. Jesus the hardcore gamer does not know Jesus the way the bible teach. And 2'nd: Jesus would use his time for better things. Not that gaming is a sin in all situations but he would not play violent games for sure. Read the bible and get to know the real bible if you are'nt a real Jesus follower. I like Halo but not a game that I should play...as a christian...Help me Jesus so I may help others.
Fish @ Apr 20th 2006 8:21PM
Dude, Jesus would totally play GTA. He'd pick up a hooker, drive her under a brige, bang her and then ditch her body in the river. He'd be so bored being all goody-two-shoes all day, he'd want to relax and do something completely opposite in his time off after work.
Think about it, there would be no point in him playing any game where you are hero with super-powers vanquishing evil.. that's his day job. That's the appeal of games, to put yourself into scenarios that aren't normally possible.
Or he wouldn't play games at all.. instead just direct the most kick ass porno ever. Oh man, think about that, the girl's screaming "oh God" and then God actually walks in. Man, that'd be gold.
VGM @ Apr 20th 2006 8:26PM
#8
Wow dude, there is clear historical evidence fo Jesus existing. How could you say he's never existed? Now, granted, I believe in God, but if you want to take it to "God doesn't exist" than go for it, but Jesus existence is real, not ficticious.
Hart704 @ Apr 20th 2006 8:30PM
Instead of arguing over what Jesus would want and trying to get this Halo thing into a church, how about holding this event anywhere else. It's not like Relay for Life is going to care where the tournament was held.
Crux @ Apr 20th 2006 9:11PM
So who would win, in a 4 player super smash brothers melee game played by jesus, mohammed, buddha and ganesh? In fact i'd love to see a 'God 'em up'. Even better, a world of warcraft style religious war simulator with the slogan 'if you don't buy this game, you're going to hell!'
John @ Apr 20th 2006 9:32PM
Okay Probot. The post doesnt offend me that much.
But when it spawns ridiculously stupid comments like #31, thats when I may be offended.
But I do agree with you, religion and politics shouldnt nessecarilly be restricted from discussion even if they will spawn flame wars.
But I dont take kindly to offense.
Freezair @ Apr 20th 2006 10:10PM
Going off on a completely irreverent tangent...
Late one night, my friend and I were tag-teaming this boss, and we ended up spawning a (joking) discussion on this subject. One of us complained, "Man, I don't think anybody could ever beat this boss in one shot unless they were one lucky son-of-a-gun," and the other responded, "Yeah, well JESUS could." Hence a discussion of Jesus's mad gaming skills. "Jesus gets Missingno in his Pok?x!" "Jesus killed Aeris!" "Jesus can beat Battletoads! At all!" "Jesus can speedrun Super Metroid in 30 seconds!" Needless to say, we were very, very tired.
I'm not Christian, but I respect Jesus as a philosopher, 'cuz I think he had some good stuff to say. That said, I myself am a Thoreau or Gandhi-style pacifist who generally believes that violence isn't the answer, but I still play violet video games. The reason is simple: I can distinguish fantasy from reality and know that it's not real. In real life, I'd never open up a rocket launcher on a fellow human being, but in the world of pixels, I say, bring it on, my friend. Jesus presumably had a good grip on fantasy/reality, so I don't think he'd have too much of a problem with that. As for what he'd play? I bet he'd be a big point-and-click adventure fan. He'd be waiting on tenterhooks for the new Sam & Max to be sure, and can probably quote every insult and its retort from the Monkey Island games.
You may as well ask what any historical figure would've thought of video games. I bet Frued would've loved to twist his words around the minds of a few gamers. Especially when you consider the "sex sells" policy of most games... hua boy.
csokn @ Apr 20th 2006 10:18PM
I will fight to the death the "We can't talk about this" argument. If you want to believe one way or the other, that's completely fine with me, but the minute someone gets offended or angry about discussion of their beliefs, they really need to relax. No religion promotes the stifling of speech or forced converts (Islam included, despite what religious extremists on both sides say).
The right to choose what you believe is as fundamental as the right to discuss it. If you want to have blind faith, you're a better person that most, but don't try to force people into not discussing religion, that's what terrorists do.
Spencer @ Apr 20th 2006 11:38PM
Forgot to thank an above poster for pointing out the "Christ Centered Game Reviews" site. Through your mocking and disdain, I've now found an excellent site to frequent.
bubka @ Apr 20th 2006 11:51PM
Republican Jesus maybe...
Jerico6 @ Apr 20th 2006 11:56PM
I had posted my comment on this story on Gamepolitics, and I was specifically told that I'm," a pompous son of a bitch." Why, because I was raised to be a christain? That's stupid.
Uno @ Apr 20th 2006 11:59PM
I don't get what's so difficult about living your life without the guidance of some stupid and unfactual book. In fact, it's the most unfactual document to ever exist. I don't particularly care what any of you think, there are too many FACTS that PROVE there isn't, never was and never will be a Jesus. Kthx
ghost in the grave @ Apr 21st 2006 12:30AM
Maybe Jesus would of played video games if he was meant for now and not then. Sure makes sense considering that he was a man just like another with the exception of the whole God at the same time thing... Then again he might not of gamed seeing as not everyone likes video games and Jesus the Christ was like any other humanbeing with personal likes and dislikes.
Mikeawesome @ Apr 21st 2006 1:00AM
I bet Jesus would be playing the Beta copy of "Left Behind" and be constantly sending it back saying, "Less Kirk Cameron, more plagues, and make the Anti-Christ less menacing, and more of a hidden evil. You're getting close though! 16th time's a charm right?"
Then as the producer walks off with his newfound information Jesus would mutter to another Beta tester some witty quip about how even his miracles couldn't save this game.
TaiZ @ Apr 21st 2006 1:03AM
Doom, Diablo, Castlevania, Second Life (he would run around helping everyone and spreading the word), just about any game you kill demons in I can see him playing.
Not that I really think Jesus was the son of God though. I just think he did exist, and was a good man, and on the cross he faked his death through the drugs available at the time. That's just my belief though, it may not be right, it may not be wrong, but it's mine.
pyrosity @ Apr 21st 2006 1:06AM
For the most part, the comments on this article have been fair and considerate. That's exciting.
To those that feel that Jesus was not mentioned outside of the Gospels in any contemporary works, please enlighten the readership here as to where your sources for your information comes from.
Did Jesus truly exist?
I would like to add a second link to my suggested link list of sorts. It is an index to resources that point out the vast amount of evidence for his existence.
http://www.bede.org.uk/jesusindex.htm
Again, I thank you all for the civilized discussion.
To add in my thoughts as to whether Jesus would play Halo or not: who can truly know? Playing Halo online or in LAN parties presents opportunities for people to get to know each other better. He may have jumped on that, and he may not have.
For me: I'm looking forward to trying out my keyboard and mouse control style on the Xbox kids in Halo 2 when it eventually comes to PC. ;D
EatingPie @ Apr 21st 2006 1:08AM
The most interesting thread I've seen here in a while. Thanks!
Remember that Jesus was not "perfect" in the sense that he did everything right. He made mistakes. So he might have actually sucked at Halo... but maybe pwned WoW! Of course, the way he TREATED people online would definitely set him apart. (Like he probably wouldn'tve said pwned... oh damn!)
I'm also not sure how this subject is offensive. God became a man to experience what it's like to actually be human. Gaming is part of the humnan experience. Jesus didn't sin, but he understands the underlying desires that drive us to sin... if you want to be offended, there's a lot worse things Jesus understands than just having a go at GTA! (Okay, a *few* worse things... :) )
-Pie
giantsuper @ Apr 21st 2006 2:59AM
Jesus spoke to the world in a way that was relevant to people's lives and engaged in the world around him at all levels. He didn't consign himself to the rarified air of temple courts, but got his hands dirty in the world. He lived as a commoner. He spoke in ways that people could understand.
Not sure what game he would have played, but it isn't a stretch to think that he would have picked up a controller if he were alive today.
Crux @ Apr 21st 2006 3:01AM
I can imagine jesus playing mario. "wtf man, he like.. Touched the kooper trooper and died.. but now he's back like nothing happened... Not a scratch on him. This isn't realistic at all!" *throws down pad* "think i'll go play Total War and make the romans lose. Again."
Probot @ Apr 21st 2006 4:06AM
I'm really disappointed so many intelligent posts were deleted. I've never known Joystiq to be opposed to open discussion, even if it strayed from the original post slightly. If you mention religion, it tends to dominate the conversation. How can you not expect that?
No one was offended. I was glad to hear other people's opinions. It was an interesting thread until someone gutted it.
Denis Vitchevsky @ Apr 21st 2006 4:42AM
Hah, of course he wouldn't play Halo - there's no official import of Xbox to Israel...