Boobs, vibrators, and Hitler make "strangest" list
by Christopher Grant 
{ May 31st 2006 at 6:55PM }
The Onion A.V. Club has inventoried "11 Of Video Gaming's Strangest Moments" and come up with some real doozies. What other list runs the gamut from facing off with Hitler's disembodied head in a giant robot suit in Wolfenstein 3D to a pre-1UP Jane Pinckard famously facing off with Rez's trance vibrator at Game Girl Advance? Here's the skinny on the strangest:- Busting out of Downland
- Messing up Hitler in Wolfenstein
- Music videos in Total Distortion
- Penn and Teller's bus ride in Smoke and Mirrors
- Elusive topless cage matches in DoA
- Dying to win in Planescape: Torment
- Corporate revenge in Adventure, Ultima VII, and Baldur's Gate II
- Potty-training in Black & White
- Going loco in Eternal Darkness
- Rubbing one out with Rez
- The cornfield prison in Second Life
[Thanks, White Rose Duelist]
(Update: Capitulated on image selection for the NSFW crowd)
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 2)
Ritz @ May 31st 2006 7:07PM
Hmm :S
That picture wouldn't be safe for work where I am :(
Interesting list anyhow.
Fuzz @ May 31st 2006 7:12PM
Ya, ditto on the work safe one.
I'm sure Jack Thompson is going to enjoy the list of games to investigate, too.
TxdoHawk @ May 31st 2006 7:13PM
One of the import sites had a sale on the Rez Trance Vibrator at one point, so I picked one up for a laugh. I've only had one GF since then adventurous enough to test it out, but the only two words out of her mouth were "keep going" the whole time, so I'd say that's an endorsement. :D
Bob @ May 31st 2006 7:22PM
I've witnessed some weird stuff during Rez play sessions. No surprise that stoners and whores love the game.
cringer8 @ May 31st 2006 7:24PM
I loved going crazy in Eternal Darkness. I actually got pretty hooked on that title.
And Hitler in Wolfenstein, speaks for itself for anyone who played it. Nice flashback. I love the Onion.
@Ritz
At least they didn't post the "second" picture from Game Girl Advance.
I think I'm going to market my mouth as a game peripheral, lol.
Marc @ May 31st 2006 7:27PM
Hey Chris,
choose your pictures wisely next time.
Little kids read this site too.
sev4 pri1 @ May 31st 2006 7:30PM
They left out the biggest strangest event of the 90's. Sim Copter. (I'm at work or I'd find a better link)
http://lists.samurai.com/pipermail/bryans-list/1996-December/001811.html
Lonin @ May 31st 2006 7:31PM
Oh noes, PANTIES!!!1
Zo Kunami @ May 31st 2006 7:34PM
Did you even play Wolfenstein 3D? You don't fight Hitler's disembodied head. Ever. He's simply WEARING the robot suit.
After you fire on him enough, the suit crumbles around him, and you're left just fighting him in his uniform. He turns into a pile of slush shortly afterward. His head falls on top of said slush. Maybe that's what you're remembering.
DWells55 @ May 31st 2006 7:34PM
Joystiq, let's make this site safe for work, okay? I navigated to Joystiq to show my 11 year old brother the leaked DS Lite article. I didn't need this to be on here. C'mon, let's be more careful, okay?
TxdoHawk @ May 31st 2006 7:38PM
Bob, that is blatant stereotyping. My ex-girlfriend isn't a whore...no, wait, yes she is. Well then, I'm not a stoner...wait...uh...
Let me get back to you on this one.
cringer8 @ May 31st 2006 7:38PM
@Marc
This post isn't about a picture. They have a "contact us" section for that. Little kids won't know what's going on in that picture (and if they do...then they already know, so no harm done).
As for the game list; I want to play that "Planescape" title. That sounds hilarious.
Zo Kunami @ May 31st 2006 7:41PM
Oh, and damn people! Calm down.
It's someone's waist and panties. There's no nudity. Not only am I sure it's nothing you all haven't seen before, but it's really not obscene.
I'm sure you all love it, anyway. ^_^
Moogle @ May 31st 2006 7:47PM
By "disembodied head" I hope you mean that you can't SEE his body. Any good B.J. Blaskowitz knows that he loses the suit and two chainguns after you've shot him enough.
It worries me that I remember that much...
Kristian @ May 31st 2006 7:47PM
There are elusive topless cage matches in DoA? That makes XTreme Beach Volleyball almost sound mild.
obo @ May 31st 2006 7:48PM
"It's someone's waist and panties. There's no nudity. Not only am I sure it's nothing you all haven't seen before, but it's really not obscene."
It's pretty obviously a woman rubbing a vibrator on her clit. She's clothed, and she's masturbating.
"I'm sure you all love it, anyway. ^_^"
I would, if it wasn't old. My boss would, if it wasn't at work.
Marc @ May 31st 2006 7:49PM
cringer8,
eh, good point.
It's just that i've been a little.....off lately.
Oh, well back to my DS.
Moogle @ May 31st 2006 7:49PM
Doh! And Zoe beats me to the punch by a country mile.
Zo Kunami @ May 31st 2006 7:52PM
Ditto, Moogle.
I'm looking for an article or FAQ/walkthrough for you now, Chris.
Brock @ May 31st 2006 7:53PM
Yeah snap, i work in a mall and there were prob 15 people around me when i was showing my friend something on here. NEwayz, I think cross dressing in King's Quest VI would have made the list... guess not ;)
Zo Kunami @ May 31st 2006 8:08PM
Figure this is the best I can do:
Hitler in the robo-suit - http://diehardwolfers.areyep.com/bunker/images/wmechahitler.gif
Hitler after the suit is destroyed - http://tecfa.unige.ch/etu/E72b/97/Alvarez/hitler.gif
And to obo... while it's what it looks like, and there's an excellent chance that that's what it is, it doesn't show enough to be asbolutely certain, now does it?
I understand where you're coming from. It's in poor taste, to be sure. All I'm saying is that we seem to be a little jumpy about something that is really not that big a deal. Seems to be in the nature of us Americans to be that way. And "NSFW"? Anyone who makes that complaint shouldn't be coming to this site in the first place. That's not to say Joystiq has a history of racy material or nudity in their posts, but if the people you work for are that stuck up about a picture like the one above, then maybe you shouldn't be surfing gaming sites at work.
You remember that picture that accompanied an article months back... had cat vomit all over a keyboard? You should come to expect certain things. And if you haven't yet? Well, then you will now.
flyguy @ May 31st 2006 8:16PM
To those that are complaining that it isn't "work safe", how about you get back to what you are supposed to be doing...working. Government computers were strict(and still are) when I was in the Air Force, but I never freaked, nor did those in charge of access, if I saw a girl in panties.
Then there are the people complaining about how it's not kiddie safe, well, you have a point. But when you say "little kids", how little are they? Sounds like at least under the age of 7, in which they shouldn't be on the internet anyway.
seifer @ May 31st 2006 8:28PM
Please consider your article pictures more carefully next time. The image may or may not be childsafe, but it's definitely not worksafe.
sean @ May 31st 2006 8:32PM
NSFW? I never could understand the use of that term. If you dont want to get caught looking at stuff (safe for work or not) then don't be surfing the web.
I love the fact that people are blaming Joystiq for the fact that they are slacking it at the office.
I can understand maybe not wanting your younger sibling seeing pics like this, but thats it.
hjungle @ May 31st 2006 8:49PM
#12:
You really should pick up Planescape: Torment. It's such a creepy yet hilarious game. Digging around your own intestines for items, having a magic book that slowly turns you evil if you continue to read it, and being able to purchase baby oil ("made from a thousand mewling babies") are just a few of the wonderfully disturbed things you have to look forward to.
Oh, and if you can find the right patch you can turn Mort, a member of your party that happens to be a floating skull, into an easter egg.
"I'm a ten second bomb! I'm a ten second bomb!"
Z-247 @ May 31st 2006 8:52PM
Waitaminute, where do you all work that you can't have this picture up but the one of the guildwars girl would be fine? Is your boss that selective about how you slack off, er, search the internet on the clock?
will @ May 31st 2006 9:04PM
the fact that it's a hot girl makes it not worksafe/safe for children. but if it was a fat old ugly lady in panties, i'm pretty sure we'd all let it fly.
Imadogg99 @ May 31st 2006 9:07PM
Uhhh... if it was a fat, old, ugly lady in panties, I'd deem that NSFW...
And LMAO, you censored it
iDSX @ May 31st 2006 9:10PM
It's like a day at the beach =)
C. Grant @ May 31st 2006 9:10PM
Alright, I've capitulated! Apologies to anyone who thought this was NSFW (especially if you're at work!). We just have two different metrics to calculate this stuff.
will @ May 31st 2006 9:14PM
oh no censorship, now everybody's gonna be itching to see the real deal.
Anonymousaurus @ May 31st 2006 9:16PM
I guess its appropriate now for me to say "hey, look how well shes workin' that box."
well, back to teaching pre-k.
Zo Kunami @ May 31st 2006 9:16PM
This is not a knock on all men, because I dispise sexism and generalizing, no matter what side it's coming from... but I find it amusing how a picture like this gets so many complaints from many who (no doubt) have hard drives filled with much racier material than this. This "NSFW" thing is, simply put, "BS".
The censorship from children thing I can understand. It's weak, but I can understand. I'd probably be a little peeved about it, too, if my daughter came to this site and saw that (if she were old enough to hold a mouse, let alone surf the 'net).
Complaining about something not being "safe for work," however, is like complaining when you get a free pepperoni pizza with a stray anchovy on it. You didn't pay for it, you shouldn't be getting it, but you bitch about the inconvenience of eating around the fish, anyway.
Get over it.
Sean @ May 31st 2006 9:36PM
"NSFW" is an easily searchable keyword for people looking for porn.
And planescape: torment is the best RPG ever made.
Adil @ May 31st 2006 9:39PM
As said before, showing a girl in panties masturbating with a video game gizmo is really bad taste and shouldn't be displayed on a blog that is seen by a lot of minors.
We're here to see videogame news and a lot of ads, not porn.
R.U.Sirius @ May 31st 2006 9:41PM
Panties not safe for work? Are you kidding?
God, I'm glad I'm living in Europe.
-R.U.Sirius
Josh @ May 31st 2006 9:42PM
will, you can just visit the link to Game Girl Advance, since you seem like you want to see it. *rolls eyes*
R.U.Sirius @ May 31st 2006 9:45PM
"As said before, showing a girl in panties masturbating with a video game gizmo is really bad taste and shouldn't be displayed on a blog that is seen by a lot of minors."
She isn't masturbating in this picture. She's just holding some plastic video game gizmo in front of her panties. That's all what a ten year old would see anyways. And if he would know more than that then it's okay for him to see it. Jeez.
-R.U.Sirius
AoE @ May 31st 2006 9:52PM
Zoe, agreed. However, this site, like large swaths of the internet, seems to generate most of it's revenue from advertising. As such as large a readership as possible (and thusly more ad impressions and clicks) is probably a desireable thing. If all the game geeks who are bored at work stoped visiting the site because of fear of getting fired (and yes, you CAN get into very hot water for an image on a webpage if a coworker/boss/whomever sees it and is offended enough) well, just imagine what would happen to Joysiq's profits...
And so Mr. Grant makes a change to appease some of the more vocal readers, they continue to visit since they realize Joysiq is responsive to their needs, and everyone's happy.
Also, I'm sure you're right about the contents of people's hard drives; however those would be the hard drives in their HOME computers, which are not at the office, where the rules are entirely different. When someone says something's NSFW, what they probably mean is that it's not safe for work, not that they're offended in any way. Confusing, I know.
Zo Kunami @ May 31st 2006 10:06PM
@AoE
No, I understand completely. I'll admit, I hadn't given much thought to the sponsors thing, but I do doubt that one image in one post would have such a huge effect. Better safe than sorry for Mr. Grant, though.
However, I still feel there's something inherently screwed about getting a free ride, and bitching about it being a little rough.
Anyhow, realizing that I've yet to actually make a comment pertinant to the point made in this post, I'll say this much... Eternal Darkness was one of the most unnerving games I've ever played.
Trae @ May 31st 2006 10:16PM
Don't visit gaming websites at work. kthxbai
obo @ May 31st 2006 10:30PM
"Don't visit gaming websites at work" unless you work for a video game retailer and the DS Lite is being reported showing up at stores near yours before the release date. "kthxbai"
And everyone bitching about the NSFW thing - I didn't have a problem with the picture, and my boss won't let me post the store's number or his cell number on Joystiq. DAMN
Ritz @ May 31st 2006 10:51PM
Thanks for the update Chris.
To people complaining about the merits of NSFW... Where I used to work, it was fine to spend my breaks online as long as the surfing didn't have me wondering to pages with, what the company deemed, innapropriate content. Basicly, stuff that was sexual in nature.
I don't work in an enviroment like that anymore, and today I was home the whole time. But, I could imagine that picture would have pushed things regardless if the user had permission to use the Internet for personal purposes or not. People aren't always breaking the rules when they surf sites like Joystiq from work.
Anyway, to add to the comment about Eternal Darkness... I got the game for my birthday, around the same time it first came out. I absolutly loved it and went through it several times to get the "best" possible outcome. I did that all in about 3 weeks or so and when I was all done, I was burned out. I also used the guide, which spoiled a lot of the ingenious insanity effects. I ended up trading in the game soon after, never thinking I would play it again.
Eventually I realized how much I missed it, but I couldn't find it again. Then it so happened that just 3 days ago, I saw it on sale for $12 at EB Games and picked it up. This time, without a guide. I'm looking forward to nightmares again. Such an awesome game.
Sol @ May 31st 2006 10:53PM
Wow, 1Up sure is classy. First they hire someone who blogged and posted pictures about masturbating with a PlayStation peripheral and now they are making a podcast more about swearing than video games. For every step forward the video games press makes towards the mainstream consumer, immature idiots like the staff of 1Up will drag it ten steps back.
Mitch @ May 31st 2006 10:54PM
To those who think it's NSFW: as others have said, maybe you shouldn't be reading a gaming site at work. Unless you work in the industry, I highly doubt your company condones the use of their computers to be reading about videogames anyway, so if you're worried about NSFW pictures on this site, go ahead and call the WAAAAAHHMBULANCE.
To those who say it's inappropriate for children: This is the internet, they'll see far worse. Keep in mind that there is no such thing as a perfect "net nanny" program. If you're concerned about it, perhaps your child should not be using the internet.
Ahms @ May 31st 2006 10:56PM
What C. Grant did was fine. He paid some respects to folks who aren't comfortable with that sort of content, and I'm all for that. What's it matter to you if you don't like it being censored anyways? For once in your lives consider others for a change. That's the basis of being considerate- having some thought for others even if you might not neccessarily like it
And it does help to preserve the maturity/professionalism of this site. When I saw it I thought "Are they not getting enough hits now or what?"
DWells55 @ May 31st 2006 10:58PM
I'm not sure why people are really defending this. It's not so much about any cleavage as it is the implied action. And when I said it was NSFW, I didn't necessarily mean work. I actually browse Joystiq in school. My FreeBSD box was compiling the Kernel (which is still erroring at make...) so I browse Joystiq or play Halo PC while I have spare time. And usually Joystiq was school/work friendly. And it clearly isn't child-safe.
And for the record, these comments are coming from a 16 year old whose computer does not contain any worse material, Zoe. I share my PC with my younger brother, and I feel I should set a responsible and proper example. Call me a prude or whatever, but that's my opinion.
Back on topic, I don't see Eternal Darkness as "strangest." I see an extremely creative and unique feature that helped submerse the player in the environmnent. It was pretty cool in-game. And that DoA cage match thing is total BS for sure - if it were real, clearly the hacking community would have found - it's easy as hell to dump Xbox, PS1/2, and Dreamcast games to raw data - someone would've found the texture by now, just like the mishaps with GTA: SA and Oblivion.
Zo Kunami @ May 31st 2006 11:30PM
The fact of the matter is this... this instance in Joystiq's history is not the first time something like this has been posted. If you didn't learn the first time, maybe you have now. Joystiq bloggers are free to post whatever they deem relevant, your not-actually-working-while-at-work time be damned. And if you're newer to Joystiq and this is the first time you've experienced what our crotch looks like (clothed), welcome to the club, I suppose.
And to DWells55... I made sure to say that my comment did not include all males. Hell, not even JUST males. If you don't have a hard drive packed with T & A, then I wasn't speaking of you.
Anyhow, I apologise for even starting this rant. It's really rather pointless and out of place on a gaming blog, anyway... so this is where I stop. Again... sorry.
gman @ May 31st 2006 11:59PM
OK, little whiney people. Age be damned, work be damned, school be damned. IF IT IS GAME RELATED WHY SHOULD IT NOT BE POSTED HERE? If you want to complain about something so insignificant as a PANTY shot, go run to the press and tell them your complete disgust at the DOA series. Listen...it's underwear; have you ever been to the beach? a pool? Maybe you can invent some glasses that detect a lack of clothing and censor it with black bars so kids who are at the beach don't have to see all that skimpy bikini goodness. Don't look at gaming sites where you're not supposed to. As for the rest of us that don't want their reading NEEDLESSLY censored, we enjoy the freedom of knowing we're not treated like babies because some people can't get a clue. Grow a spine people. Suck it up and welcome to the internet.
Alkaiser @ Jun 1st 2006 12:07AM
That Rez trance vibrator article is SO old. It predates the All Your Base jokes. I was sick of seeing it, like a year ago.
Also, Beat Takeshi's video game should have made the list. It's a game that's designed to make you hate playing video games. Unlike the Penn & Teller game, it didn't offer a prize for the high score. It had a hanglider shooting level where you could move down to dodge, but never move back up. It also used the microphone in the Nintendo controller so you could sing karaoke in the game.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Takeshi_no_Chousenjou
Click the video clip at the bottom to see what happens what you can expect out of a typical playthrough...if you intend to beat it.