Boll adds Something Awful to punchout list

by Joystiq Staff { Jun 20th 2006 at 12:28PM }

The man every gamer loves to hate has accepted an application to knock out (or get knocked out by) one of his many critics: Something Awful's Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka. Like a man of his word, Uwe Boll will not back down from those who seek to knock him from his throne of cinema la crap.

So, unrelenting in their constant Boll-bashing, Something Awful is ready to step up to the plate and take one for the team: "I sent Mr. Boll an email, asking him if his offer still stood. Would he still fly me up to participate in one of his unintentionally horrific non-horror films, this time with the lure of physically kicking the snot out of me on film? Well folks, I'm proud to say the answer was 'yes.'"

I wonder if Boll truly knew what he was getting into when he opened his big mouth. Perhaps he wouldn't be as hated around the Internets if he wasn't so outspoken about everything. Mr. Boll, please do us all a favor, shut your trap and try your hardest not to make movies that make us feel abused and insulted.

[Via Destructoid]

Tags: Something Awful, SomethingAwful, Uwe Boll, UweBoll

Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)

sev4 pri1 @ Jun 20th 2006 12:34PM

youre and idiot if you go to a movie game tie in and expect it to be good. i learned my lesson after Street Fighter, why hasn't anyone else?

HotShotX @ Jun 20th 2006 12:37PM

I think the fans deserve to see at least 5 of his teeth knocked out...and here's 5 reasons why:

Far Cry
Postal
In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Seige Tale
BloodRayne
House of the Dead

~HotShotX

Jose Gomez @ Jun 20th 2006 12:41PM

Lmao, I can't wait to see SW's update on the fight, it's going to be priceless.

I really wish Uwe good luck with his next project, after all he's gotten too much flak about his flicks.

I mean, let's face it, video games aren't exactly the best source for story driven media like movies.

Hell, video games shouldn't even have story at all.

bill pullman @ Jun 20th 2006 12:46PM

who gives a crap if Ewe Boll makes bad movies? you guys that hate him are 'tards. i hope he knocks the SA guy on his ass.

Jody Anthony @ Jun 20th 2006 12:50PM

his movies suck, and lowtax is an ass. no matter who wins, i'll be pleased.

-=-=-=-=-=- @ Jun 20th 2006 12:52PM

He just makes really shitty movies. Why even see them? Atleast older video game-themed movies had camp value to fall back on.
Lowtax owns your ass, Bill. Out.

Levi @ Jun 20th 2006 12:57PM

I was wondering who would be the first to accept Boll's challenge. And I am glad it is Lowtax. This is going to be a good fight. I am also glad that Uwe is sticking to his word. He gets a lot of heat for his movies, but at least he is a man of his word.

1up_clock @ Jun 20th 2006 1:13PM

"who gives a crap if Ewe Boll makes bad movies? you guys that hate him are 'tards."

Wait, you have to be mentally challenged to hate his movies? And yet you say his movies are crappy? Would that make you a tard?

Oh, and I wish Lowtax the best of luck, and I'm appalled people are actually rooting for Boll.

el nico @ Jun 20th 2006 1:14PM

i hope he realizes that Uwe Boll has boxing experience. It's not just a sport where you can pick up and start playing, it requires months and months of conditioning.

"You play basketball, you play football, you play baseball, You don't play boxing" -my old college boxing coach

bill pullman @ Jun 20th 2006 1:34PM

"Wait, you have to be mentally challenged to hate his movies? And yet you say his movies are crappy? Would that make you a tard?"

nope. you don't have to be mentally challenged to hate his movies, but if you hate HIM, you're stupid. case in point: i think some of his movies are boring/bad/bizarre BUT, i have nothing against him personally. so no, that would not make me a 'tard. thanks though.

BPM? @ Jun 20th 2006 1:46PM

Bill, what you don't understand is Boll has not only made bad movies, but called those who hated them retards and the such.

Uwe Boll is full of himself, and very vocal. Someone needs to put him in his place, so that he'll finally realize what he's been doing was wrong, and maybe actually start making good movies.

SonicRift @ Jun 20th 2006 2:09PM

So if Lowtax wins, does he also get to fight Eric Bauman?
I've been looking forward to that for a while...

And will this fight be offered on XBL Marketplace? They've had UFC matches. This seems more relevant.

Wasn't there some dealie where Boll made more money off a flop as well? Loophole in German law?

jc @ Jun 20th 2006 2:13PM

Boll explains how he funds his films:

"Maybe you know it but it's not so easy to finance movies in total. And the reason I am able to do these kind of movies is I have a tax shelter fund in Germany and if you invest in a movie in Germany you get basically fifty percent back from the Government."

German tax law allows investors in German-owned films to write off 100% of their investment as a tax deduction; it also allows them to invest borrowed money and write off any fees associated with the loan. The investor is then only required to pay taxes on the profits made by the movie; if the movie loses money, the investor gets a tax writeoff.

-from wikipedia
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Uwe_Boll

Basically, the worse his movies do, the more he makes.

Fortunately, being smart can make you lots of money (with the help of corrupt laws)... unfortunately all the money in the world can not buy you an ounce of good taste.

Eww Boll needs to go down!

ry @ Jun 20th 2006 2:37PM

Boll looks kinda, i dunno, buff. I wouldn't wanna box him with my calista flockhart arms...

cringer8 @ Jun 20th 2006 2:47PM

Uwe is one tough German. He has the face of a boxer. No game or movie critic stands a chance. I think he knows that. This won't be a "good" fight. Boll is going to pound the crap out of any challengers.

*Side Note: This guy has his doctorate in literature. Many people criticizing him don't even hold a bachelor's degree (or high school diploma, for that matter). He is not an idiot. His movies are merely "based" on video games. Did Kubrick get panned simply for straying from the plot in the "Shining?" I think Uwe makes these lame-ass game plots more interesting. Gamers just can’t handle change. I hope he DOES do a Metal Gear movie.

It's just popular to hate the guy. You should all be ashamed for hating on someone simply because everyone else is.

Shaggy @ Jun 20th 2006 3:05PM

"I think Uwe makes these lame-ass game plots more interesting. Gamers just can’t handle change. I hope he DOES do a Metal Gear movie."

The problem here is that most games he makes movies out of are not story driven. What do most people remember most about House of the Dead? The riveting, edge-of-your-seat story, or the fact that if you're not paying attention, there's going to be a zombie eating your face? That feeling is lost in movie form because we could care less if a chick in a bikini gets killed by a zombie (ok, a chick in *half* a bikini). Uwe kinda gets himself in a catch 22 in these game movies. If you change the story too much, you get a bunch of rabid gamers crying "heresy", whereas if you stay close to the same story, it's never going to work as a movie.

Cringer, in response to your Metal Gear comment: that game has enough story that he might be able to pull it off. Let's see him do a much more story driven game, like some of the classic adventure games...Grim Fandango or something like that. Just a thought.

All that being said, the guy is still annoying. But so are most people in Hollywood...Tom Cruise, for example?

MrTroy @ Jun 20th 2006 3:23PM

Well I've only seen one Uwe Boll movie, House of the Dead. It was awful. Do I think I could kick his ass in a fight? I don't know nor do I care. It's a movie. You don't like it. Don't see it. He's gonna keep getting contracts to do these movies. "Why"? Simply look at the movies he's getting. It's crap no one cares about. You can cry and bitch and moan all you want. It's not like he's getting a contract to do something like "Zelda" where people can scream to the gods about how bad the movie will be.

It's stuff like "Postal". Hell a group of my college buddies and I can shoot Postal.(It'd prolly come out looking the same and having a smaller budget though)

Paul P. @ Jun 20th 2006 3:52PM

Damn. That guy's pretty cut. I've met Lowtax, and athletic he is not. Hope he trains for this.

Mat @ Jun 20th 2006 3:55PM

I'm actually getting pretty interested in this now... Lowtax doesn't seem like the type to just jump into a fight he can't win. Something tells me he has some training as well. Maybe some BJJ? That could make for a fun fight :)

JPRacer @ Jun 20th 2006 4:10PM

I wish Boll win the fight. I think all this hate against him is unjustified. I remember when Boll said in a forum that he try to make the Doom movie as close to the game as possible but the producer dind't like the result. He change script like 27 times before the producer was happy, but all the cool things related to the game were gone.

Anyway, from what I heard, people that worked with him said he's a very cool and friendly guy.

JJ @ Jun 20th 2006 4:26PM

I say let him do the Halo Movie... he could single handedly ruin the franchise! heh heh.

Nah Dont give him a good story movie like MEtal Gear... no no, Give him Halo, The story doesnt even have to be that good since its your standard Sci fi, alien story and just let him ahve at it.

Azrael @ Jun 20th 2006 4:28PM

LowTax? Ouch! no offense LowTax is a genius in his own art (which is basically making fun of people and himself) but he is also a complete wimp! havent you seen his photos at www.somethingawful.com? he looks like a 14 year old!

http://www.crotchbomb.com/crotchbomb/Pictures/lowtax-pacman-cry-big.jpg

Or maybe he is using his patented "drop acip in face then run!" tactic? it seems like the only way he/(all of us) could win.

And no, Uwe Bowell does not make good movies, all sort of critics and audiences have mocked and laughed at his work (which are not comedies btw) not only "game critics" or gamers. he may have studied a lot, but he just sucks at movie making so much that he is actually famous for it.

JJ @ Jun 20th 2006 4:29PM

JP i have to agree... his movies fit the games so well...despite the fact of changing the entire stories around to the point that they barely resemble the game anyway.

Actually out of the recent VG movies... the only ones i've actually liked are Doom and Silent Hill. I saw house of the dead and it was horrible...rented bloodrayne...that was also horrible and i'm afraid to watch Alone in the Dark...But I'll go see Dungeon Siege and HOPEFULLY it will be good... but i have a sneaking suspicion it'll be like Transporter 2 meets LOTR...which ISN'T a good combo.

hambone @ Jun 20th 2006 4:36PM

Lowtax is going to get the living shit kicked out of him by someone who is bigger and knows how to fight.

Brian @ Jun 20th 2006 4:50PM

cringer8,

He may have a doctorate in literature, but that doesn't mean he knows dick about directing movies. His movies have crappy liting and shitty camera angles.

And I have a BS in Interdisciplinary Studies with concentrations in computer Science and Film Studies, so I do know what I'm talking about.

Andrew @ Jun 20th 2006 4:59PM

Lowtax isn't really taking this seriously at all. As he posted on the SA Forums:

"Oh, I don't plan on winning or even really training. I've never been in a fight my entire life, and I seriously doubt my extensive knowledge of Cubivore mutations will translate into real world fighting skills.

Besides, I don't hate the guy or anything, he just makes crummy movies. It's not like he murdered my family, so I really can't muster up enough nerd rage to justify actually getting in shape or learning how to put on boxing gloves. It'll just be something for fun and entertainment."