Another list of ten top things: game weapons

by Christopher Grant { Jun 29th 2006 at 9:30PM }

GameTrailers does the "top ten" thing and rattles off their list of the "Top Ten Game Weapons." But they didn't just go around giving honors to any old weapon willy-nilly. They stipulated, "flaming fireballs and magic spells are out, but blowing things up is definitely in." Their understandably FPS-heavy list breaks down like this:

10. Cerebral Bore (Turok 2 & 3): Turok 3 was a bore, amirite?
9. Chainsaw (Doom): did they ever figure out why there was a chainsaw on Mars?
8. Spreadgun (Contra): you don't use the spreadgun, do you? Wuss ...
7. Railgun (Quake 2): the do-it-yourself super weapon of hobbyists everywhere.
6. Laptop Gun (Perfect Dark Zero): gets the "remember when this game was good?" nod.
5. Energy Sword (Halo 2): you cheap bastard.
4. Ice Beam (Metroid): the retro, non-FPS Metroid vote (not that Retro).
3. BFG (Doom): the granddaddy of all big fuckin' guns.
2. Red Turtle Shell (Mario Kart): the dark horse weapon of the list, and a proven way to destroy a friendship.
1. Gravity Gun (Half-Life 2): alright, we gotta give it to them, the gravity gun is some serious weaponry.

Undoubtedly, some of you are boiling over with rage that _______ wasn't included! Though the Joystiq staffers don't agree on much ("tastes great" ... "no, less filling") we did unite in our disappointment regarding the omission of Mario's mushroom-mushing derrière. Want to relive all those soft-focus memories with these weapons of mass enjoyment? Check out the full video embedded after the break.

[Via Evil Avatar]

Tags: BFG, top ten, Top-Ten, TopTen, Weapons

Reader Comments (Page 1 of 2)

1up_clock @ Jun 29th 2006 9:35PM

Lightning bolt from Mario Kart.

If you use it just before the final lap ends, you are definitely going to lose some teeth.

MetaHuman @ Jun 29th 2006 9:40PM

*place HAMMER BROS. SUIT and/or KURIBO'S SHOE in blank*

>:(

Other cool suggestions:

Metroid Prime's WaveBuster
Super Metroid's Hyper Beam
Metroid Prime's Phazon Beam
Viewtiful Joe's VFX
Zelda: OoT's Biggoron Sword
Zelda: MM's Fierce Diety Mask (or any of the other transforming masks)
Bionic Commando's Bionic Arm
Earthworm Jim's Head/Red Gun combo
Earthworm Jim 2's Broadside-of-a-Barn Blaster
etc...

D:

Sean @ Jun 29th 2006 9:47PM

Do you guys really have nothing to post at all? This is terrible.

striderhayasa @ Jun 29th 2006 9:49PM

@ metahuman

Good choices, try these

Volt Driver -Metroid Prime Hunters
Frakk Cannon - Unreal Tournament
Super Dragon - Perfect Dark
Proximity Mine - Perfect Dark (place on a ceiling above body armor or ammo guaranteed to lose friends in seconds)

Tek Bow/Arrows - Turok 2 ( you can pull the arrow out of an enemy before it explodes but the explosive bit stays impeded within them to dentonate seconds later)

Hammer - Super Smash Brothers Melee

Quad Rocket Launcher - Turok

Brick - Timesplitters

Master Sword - Zelda WW and Ocarina of Time

R.U.Sirius @ Jun 29th 2006 9:51PM

Go ahead Sean, and post something then.

-R.U.Sirius

djpuddle @ Jun 29th 2006 9:54PM

It's all about the Super Shotgun. ALL ABOUT.

Intangible 360 @ Jun 29th 2006 9:55PM

They said Perfect Dark Series, not perfect Dark Zero.

youcantbadmouthgoldeneye @ Jun 29th 2006 10:02PM

golden gun

T-Bag @ Jun 29th 2006 10:04PM

Anyone know how I can send in a tip? =/

Captain Obvious @ Jun 29th 2006 10:08PM

Can we keep the profanities off the main page and after the links?

Raynre @ Jun 29th 2006 10:16PM

I always prefered the Concussion Rifle in the original Dark Forces over everything else. =D One hit kill, one blast actively seeks out all enemies in a room, whether theyre right in front of you or fifty feet above you, almost no reload time, plenty of ammo... It was liking cheating without typing in the damn codes.

Neogin @ Jun 29th 2006 10:18PM

Red Shell? Forget that, the Blue one is the worst of them all.

GameFam @ Jun 29th 2006 10:18PM

How can anyone take this list seriously without the Sheepinator from the Ratchet & Clank series?

renaldo @ Jun 29th 2006 10:19PM

Chill out ladies, this is a video game blog, not friggin CNN.

AoE @ Jun 29th 2006 10:24PM

wait.... this isn't CNN?! damnit! I've been visiting the wrong site for months!

They forgot the best video game weapon of all time found in a variety of games, going back at least to streets of rage, possibly further, and recently revived in condemned:

Board with nail!

C'mon you all know that board with nail is the best weapon ever!!!

cyberfelon @ Jun 29th 2006 10:32PM

The drunken missle launcher from Rise of the Triad is a personal favourite of mine. Damn near useless, but very satisfying.

Lobato @ Jun 29th 2006 10:40PM

Banana bomb, from Worms (2D!). That was sure to make a mess.

Mitsuo Yuikihiro @ Jun 29th 2006 10:40PM

I got another 10 ten list for you. the 10 ten RTS games.

10. Warhammer 40k
9. Rome total war
8. Empire Earth II
7. Rise of Nations: Rise of Legends
6. Age of Empire
5. Age of Mythology
4. Battlefiled for Middle Earth
3. Empire Earth
2. C&C Generals
1. C&C Red Alert 2

and there you have it. the 10 best RTS! Now you don't need any other games but that.

Kevin Morrell @ Jun 29th 2006 10:51PM

I'm a little disappointed by the lack of anything Worms. The Old Lady, the Holy Hand Grenade, the Concrete Donkey... Good times.

Eric @ Jun 29th 2006 10:53PM

Man wheres the knife from counter-strike It actually takes some skill to use it. And Starcraft is the best RTS ever

eslcalssd @ Jun 29th 2006 10:54PM

Instead of the energy sword from Halo 2, it should be the pistol from Halo. AMIRITE?

Ben @ Jun 29th 2006 10:55PM

#17, you forgot StarCraft, that's unacceptable. As unacceptable as it is, I do hope you 'forgot,' if you were consciously aware of the existence of SC and chose not to put it on your list that, my friend, warrants execution.

007craft @ Jun 29th 2006 10:57PM

The laptop gun in perfect dark zero is crap. Now the laptop gun from perfect dark original (complete 360 motion detection, more powerful and no delays) is worthy of the list.

tentaclesex @ Jun 29th 2006 10:59PM

I'd add:

Quake - Rocket Launcher

It may be simple, but it's still one of the most satisfying weapons. Kerplowie!

007craft @ Jun 29th 2006 11:00PM

#17 also forgot warcraft, warcraft 2, warcraft 2 expansion, warcraft 3, warcraft 3 expansion, warcraft 2 battlenet edition, and of course, starcraft.

Blizzard is hands down the king Of RTS (especially with starcraft). This guy must be on crack to not of liked it. Starcraft is also almost 10 years old and STILL has tons of players on it. You can join/create a match and it still fills up in seconds to date. Compare that to every other RTS he mentioned, in where you go online and lucky if you can find 2 games or even 1 at all.

Silent Bob @ Jun 29th 2006 11:04PM

thunderfury ftw!!!

Just_A_Guy @ Jun 29th 2006 11:05PM

How about the laser gun from Nightfire? When it's fully charged it is a one shot kill with a huge blast radius.
Another gun would have to be the Omega Cannon from MPH. In the hands of the right person, it is the deadlest thing I know of.
Lastly I would like to nominate the RCP90 from Goldeneye cuz it shoots through doors, has the fastest fire rate, and with the right amo, has almost no recoil. You can now mow your enimes down

P.S. Anyone remember the laser turrit from Nightfire? It shot in a streight line and almost never hit. It sucked. I would put this gun in the hall of shame!

sponge_killer @ Jun 29th 2006 11:06PM

Ratchet and Clank's morph-o-ray. It turned your enemies into CHICKENS! How can you beat that?

mike @ Jun 29th 2006 11:06PM

THE AWP

Kris Aubuchon @ Jun 29th 2006 11:13PM

Uh, how about the eggs is RE:4?! You could totally throw those at zombies.

Kris Aubuchon @ Jun 29th 2006 11:16PM

oh, and the farsight from perfect dark in multiplayer - you could shoot through walls!

EvoG @ Jun 29th 2006 11:24PM

I'd rate any weapon on how they feel to use, which is a combination of elements such as weight, attack-effects, impact-effects, animation, sound, dynamics, etc...

...and I'd trade many of those in that list for the Blades of Chaos in God of War in a heartbeat. VERY satisfying.

In the slight obscure category, I'm partial to the way the guns felt in the Hitman series, primarily for the way they sounded, so I'd toss in the minigun from Hitman 2.

Twist @ Jun 29th 2006 11:25PM

I think this is the first top ten weapons list I have ever seen without the Half-Life crowbar listed.

Rare Hare @ Jun 29th 2006 11:30PM

the bow and arrow weapon from Super Ghouls & Ghosts and the shotgun from RE4.

*mouth waters at thought of blasting a villager clear off a roof with a shotgun blast*

Rare Hare @ Jun 29th 2006 11:32PM

oh yeah, and i forgot about the purple dildo from GTA: San Andreas :D

striderhayasa @ Jun 29th 2006 11:43PM

One thing I forgot to mention...why are the explosions in Goldeneye and perfect dark so much better than modern FPS? In the 64 days, you could detonate a mine or shoot a missle and the explosion did massive damage and had great splash damage where the fire from the explosion could destroy full suits of kevlar or take 90 percent of your health. I've seen people with rocket launchers get chased down with almost no health only to turn around and shoot the side of a wall and have his pursuers burn up in the flames.

The Super Dragon in Perfect dark had a rapid fire grenade launcher that almost looked like napalm. You could shoot a spread of grenades that would generate a fireball that lingered for a few seconds. Anyone carrying a grenade near the blast would get blasted when the heat from the explosion combined with the grenade in their hand.

I've seen people fire missles too close to these explosions only to have the missle detonate right in front of their face for the same reason. negative kill point. Hilarious.

Perfect Dark/Goldeneye = classic

Perfect DARK Zero - overrated.

jadenguy @ Jun 29th 2006 11:57PM

THE Z SABRE!

or

THE X BUSTER!

that is all.

Spawnofbill @ Jun 29th 2006 11:58PM

Slapper, Goldeneye.

'nuff said.

Jitty @ Jun 30th 2006 12:07AM

WTF? No weapons from the entire ratchet and clank series? This weapons list officially sucks...

Chilly @ Jun 30th 2006 12:12AM

How can you have a list of great game weapons without the RYNO from Ratchet & Clank? All you need to know is the weapon's acronym stands for Rip Ya a New One. 'Nuff said.

J @ Jun 30th 2006 12:25AM

I am shocked that no one mentioned the infamous boogerman and his farts.

King of all crazy weapons goes to Roger Wilco in the space quest series.

Shame on you joystiq for not mentioning the Crissagrim from Castlevania :SotN

Azar @ Jun 30th 2006 12:40AM

I can't remember its name but there was a german weapon in Medal of Honor: Spearhead that totally owned. It was kind of like a grenade launcher except better. One hit kills in a very large area ^.~

cyberfrog @ Jun 30th 2006 12:43AM

The weapons on the list are all good, but I personally think you could have a top 100 and still leave some good weapons out. That being said, here are some in no particular order that I believe deserve a mention:

Just simply cool weapons:
Star wars Dark forces series... friggin lightsabre!!! come on now!
Painkiller - has quite a few cool weapons (chain gun and rocket launcher in one?! Shotgun with freeze combo?!) but i personally enjoy the simple pleasures of the stake gun.
Zelda n64 - bombchu, i heart bombchu :)

Wacky yet cool:
Serious sam - giant cannonball shooter.. oh my
Unreal tournament - richochet razor blade gun... wow
Forgot the game name (done by the team that did Giants: citizen kabuto) land shark gun, nuff said

Nostalgia:
Castlevania - the whip always hold a special place in people's hearts for some reason.
Mario brothers - red fireball! with it, you own the world! except those lil armored guys.
Rygar - that thing he had

Games that had cools weapons all around:
Virtua On - raidens chest beam, beam sword, bal bas bow death from above and vacuum salad mixer combo :), tong fun, so many
Soul Calibur - just watch kilik's staff or maxi's nunchucks... so smooth.

ps, any top 10 rts list without starcraft brood war at least in the top 3 is useless

Zanch @ Jun 30th 2006 12:47AM

I would've liked to see the Flak cannon from the Unreal series. How much better does it get than a combination shotgun and grenade launcher??

LaserBeams @ Jun 30th 2006 12:58AM

No Descent weapons?

Mega Missile/Earthshaker, Helix Cannon, and the unforgettable Fusion Cannon...

oz @ Jun 30th 2006 1:11AM

The best weapons without question were in N 64's Turok 2: Seeds of evil. You could install a cheat that gave you every weapon, play the game in rainbow hue [really looked nice!] god mode,etc. The scorpion launcher was fun; like a six-pack radar guided rocket launcher. The cerebral bore was one of the best, tho not always accurate,saw-blade was great and there was also a big-ass nuke that took time to "cook up"and blinded you when the tv screen vaporized.If you guys and gals get a chance to retro it when you get your Wiis by all means play it-it's great! Think I'll hook up my 64 tomorrow.....