Want to write for Joystiq? 'Course you do
by Christopher Grant 
{ Jul 9th 2006 at 1:00PM }
You are standing outside a comfortable, orange and blue blog. There is a "Now Hiring" placard taped to the finger-smudged pane of the post.>Read placard.
It reads in big, block letters, "Now Hiring." You squint your eyes and barely make out the rest: "Games blog Joystiq is looking for the best writers they can find. That means they're not looking for sample reviews, your three favorite posts, or your favorite game of the year. Instead, they're looking to be impressed."
>Who should apply?
They have a special interest in writers who live in Japan and can read the mysterious and baffling Japanese language, as well as writers living in that other bastion of technological turpitude, the Bay Area.
>What if I don't live in either of those awful places?
Ultimately, writers will be chosen based on quality and not geography. So, if you're qualified but live in, say ... South Africa, please apply regardless.
>Is this a paid, freelancing position that requires professionalism, consistency, and reliability?
Remember, this is a paid, freelancing position that requires professionalism, consistency, and reliability. Send your impressive application in the form of an impressive resumé, an impressive cover letter, and whatever else might impress them and email to joystiq.applications+JOY0706@gmail.com.
>What will impress them?
*shrugs* Did you beat Ninja Gaiden: Black on master ninja mode? That would be impressive ...
>%$#@!
Such language in a high-class establishment like this!
>Keep reading.
You click the hyperlinked "Continue reading Want to write for Joystiq? 'Course you do" text so you're sure you've listened to all they've got to say.
>Fill out application.
You pull up your desk chair and begin feverishly writing out your top ten list of 8-bit games that feature arthropod protagonists -- just to get your pen flowing -- before setting your mind on the relevant task at hand. A few short days later, you emerge from your room, soiled and unshaven, application in hand. You forgot to type it.
>Type application.
You (barely) decipher your own scribbling, but remember enough of your life experience to fill in the missing details as you go. You make sure to remind them of all your previous writing experience, any outlets or publications you've contributed to. You take great pains to inform them of your current work/life schedule. You are realistic about your ability to contribute, so they'll know when you're able to work for them. You specify whether or not you're interested in writing on the weekends. You tell them they're beautiful ...
>I do not!
YOU TELL THEM THEY'RE BEAUTIFUL! But you don't simply flatter them, you also let them know where they can improve and how you can help (site redesign is not a good suggestion ... they want to know how you can help). You write this all in the body of the email, since you know they're not going to read it if there are attachments (they hate attachments ... especially .doc attachments)!
>Mail application to joystiq.applications+JOY0706@gmail.com.
Your trembling claw hovers above the keyboard before striking ... and then, the stiff clack of your "Enter" key sends your condensed brain-droppings kicking and screaming into their embarrassingly weak, but open, arms. On behalf of everyone at the 'stiq, good luck!
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 2)
Alex P @ Jul 9th 2006 1:05PM
Any agreements required with regards to exclusivity?
Tiago @ Jul 9th 2006 1:05PM
I wish I could apply :s
msdarnell @ Jul 9th 2006 1:05PM
*trys again*
lightdarkness @ Jul 9th 2006 1:12PM
i got gud engrish, i shud aplie
C. Grant @ Jul 9th 2006 1:12PM
Alex, send an email to the apps address and I'll address your specific query.
Zo K. @ Jul 9th 2006 1:31PM
Want some rye?
'Course ya do!
mercatfat @ Jul 9th 2006 1:39PM
Just hire epobirs. He seems to have the time.
Zo K. @ Jul 9th 2006 1:42PM
In all seriousness, though, I'd love to apply. I'd absolutely LOVE it. While it may sound a bit on the pathetically depressing side, it would probably be the highlight of my relatively short life thus far if I did get a job writing for you guys.
Problem is, I don't have a whole lot to put on a resumé -- a bit of military service and a few months writing for Nintendojo. Very brief, the latter one. Hardly a big deal, I would think. Oh, and I live in neither Japan or California. I live in Houston, Texas. So there's that.
As such, I don't know what chance I would have. Then again, I'm assured no chance whatsoever if I turn in nothing. What do you think, Chris? I know I should go for it anyway, and I plan to, but give it to me straight, if you would be so kind... from what you've heard so far, what do you see as my odds?
Liquid Rhino @ Jul 9th 2006 1:52PM
Who doesn't love obscure Return to Zork references?
Pal @ Jul 9th 2006 1:52PM
Hmm, definitely something to consider. I'm half-Japanese and am fluent, and I even visit Japan every summer (like now)! Hmm indeed.
msdarnell @ Jul 9th 2006 1:55PM
Well, I sent mine in. You never know what might happen. Unless you don't try. Then you're pretty much sure to fail.
John B @ Jul 9th 2006 2:25PM
"Great, now I'm going to be thinking in parser-speak for the rest of the day," he says, scratching his head with a chopstick.
>get over it
Done. And good luck, Joystiq, reading all the IF-themed applications that will now fill the inboxes.
dan @ Jul 9th 2006 2:39PM
can u link seemingly unrelated stories together? if so you're hired!
Ian @ Jul 9th 2006 2:41PM
I'd apply, but I doubt I would impress anyone >_
Jason Wishnov @ Jul 9th 2006 2:48PM
Hey, guys, don't sweat it if you haven't much experience. When I applied to DS Fanboy and Wii Fanboy, I hadn't so much as taken a journalism class in high school. (Oh. Did I say that out loud, Ludwig?) Still, if your writing is decent, they'll take some time to talk to you and have you do a little more work to narrow it down. I guess Bay Area/Japanese helps, but don't be afraid to apply regardless.
Shadowstorm @ Jul 9th 2006 3:04PM
How many writers is the 'stiq looking for? Just one?
Kye @ Jul 9th 2006 3:06PM
Lmao @ mercatfat #7
I was thinking the same thing. Why not just hire the top rating contributors?
But anways, sent in my appication. Hope you guys like it.
Check out my blog anyways if anyone gets the chance (can be bothered).
http://kye-the-brown.spaces.msn.com/blog/?_c02_owner=1
Waf @ Jul 9th 2006 3:26PM
Hehe, I'd love to work with joystiq, but I get my information from you guys which defeats the point of working for you guys. I suppose I'll just stick with trying to get into the web comic round-up from time to time.
SamLing @ Jul 9th 2006 3:47PM
Hey guys. Long (long long) time reader, first time commenter. Threw in my application, since I've been trying to make my way into the online game news scene for quite some time. Just wanted to say good luck to all the applicants.
If anyone finds the time, feel free to check out my site (which I believe is linked through my name), though I'm currently involved in a summer program at the University of New Hampshire, so updates have been sparse (which says something, since the updates are already sparse).
Kye: I enjoyed your blog. :)
chinmawnsta @ Jul 9th 2006 3:48PM
So uh... any age requirements?
Raikage @ Jul 9th 2006 3:51PM
Does very hard count on Ninja Gaiden? I don't have NGB but I "heart" me some ninjas. Acctaully I don't remember if I beat it on very hard or not(I was pretty close) but I thought hard was the perfect difficulty.
P.S. Very hard is....Very hard....
The Raikage
The ZeroCorpse @ Jul 9th 2006 3:54PM
Too busy.
Good luck to those who go for it.
(and now I can't get that ZORK line out of my head! Thanks a lot, Joystiq! )
GSI @ Jul 9th 2006 3:59PM
Professionalism...hmm...if only that applied to ALL the bloggers that write for this site.
Gavin @ Jul 9th 2006 4:08PM
"requires professionalism, consistency, and reliability"
MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
thanks for the laugh guys
MikeyC @ Jul 9th 2006 4:17PM
I have lurked in the shadows of 'stiqland for too long. It's time to get active.
Hope you enjoy the e-mail! I'll just go ahead and wish myself luck here.
All the love from Stanford (PSSST... I HEAR THAT'S IN THE BAY AREA!!!)
InnerLogic @ Jul 9th 2006 4:49PM
Sent in my application.
Chance of getting it: Nil
Chance of making application reader laugh because of my attempt: likely
At least I tried ;-)
Tamo @ Jul 9th 2006 5:29PM
Live in Japan: I will be there from this August to next July.
Speak Japanese: I speak some and I am going to Japan to learn more.
Writing resume: None.
I'm not sure if I should apply or not. I feel like I can write some good work but I don't have the experience to prove it. Should I try and apply?
Shaymus22 @ Jul 9th 2006 5:50PM
Achievement Unlocked!
Fandel @ Jul 9th 2006 5:54PM
Judging by a few of the commenter's here, the line "requires professionalism, consistency" is not a requirement when commenting on a Joytiq story;)
On a more serious note though, I'm currently writing my resume, but I'll be spending a couple of days preparing it. Since I don't really have any real professional writing experience, only a passion for gaming, I'm going to spend a couple of days on my resume putting together some of my past articles from my blog, as well as some writing examples that will hopefully stand out.
Just one question, what is the deadline for applications to be sent in? I should be done with my resume in a couple of days, so personally time shouldn't be a problem, I was just curious?
32_footsteps @ Jul 9th 2006 6:07PM
I would have applied, but I was eaten by a grue.
Moogle @ Jul 9th 2006 6:45PM
I think they just look for people with really neat last names. Just look at the list of bloggers!
I'm not sure if mine would be a plus or minus... My last name is almost 20 letters. They had to truncate my first name just to get it to fit on my license. I don't have a middle name because my parents didn't want to be cruel. When teachers call out names, I raise my hand when they pause awkwardly and stare at the paper.
lacking cleverness @ Jul 9th 2006 7:29PM
32_Footsteps - Your sword is glowing blue!
Aresef @ Jul 9th 2006 8:42PM
Your comments: I do have a resume. To my name I have two years working as the
resident geek on my school newspaper. I also have almost a year put
into a podcast (http://rangercast.podomatic.com). Unfortunately,
at the moment, I lack the free time for this sort of endeavor, though
I would love to join you guys, and this sort of job is one of my goals
as a writer, maybe someday in the future I will.
(I live in another hotbed of game development, Maryland. There are a ton of developers practically up the street from me. Firaxis, Big Huge Games, Day 1 Studios, BreakAway Games, et cetera.)
aaron marion @ Jul 9th 2006 9:01PM
first of all i belive that joystiq is the best website on the web:]
i would love to send in an aplication, video games and video game related stuff is all i do. I wish that joystiq would set some qualifications, they set some, but how about age? i will aply if they set some more qualifications. Also, can i go to school and then come home and go to work on my computer, or would i have to go to a building to work?
i wish i new, i wish....
mercatfat @ Jul 9th 2006 9:06PM
Aaron, I believe you are hired.
GBGames @ Jul 9th 2006 9:11PM
What happens when I do the following?
> xyzzy
Petrie @ Jul 9th 2006 9:43PM
Spent the last 6 hours on my resume and cover letter, along with other misc. tidbits. Hopefully I hear back from you guys as you have just laid a great opportunity to pursue my dream job out on the table.
gameclu @ Jul 9th 2006 11:26PM
You dump your resumé in the plant three times, the old man passes out, and you get his job, right?
C. Grant @ Jul 9th 2006 11:44PM
gameclu: You're hired! When can you start?
;)
Ryan Williams @ Sep 14th 2006 3:22AM
I don't know if you're filtering through these applications Chris, but after just doing a post-submission skim through my email I've spotted a glaring typo, despite my previous statement about taking so much pride in proofreading!
Yeah, I feel like a bit of a smelter shed now. Sorry about that -- it's not typical. :P
PayTheMan @ Jul 10th 2006 4:00AM
This has to be fate-- just today I was talking with my mom and dad about finding a job as a writer.
cringer8 @ Jul 10th 2006 4:48AM
Holy hell. What have you done, Joystiq? Are you REALLY prepared to read some of the utter crap you're going to receive? I don't envy you guys one bit.
A note to applicants: if your first two sentences suck donkey dick, don’t expect anyone to read the rest.
andyr @ Jul 10th 2006 8:40AM
Do NOT employ this man.
> Do not understand man
Not until an entertaining and engaging submission has been found read and considered.
> I'm sorry Dave I'm afraid I can't let you do that
Daniel @ Jul 10th 2006 10:42AM
I'll work for free and scrub your virtual toilets.
Dantz @ Jul 10th 2006 12:46PM
I sent my app, but I got word that delivery to JOY0706 failed. Ummm...halp? Is it one email or something? Or are they two separate emails separated by the +?
Izuna Drop @ Jul 10th 2006 12:53PM
I finished Ninja Gaiden Black on Master Ninja Mode, and I finished all of the missions.
Unidentified creature @ Jul 10th 2006 3:03PM
Dantz, I'm having the same problem. If any of the ever so kind Joystiq staff would be good enough to supply an email that won't receive an email return, I would happily apply.
C. Grant @ Jul 10th 2006 4:31PM
One email guys, with a plus in it.
mailto:joystiq.applications+JOY0706@gmail.com
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gmail#Plus-addressing
Tim Sayre @ Jul 10th 2006 7:06PM
Here's to us!
Who's like us?
Damn few,
And they're all dead!
Alex @ Jul 10th 2006 10:04PM
Any chance of replies to those applicants who you are *not* interested in? Either way, I'd like to know when I can stop actively checking my e-mail and just go back to letting it pile up like usual.
I don't know what kind of influx of apps you've got coming, so if it's a ton I could understand no reply being sent, but I'm still curious.