Maxim lists top game toilets

by Kyle Orland { Aug 14th 2006 at 7:25PM }

Sometimes it seems like anything video-game related that can be listed has been listed. Games, weapons, underused franchises, bad dialog... there are so many that we've even done a list of lists.

But just when you think there are no more listable things out there, Maxim comes along and puts together a list of the top ten in-game toilets.

That's right. Toilets.

Each virtual commode is ranked on realism and cleanliness, and includes a short scatological summary of its crapper characteristics. We won't spoil the number one pick here, but let's just say it's a game that features someone known for his potty mouth.

[Thanks, Scott]

Tags: list, lists, toilets

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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)

Crazylink @ Aug 14th 2006 7:33PM

What about Goldeneye?

AoE @ Aug 14th 2006 7:34PM

Any top 10 video game toilet list that doesn't mention the awesome toilet, and the world's first FPS puking scene from Breakdown is garbage.

N3k74r @ Aug 14th 2006 7:36PM

I don't understand how exactly they are ranking this. The Tomb Raider toilet got a higher score (which is pretty silly in realism) while the #1 got a lower score and is still #1.

Yes, I also thought of Goldeneye. That was the first thing I noticed while playing Goldeneye: Source.

"Hey, I can't get on the toliets."

artist-illustrator @ Aug 14th 2006 7:49PM

going through the list, all i could think of was GoldenEye.

planting proximity mines on that bog in a death match then going killing someone, knowing that they would spawn into the vents above the bogs and have no other option but jump onto the toilet and instantly die always left me with a warm feeling inside

:)

D-6 @ Aug 14th 2006 7:53PM

I hate "guy/jock humor" magazines...

frodo @ Aug 14th 2006 7:54PM

Wasn't there an actual toilet LEVEL in Conker? I know there was a poo opera... but I seem to recall a giant toilet.

32_footsteps @ Aug 14th 2006 8:04PM

What, no mention of using the can in Final Fantasy 6? Predates DN3D by at least a year. Bonus points because your character does the "critical damage" pose when you stand on it and press A.

T-Bag @ Aug 14th 2006 8:11PM

Maxim's having a "Joystiq news day".

CAL_GORE @ Aug 14th 2006 8:12PM

This list has been done before. In the July 1999 Issue of the "Nintendo Official Magazine" in the UK (Issue 82), they had a list of "5 Famous Toilets" (okay, so maybe not EXACTLY a top ten list). The toilets included "Loggo" the toilet from Mad Monster Mansion in Banjo Kazooie, The Facility toilets in Goldeneye 007, New York toilets in Duke Nukem, Russian Embassy toilets from Mission Impossible, and the Multiplayer Loser screen with Mr.Hankey from South Park (all the games being from the N64).

Vercin @ Aug 14th 2006 8:13PM

Yeah, Goldeneye should be on there, as should the toilet that James has to dig through in Silent Hill 2. That, personally, was the most memorable toilet to me.

epobirs @ Aug 14th 2006 8:24PM

What about the horrifying scatological shooter, Toilet Kids on the PC Engine?

http://www.i-mockery.com/minimocks/sexual-games/16.php

http://pcenginebible.roarvgm.com/HTML_Games/Toilet_Kids.htm

This game has to be seen to be believed. The idea that this was on store shelves in Japan never ceases to amaze.

This discussion makes me flash back to the most recent Venture Bros. episode, which spent a lot of time in a restaurant men's room. Much hilarity.

Scott @ Aug 14th 2006 8:25PM

I was working my way through the toilets on there and was thinking to myself "I hope they got the dunnies from Duke Nukem in there". Sure enough, they make the number 1 spot. That game was quite odd to me only cause it made me feel sick. I dont know if it was the sprite-based graphics that "always faced you" or the blowing up of alien scum, but no game has been able to make me feel sick after that one. I have played much gorier games, but that one always made me feel sick after playing for a while....odd.

James Chen @ Aug 14th 2006 8:28PM

Tsk tsk. No mention of Silent Hill 2 in sight. How many other games have you reaching _into_ a nasty toilet?

Abyss_of_Borg @ Aug 14th 2006 9:54PM

Everyone knows Deus Ex had the best toliets.

Lutraphobic @ Aug 14th 2006 11:06PM

No Silent Hill 2? This list is worthless!

SkippyJr @ Aug 14th 2006 11:36PM

Here's a collection of toilets from a whole lot of video games, up through 2004:

http://web.archive.org/web/20050223225334/http://www.btinternet.com/~l.a.lester/Toilet/

Unfortunately, the original site is no more and the Wayback Machine seems to have the only copy. Enjoy the images it archived!

Eric @ Aug 14th 2006 11:37PM

First one I thought of was in Metal Gear Solid when snake sees the guy talking about how he hates Alaska while sitting on the pooper...

I was also thinking Doom III...hearing the creepy whispers in the corner in the shitter gives me stage fright just thinking about it.

Rare Hare @ Aug 14th 2006 11:50PM

This list is definately crap (no pun intended, I swear) without Silent Hill 2. Screw you, Maxim.

James K @ Aug 15th 2006 1:44AM

It's hardly a list on toilets unless it has Goldeneye. That game was on the forefront of toilets in games. That game was an inovator. After it came out, every game had headshots, exploding barrels, mission objectives, and, of course, a toilet somewhere in the game.

Shame, Maxim, shame.