Why fanboys make for poor marketers
by Ludwig Kietzmann 
{ Aug 16th 2006 at 8:55PM }
There are plenty of signs that indicate when a letter has been thoughtlessly composed by a fanboy and the latest one to violate our inboxes boasts nearly all of them. Punctuation and grammar are horrifying and alien concepts, logic is tossed away like an explosive javelin and any semblance of coherence is dangerously teetering on the edge of a dark abyss. In other words, it usually elicits a few good laughs. We present to you the unedited letter we received from a fanboy urging us to purchase a PS3 (hint: it's a very powerful super computer). Sony PS3 is not a games console its actually a very powerful super computer because you can't have a games console which costs £425 people wouldn't buy it my PS3 magazine said that almost 50 percent of us say its better priced and some of us agreed that it was to expensive or cheap the main problem with PS3 is not the price at all its how many you are getting in the UK for last I heard they said there were going to be 4 million consoles shipped next year in March 2007 but you people have really got to respect Sony you can't say buy a 360 or Nintendo just because you can't afford the price on it its not Sony's fault and it isn't Kutaragi's either there is no point sitting on a sofa all day and night waiting for the PS3 to come out on launch day November 17th here is a list what you can do to wait for PS3
1. Enjoy what's on your PS2 collection at the moment
2. Just don't buy anymore games for PS2 wait until the new PS3 comes out
3. Get a Job earn money you need £425 so you can work hard for it but save it for PS3.
4. Watch your DVDs more and enjoy your collection and get all the new releases on DVD complete all PS1 and PS2 games
5. Don't waste money on 360 and Wii get a PS3 on launch day to get one you might have to pre - order it but you need to do that otherwise you won't get one you can get a good offer from GAME.
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 2)
Ferior @ Aug 16th 2006 9:00PM
Holy run-on sentences, Batman!
KiwiLord @ Aug 16th 2006 9:01PM
Dear God...I can never un-read that...
SJ @ Aug 16th 2006 9:01PM
Rabid fanboys should burn in hell.
GRRiMREEAPeR @ Aug 16th 2006 9:02PM
$ony sucks.
Mikey @ Aug 16th 2006 9:02PM
Well, I'm convinced. I'm off to my nearest Electronics Boutique to camp outside until the PS3 becomes available.
Forky @ Aug 16th 2006 9:02PM
My Head... The Agony!
GRRiMREEAPeR @ Aug 16th 2006 9:05PM
Young Jeezy > $ony station
James @ Aug 16th 2006 9:05PM
Somewhere, in a far off universe, Webster is crying.
GSI @ Aug 16th 2006 9:05PM
Did Darryl write this? HAHA
Comradetrotskii @ Aug 16th 2006 9:06PM
I believe that this has to be a well constructed joke.
GunForHire @ Aug 16th 2006 9:09PM
You know the scary thing here? I work in a certain UK games retailer (there's a hint in the text), and there's one Sony fanboy who's never out of my shop who's so obsessed with the PS3 he's wrote emails to Ken Kutaragi. I almost feel certain he sent that horrible piece of text to Joystiq. I'll have to ask him next time he's in...
tactics @ Aug 16th 2006 9:10PM
where's darryl? he may not be available for comment
-"superfan" tactics.
Sgt Siercks @ Aug 16th 2006 9:13PM
I can't imagine how "better" priced the PS3 is. I already have a "computer". HD doesn't matter to me, therefore Blu-ray doesn't.
bv @ Aug 16th 2006 9:18PM
“The dark side clouds everything. Impossible to see the future is.” - Master Yoda
Md @ Aug 16th 2006 9:18PM
Can't help but think of: http://lincolnfloating.ytmnd.com/
pinksage @ Aug 16th 2006 9:21PM
wait... what?- Peter
Pal @ Aug 16th 2006 9:29PM
I'm scared to think that we're constantly surrounded by these kind of people.
GRRiMREEAPeR @ Aug 16th 2006 9:32PM
Come on! i want a star too! and everybody and they uncle knows Young Jeezy > $ony! come on i read ur site every day lemme get a star and ill shut up! :::)
shiftup @ Aug 16th 2006 9:34PM
i actually feel sorry for this guy. just so... special.
MMurdock @ Aug 16th 2006 9:48PM
I dont see why you would say don't buy this or that. Back in the early days most young kids could only con mom and dad into buying one or the other. Since most of these newer systems are targeted at people with the capability to generate an income, its already be said by the developers that the will be little to no noticeable difference between the 360 and PS3 graphically, and both are going to have some of the same big name titles, then I don't see where the arguement is.
360+ps3 = same, wii = a step outside the box.
make your local fan boy happy and buy all 3.
matjet @ Aug 16th 2006 9:51PM
I dont get it. Ok sure the person is an absolute fanboy. perhaps hit there head on something. but this letter isen't nearly as bad as the previus one. you can actually understand the sentences.
anyway aren't there any wii or 360 fanboys too?
Colonel @ Aug 16th 2006 9:54PM
"...Me fail english? That's unpossible!"
Hooked on Phonics FTW.
Neko Tsukimi @ Aug 16th 2006 9:58PM
XD XD XD Priceless!
GRRiMREEAPeR @ Aug 16th 2006 10:01PM
ok mabe a negative star?
TuxedoMask @ Aug 16th 2006 10:05PM
I used to want to get a PS3... now, I'm not sure I want something that someone like that is so eager to get >.>;
Martin Van Buren @ Aug 16th 2006 10:18PM
This is beyond painful.
I don't know if I should worry about the fact that he misspelled the word "too" or the fact a viral fever has wiped out the entire population of Periodvile.
Oh, by the way:
6. By a grammer booc so u can lirn to rite proprlee.
CJC @ Aug 16th 2006 10:24PM
I can only assume from the lack of periods or ANY other punctuation that this is some form of poetry. Yup, that's gotta be it.
Mike @ Aug 16th 2006 10:25PM
And also Ken is God, the PLAYSTATION 3 is Jesus, and the Wii and Xbox360 kills children
Nathan M @ Aug 16th 2006 10:42PM
hukt on foniks werkt fore mee. :D
I hope one day zoos include fanboy exhibits. "And here we have a common Sonyus Fanboyus, or more commonly known as the dumbass."
plufim @ Aug 16th 2006 10:50PM
I simply could not read that. My brian just flat out refused to try and comprehend it.
Let's not try and pretend this is an issue for sony followers though, there are people like this in all camps (although most people seem to think the majority are nintendo fans, which is of course untrue). If only the internet could reject emails from being sent if they were this incomprehensible.
Dr.Swiss @ Aug 16th 2006 10:51PM
http://www.8bitswiss.com/photofoto/images/photos/publicannouncement.gif
lackingcleverness @ Aug 16th 2006 10:54PM
Somewhere, Mr. Period is crying alone, preparing to hang himself.
shaoron @ Aug 16th 2006 10:55PM
wow!
that just made me NOT wnat to buy PS3!
nice work, fanboy!
lackingcleverness @ Aug 16th 2006 10:59PM
Damn! Just noticed my last comment was derivative.
Sorry, James!
BatzRadio @ Aug 16th 2006 11:00PM
That figures.
I'm trying to be real impartial in all of this next-gen stuff, but the PS3 being represented by people that communicate their thoughts to the world as if they double-straw when they snort cocaine is making it difficult. That and the fact that I can't see one reason why Blu-Ray or HD-DVD are absolutely essential in my life - nobody in stores or online has given me an excuse to give a Sweet Jesus.
supremespleen @ Aug 16th 2006 11:02PM
Nice Freakazoid picture.
Chris @ Aug 16th 2006 11:05PM
sony fanboys are my favorite breed of gamer becasue they really do have their heads that far up their you know what
JJ @ Aug 16th 2006 11:09PM
Go easy on darryl, he's just a dedicated gimmick poster.
Crazylink @ Aug 16th 2006 11:09PM
I think Candlejack needs to take Fanboy aw
Eagle @ Aug 16th 2006 11:13PM
That was pretty bad right there, I have to admit...But you won't see anything different from the other 2 camps...
I mean, honestly, you can't possibly think that the same people who bought a GCN or an XBOX in the last gen are not capable of making the same mistake as this idiot...But, of course you'll only show the Sony one.
kelekod @ Aug 16th 2006 11:15PM
Sounds like good logic too me. Except for the number 5 point on there.
I was at Game Crazy this past week, (I know such a reliable source), and the employee that I talked to about Wii and PS3 was saying that he got an "offical" annoucement saying that all pre-orders for the PS3 will have to be returned because Sony doesn't want it to be unfair for the people that didn't preorder it. He was also saying something about that people that have the most "Sony things" would get a better shot at getting on release. Not sure how reliable this source is, but if its true, that sucks for everyone that pre-ordered it.
He was hoping that the Wii wouldn't be like that as well, as it would be 2 horrible days to work there.
2slick @ Aug 16th 2006 11:17PM
Sony Fanboys still exist after all the crap sony has put them through? It's as if the playstation has become a religion in it's own right, with thousands upon thousands of mindless drowns ready to drown themselves in that little puddle of water at Washington D.C. untill they are recognized by other religions as a dominant religous faction........oh snap, that was an episode from Southpark, damn you David Blaine.
Sony Sux after all this ps3 debauchery.
Jason T. @ Aug 16th 2006 11:23PM
Don't forget that it can run in 4D at 120FPS!
Pheonix Gamma @ Aug 16th 2006 11:25PM
First of all, Excellent Freakazoid reference. Second of all, PLEASE tell me you replied with a direct link to Penny Arcade's Mr. Period comic.
Lastly, I love how he tells you guys to get a job, because obviously he's the one without one. Why? Because to get a job, you need to apply for a job. There's an application process, usually includng a resmue. No selfrespecting manager, or any employer in general, is going to hire anyone who can't use sentences goodly.
That said, this child is somewhere between the age of 12 and 15, who's been saving his "take out the trash" allowance since the PS3 has been announced 2 years ago, and therefore feels superior because he has money or something. But because he's 12-15, it's all in cash, meaning anyone, be it a burglar or a "friend", can sneak in and take it.
I'd like to think that, right now, some burglar has already stolen that money, and is blowing it all on booze and the like. Or guns. And then he can give me a gin and I can become that jerk who thinks he runs the world cause he has a gun.
Blake @ Aug 16th 2006 11:28PM
my brain hurts. If i die tonight i'm totally sueing joysiq for posting this!
SonicRift @ Aug 16th 2006 11:33PM
Another case of Videogame Stockholm.
Oh, and I don't want a supercomputer, I'm an average consumer.
When Steve Jobs loses it, will he try to sell Xserve to average consumers?
Huzzah!! @ Aug 16th 2006 11:35PM
Whoa. Some powerful words of wisdom there. I'm DEFINITELY buying a PS3 not that I know that "PS3 magazine said that almost 50 percent of us say its better
priced and some of us agreed that it was to expensive or cheap"!!!
That is, BY FAR, the worst (and longest) sentence I've ever read! Honestly, do these people READ what they write?
Felix Andrews @ Aug 16th 2006 11:38PM
...how could a period hang itself? It has no discernable neck!
Supra @ Aug 17th 2006 12:13AM
Damn. Darryl's condition is worse than what I originally thought.
Rare Hare @ Aug 17th 2006 12:17AM
Huzzah!! (#45):
That's actually a really great part of the letter you selected to ridicule. I really don't understand what he thinks a statement like that proves, or how he can actually think it would persuade anyone to go along with his viewpoint... I also really don't understand the statement itself all that well.