Picture a crisp Saturday morning in early November, 2006. Elections are only three days away. A flatbed truck draped in red, white and blue bunting cruises slowly through the parking lot of a busy shopping mall. A four-piece brass band, its members seated on bales of hay, belts out John Philip Souza tunes from the back of the truck. Signs on both doors read "Mike Hatch for Governor."It's a campaign stop. A middle-aged man dressed in a pinstripe suit works the crowd of shoppers near the mall entrance. He is the candidate.
"Hi, I'm Attorney General Mike Hatch and I'm running for Governor of Minnesota."
"Hi, Mike, my name is Dave and I'm a gamer."
"Oh, great, Don. You game wardens do a fantastic job. Fantastic. Hope you'll vote for me next Tuesday."
"No, Mr. Hatch, it's Dave, and I'm not a game warden. I'm a gamer - as in video games."
"Oh, well, fine. Fine and dandy, son. Say, ma'am, I'm Mike Hatch and I'm running..."
"But Mr. Hatch, can I ask you something?"
"Not now, Doug, I have to say hello to this nice lady over here."
"It's Dave, sir. And this will just take a moment. Why did you say that some video games are 'low value speech'? Isn't all speech equally protected under the First Amendment?"
"Well, I don't recall saying that, Dick. Here, have a campaign button. If you'll excuse me..."
"It's Dave, sir. You definitely said that to Judge Rosenbaum's court. You also called some types of games 'worthless, disgusting speech. That kind of offended me."
"Gotta go, Dale, lots of fine people to talk to this glorious morning."
"It's Dave sir. You can keep the button."
"Hi, young lady, I'm Mike Hatch and I'm running for Governor. Those are some beautiful twins you've got in that stroller. Makes me think of the future, and I'd like to talk to you a little about my plans for the future of Minnesota..."
"Mr. Hatch, I'd like to talk about the tax money Minnesota squandered defending that ridiculous video game law. I heard it might cost as much as a half-million dollars. That impacts the future, too."
"Well, these are difficult decisions. We have to balance a lot of issues."
"It's not difficult at all. None of these politically-motivated video game laws have ever been found constitutional. You know that as well as anyone, you're the Attorney General."
"Gotta go, miss. Those sure are some fine looking twins. Vote for me next Tuesday! ... Well, hello, there, dear. Mike Hatch, I'm running for Governor. Can I tell you about my plans to distribute free oatmeal to you lovely senior citizens?"
"You young whippersnapper, Hatch. Tell me why our legislators don't seem to worry about whether things like the video game bill are constitutional. That loose cannon State Senator Sandy Pappas even said so, right out in public. Tell me how you're going to straighten people like her out."
"Why ... why, granny, don't tell me you're one of these video gamers too ..."
"You're darn tootin' I am. Play Bejeweled every night on the PC and I'm keeping my mind sharp with Brain Age on this here Nintendo DS I keep in my pocketbook."
"Oh, wonderful, wonderful, dear. Be sure to call my office for your free oatmeal ... You, sir! In the coveralls. Always great to meet a working man! I'm Mike Hatch and I'm running for Governor."
"Yeah, I know who you are, Hatch. You're the guy that had a new one ripped for him by Judge Rosenbaum in that video game case."
"Well, these are complex times, my friend. But 'ripped a new one' is a little harsh, don't you think?"
"Hatch, the judge dissed you big time. He said, 'The First Amendment ... was certainly established to keep the government from becoming the arbiter of what constitutes 'worthless' or 'disgusting' speech. The Court declines the State's invitation to enter into an evaluation of this kind.' Man, he zinged you."
"I, uh..."
"And now I hear that you're appealing that decision? Man the judge couldn't have been more clear. You wasted all those tax dollars on legal fees and now you're going to waste some more taking it to the next level? Hatch, I work too hard for my money to piss it away like that."
"Harrumph ... Well, sir, then perhaps you should vote for my opponent, the incumbent Governor Pawlenty."
"Yeah, man, I would, except Pawlenty was the one who signed the video game bill into law in the first place. Come Election Day, I'm going fishing."
Dennis McCauley is Editor of GamePolitics.com and writes about games for the Philadelphia Inquirer. Opinions expressed in The Political Game are his own. Reach him at dennis@GamePolitics.com.
