The Political Game: Anti-game candidate works the crowd
Each week Dennis McCauley contributes The Political Game, a column on the collision of politics and video games
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Picture a crisp Saturday morning in early November, 2006. Elections are only three days away. A flatbed truck draped in red, white and blue bunting cruises slowly through the parking lot of a busy shopping mall. A four-piece brass band, its members seated on bales of hay, belts out John Philip Souza tunes from the back of the truck. Signs on both doors read "Mike Hatch for Governor."
It's a campaign stop. A middle-aged man dressed in a pinstripe suit works the crowd of shoppers near the mall entrance. He is the candidate.
"Hi, I'm Attorney General Mike Hatch and I'm running for Governor of Minnesota."
"Hi, Mike, my name is Dave and I'm a gamer."
"Oh, great, Don. You game wardens do a fantastic job. Fantastic. Hope you'll vote for me next Tuesday."
"No, Mr. Hatch, it's Dave, and I'm not a game warden. I'm a gamer - as in video games."
"Oh, well, fine. Fine and dandy, son. Say, ma'am, I'm Mike Hatch and I'm running..."
"But Mr. Hatch, can I ask you something?"
"Not now, Doug, I have to say hello to this nice lady over here."
"It's Dave, sir. And this will just take a moment. Why did you say that some video games are 'low value speech'? Isn't all speech equally protected under the First Amendment?"
"Well, I don't recall saying that, Dick. Here, have a campaign button. If you'll excuse me..."
"It's Dave, sir. You definitely said that to Judge Rosenbaum's court. You also called some types of games 'worthless, disgusting speech. That kind of offended me."
"Gotta go, Dale, lots of fine people to talk to this glorious morning."
"It's Dave sir. You can keep the button."
"Hi, young lady, I'm Mike Hatch and I'm running for Governor. Those are some beautiful twins you've got in that stroller. Makes me think of the future, and I'd like to talk to you a little about my plans for the future of Minnesota..."
"Mr. Hatch, I'd like to talk about the tax money Minnesota squandered defending that ridiculous video game law. I heard it might cost as much as a half-million dollars. That impacts the future, too."
"Well, these are difficult decisions. We have to balance a lot of issues."
"It's not difficult at all. None of these politically-motivated video game laws have ever been found constitutional. You know that as well as anyone, you're the Attorney General."
"Gotta go, miss. Those sure are some fine looking twins. Vote for me next Tuesday! ... Well, hello, there, dear. Mike Hatch, I'm running for Governor. Can I tell you about my plans to distribute free oatmeal to you lovely senior citizens?"
"You young whippersnapper, Hatch. Tell me why our legislators don't seem to worry about whether things like the video game bill are constitutional. That loose cannon State Senator Sandy Pappas even said so, right out in public. Tell me how you're going to straighten people like her out."
"Why ... why, granny, don't tell me you're one of these video gamers too ..."
"You're darn tootin' I am. Play Bejeweled every night on the PC and I'm keeping my mind sharp with Brain Age on this here Nintendo DS I keep in my pocketbook."
"Oh, wonderful, wonderful, dear. Be sure to call my office for your free oatmeal ... You, sir! In the coveralls. Always great to meet a working man! I'm Mike Hatch and I'm running for Governor."
"Yeah, I know who you are, Hatch. You're the guy that had a new one ripped for him by Judge Rosenbaum in that video game case."
"Well, these are complex times, my friend. But 'ripped a new one' is a little harsh, don't you think?"
"Hatch, the judge dissed you big time. He said, 'The First Amendment ... was certainly established to keep the government from becoming the arbiter of what constitutes 'worthless' or 'disgusting' speech. The Court declines the State's invitation to enter into an evaluation of this kind.' Man, he zinged you."
"I, uh..."
"And now I hear that you're appealing that decision? Man the judge couldn't have been more clear. You wasted all those tax dollars on legal fees and now you're going to waste some more taking it to the next level? Hatch, I work too hard for my money to piss it away like that."
"Harrumph ... Well, sir, then perhaps you should vote for my opponent, the incumbent Governor Pawlenty."
"Yeah, man, I would, except Pawlenty was the one who signed the video game bill into law in the first place. Come Election Day, I'm going fishing."
Dennis McCauley is Editor of GamePolitics.com and writes about games for the Philadelphia Inquirer. Opinions expressed in The Political Game are his own. Reach him at dennis@GamePolitics.com.
Picture a crisp Saturday morning in early November, 2006. Elections are only three days away. A flatbed truck draped in red, white and blue bunting cruises slowly through the parking lot of a busy shopping mall. A four-piece brass band, its members seated on bales of hay, belts out John Philip Souza tunes from the back of the truck. Signs on both doors read "Mike Hatch for Governor."It's a campaign stop. A middle-aged man dressed in a pinstripe suit works the crowd of shoppers near the mall entrance. He is the candidate.
"Hi, I'm Attorney General Mike Hatch and I'm running for Governor of Minnesota."
"Hi, Mike, my name is Dave and I'm a gamer."
"Oh, great, Don. You game wardens do a fantastic job. Fantastic. Hope you'll vote for me next Tuesday."
"No, Mr. Hatch, it's Dave, and I'm not a game warden. I'm a gamer - as in video games."
"Oh, well, fine. Fine and dandy, son. Say, ma'am, I'm Mike Hatch and I'm running..."
"But Mr. Hatch, can I ask you something?"
"Not now, Doug, I have to say hello to this nice lady over here."
"It's Dave, sir. And this will just take a moment. Why did you say that some video games are 'low value speech'? Isn't all speech equally protected under the First Amendment?"
"Well, I don't recall saying that, Dick. Here, have a campaign button. If you'll excuse me..."
"It's Dave, sir. You definitely said that to Judge Rosenbaum's court. You also called some types of games 'worthless, disgusting speech. That kind of offended me."
"Gotta go, Dale, lots of fine people to talk to this glorious morning."
"It's Dave sir. You can keep the button."
"Hi, young lady, I'm Mike Hatch and I'm running for Governor. Those are some beautiful twins you've got in that stroller. Makes me think of the future, and I'd like to talk to you a little about my plans for the future of Minnesota..."
"Mr. Hatch, I'd like to talk about the tax money Minnesota squandered defending that ridiculous video game law. I heard it might cost as much as a half-million dollars. That impacts the future, too."
"Well, these are difficult decisions. We have to balance a lot of issues."
"It's not difficult at all. None of these politically-motivated video game laws have ever been found constitutional. You know that as well as anyone, you're the Attorney General."
"Gotta go, miss. Those sure are some fine looking twins. Vote for me next Tuesday! ... Well, hello, there, dear. Mike Hatch, I'm running for Governor. Can I tell you about my plans to distribute free oatmeal to you lovely senior citizens?"
"You young whippersnapper, Hatch. Tell me why our legislators don't seem to worry about whether things like the video game bill are constitutional. That loose cannon State Senator Sandy Pappas even said so, right out in public. Tell me how you're going to straighten people like her out."
"Why ... why, granny, don't tell me you're one of these video gamers too ..."
"You're darn tootin' I am. Play Bejeweled every night on the PC and I'm keeping my mind sharp with Brain Age on this here Nintendo DS I keep in my pocketbook."
"Oh, wonderful, wonderful, dear. Be sure to call my office for your free oatmeal ... You, sir! In the coveralls. Always great to meet a working man! I'm Mike Hatch and I'm running for Governor."
"Yeah, I know who you are, Hatch. You're the guy that had a new one ripped for him by Judge Rosenbaum in that video game case."
"Well, these are complex times, my friend. But 'ripped a new one' is a little harsh, don't you think?"
"Hatch, the judge dissed you big time. He said, 'The First Amendment ... was certainly established to keep the government from becoming the arbiter of what constitutes 'worthless' or 'disgusting' speech. The Court declines the State's invitation to enter into an evaluation of this kind.' Man, he zinged you."
"I, uh..."
"And now I hear that you're appealing that decision? Man the judge couldn't have been more clear. You wasted all those tax dollars on legal fees and now you're going to waste some more taking it to the next level? Hatch, I work too hard for my money to piss it away like that."
"Harrumph ... Well, sir, then perhaps you should vote for my opponent, the incumbent Governor Pawlenty."
"Yeah, man, I would, except Pawlenty was the one who signed the video game bill into law in the first place. Come Election Day, I'm going fishing."
Dennis McCauley is Editor of GamePolitics.com and writes about games for the Philadelphia Inquirer. Opinions expressed in The Political Game are his own. Reach him at dennis@GamePolitics.com.











Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
jman924 @ Sep 1st 2006 12:12PM
Ba-Zing.
reebo @ Sep 1st 2006 12:10PM
Mmmmm, I like oatmeal...
dkh @ Sep 1st 2006 12:11PM
Nothin' like a straw man argument posing as an editorial to make us gamers look like we're decent.
Chris @ Sep 1st 2006 3:50PM
**yawn**
Ryan @ Sep 1st 2006 12:17PM
Mmmmm, I like straw...
OtakuCODE @ Sep 1st 2006 12:25PM
Hehe, great satire. So sad that a scene like this just won't happen. People don't care about freedom any more. They'd rather be micromanaged and controlled if they can be promised their kids won't skin their knee on the playground or see a nipple before they're 35.
backlon @ Sep 1st 2006 12:28PM
Well, to be fair, Hatch is the AG for republican administration in MN. Which means he's required to defend cases brought against the state to the best of his abilities. In fact, if he opposed the law, I don't think he's even allowed to say so publicly as it would affect the case.
I don't know much about Hatch so I'm not going to say he's a saint or even necessarily holding his nose as he works this case - but this article is a tad unfair, no?
Lone Starr @ Sep 1st 2006 12:33PM
Mmmmm, I like buttons...
crono141 @ Sep 1st 2006 12:54PM
Mmmmmm, I like nipples...
Bearxor @ Sep 1st 2006 1:06PM
The point of this was...
HotShotX @ Sep 1st 2006 1:37PM
What a coincidence, I like nipples too, but only the female variety.
~HotShotX
Goose @ Sep 1st 2006 1:15PM
Just take this tripe down. It's fucking embarassing. Imagine what you'd be saying if this was written from the opposite perspective.
Petrie @ Sep 1st 2006 1:27PM
@Goose
This is the kind of Satire that can really make people think. The Daily Show and the Colbert Report have made a career out of this kind of commentary, and to claim it as "embarassing" shows you don't quite "get it". There's room for this kind of editorial, and Joystiq, being a blog and in turn a place for opinions, is the EXACT location this belongs.
jk @ Sep 1st 2006 1:32PM
This is not the same kind of satire as the Daily Show. The Daily Show satirizes actual actions of actual people. Here you make up fake actions for a person and criticize them.
Just have a real conversation with the guy and see what he says. Then satirize that.
The straw man call is very true. This is ridiculous and in no way advances the discussion.
dkh @ Sep 1st 2006 1:33PM
Are you talking about the same Colbert Report as the one that actually goes out and talks to people? The one that uses their own words against them? The one that uses facts against them? The one that doesn't stretch their own advantages to ridiculous hyperbole by pretending things like Brain Age can keep you mentally quick enough to understand politics and the economy, as well as issues of youth violence and how best to stop it?
I'm just making sure. Because I "get it." It's just "bad."
Petrie @ Sep 1st 2006 1:39PM
@jk
Wrong. This is taking the actions this person has taken, and infering things from them. EXACTLY what the daily show does on a nightly basis. If this was posted on a news site and not clearly satire, then by all means take issue, but this is an piece of satire meant to get people to think about how wasteful and frivilous these laws and the politicians who use them to for political gains are being.
The issue would only arrise if ANOTHER actual news source took this "interview" as the real thing without doing an research, and they tried to pass it off as having been real, much in the same way various news organizations did with that interview on the Colbert Report actually, where they claimed that politician whose name escapes me at the moment actually had said something to the effect of "I enjoy cocaine and the company of prostitutes", when in fact it was a satirical interview taken totally out of context.
GamePolitics @ Sep 1st 2006 1:44PM
A little satire at Mr. Hatch's expense, and certainly not written in my usual style. However, Here's a man who in June wrote of games as "speech of low societal value" and "worthless, disgusting speech" and for his troubles had his argument ripped to shreds by the federal Judge. AND THEN he announced just the other day that he is appealing the decision. Written in an over the top style? Yes, but so is "worthless, disgusting speech," which is how AG Hatch apparently thinks of some games.
Tapestry @ Sep 1st 2006 2:09PM
Most laws are out there nowadays to protect little kids cause their folks are too busy playing PC games to pay attention what their babies are playing on the Xbot, PS2, etc. There are plenty of games out there that 6 year olds are playing that they should not.
Some laws will always be good and some laws you will wonder how they got there but most laws are good and most laws aint' bad.
Have a Happy weekend :)
Goose @ Sep 1st 2006 1:51PM
Biggest pet peeve of mine? People saying you "just don't get it".
The problem, actually, is that I do "get it", and as dkh say, it's just not good. I assure you, the literary crust on this nugget of shit is not hard too penetrate. This is the equivelent of drawing a mustache on a campaign poster.
Perhaps you should trade in your cable bill for a library card and get some perspective.
Derbeste @ Sep 1st 2006 1:52PM
Oh for heaven's sake....
Fine...then don't call it satire like Stephen Colbert.
Call it satire like South Park.
Matt and Trey don't go around talking to the people they berrate. They put much more silly expression and situations into their mouths (manbearpig anyone?).
This is a BLOG. It's for ENTERTAINMENT. If you go to a psychic to really find out your future...you're an idiot. If you come here for news and then complain about what's really here......you're an idiot and a troll.
Lighten up people.
Screw you guys! I'm going home!
Goose @ Sep 1st 2006 1:55PM
@GamePolitics
Yeah sorry this has come off so harsh on you, but as I think it is for you too, this is a really important topic for me; both personally and career wise. When it's approached with these kind of tactics it just puts everyone on the defensive, and creates the "Jack Thompson" effect and we go no where.
Tom @ Sep 1st 2006 1:55PM
First off, I'd just like to thank Nintendo for making games like Brain Age that market gaming toward older demographics, people who actually vote.
Secondly, I encourage you all to vote. If you live in Minnesota, the following link will help you find your nearest polling place. Just type in your zip code and street number and you're all set:
http://pollfinder.sos.state.mn.us/
Petrie @ Sep 1st 2006 1:58PM
The interesting thing about your comment is how you try so hard to be witty, yet completely fail. For one thing, I don't bother with cable t.v., there are maybe 3 shows I watch on any kind of regular basis. I read far more than I watch t.v., though I admit to playing more games than either of those activities, hence my presence on Joystiq. It's a well written satirical piece, which takes this mans views, then places them in a real world setting to show just how badly they hold up outside of the idealistic world politicians like to create. It's a pity that you seem to think this kind of wasteful spending of our money is justified, that or you're some 16 year old who has yet to ear their own keep, so you simply can't grasp yet what a waste of your tax dollars this truly is.
Goose @ Sep 1st 2006 2:17PM
@Petrie
My comment was witty, you just don't get it.
Dave Arey @ Sep 1st 2006 3:16PM
As much as we may want to believe otherwise, all of these court cases have roots other than the career aspirations of the politicians who are responsible for them. The sobering fact that we have to come to grips with is that millions of parents do want laws like these to be passed, the same way millions of Americans want bans on abortion or gay marriage. I can't completely blame the politicians for doing what many of their constituents want them to do. Some of the blame has to go to the constituents themselves, because it goes without saying that politicians who represent stupid people will probably end up doing stupid things.
Vadir @ Sep 1st 2006 2:27PM
Sure go to your polling place and vote for the guy Hatch will be running against in the general election, that being Republican governor Tim Pawlenty who actually signed the bill into law in the first place. That sure would be a win for gamers...
GamePolitics @ Sep 1st 2006 2:37PM
Vadir, Pawlenty came in for a zing of his own at the end of the piece. You've got to make use of that scroll wheel, my friend.
Tyler @ Sep 1st 2006 2:39PM
I'm voting for Hatch only to get Pawlenty out of office, but if he has a bad stance on video games this makes me sad.
Jared @ Sep 1st 2006 2:40PM
@Goose
This is obviously fake and the fact that you find it so bad makes me question weather or not you are paying attention to what you are reading. Yes it's one sided and grossly misrepresents what would actually happen, but it isn't being portrayed as news, or even to the general public, but being marketed mainly to the joystiq community, or gamers. Besides, if you're going to berate this piece, then what are your opinions of the exact opposite often done by politicians, usually refered to as propoganda? And as for your "witty" comment, no it wasn't, mainly just derrogitory and arrogant of you.
Unfortunaltly I'm not entirely behind this article. As a satire piece being maketed to gamers it's good and humerous. However if anyone would be sending this out as an opinion piece, it grossly misreresents the other side, and IMO doesn't offer a suitable rebuttal, merely a stuttering fool.
Vadir @ Sep 1st 2006 2:46PM
My comment was actually aimed at Tom who seemed to be implying you should vote against Hatch on this issue.
Derbeste @ Sep 1st 2006 3:21PM
"because it goes without saying that politicians who represent stupid people will probably end up doing stupid things."
That, my friend, is the quote of the week.
jk @ Sep 1st 2006 3:31PM
I guess stating that it wasn't like the Daily Show exactly in how it's presented isn't really a good argument.
Perhaps the better one would be that in order for it to be satire it has to be poignant or funny. This is neither.
It just takes the existing stereotypes and repeats them. The only thing that makes it interesting is the fact that both parties do the same thing, but that wasn't even the crux of the argument ... it was a throwaway line at the end.
Derbeste @ Sep 1st 2006 3:42PM
@jk
"Perhaps the better one would be that in order for it to be satire it has to be poignant or funny."
Wrong again....from Dictionary.com:
sat‧ire /ˈsætaɪər/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[sat-ahyuhr] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
–noun 1. the use of irony, sarcasm, ridicule, or the like, in exposing, denouncing, or deriding vice, folly, etc.
2. a literary composition, in verse or prose, in which human folly and vice are held up to scorn, derision, or ridicule.
3. a literary genre comprising such compositions.
Humor is not mentioned anywhere in any of those definitions.
In fact, this article fits all three definitions perfectly.
Perhaps you don't have a good argument because you are just wrong. This IS satire. You just disagree....and that's ok too. Just state that.
jk @ Sep 1st 2006 3:51PM
ahhhh, you just satirized my post!
On The Origin Of Species @ Sep 1st 2006 4:29PM
It's true, video game bills are a waste of time. However, if you base your vote soley upon the fact that this man is pushing for game legislation, you are an idiot.
In the world of federal politics 500,000 dollars is small peanuts. Real people don't rip politicians for 500 grand in tax dollars going to nothing (although they really should), they focus on the big issues. Like whether or not America will ever remove the tariffs on softwood lumber. (the next few sentences are just me ranting on about political stuff, feel free to skip them) So far it's cost Canada over 5 Billion dollars. 5 billion, that's a real issue. According to NAFTA (which America signed by the way) they aren't allowed to do that. It wouldn't be so bad if Canada hadn't taken this case to a binding arbitrary council and won, 5 consecutive times. Enough is enough already. Sorry, just had to get that off my chest.
Jaybay @ Sep 1st 2006 4:43PM
Yeah don't vote.
Way to stick it to the man.
That will sure show them.
Splorky_Fish @ Sep 1st 2006 4:47PM
This may be a silly little article, but it has reminded me of what jackasses both Hatch and Pawlenty are. Both are career politicians who have completely turned their backs on their constituents in the past. I was all behind Steve Kelley to win the DFL nomination. Here's hoping Minnesota can find yet another third party candidate to make this election interest me.
GamePolitics @ Sep 1st 2006 5:02PM
Origin - yeah, that softwood lumber issue sounds hot.
Too bad for you that I've just gone and registered www.softwoodlumberpolitics.com already.
Monki @ Sep 1st 2006 10:02PM
See, what Goose just did is called a "check - raise" or "towing the line."
Well played sir. I'm voting for Kinky.
shgaelic @ Sep 2nd 2006 11:26AM
Are you completely missing the point? To pursue this issue at the taxpayers' expense, knowing that historically these laws are appealed and shot down (at taxpayers' expense again, I might add)is a completely useless, frivolous way to spend the public's hard-earned money. C'mon!
And really, doesn't the 1st amendment protect all speech, and not delineate that some speech is better than other speech? Our constitution was hard-won and has stood the test of time. Let's not begin to change it for partisan purposes.
Get out there and vote! That's really how the out-of-touch politicians hear us.
Doom3 @ Sep 2nd 2006 7:21PM
Really Politics and gaming... wow what a joke... Any one that much against gaming to vote for that guy is really missing the point. They don't releaze every time some one votes for a war to take place some one is actualy killed. Game violence is the least of our problems... I mean how many games you know influence our foriegn policies. I mean was the terrorist alert thing on the news a game? I mean dang that little graphic made us parinoid enough to ok Iraq... really the any one debating the violence in video games needs to tell parents what is going to protect your children more a ban on violent games or a draft to fight WW3. I mean really how many deaths have video games caused? If video games are so influentual why not use them as a tool to teach? Nintendo has clearly shown the public is ready for good brain streching games. Also to to senor videogames is to for ever keep the medium below that of movies and books. many movies have First person views where it look like you are commiting the crime... and yes a button was pressed to make it happen.. it's called a play button... Making it illegal only makes it more appealing anyway to the poeple your trying to keep it away from...LOL
Stranger @ Sep 3rd 2006 1:31PM
Ok ok ok... it's satire AND it isn't very good.
As a gamer struggling to carve a living for myself as a writer, it pains me to read something like this and know that it's author was actually paid to write it.
Not unlike reading any article on IGN; it's grammatically suspect, self aggrandizing, and passes off cliche as original thought.
Mainly I'm just jealous because it's the kind of piece I wouldn't have the balls to submit to a high school english teacher, much less an editor or blog site. I'd think it was an embarrassment to let anyone actually read it...
jeshi @ Sep 3rd 2006 1:51PM
Screw Hatch - Minnesotans, vote for Becky Lourey. She's all about free speech, public transporation, and helping the people. Plus, she said she really liked my Katamari Damacy t-shirt.
The Amazing SPAM Boy @ Sep 6th 2006 10:41PM
I'm usually a fan of Denniz McCauley's columns, but I fail to see the point of this. If it's satire, it's not particularly enlightening, caustic, or even humorous, and it's really just a recitation of the facts of the Minnesota game law put into a fictional setting, but I didn't come away with new insight into the law or Mike Hatch. It's just kind of blah. Pardon my lack of real words.
Anyway, the sad thing is this isn't going to happen. I'm a gamer and proud to be one, but I haven't seen the gaming community really get out there and do something substantial and make their voices heard. It's disappointing, but that seems to be the way we are.
Matt @ Sep 7th 2006 8:55PM
I imagine this piece was probably written as a result of the frustration that comes from watching the same thing happen over and over. Sure, Dennis is smacking the strawman around a bit but I can't say I blame him too much.
I guess the bottom line is, it's 2006 and it's almost time to vote, and there are far too many soccer moms out there to woo to sit around and come up with a real stragery. It's a lot easier to see what someone's making a ruckus about that's A: forgettable in 10 minutes and B: makes you look better without any real effort, even if it fails.
Feel real sad for the people who have to choose between the man who's fighting to get the law passed and the man who put it through in the first place. They allow write-ins over there, don't they?
Warren Lewis @ Sep 17th 2006 11:01AM
I like oatmael.
Ang grits! Um, just not together at the same time. Ugh.
In real life there won't be that mant people out there asking him about the videogame law. It would be a miracle if one showed up.
- Warren Lewis