You could be eating this Xbox 360 controller [update 1]
by Vladimir Cole 
{ Sep 13th 2006 at 2:00PM }
We hope to place this fine Xbox 360 controller replica made of milk chocolate and M&Ms in the hands of one lucky Joystiq reader by month's end.
To win it, write a limerick (deadline 11:59 EDT Friday) on the topic of the console war now underway between Sony, Microsoft and Nintendo. We'll choose the limerick we like most, and send your sugary controller via post, post-haste.
Just to get your creative juices flowing, here's one of Edward Lear's limericks, adapted:
There was an old man with a Wii,
Who waved it about quite freely;
But they called out, "Police!"
He was caged like a beast,
Now he dresses quite properly.
[Update 1: "Existonfile" has won for his bawdy limerick. Read it in the comments, below.]
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 4)
MSaccarello @ Sep 13th 2006 2:12PM
meh... not much rhythm to that example
Martin @ Sep 13th 2006 2:14PM
There once was a console from Sony,
Everyone called it a phonie,
It copied from you,
And it copied from Wii,
It was Entitled to rip off 360
Vincent @ Sep 13th 2006 2:18PM
Old Sony just couldnt comply,
Or figure out the reasons why,
People don't need HD,
Six hundred bucks is crazy,
Look! Sony's stock is just a small fry!
Martin @ Sep 13th 2006 2:20PM
Ken praises the ps3
to the point of agony
bill hold his hands on the wii
and putting it in his 360
oh what a fine day it will be.
thank you I be here all night.
Dan @ Sep 13th 2006 2:21PM
"And I kill the crab by going bang bang pow"
Ken Kutaragi looks at his competitors and says "What now?"
They say "For only $550
You could be playing your Wii60"
Sony stands by and just says "wow".
existonfile @ Sep 13th 2006 2:23PM
ps3, wii, and 360
my money 'twas spent quite quickly
these next gen wars
cost much more than whores
and these consoles won't even lick me!
Erik Novak @ Sep 13th 2006 2:24PM
There once was a man named Kaz,
Who delivered keynotes with pizazz,
When asked, "What's Sony's plan, sir?"
He screamed "Riiigde Racerrr!"
Now everyone thinks he's a spaz.
Vincent @ Sep 13th 2006 2:24PM
@4: You broke so many rules of limericky with that one, lol..
Matin's poetry skills are farse,
Like a good smelling horse's arse,
You can't just make up rules,
Just stop with the ruse,
And go back to your burping and farts!
crono141 @ Sep 13th 2006 2:24PM
LOL #6
Grindstone @ Sep 13th 2006 2:25PM
There once was a long console war,
And nobody knew what for,
But the people still pay,
For the games that they play,
And the war wages on with no score.
bv @ Sep 13th 2006 2:25PM
There once was a Ken from sony
It was not long before fans called him phony
Depressed full of sake
And a goldschlager chaser
He danced while kaz screamed "RIDGE RACER"!
Martin @ Sep 13th 2006 2:26PM
10: i know lol sorry
Nathaniel @ Sep 13th 2006 2:26PM
The 360 has a nice ring.
The PS3 thinks it has the thing.
"Graphics!" they say,
But the Wii says, "No, way!"
"Gameplay will live like a king."
Louington Ackbar @ Sep 13th 2006 2:26PM
Surely it should be made of White chocolate with dark chocolate analog sticks?
Dark Morford @ Sep 13th 2006 2:55PM
Ol' Krazy Ken said "We're on track."
And Kaz chipped in "Yes, that's a fact!
Don't listen to Bill.
With our brand name, still
The odds in our favor are stacked!"
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerick_(poetry) if anyone needs help getting started.
Rabish12 @ Sep 13th 2006 2:28PM
Ooh, I know!
There once was a man from Nantucket...
No, too common. How about:
At a time there lived great brothers, three,
360, PS3, and Wii.
While fanboys all fought,
Spent till they had naught,
Those brothers just laughed merrily.
Yeah, that one works.
Catalyst @ Sep 13th 2006 2:28PM
Long ago in feudal Japan-age,
Giant crabs infested the land-age,
For posterity's sake,
In a game they would make,
"ATTACK ITS WEAK POINT FOR MAXIMUM DAMAGE!"
Mykalson @ Sep 13th 2006 2:29PM
Nintendo has Reggie to woo us,
Geometry Wars seems to glue us.
But Sony, alas,
Just talks out their ass.
Great Maker, I hope they don't screw us.
Amiro22 @ Sep 13th 2006 2:30PM
Sony had the Playstation 3, Birrr
Nintendo had something called Wii, Shirrr
The Xbox was Sad,
That The Japanese were mad,
But In the End it was all about said Riiiiiiiidge Racerrrrrrrrr
Eggzie @ Sep 13th 2006 2:32PM
Sony, 360 or Wii,
So which is the console for me?
PS takes my pay,
XBox had it's day,
Mario says it'sa me!
The Third Strongest @ Sep 13th 2006 2:37PM
The Playstation 3 costs a lot
Much more than a person has got
Little Wii costs much less
A lot than the rest
And 360 has too many syllable-ots.
Sam Kimpton @ Sep 13th 2006 2:32PM
With holidays just 'round the bend,
these console wars may see and end.
But as for Infinium,
we'll end the millenium
before us the Phantom they'll send.
Ed Rose @ Sep 13th 2006 2:32PM
360 I already has,
PS3 $600? I'll pass.
With Nintendo so cheap,
I won't lose much sleep,
And Sony can just kiss my ass.
bv @ Sep 13th 2006 2:33PM
There once was a over sized crab
Some say he was brewed in a lab
While crabs rule the seas
Giant ones arent japanese
Massive Damage makes Genji 2 drab
jojonyc @ Sep 13th 2006 2:33PM
is it xbox, playstation or wii
which next-gen game system’s for me?
graphics, controller
they both bowl me over
so i guess in the end it’s all three.
Rob @ Sep 13th 2006 2:40PM
There once was a game company
That named its new product the Wii.
Twas the cheapest by far.
All the others, subpar.
It was plain for the fanboys to see.
JodyAnthony @ Sep 13th 2006 2:35PM
while honestly my vote goes for #6 so far, here's mine
Sony says Nintendo’s games will look drab
“So here is this giant enemy crab”
Sure some will want 1080p
While some will go for 360
But for me, just a Wii I will nab
Robert @ Sep 13th 2006 2:35PM
At the start of the next generation,
There was no cause for much celebration,
The 360 launched first,
And could be the worst,
But it's better than a phantom playstation.
Peter Godly @ Sep 13th 2006 2:35PM
A war this holiday season
The Xbox won for some reason
'Cause the Playstation was late
And Wii couldn't wait
Only the fanboys cried out "Treason!"
Ian @ Sep 13th 2006 2:36PM
It's so nice that all three names work so well in couplets.
Here's my entry:
A console dubbed P, S, and 3
Rings pleasant alongside the Wii;
And with Microsoft's box
My theory is locked:
Everything here rhymes with me!
JonathanEx @ Sep 13th 2006 2:38PM
There once were three consoles at war,
Microtransactions gave Microsoft more,
Cheap Nintendo came along,
Waving their wand which would belong,
On PS3 and probably PS4!
Boxclocke @ Sep 13th 2006 2:38PM
There once was a Wii-loving man.
With a 'mote that he waved with his hand.
Addicted like crack,
He lamented the lack,
Of battles from ancient Japan.
bv @ Sep 13th 2006 2:39PM
There once was a reg from nantucket
his wii was so big he could suck it
he'd walk down the street
just swinging his treat
and carried his bawls in a bucket.
Jermaine @ Sep 13th 2006 2:41PM
Last year the war began,
And everyone thought Sony would win.
360? I have,
A Wii I will grab,
So Sony will die in the end.
Catalyst @ Sep 13th 2006 2:42PM
A-A-B-B-A people!
Sony's been doing acrobatics,
To determine its launch geographics,
For six-hundred bones,
That thing better pwn,
And of course those Toy Story graphics.
Pikachelsea @ Sep 13th 2006 2:43PM
There was weeping and gnashing of teeth
O'er the PS3's price being steep.
Sony fans formed a mob,
Ken just screamed "GET A JOB!
I need another golden humvee!"
dark54555 @ Sep 13th 2006 2:43PM
There once was a man named Kutaragi
Who promised millions of PS3s
But then a blue diode
Caused his numbers to implode
And eBay will make millions in fees.
Judd @ Sep 13th 2006 2:47PM
With games I like to relax,
But the Wii might just break backs;
The 360 is the devil
Costs extra for a level
But it's not 642 after tax.
aZn_1080p @ Sep 13th 2006 3:42PM
There once was a console called Wii
Whose fans laughed off trueHD,
But in time they found,
Their logic unsound,
And quietly bought PS3.
Lynx @ Sep 13th 2006 2:45PM
There once was a powerful PlayStation
That fought a giant enemy crustacean
The PlayStation leapt, as Kutaragi wept
As it lost due to lack of vibration
Catalyst @ Sep 13th 2006 2:47PM
There once was a marketing genius,
Who named a console after his penis,
He plays with his Wii,
And says quietly,
"God, I hope no one has seen us."
evilmax17 @ Sep 13th 2006 2:47PM
The hype was around PS3,
but then came the news at E3.
Lame demos with ducks
cost you six hundred bucks,
and now people just want a Wii.
Marty @ Sep 13th 2006 2:49PM
It will cost a months rent for PS3
You like FPSes get 360
If your overly fat
And you care about that
Then get off your lazy ass with a Wii
and a neutral one
One called their next console PS3
The other said how about 360
Nintendo gave in
The name Wii would win
And this console war ended our E3
matthew @ Sep 13th 2006 2:48PM
It's Xbox 360 and Wii
That I choose for some console buggery
Had enough of Ken
Am done with Sony
and I'm not even getting paid for my joystiqery.
Jay @ Sep 13th 2006 7:56PM
There are these two companies from Japan
Who in this console war do what they can
They spread rumors and hate
Making most people wait
While us Xbox owners remain fans
Kevin @ Sep 13th 2006 2:50PM
He is a champion among others so much that he is monstrous and big,
Compared to him, others are minuscule and the size of a twig,
He is so advanced and awesome he can produce lattés for a swig,
He has content and hardware the size of a pear,
His competitors are small enough to nestle in-between your hair,
No silly, I'm not talking about the PS3, his name is Billy ;)
bassbeast @ Sep 13th 2006 2:49PM
I'm going for the triple-decker!
*ahem*
There once was a console whose late
Arrival made fanboys irate.
It's called PS3
But hey, we've got Wii
Whose controller one can masturbate.
There's also the Xbox 360
Whose problems were finally fixed-y.
(The pow'r brick eplosions,
In-stock number erosions
And launch line-up opinions mixed-y.)
But soon shall come the day
When all consoles are coming our way.
They'll release all their gear.
But the real winners here?
All the bastards who'll sell them on eBay.
copa @ Sep 13th 2006 2:51PM
The professor wailed, "Why do you ban
me from teaching the saga of man?
Is it that I tattle
Of historical battle
With large crabs in feudal Japan?"
Paul P. @ Sep 13th 2006 2:53PM
Sony seems like they can't win,
they fumble again and again,
competition is tough,
some folks have had enough,
and are threatening to switch to big N.
That was my main entry. Please lay out in the opening post if more than one entry is allowed.
exy @ Sep 13th 2006 2:55PM
Here goes:
As we patiently waited through summer,
engrossed in the console war thunder,
could we last through the hype,
and the fanboyish tripe,
to be saved by an Italian plumber?