TGS: DOAX2 passes the "one hand" test

Let's be honest: there is no reason to play Dead or Alive Xtreme 2 other than to gawk at the pixelated softcore porn. The gameplay is Xtremely simplistic to the point of boredom. With that perspective in mind, we can safely say that DOAX2 is easily playable using only one hand (we'll let you make the next logical step about what your idle hand can do).

We first tried our hand (har har) at the main game. With our middle and index finger we moved around our bubbly player, and our thumb moved between A and B buttons. To our knowledge, the shoulder buttons serve no purpose -- that, or they weren't needed to return the serves.

After that we moved on to water sports. The Jet Ski minigame (image after the break) is a simplified Wave Race. You move between yellow and red buoys trying to stay in between in order to earn boosts, which is not hard to do as the buoys are widely spread apart. Again, our fingers used the joystick to turn. This time, A is accelerate and B moves the camera in front of you so you can stare at the player's other assets to make sure no one is tailing you. Because of the buttons' respective placement, we could simply lay our thumb down on both A and B at same time, saving us the effort of having to win the race in order to gaze longingly into the racer's exaggerated cleavage.

Controlling your character takes about as much effort as fast forwarding through dialogue on a Skinemax film, which is only appropriate. DOAX2 fails as a game, but passes admirably as an interactive wet dream.


Curious readers DOAX2 is also right-hand compatible (photographic proof not shown).