Cybering night elves is cheating, but will you stop?

by Vladimir Cole { Oct 2nd 2006 at 10:33AM }

Any gamer who's been playing massively multiplayer online games for a while has come across (?!) a couple of wood elves entwined in passionate embrace in an abandoned treehouse in Kelethin or has stumbled upon a pair of night elves deep in some abandoned mine grinding out more than just a few quests.

For some, cybersex and MMOGs just go together -- virtual trysts seem a natural extension of living in a fantasy world.

But be warned: you're flirting with danger. if you've got a real-world partner it's cheating, according to psychologist Dr. Janet Hall, who specializes in relationship counseling. "As soon as secret, intimate, emotional or physical information is shared, it's cheating," she told The Age.

Tags: cybersex, eq, mmo, mmog, mmorpg, world of warcraft, wow

Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)

Destro @ Oct 2nd 2006 10:39AM

If you're cybering on a MMOG, what's the chance you actual have a real life girlfriend in the first place?

Psaakyrn @ Oct 2nd 2006 10:48AM

I guess it depends on context, BUT unless you're a trained professional (e.g. acting profession) it's unlikely you can truely tune your mind to treat it completely as an Roleplay/Acting, without any influence on your RL self. Not impossible, but most people won't be able to handle it.

Speaking from experience: the furry fandom has a lot of lures, but unless you don't have such a high standard of relationships, which granted is more common within the furry fandom, you'll likely run the same chances of being self-burned when realisation sets in. Of cause, the alternative is that you don't really see your RL mate as that important, and if so, shame on you.

Of cause there's the possibility that you are indeed single. It's a free market then, but just note that like a one-night stand, you shouldn't expect relationships to develope to anything more than being friends, unless you actually have other interactions to properly judge character.

brit @ Oct 2nd 2006 10:48AM

irrelevant to this story, but it's been bugging me...
what does PWNED mean?!

geves @ Oct 2nd 2006 10:55AM

"As soon as secret, intimate, emotional or physical information is shared, it's cheating," wtf!?

lock yourselves in your homes and never answer the phone unless it's your significant other.

don't make eye contact unless it's with your lover.

don't tell your friends if you get attacked by a dog.

human contact in all forms is cheating. where a tinfoil hat, astronaut suit, and live in a bubble. only come out if your signifcant other says it's ok.

and women can have no friends. considering that they all share this kind of stuff with their female friends. i guess that makes all women lesbians? hooray?

this "doctor" needs a savage beating. not only for being a moron, but also for trying to define something that she clearly makes money on.

Psaakyrn @ Oct 2nd 2006 10:55AM

to #3 brit

Wikipedia to the rescue: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pwned

Psaakyrn @ Oct 2nd 2006 11:09AM

to #4 geves
------
cyber

To have cybersex.

(1997-06-21)
The Free On-line Dictionary of Computing, © 1993-2005 Denis Howe
------
cy‧ber‧sex /ˈsaɪbərˌsɛks/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[sahy-ber-seks] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
–noun
any sexual activity, display, or discussion engaged in by means of a computer.
[Origin: 1985–90]
Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.0.1)
Based on the Random House Unabridged Dictionary, © Random House, Inc. 2006.
------
Do I need to elaborate how cybering is different from mere eye-contact, or would this be sufficient for you to see how wrong your arguement is?

32_Footsteps @ Oct 2nd 2006 11:12AM

You know, if a married person really wants to cyber over good ol' fashioned intercourse, the sensible option would be to just get your spouse to also try the MMO. That way, you have your cake and eat it too.

Thomas Crymes @ Oct 2nd 2006 11:13AM

4. You are exaggerating the doctor's point.

No one ever said, being attracted to another is cheating.

What is being said is that if you are emotionally and intimately invested in another person, it classifies as cheating.

One person could do it and treat it like a porn mag and it wouldn't be cheating.

Another person could do it, and truly be invested in that person. In that case it would be cheating.

Is seeing a prostitute cheating? I'd say that is mostly a no unless you are emotionally invested. Of course that is from a guy's perspective.

This is all on a case by case basis. Most of the time, if it feels like you are doing something wrong, you probably are.

Things like this do blur the line because only you know what is inside your head. If you think about an on-line person all the time and can't wait to see them on-line, then maybe you are "cheating."

geves @ Oct 2nd 2006 11:17AM

@ Psaakyrn

you obviously took my post much too seriously. it was tounge in cheek, or did you think my tinfoil hat/astronaut suit comment was being serious as well.

"don't tell your friends if you get attacked by a dog"

yes this comment was also in favor of my "argument".

and in case your sarcasm meter is broken as well. that was sarcasm.

Thomas Crymes @ Oct 2nd 2006 11:30AM

geves,

You have an odd sense of humor. I interpreted it as an attack on the author laced with sarcastic statements. I never got the impression that you were just having fun.

Psaakyrn @ Oct 2nd 2006 11:38AM

to #9 geves

There's absolutely no difference between your post, and an idiot who misunderstands the topic and exaggarates what he/she deems as "failures in judgement". Which basically means your post fails at sarcasm. A good parody makes it clear that it is indeed joking, as opposed to straightforward bashing, which is all your previous post seems to be.

Summary: Learn to type sarcastic posts well, or you will likely to be seen as an idiot.

KYDS3K @ Oct 2nd 2006 11:47AM

@Thomas Crymes:

"Is seeing a prostitute cheating? I'd say that is mostly a no unless you are emotionally invested. Of course that is from a guy's perspective."

uhh, don't mess it up for the rest of us, dude - just because you're not takin the stripper out to dinner and an art show doesn't mean you're not cheating on your SO. cheating has a mental AND physical aspect.

Frexy Q. @ Oct 2nd 2006 12:04PM

Actually, there's a law here in Belgium which really does look upon Cybersex/Cyberflirting as cheating. People going to date sites just for a flirt for example, is a legal reason to ask for a devorce if the partner feels offended in such a case. And of course, when doing stuff like that, you yourself might miss some things in your personal life...

Although I don't really know if we can equalize MMO with dating sites...
But, I sure can understand the partner'll feel offended when he/she finds out...

Psaakyrn @ Oct 2nd 2006 12:05PM

to #12 KYDS3K

Not that I agree entirely with Thomas Crymes, but there is a difference between cybersex and conventional prostitution. Conventional prostitution is almost entirely physical, while cybersex is a combination of both. To a person who sees mental relationships as proper relationships, one could argue that seeing prostitutes isn't exactly cheating, especially if it is entirely one-way.

However cybersex, due to the way it involves mental capacities, is almost impossible to ignore the mental aspects of relationships when doing such. Cybersex, unlike seeing prostitutes, actually must involve communication (of cause you could technically have cybersex where your partner types everything, but then there wouldn't be a difference between that and a customized novel).

Again, I do repeat that I don't really agree with treating relationships as purely mental, but it doesn't mean that it is definately wrong to do so.

zazzawazza @ Oct 2nd 2006 12:06PM

If the headline's about cybering night elves why the picture of the Banshee? (Sylvanus Windrunner technically a banshee).

P.S

I may be sad but I'm right

Arturis @ Oct 2nd 2006 12:07PM

I know Im showing my "geekness" but its interesting that the post keeps referring to hot Night Elf nookie, yet the picture they chose for it is an Undead woman. Innocent mistake or Subliminal Necrophelia?

-Arturis

Ive Been Jipped @ Oct 2nd 2006 12:08PM

@32_Footsteps

I know a couple who actually do this - she's at uni, he's at 'home', they both play Warcraft together. Kinda sad, kinda sweet, definitely different. I guess the issue that prevents more couples play together is needing two PCs to do so.

cringer8 @ Oct 2nd 2006 1:02PM

The comments should have stopped at #1. Destro nailed it. No one that gets *that* into a role playing game has a girlfriend (or, if they do, they won't for long).

So, don't worry about it. No one cares what you're doing with your life if you're an MMORPG player.

Finished Law School @ Oct 2nd 2006 1:54PM

Dr. Janet Hall sounds bitter and jealous.
And if you came across an elf who looked like that who would not cheat on their girlfriend/wife?

Robyn Tippins @ Oct 2nd 2006 5:12PM

A good test is if you'd be cool with your girl getting cybered in a similar fashion.

If you would be ok with that, you probably don't really have a girlfriend anyway so it doesn't matter.

SimianJones @ Oct 2nd 2006 9:10PM

As someone that has been on both sides of the fence, it is definitely cheating, 100%, and anyone that tries to say otherwise is just in denial and is probably cheating or has come close enough to it online that they felt a wee bit of guilt.

I've cheated on girlfriends both r/l and online and there are *far* more similarities than there are differences between the two. The second you hide the screen or chat logs is when it's cheating.

Another good test is to ask yourself how you'd feel if your partner was doing the exact same thing, like #20 said. Even people in poly relationships struggle with those things sometimes. Is she really going off to study or is she sneaking to a wifi spot to hot chat on IRC, AIM, a MMO or any of a hundred other ways to get your cyber on. Just because your partner doesn't play a MMO doesn't mean they're not cheating either. Cybering was going on long before any MMO or Second Life. AIM and IRC or even playing checkers on Yahoo Games was a good way to hook up.

Lastly, cheating happens online for the exact same reasons people cheat in r/l, it rarely has anything to do with how hot, interesting, fun, etc. your partner is. It's usually because you want to try something new or your current partner isn't seeing to your needs. I cybered quite a few times with a very attractive married lady whose husband was the classic all American, good looking six-packed man. That didn't do her a lot of good though since he was always busy doing other things, so I got to enjoy her idle time.

It's cheating, plain and simple.

The ZeroCorpse @ Oct 2nd 2006 10:59PM

"Cheating" is a concept held only by people who believe it's OK to treat other people as if they're your property. Every person is a sovereign being, and can live their life and use their own body as they see fit. It's not your significant other's business what you do with your body.

Puritans and their weird rules.

Thomas Crymes @ Oct 3rd 2006 9:32AM

I wasn't endorsing prostitution or anything of the like. I'm just saying I can understand, from some guy's perspectives, how a sexual act can be nothing more than a physical release.

I personally couldn't do it. Sex is best with an emotional investment. I think that if you feel the need for some type of physical/cyber release, there is probably something wrong in the relationship.