Spies report that the enemy has returned our salvo!
by Vladimir Cole 
{ Oct 8th 2006 at 1:01AM }
G. Karber thinks he's funny. Actually, he might be right, based on our experience with his awesome text-based adaptation of Pong. But before you go and waste 30 seconds playing the game, read our review, in the style of "new games journalism:"
- Karber's Pong is really rad! It has sweet grafix and when you win with your mouse it makes you're score higher! LoL!
- We give it a 10. But since it's free, we give it a 11! Our review goes to 11! LoL!
- You can make three moves. (1) Move your mouse up to click on "Move the great paddle up!" and then click your left mouse button and then wait a moment and then you will move the paddle up. (2) Move your mouse to click on "Hold the paddle steady!" and then click your left mouse button and then wait a moment and then you will keep the paddle steady! (3) Move your mouse to click on "Lower the paddle!" and then click your left mouse button and then wait a moment and then you will move the paddle down! The controls are very intuitive and show the potential for the innovative control scheme that comes with personal computers.
- It is PC and Apple Macintosh compatible!
- This is one you don't want to miss.
- LoL!
[Via Retroblast]
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
dauthi @ Oct 8th 2006 1:12AM
I can't.. can't.. Man this game is so difficult, I wish I knew how to read.
Blink @ Oct 8th 2006 1:13AM
LooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooL!!!!1111111oneoneoneshiftoneonesoenasohnoes
Redbeard @ Oct 8th 2006 1:22AM
I went to Junior High and elementary school with Karber. I was actually around for the conceptualization and execution of Text Based Pong, which was created while we were in Junior high. Actually I think the idea was born during football practice. I f I remember correctly.
Anonononomous @ Oct 8th 2006 1:41AM
Playing this while inebriated is a bit of a pain.
Chris @ Oct 8th 2006 2:53AM
That was entirely too easy.
Oh, and "It has sweet grafix and when you win with your mouse it makes you're score higher!" I was unaware that I am a score.
Tom @ Oct 8th 2006 2:07AM
"All indications indicate that the ball is headed for above us!" Hahaha so retarded!
Superdotman @ Oct 8th 2006 2:33AM
Bullet points? New games journalism doesn't subject itself to such frivolities. The bullet is more dead than the magazine! Use an asterisk, or even better, a lowercase O.
Bsaw @ Oct 8th 2006 2:52AM
So are you guys in charge of Joystiq going to get around to firing Vladimir Cole anytime soon? Please do. Most everything he writes has been shit for a long time, from that terrible Wii article till now.
It's clear that Vladmir knows absolutely nothing about the typical style of NGJ (no LOL's, but a lot more rambling inconsequential personal stories), nor that it has been completely dead for about 2 years now. Good job incompetently satirising something that's already dead and irrelevant.
Pince @ Oct 8th 2006 3:07AM
Bsaw,
I highly doubt that Joystiq makes their decisions on who to employ based on your opinions. True, you are a valued reader and poster. But, you also sound whiny and arrogant (I don't know you personally, so I apologize for my assumptions, but you really did sound that way) and I think it is highly unlikely that you are having any effect on the power that be at Joystiq, other than mild annoyance, if they even bothered to read your post.
Lots of people have bitched about various Joystiq posters, including Vlad, for far worse things than this article, which is a simple light hearted joke with a bit of information about a game in it. Leave it alone. If Vlad had committed some terrible offense here, you would have a point, but he didn't.
If you really think Vlad blows, then you should be confident that eventually he will post something that is outright stupid and offensive or something like that. So lay off of the trivial stuff, like this post. Its just a bit of fun. Go easy on the guy.
drsilverworm @ Oct 8th 2006 9:28PM
I knew there would be a comment like Bsaws. Since when is ripping on Vlad's posts the fashionable thing to do here? If you guys can wake up and look at the main page, the majority of all posts are by vladimir cole! Asside from the occassional piece of humor, he does have many quality legit articles.
And if you want him fired, bickering about it in the comments area is not the way to go, bloggers intentially write to garner as many comments as possible.
Mike @ Oct 8th 2006 4:08AM
Seriously, all of you guys who keep bitching about Vlad with the apparent aim of getting him fired by the "guys in charge of Joystiq" should probably go read through the wikipedia entry for Joystiq and take note of the fact that he's the Senior Editor, and has been for more than a year now.
And they could stand to clean up some of the spelling and grammar in that Pong game.
MO @ Oct 8th 2006 5:32AM
I think it's very egotistical and idiotic of you to think that you, Bsaw, think that Vlad should be fired just because you don't like his posts. So he's a bit temperamental. Well, this is a blog and he's allowed to speak his mind. What I find funny is not so much what he says but that the fact that people argue all over this site about an editor as if this is your life, that it matters to anyone but yourself.
And as it say's in Mike's post, Vlad is the Senior Editor.
Cabcru @ Oct 8th 2006 9:49AM
First sentence. PotKettle.
Hiro Protagonist @ Oct 8th 2006 11:43AM
I sent a tip for this like, last year.
What happened Joystiq?
You guys need to pay more attention.
JM @ Oct 8th 2006 12:17PM
I think this is totally awesome. Perhaps those of you who are complaining that it was around a year ago should have posted it on your blogs a year ago and then invented a time machine to go forward in time to find me and tell me to read your blog in the past. Also, if you are in the future reading this, and you do invent a time machine, make sure you also prepare a powerpoint presentation on how to use bloglines for my past self to watch because I don't think I was into RSS 1 year ago.
As for the people calling for Joystiq to terminate Vlad, I agree, but for different reasons. I don't want to go into too much detail, but I am fairly sure that Vlad is in fact a vampire (because of his name), a Republican (because of his (suspected) (by me) connections to Jack Abramoff), and he may have slept with one or more of our wives. Did you really think you could get away with it Vlad? I have PI photos and video of you and my wive going into a seedy motel.
Josh @ Oct 8th 2006 1:17PM
LAWL
Lucretius @ Oct 8th 2006 1:24PM
And as with most games, this one can be hacked. Start playing a while then check your address bar...
http://www.karber.net/textbased/pong/pong.asp?u=1&r=0&h=0
u=1 is your score and r=0 is right's. So if put this into the address bar: http://www.karber.net/textbased/pong/pong.asp?u=99&r=0&h=0
I'll be 99 on him...LAWLZ! :-P
PhantomVI @ Oct 8th 2006 7:01PM
I think Bsaw is the only person capable of losing this game.
DG @ Oct 8th 2006 7:11PM
This text game is way funnier than any graphs.
Brad Mecoli @ Oct 8th 2006 11:53PM
Excellent, the left paddle has needed a leader like you for a long time. With your help, we may just be able to destroy the evil enemy that is the -->left
Brad Mecoli @ Oct 8th 2006 11:56PM
.....
note to self: don't use left angle brackets in a Joystiq comment post
truthSHIFT @ Oct 9th 2006 10:03AM
Vlad, do you have any idea what New Games Journalism is? Are you referencing some form of NGJ that I haven't seen before?
Michael @ Nov 8th 2006 4:46AM
After reading your posts and laughing my ass off, I've come to the conclusion you've probably spent more time arguing about this review of text-based pong than the author spent coding it. I don't know who this Vlad guy is, but he's sparked a pleasant 10 minutes that forms the cherry on the cake that was playing text-based pong.