It may often appear as if our weekly Japanese sales posts are created in furious, spur-of-the-moment bursts of insanity and poor grammar. You may picture us simply sitting down in an office chair, rapidly assaulting our trusty keyboards and then committing the results to the pulsating tubes of the internets. This picture is worth only a single word -- and the word is wrong. We do not have office chairs (only hammocks), the process is by no means rapid (we use DVORAK) and we have something vaguely resembling quality control.- DS Lite: 124,137
150,252 (54.76%)- PS2: 28,264
3,728 (11.65%)- PSP: 21,050
4,269 (16.86%)- Xbox 360: 2,101
94 (4.28%)- GBA SP: 1,532
279 (15.41%)- Game Boy Micro: 1,273
170 (15.41%)- Gamecube: 488
35 (6.70%)- DS Phat: 260
7 (2.77%)- GBA: 12
2 (20.00%)- Xbox: 8
5 (166.67%)Indeed, the final sales post you see often comes at the cost of several other initially brilliant ideas that are eventually rejected for one reason or another. It's a process of refinement, of finding the entertaining concept amidst a myriad of lesser creations. Learn all about what could have happened today after the break (you'll thank us later).
[Source: Media Create]
Unaltered Numbers Edition
But of course, the numbers are actually altered to a large degree and hilarity, as they say, ensues. The sales chart is completely thrown into disarray when the Xbox shifts to the top, the DS Lite plummets to the bottom and the Gizmondo, which has been mysteriously absent since the chart's existence, calmly views the chaos from somewhere in the middle. Readers keep waiting for the "gotcha" revelation later on in the post, but it never comes and they're left with completely false information! What a laugh.
Diana Ross Edition
This entire idea is painfully birthed for no other reason than to allow the use of a "chain reaction" joke with regards to the DS Lite. On a universal scale, the idea is deemed so offensively stupid that fate believes it necessary for Earth to be destroyed immediately. Moments before the planet is sucked into a black hole, the post author realizes that his actions and thoughts have, in fact, caused a chain reaction. It would have been funny, but being crushed into atoms tends to remove the fun from most activities.
Chart Contest Edition
After securing highly desirable prizes (read: dubious coupons) from a local Kids "R" Us, the Japanese sales chart becomes a platform for a new Joystiq competition. The only thing required from readers is that they guess which marvelous electronic device will be at the top of the next week's sales chart.
Altered Numbers Edition
A clever spin on the previously detailed Unaltered Numbers Edition. The entire post strongly alludes to the numbers being completely false. It has a tacky, comedic tone. At one point, the text actually forms an elbow and shatters your ribs. The numbers are quite obviously altered. But. They're. Not. Paranoia reigns, fanboys go on a rampage and the internet pulls itself apart as it tries to validate the authenticity of the numbers. They're important.
Media Create Presents Edition
The staff members of Media Create, the providers of the initial and starkly arrow-less sales charts, grow tired of only being attributed as a mere "source." Sure, Joystiq does the extra difference and percentage calculations, but they are no longer content with working their fingers to the bone and their calculators to the whatever's inside a calculator ... for nothing. The weekly posts are officially named "Media Create Presents Japanese Sales Charts in Association with Joystiq." Since everybody at Media Create is Japanese, however, the posts are all in a language that most Joystiq readers don't understand. Eventually, Joystiq is completely taken over by them and it becomes an exclusively Eastern blog, Joystiku.
Karate Lemur Attack from Outer Space Edition
In an effort to come up with the wackiest Japanese sales post yet, the author devises an endlessly amusing yet completely non-sensical title. Unfortunately, he completely fails to come up with any matching content for the post itself and includes nothing but the numbers. Despite showing so much initial promise, it goes down as one of the worst posts in the history of the series.
Rejected Edition Edition
Uncomfortably pretentious, unbearably forced and embarassingly self-referential, this edition presents several invented and "rejected" editions that were supposedly scrapped in the concept stages. The handful of readers that actually make it to the end are struck with inescapable regret and the feeling that the author just didn't try very hard at all.
