What Nintendo, Sony, and Microsoft really meant to say

by Blake Snow { Nov 27th 2006 at 10:15PM }

Australia's Screen Play cuts the crap and hypothetically dishes up what Nintendo, Sony, and Microsoft marketing would really say if products didn't need glamorization, and PR fluff didn't exist. Here's a snippet from the refreshingly honest yet bogus interview, if that's even possible:

What is the future of interactive entertainment?

Nintendo: Lots of Mario and Zelda games, obviously, and lots of waving your arms about, just as long as our engineers can come up with a stronger wrist strap. All these lawsuits from people with smashed TVs are going to cost us a fortune. Lucky we don't support those fancy high-def tellies...
Sony: Whatever we say it will be. The future doesn't start until we say it does.
Microsoft: Halo 3. And 4. And 5's going to be a real killer. It might even have a proper ending. Just don't talk about the movie, OK? The guy who wears our Master Chief suit is really shattered that he has to go back to in-store appearances at EB and Walmart instead of being directed by Peter Jackson.

We laugh because it's funny, and yet we laugh because it's true.

[Thanks JB Cougar]

Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)

Bearded Justice @ Nov 27th 2006 10:22PM

I hate things that cost a fortunate... :) might wanna fix that.

Storm9 @ Nov 27th 2006 10:38PM

LOL! Soooo True!

PTT @ Nov 27th 2006 10:40PM

Isn't that Sony comment what they're CURRENTLY ACTUALLY saying over at Sony PR, and in fact, would have us believe? I'd rather think that the bull-plop-less commend would actually be something like this:

Sony: Oh man, we said what? THAT many huh? At launch? Hmm, kay, hang on, I'll be right with 'ya, just gotta go handle this... man, can't get anything done lately...

I pretty much agree with their other comments. I'm a Nintendo-camp person.

Exo @ Nov 27th 2006 10:41PM

pretty sure that Nintendo isn't at fault for retards swinging their arms to hard. if you are stupid enough to swing that hard, then you deserve to not have a tv anymore

CYRiX @ Nov 27th 2006 10:42PM

NOT NEWS

footlong! @ Nov 27th 2006 10:52PM

I know it's a joke but I still don't like the shot at halo. If you were poking fun at the xbox's (former) dependance on it, like so many often do, that'd be ok. But to act like its a cash cow on par with the 50ish marios or final fantasies kinda pisses me off. Again, I know its a joke, i'm just an overeactive fanboy who's trying to vent without being incoherent.

Kevin @ Nov 27th 2006 11:01PM

People can't sue Nintendo for their broken TVs.

Well, they can try anyway.

Scott @ Nov 27th 2006 11:01PM

It is Nintendos fault for having a shitty wrist strap

Huzzah!! @ Nov 27th 2006 11:07PM

"cost us a fortunate."

*laughs at writer's inability to use simple english*

Optimus Rhyme @ Nov 27th 2006 11:12PM

I have no desire to see whatever show spouts this kind of nonsense.

Kevin @ Nov 27th 2006 11:18PM

#8, Your HAND is supposed to hold the Wiimote, not the wrist strap.

Einhanderkiller @ Nov 27th 2006 11:34PM

#11, still, they could've made the wrist strap stronger.

Kevin @ Nov 28th 2006 12:26AM

I don't even use the wrist strap, so whatever :P

fahmi @ Nov 28th 2006 12:36AM

#11

well, if your air bag fails to open in an auto-accident you can't sue your automaker, you suppose to drive safely. but they got sued anyway. lol at your logic.

Kevin @ Nov 28th 2006 12:39AM

#15

You're comparing a Wiimote to a deadly car accident.

I love your logic too.

fahmi @ Nov 28th 2006 12:46AM

i love how you fail at reasoning. strap on wii works as 'safety net' for the remote. so it wont fly off off your hand if your hand fails at grasping it tightly (yerp, it's an accident). same goes with car. air bag is the safety net just in case accident happens.

what's so hard about logic? does fanboyism kills your brain cells?

Mythor @ Nov 28th 2006 3:59AM

If this is "Australia's" Screen Play, why is there a reference to Walmart? We don't *have* Walmart here, as far as I can recall...

Burnt Meatloaf @ Nov 28th 2006 4:53AM

@Scott: ...and selling rubber grips seperately.

They put textures on tools, handles on spoons, and grips on everything else, but the handy Wiimote... gets a glossy, smooth finish, 'cause it looks cool. Listen to them boast about their profits at launch, and give people a thread of yarn for a "strap."

Alecks @ Nov 28th 2006 8:06AM

Hahaha. Man, This site gives you a piece of what you're suppose to go "hahahaha omg so true" instead people get offended and start trying to defend themselves. Now I'm laughing at two things- the idiots that compose this community and this story. hahahaha, Oh and let me remind half the people here- you don't work for none of these companies; Stop trying to defend them- wait till you get a paycheck for it. :)

SecondChance @ Nov 28th 2006 8:18AM

Funny, I thought ol' JB Cougar had been banned from Joystiq. Interesting.

Revo @ Nov 28th 2006 7:10PM

"5. NOT NEWS"

NOT A NEWS SITE

Diahrrea Man @ Nov 28th 2006 9:31PM

I'm a Ninty fan and I agree with that quote. It's so honest. But hey! It's not a bad thing. Bring on the Marios and Zeldas, I'll play 'em. But, I don't think its fair to bash Halo for being used as a cash cow. Mario, Zelda, and FF are cash cows, I lost count of how many I have at home. Oh well, back to playing FF-III. :)

STILL WAITING FOR GOLDEN SUN 3 DAMMIT!