The most painful looking Wii injury to date

by Blake Snow { Dec 11th 2006 at 3:15PM }

We (still) have a Wii problem despite stronger controller straps as once again we're reminded that common sense does not come standard when playing Wii. Just read the below account as one guy gets hopped-up on liquid courage and allegedly nails his girlfriend in the eye while playing Zelda resulting in the purple growth monstrosity you see above. Amazingly, it was followed by a smile instead of a night on the sofa.

In the boyfriend's own words: "After guzzling a copious amount of 'wife beater' (Stella Artois), I returned home to find the girlie in mid battle with a Zelda 'Boss'. In my inebriated state, it was instinctual to become her knight in shining armour. I proceeded to take the controllers off her and fight the beast myself. Unfortunately, my courage was far greater than my skill. Having taken a good kicking, Liz then tried to intervene with disastrous results. She approached me from the side, appearing from my blind spot, whilst I was performing a slashing movement. I hit her with full force right in her eye!"

For reals? Possibly, but if the dude wasn't swinging the remote with his left hand hitting her in the right eye, someone has some explaining to do.

Reader Comments (Page 1 of 2)

qbix @ Dec 11th 2006 3:19PM

Ok, that does it. I'm getting a Wii.

Mat @ Dec 11th 2006 3:21PM

That smile just screams: "My boyfriend isn't getting any for a while"

Marty @ Dec 11th 2006 3:21PM

Great,
"It happened while playing Wii" has become the new, "I fell down the stairs!"

ncdign @ Dec 11th 2006 3:22PM

Does this replace the "I fell down the stairs." excuse?

HUGECOOL @ Dec 11th 2006 3:22PM

lol. Wife beater. Nice excuse. You hear that?? That's the sound of a stampede of wife beaters rushing out to buy Wiis. :l

"IT WAS THE WII!! BLAME THE WII!!!"

Todd @ Dec 11th 2006 3:26PM

Heh, that's a good story. I wonder if the serious truth is that he was beating her and decided to use the Wii as a good excuse to explain her injuries.

"Honestly occifer, I wasn't smacking her around. It was my Wii, my WII!"

Shagi @ Dec 11th 2006 3:27PM

But can hillariously disfiguring injuries really make up for the last gen graphics and dumbed down gameplay?

chenry @ Dec 11th 2006 3:30PM

y'know, it only takes a flick of the wrist to swing a sword in Zelda.

elnico @ Dec 11th 2006 3:33PM

@7 why do you feel the need to constantly put the wii down? ok, you don't like it, we get it. it's just like all those fanboys who need to state that x-product sucks or is overrated in a post where others discuss how they like it. you're going against the trend, and you're being cool for that, we get it.

Daniel @ Dec 11th 2006 3:39PM

Not when you're drunk, chenry. That requires full-out aerobics.

mugs @ Dec 11th 2006 3:40PM

Why would he have to have been using his left hand? She could have been on his right side with her body rotated 90 degrees to the left, and he would have hit her in the same place with his right hand.

Oro @ Dec 11th 2006 3:41PM

Science damn you, Marty. You took the exact words that I was going to post and then posted them before me.

Flit @ Dec 11th 2006 3:44PM

That is huge! Is the Wiimote still in her eye?

Mike @ Dec 11th 2006 3:49PM

Looks like someone needs to buy a copy of Trauma Center.

Shagi @ Dec 11th 2006 3:51PM

elnico,

I get it, your horrible at video games and you want a system where random gestures and laggy controls decide who wins instead of actual gaming skill. There is a market for the Wii, for all the Wiiners who don't like games beacuse they lose all the time, now you have an equal chance to get lucky as the next guy and win.

I can't wait for Wii bingo, that should be a perfect fit for the system.

Jseven @ Dec 11th 2006 3:52PM

HAHAHA It looks like Photoshop to me!! Zelda only requires a flick to the wrist...It could've been believable if it was playing wii sports. =)

FrankTheCrank @ Dec 11th 2006 3:53PM

I predicted this very thing a couple of days ago...

Holy crap!

Look at the dumb smile on her face. That's the look of insecurity.

kodec @ Dec 11th 2006 3:57PM

'Shopped.

Quaddw @ Dec 11th 2006 3:58PM

Actually it oculd have still resulted:
^
|
[Guy]

crono141 @ Dec 11th 2006 4:02PM

elnico

Don't feed the troll. Shagi is a textbook, or at least wikipedia definition of an internet troll. Just ignore him, he makes an ass of himself without your help.

elnico @ Dec 11th 2006 4:04PM

wii bingo sounds awesome, it would probably sell to the geriatric crowd as did the brain age for the ds.

where do you come off being such a elitist ass? you don't like the wii, ok, fine. does it make you feel better to put other people down, accuse them of sucking at gaming, etc etc. and you are correct, there is a market for the wii: people who have friends and aren't elitist gaming a-holes. i own an xbox360 and pretty much every system released since 1994. in the past three weeks, guess which system has come out whenever my friends and family dropped by and made the party last into the early morning.

yes, i do want a system where people who suck at gaming will enjoy it, because i can finally game with my girlfriend, my mother, my father, and my little nieces and nephews who haven't developed the manual dexterity yet to us e traditional controllers.

now, shoo.. away with you troll

Dralthi @ Dec 11th 2006 4:08PM

I seriously would like to see how these idiots play their Wii games. None of the games available require this much use of force when performing the gestures. I guess it doesn't help to be stone-cold drunk while playing either. But, this is just a perfect example of modern stupidity hard at work!

Mal F4cti0n @ Dec 11th 2006 4:11PM

She approached from his right, he was swinging across his body from the left to the right. He hit her in the right eye as he continued the swing from across his body to behind him.

Now make the motion and see how it got her right eye.

Blind spots are on either side of you, basically at the ends of your peripheral vision.

LordMinogue @ Dec 11th 2006 4:12PM

Laggy play is a function of connecion speed, not hardware. I just finished a Gears match with some French players; I had a horrid game because my bullets lagged a full second. 5 kills, 6 deaths. Bah!

Also, I think I can see a clipping mask running from the bridge of the nose to the middle of the left cheek.

earl of earl @ Dec 11th 2006 4:13PM

"laggy controls decide who wins instead of actual gaming skill. "

Oh no, It's one of those guys who cries "LAG!" every time they lose.

Yeah, the Wii is not the place for you. Seeing as actual physical ability can determine a winner rather than random button combinations.

SymetriX @ Dec 11th 2006 4:14PM

I won't be satisfied until someone manages to impale themselves with the Wii-mote!

Author X @ Dec 11th 2006 4:16PM

Yes, Shagi, there are very different markets for the Wii and the 360. For instance, they're both social gaming machines, but the 360 is for people that like to meet and play games with lots of people online. The Wii, on the other hand, is for people that have REAL LIFE friends to physically interact with!
(I kid, I kid... the 360's a great system, but I couldn't resist... and the Wii really is great for playing real games on your own then getting non-gaming friends to play Wii Sports and Rampage and what not. And no really, elnico, he's obviously just trying to piss you off, and succeeding)

Hugh Mann @ Dec 11th 2006 4:21PM

Hey Shagi, if you had actually played a Wii for more than five minutes then you would know that "random movements" won't get you anywhere. I first thought that just swinging the thing about would cause a standard kind of move on-screen, like what happens when you press a button on a traditional pad. But having played Wii sports, I now know that it actually takes real skill to produce the best results, play it against someone who is good at it and you will get thrashed: therefore the results of the Wiimote movements are NOT random or "laggy".

JodyAnthony @ Dec 11th 2006 4:23PM

my cheers to elnico for that post #21.

Shagi @ Dec 11th 2006 4:23PM

crono , I hope your prepared to be the 'textbook' dissapointed early adopter.

Shagi @ Dec 11th 2006 4:29PM

Elcino,

Are you not being an elitiest ass by telling me that I'm not allowed to post my opinion beacuse it differs from yours?

Most of my friends that don't play games are not looking for a reason to play games. They like to do other things. My grandma would much rather I take her out to go bowling, and my father would certainly rather play catch outside with me. Too bad you don't love them enough to do the things THEY want to do with you, rather than force them to do what you want to do. Elitest pigs!

D-Town @ Dec 11th 2006 4:29PM

Damn you Nintendo, you want to make me believe that you didn't foresee this? Was it SO hard to include a three inch thick padding for the Wiimote and a copy of Dr. Phil's book on building healthy relationships?
There's only one conclusion folks: Wii will fail!

/sarcasm

Killer Dre @ Dec 11th 2006 4:40PM

Okay, I only have one word to say. DAMN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She got a beat down with a Wii-mote.

scientician @ Dec 11th 2006 4:48PM

Shagi,

Elcino was not calling you an elitist ass because your opinions differ.

Elcino was calling you an elitist ass because you are an elitist ass.

Also, why would YOUR grandma love Elcino? Don't dangle your modifiers here.

Tom B. @ Dec 11th 2006 4:50PM

"I walked into a door."
Nope.

"My husband was cleaning his fist and it went off."
Nope.

"We were playing Wii."
Perfect!

Miibody @ Dec 11th 2006 4:54PM

I have seen women take a baseball to the face and come out better looking than that.
You would have to swing pretty damn hard to do damage like that.
I call fake or wifebeater.

Aex @ Dec 11th 2006 4:55PM

@ earl of earl

"Oh no, It's one of those guys who cries "LAG!" every time they lose."

I like to say the computer cheats when I lose, because we all know those computers are cheating bastards! Like in DOA4... Kasumi... CHEATER! Anyways... back on topic.

God Damn, thats a shiner! Imagine Jackey Gleason "POW! Wii to the kisser!"

LaughingMan @ Dec 11th 2006 4:59PM

"7. But can hillariously disfiguring injuries really make up for the last gen graphics and dumbed down gameplay?"

ZING! It's funny cause it's true.

But seriously, how much more convoluted could the boyfriends statement be? "Whilst thou was slaying said beat, mine hands triumphently...." Maybe this year you skip the Renaissance Festival and see a football game instead.

blows @ Dec 11th 2006 5:00PM

I'd hit it ... with a Wii remote!

earl of earl @ Dec 11th 2006 5:05PM

Actually, I was thinking the new term for this could be "Wii-Slap"

"Dude, you totally Wii-slapped your girlfriend."

kb @ Dec 11th 2006 5:09PM

that looks more like a wii boxing injury rather than zelda.

Shagi @ Dec 11th 2006 5:17PM

The only people that would get offended are the Wii lovers. I made a joke and you Wii guys jumped all over me prompting the flame war that has apparently now errupted. If you guys could take criticism against your precious Wii without going balistic everytime someone disagrees with you I'd cut you some slack. It doesn't appear that you can.

Nintendo fans seem to think the Wii is a religion, they certainly treat it as if the only way they can get into heaven is if go out and convert the non-gamers to their cult. Just like Mac users.

If I ran a company I would certainly hire mac/wii users to promote my goods...they can believe their own lies.

Derbeste @ Dec 11th 2006 5:19PM

I think Shagi is the one in the pic.

Kevin @ Dec 11th 2006 5:20PM

I swear, it's like people are injuring themselves on purpose just to get on this wiihaveaproblem website, lol.

SuicideNinja @ Dec 11th 2006 5:24PM

"Laggy play is a function of connecion speed, not hardware. I just finished a Gears match with some French players; I had a horrid game because my bullets lagged a full second. 5 kills, 6 deaths. Bah!"

I think he means laggy controls (problem with Wii FPS), not laggy online play...the Wii doesn't have any games that support online play yet.

And it doesn't have Metroid Prime 3 yet. I won't buy until I get Metroid Prime 3.

Let the unnecessary gesticulation begin!

crono141 @ Dec 11th 2006 5:33PM

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Internet_troll

Can't find a wiki for "dissappointed early adopter". Sorry Shagi.

Andy @ Dec 11th 2006 5:34PM

roflmao "gaming skillz"

The Wii brings out the best in Nintendo zealots and just plain internet nerds.

mountain_rage @ Dec 11th 2006 5:37PM

I foresee a very profitable Nerf Wiimote in the future. Everyone invest in pelican and Nerf.

http://www.joystiq.com/2006/09/28/ps2-controller-has-been-nerfed/

Smokescreen64 @ Dec 11th 2006 5:38PM

people are such dumb f**ks...do they not know NOT to let go of the fuckin WiiMOTE?!?!?!?!?!? I dont give a damn if my strap broke loose, the controller would never leave my hand!!! These people deserve to get fuckin hit and deserve to have their TVs broken!!!!!!!