Fake wiinjuries: they're all the rage
by Ludwig Kietzmann 
{ Dec 12th 2006 at 3:45PM }
The Wii is quickly becoming the deadliest console ever made, with Wii controllers dramatically detaching from wrists and hurtling straight into the nearest television, priceless vase or unprotected grandmother. Other times, the wiimote inflicts massive damage without even leaving the hand, swung wildly through the air with little regards to a friend's head which occupies the same space. Joystiq reader, Anders Akk, today sent us yet another harrowing story of flailing siblings and unexpected clobberings:hey guys, recently got my nintendo wii and have had a really, really bad experience with it. i was playing wii sports boxing with my brother and we were playing in a pretty small room. the idiot go so into the action and tried to side swipe my character when his nunchuk hit me in my right eye. i have an absolutely massive bloody black eye and can hardly even open it. to top it off, about 5 minutes later he was playing on his own when the wii remote shot out of his hand and hit the tv. its only a cheap crt, but he's put a dark patch in it from the impact. anyway, thought i may as well let others get a kick out of my mishaps...
Paired with his photographic evidence, the tale truly is a dreadful one. Dreadful and entirely untrue. Here's the story Anders should have told us:
hey guys, recently got my Wii, but since its being hogged by my brother all the time, i don't have a whole lot to do. so I decided to photoshop (or photochop *lawl*) myself a black eye and then claim that I've had a wii injury. i took a picture of my face and then did a Google image search on "black eye". some guy's face popped up and I cut out his horribly swollen, truly injured eye. next, I flipped the image horizontally, turned it a bit and blended it into my own eye socket. i also photoshopped a mysterious black mark on my CRT TV to top it off. maybe that's too much. anyway, i'm sure you guys will see right through it (you live on the internet, after all) and make a vaguely derisive post about it. i'll get my deeply desired attention and you'll get a funny article. it's a win-win situation, guys!Let that be a lesson to you, employers. Don't let Wiinjuries slide without a doctor's note. As for you, Anders ... might we recommend photoshopping a raw steak onto that eye?
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
wei @ Dec 12th 2006 3:53PM
seriously.. who the hell is this bored that they would waste their life doing something like this for a 15 seconds of attention on the internet? this is sad
Corey @ Dec 12th 2006 3:49PM
haha, what a tool
vidGuy @ Dec 12th 2006 3:51PM
Well I'm of the opinion that real Wii injuries are the result of one of two things:
1) Carelessness
2) Drunkedness
Other tales of woe are lies. Why, you may ask, do I think this? Because my Wii has seen over 100 hours of play and 30-40 players and not one remote has been dropped, not one TV damaged, or one injury sustained.
Wear the strap. Make motions like you are playing a video game, not really swinging a golf club, tennis racket, or baseball bat. Don't drink and play Wii. (False) problem solved.
fredrik dunder @ Dec 12th 2006 4:25PM
SPOILERS: It's not the wii that is deadly, it's the retards that dont know how to play it properly / put on wristband.
Shogan @ Dec 12th 2006 3:59PM
As hard as we've played it here and as many different people as we've had over.... not one person has dropped the Wiimote, and the one time someone got 'hit' was in Tennis. That was nothing more than a bump, not even enough to leave a mark of any kind.
If people are dropping the Wiimotes and getting black eyes, that's just Darwinism at it's finest. Cull the herd.
Yesus @ Dec 12th 2006 3:53PM
Fake wiinjurie_s_
thats only one injurie.
alienwrecker @ Dec 12th 2006 3:55PM
What a bunch of wiidiots.
(why yes, I do think I'm clever)
Magic Ketchup @ Dec 12th 2006 4:20PM
I even suspect these fake injuries were made to give Nintendo a bad name because the Wii is so successful.
Turken @ Dec 12th 2006 4:01PM
Yeah. This guy has no idea how CRT's work, does he. It's possible to distort the image in a local spot with a very strong magnet, but a physical impact on the front of the screen would never leave a dark spot like his "photo" shows.
Justin C @ Dec 12th 2006 4:08PM
I still think that site should be accurately named
www.wiidontknowhowtoholdontoacontroller.com
Kevin @ Dec 12th 2006 4:01PM
Even if you threw your wiimote as hard as you could at a Tube TV, the only thing that would happen is match a little scratch on the TV and an exploding Wiimote.
LunarDuality @ Dec 12th 2006 4:19PM
The worst part of this whole thing though -- you *STILL* put his pictures up to garner the attention of your readers. For shame Joystiq! (^_^)
Grog @ Dec 12th 2006 4:05PM
Now we have a picture of Shagi!
Flit @ Dec 12th 2006 4:06PM
Nice Journalism Joystiq! Way to get to the bottom of it (in sub 1 minute i'm sure). That is a pretty shoddy photoshop too. Makes that grinning girlfriend look all the more unrealistic.
Kenyatta @ Dec 13th 2006 12:43PM
How about we try not to kill ourselves playing the game ppl. Pay attention to the instructions on how to use it. And PLEASE make sure you got some space ppl. DUH!
Otter @ Dec 12th 2006 4:13PM
How about calling them Wiitards?
Spilt_Milk @ Dec 12th 2006 4:23PM
I will not be suprised when it is revealed that a marketing company hired by sony is behind the fake injuries.
seenew @ Dec 12th 2006 4:19PM
@6
I totally agree. I've had tons of people over to play, and not once has anything bad happened. I got hit in the side by my girlfriend while she was boxing, but that was my fault for walking in front of her. I don't see how people are having so much trouble with this.
funkonaut @ Dec 12th 2006 4:32PM
I bet this is the work of a marketing firm hired by Sony...
:-P
Dirk Dorkelson @ Dec 12th 2006 4:36PM
You guys should have a fake Wii injuries PhotoShop contest, a la Fark. Maybe the winner could get a Wiimote and a strap or something.
Omega2k3 @ Dec 12th 2006 4:33PM
Hey, vidGuy, I'm *sure* that's what Nintendo wants us to do.
I think you should read this:
http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2006/11/13
spaceboy @ Dec 12th 2006 4:49PM
to those of you who tell us "swing like youre playing a video game, not a real golf club" is say WHAT IS THE FUN IN THAT! The motion controls are amazingly fun but theyd be fucking lame if i flicked a wrist to bowl.
Here's what i say: stop whining and posting shit on the internet. take it like a (wo)man. my friend sustained a wiinjury last friday. yes we were drunk. yes it hurt. but did he whine? no. he laughed and drank and swang more.
GET OVER YOURSELVES AND BEAT EACHOTHER UP WITH WIIMOTES LIKE MEN! YOU ALL WISH TO BE PIRATES AND OR NINJAS SOMEDAY...PIRATES AND NINJAS DON'T WHINE!!
funkonaut @ Dec 12th 2006 5:12PM
Ketchup beat me to it! Doh!
David @ Dec 12th 2006 4:48PM
This is a job for the mythbusters!
maximoisgood @ Dec 12th 2006 4:48PM
Wii-motes dont hurt people, people hurt people.
Derbeste @ Dec 12th 2006 4:54PM
haha....Way to go, Ludwig! Way to turn his story into swiss cheese! Of truth!
Mark Felps @ Dec 12th 2006 4:59PM
I have punched both my cat and myself in the head with a Wiimote. The cat I can hardly be blamed for as he walked up behind me just as I pulled back to bowl.
Punching myself in the head came about from an overenthusiastic bowling release, wherein I was desperately trying not to spin leftward. I crossed a little to far in, a little fast, and drove the Wiimote and my knuckle into my own temple. No bruising though, just a sense that at 37 a video game injury is going to be hard to explain.
Alan @ Dec 12th 2006 5:01PM
Just a curiosity... how do all of these morons, who've given themselves or their loved one black eyes, or put their Wii-motes through their 2000 dollar plasma TV, manage to do the following age-old activities without putting an eye out or literally killing someone?
1) Brushing teeth
2) Ping Pong
3) Clapping
4) Baseball
5) Aerobics
6) Playing Piano
7) Jumping Rope
8) Frisbee
9) Flying a kite
10) Sleeping
God forbid any of these schmucks should ever pick up a pair of chopsticks.
vidGuy @ Dec 12th 2006 5:12PM
@Omega2k3,
Yeah, that comic's pretty funny. And yes the Wii is a hell of a lot more fun when you get into it. BUT, I'm not saying sit down in a slump if you don't want to. I'm saying, instead of a two-handed, make-you-spin-around-because-you-put-so-much-force-behind-it baseball swing, just do a half swing from your shoulder to about two feet in front of you. Instead of JUMPING to hit a tennis ball, like my girlfriend did the first time she played, remain standing and in control of your body. Instead of boxing like you were really punching somebody, move your hands forward in quick, small jabs.
The system works great. I don't doubt that the remote is more dangerous than your standard controller, which moves through the air only when you throw it in disgust at a boss or something. But the control scheme doesn't cause injuries on its own, as proven by hundreds of thousands of people that have put many hours into it without sustaining injuries.
Jahgah @ Dec 13th 2006 12:52AM
I can tell you first hand being here at a dorm that the Wiimote is definitely a source of injury when crammed into a small room and alcohol is thrown in the mix. That being said it is still a blast. I still play Wii sports and I have LOZ. Sometimes I am just n the mood for some boxing,golf, or baseball. The fact that it was a demo packed in only makes me alot happier that I bought the thing. South Paw boxing is the shiznit (even though I am a righty I still snowboard goofey and fight south paw. Maybe I am Ambi-Dextorous.)
IRhino @ Dec 12th 2006 6:12PM
Does anyone get a sinking feeling that in our litigious society the lawyers are going to take this and run with it?
I can just picture marketing classes in colleges 20 years in the future talking about how a great product was doomed due to unforeseen morons drunkenly flailing about.
Prime @ Dec 12th 2006 6:09PM
Not an injury, but I had my first Wii related Mishap on sunday, I was playing my older brother with the wii sports games, and everything was fine, however when he was pitching on the baseball, he got a little too aggressive.
We were sitting on the bed playing it at the time, and he ended up snapping the bed support when he jumped up while throwing the ball, and landed right on the support. I had to do a quick bit of DIY joining, but the bed is holding.......
Mr. Khan @ Dec 13th 2006 5:31PM
Every time i've TRIED to make a realistic motion in Wii Sports Baseball, i've dicked it up completely
Only by subtle motions have i been able to actually play that game
I don't get how these people get those realistic motions to work
Sockninja@cogeco.ca @ Dec 12th 2006 6:49PM
Y the CRAP are ppl letting go of the freakin remote?! i can understand getting "into" the game... but youve gotta be a serious nut to really believe that your throwing a boomerang...
is @ Dec 12th 2006 7:09PM
Has anyone checked this guys possible connections with sony/related marketing agency?
After the 'all i want for christmas....' stuff, I wouldnt put anything past them...
Grant @ Dec 12th 2006 7:25PM
It really doesn't take all that much to walk into a "Wii Zone of DEATH". I mean i can't believe so many people have thrown the remotes and the straps broke, but i smacked my girlfriend with the remote when she throught she was safely out of reach (and to my side in my blind spot). she got a nice bruise courtesy of my backhand swing in wii tennis. You don't even need to swinging around like a maniac either, i smacked myself in the knee(sitting on my bed) as well just by flicking my wrists in zelda.
Patrick @ Dec 12th 2006 7:45PM
Yeah, that certainly is amazing, considering the glass in a CRT is about three inches thick (I know this because some friends and I took my old 32" Sony out to the desert and shot the hell out of it with a rifle; don't ask). Way to not know anything about what's inside your TV, wiitard.
chenry @ Dec 12th 2006 7:50PM
@ #12 I'm up for that. Wiitards is a good name for these idiots who can't worka simple system.
jp @ Dec 12th 2006 9:52PM
and the ones who spend time figuring this out also have no lives
mike_71 @ Dec 13th 2006 1:18AM
What A LOSER!!! You Anders are the biggest joke on the planet! Faking a Wii Injury? Pathetic beyond all else. Please, please respond to this post and tell us all how were jerks for not believing you. sorry doesnt look like you'll be getting any paypals for this one LOSER! Your mother must hate herself.
Thomas @ Dec 12th 2006 10:32PM
My Aunt hit her dog in the nose the other day when I brought my Wii to a lil get-together.. Mind you my Aunt and Uncle are in their mid-40's and yet I had them just a swingin away.. They loved it..
My Cuz and her Hubby whom, when they seen I had a Wii, said it was gay. In the end they where wanting to play more and even asked how much they went for.. They wanna get one..
But in the 2 weeks Ive had the system.. Many ppl, Gamers and Non-gamers (mostly non) have loved the system.. And in the end Both of my WiiMotes still have the original strap.. My TV is still fine.. No real damage done..
Cant wait for Christmas get-together.. Gunna see if I can get my 70-some Grandma to play.. hehehehe..
Ipsum @ Dec 13th 2006 12:59AM
What? An article about Wii and no predictable comment from Shagi? Maybe he got grounded! *gasp* No dessert for a month for poor Shagi!
Seth @ Dec 19th 2006 8:50AM
Honestly even if Sony is faking Wii injuries it doesn't matter the Wii is just going to end up like the Gamecube anyways.
Eggae @ Dec 21st 2006 4:28PM
i dont know about u guys but my wife hit me on the head while trying to swing her wiimote while playing tennis. (i keep thinking:"did she do that on purpose?")
teenk @ Dec 21st 2006 5:53PM
Spoken like a true Sony fanboi (maybe even a shill?)