Joystiq's Game of the Year
by Ludwig Kietzmann 
{ Jan 1st 2007 at 9:30AM }
Gears of War (Xbox 360)
What the hell just happened? Did we honestly pick Gears of War as the best game of 2006? No, that can't be. The plan was to throw juvenile tantrums and to violently thrash against the machine! To blind the world with an elitist badge and proclaim an innate resistance against games that are both popular and heavily marketed! It's a shooter, for Allard's sake. You shoot things. With guns.
The senseless violence is but one reason to look away from the screen in disgust. The other, as you may have concluded already, is the appalling state of the game's graphics. They make Pong look like an M.C. Escher painting being displayed in a room pumped full of hallucinogenic gas. If you can even discern your pixelated soldier from the flat environment, you'll note how you get repeatedly punished for running blindly into a hail of bullets and neglecting to take "cover." Not only is this completely unrealistic and contrary to modern warfare, it's a needless refinement to a bizarre, self-preservation concept in the genre. See, it's not even a very good shooter.
The complete lack of immersion and excitement carries over into the game's terrible online cooperative mode. Some idiot on your friends list can rudely jump into your game at any point and then proceed to get in your way at every available turn. Multiplayer deathmatch isn't any better, forcing you to work with 3 other buffoons (who can't even circle-strafe or jump) if you hope to succeed.
Add a forgettable MIDI soundtrack, poor pacing and a complete failure to emulate an action film to your considerations, and you become perfectly equipped to answer the pertinent question. Game of the year? Obviously not.
The runners-up are presented (in order) after the break.
The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess (Wii / Gamecube)
Oh please. Stripping you of automatic weapons and strapping you onto a single-horsepower vehicle, Twilight Princess is undoubtedly the most ill-conceived Grand Theft Auto clone released this year. Gone are the cityscapes and gangsters, unflaggingly replaced by fantasy groves and unnervingly polite elves. Indeed, what could have been a breath of fresh air in the sandbox genre turns out to be a garlic-laced belch. Some solace could have been found in the single dominatrix left in the game, had it not been for the giant hand growing out of her head.
Wii Sports (Wii, duh.)
People, these are supposed to be the games of the year, not the tech demos of the year. Ignoring the criminal exclusion of sports like Badminton, Polo and Cricket, it's hard to believe that any gamer would wish to engage in the non-stop flailing that passes for gameplay here. In fact, it's highly unlikely that Joystiq bloggers even managed to wrestle the controller away from grandpa and actually play this shallow mess.
Guitar Hero II (PS2)
No no no. Gimmicky controllers and role-playing games simply don't mix. That statement holds added weight in the face of derivative, on-rails gameplay and the most predictable storyline since Dance Dance Revolution. You're in a band, you play progressively better and you steadily rise to stardom? If you can block out the ancient rock tunes, you might even be able to hear the sound of Steve Tyler rapidly revolving in his grave.
New Super Mario Bros. (DS)
Wow. It uses two entire screens, but New Super Mario Bros. can't even manage proper 3D graphics. That's a full third of the dimensions missing! Further dishonesty can be found in the actual name -- Mario and Luigi are exactly the same characters they've always been. They run, they jump and they slam their heads into bricks. Does this sound like gameplay that would appeal to anybody?
Keep an eye on Joystiq for the rest of the day, as several bloggers will be posting their personal favorites that didn't make the cut. With any luck, their choices will be considerably less abysmal than the ones contained in this mockery of a list.
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 2)
Icupnimpn2 @ Jan 1st 2007 9:45AM
Steven Tyler's dead? What a way to break the news! Have more sensitivity, Kietzmann
Matt @ Jan 1st 2007 9:47AM
Nice list. I don't really care for the sarcastic nature of it. Why not do a real list?
Good games though.
Steve @ Jan 1st 2007 11:03AM
I seriously think Zelda is an overrated game. My wii and zelda has been collecting dust for a few weeks already since the game didn't grasp me enough to continue. (yes, I did try it for a few hours and stop after the water dungeon). I was always an avid fan of zelda but I guess I've outgrown the tedious Zelda gameplay
Filpaul @ Jan 1st 2007 9:51AM
You're 90 Days early.
Insomnia Bob @ Jan 1st 2007 9:52AM
I can't tell if you guys are being sarcastic or stupid. I'd know for sure if Vlad posted this, but I'm just left guessing here.
Johnny Bloom @ Jan 1st 2007 10:03AM
Look, someone's going to bitch about about Steve not liking Zelda. Get over it. I like it. Alot. However, he has his opinion, and we certainly aren't giong to change it. Oh, Happy New Year! 1024x768 FTW!!!!11!!!1!!
Doom @ Jan 1st 2007 10:06AM
This sounds like Vlad wrote it, only slightly less inane.
David004 @ Jan 1st 2007 10:24AM
Wow, it's a good game, but it's not the most amazing thing. Of course look at the other titles and it was really a bad year for great games.
And don't worry about Vlad, he's just pissed he wasted $600 on a piece of shit called the PS3.
D O W N @ Jan 1st 2007 10:18AM
Good list, fun approach.
We've all read and re-read the superfluos praise heaped on these titles for months... why not take the time to throw a little sarcasm in to the mix?
I agree with Zelda and Gears being the top two,although I'd have flipped the order.
(Gears really is a game that I'm shocked I like so much; I was almost eager to hate it, thanks to the ridiculous hype. Whaddya gonna do though? The game plays like an action flick and looks like an oil-painting. Chainsaw, baby.)
Evan @ Jan 1st 2007 10:41AM
You forgot Okami! It's styled after traditional Japanese art - that went out of style centuries ago, get with the modern times! And the celestial brush - is this a "Bob Ross: Joy of Painting" game?
/end Joystiq-style sarcasm
Aaron @ Jan 1st 2007 10:41AM
Haha, nice list; I enjoyed your humorous spin.
John Belmont @ Jan 1st 2007 10:42AM
GH2 is easily the best game of the year.
I'd even be playing it right now if the PS2 didn't fail at disc reading.
NPC Zack @ Jan 1st 2007 10:50AM
Two words: Oblivion, dipshits.
Erec @ Jan 1st 2007 10:50AM
If I were to do a top 5 list, Wii Sports wouldn't be anywhere near it. At all. I wouldn't even let Wii Sports look at my top 5 list. I just think it poorly replicates the actual sports while adding nothing to the experience. But I also play tennis and hate bowling, and since those seem to be the two most popular games in Wii Sports, my opinion probably isn't surprising.
My game of the year? Suikoden V. Seriously. No other game this year engaged me as much as that one did. Story, gameplay, characters, it was all there.
Runner-up would probably be Oblivion. That was the only other game this year that really had me hooked.
Gears was really good, but it was just too short. The gameplay was definitely there, but the rest of the experience felt a little barren.
Steve @ Jan 1st 2007 11:04AM
sorry, didnt mean to double post
Twist @ Jan 1st 2007 12:24PM
My game of the year wasn't released this year but I discovered it this year: Disgaea. I am like 160 hours in and I have only completed the story once (it has a New Game + option that lets you start over with all the stats and stuff from a finished game). I have the sequel but for some reason I keep coming back to the original. It is the first game I have ever played with randomly generated levels that are actually decent and the ability to increase the strength of your enemies greatly enhances the game-play experience.
Runner-up for me is Final Fantasy XII. After playing the demo I was ready to hate this game but I ended up loving it instead. The story isn't quite as out there as most FF games (this is a good thing) and the world they have created is packed to the brim with awesomeness. Only fault I can find is that it isn't multiplayer (being able to team up with a couple of friends like in Secret Of Mana only over the internet would have been sweet) and it isn't for Xbox (which is a much better system than the PS2 IMHO).
Can't really speak for any of the new-gen games or any non-Xbox or PS2 games since those are the only systems I currently have.
toptekjon @ Jan 1st 2007 11:31AM
What an obnoxious and annoying way to write an article. Sarcasm works for a sentence or two, not an entire page worth of text. Horrible.
arch @ Jan 1st 2007 11:48AM
ohhhhhhhhhhh shut your faces morons. nobody cares to hear your bitching about how you "didnt like the sarcasm" therefore the whole thing is stupid. the sarcasm was mostly pointed at you baffoons of the gaming industry.
your opinions are WORTHLESS. Gears of War, was the all around best gae of the year. in marketing, gameplay, graphics, online (you know the one zelda doesnt have?) and just sheer fun and replayability. immersion aswell.
the vast majority dont care to hear, 15 posters who just had to point out the fun sarcasm in order to bash something their childish minds cant comprehend. dont you have somewhere to wait inline for 16 hours?
Psovaz @ Jan 1st 2007 11:50AM
That was really annoying and retarded. It was funny the first three sentences, but got old.. fast.
Ben Friesen @ Jan 1st 2007 12:05PM
Oblivion, Okami, Company of Heroes
If you're going to have runners up, at least include all of the great games (not just some).
SeanK @ Jan 1st 2007 12:10PM
Can I just add my 2 cents and say that this article sucked? Please don't ever do this again. I know you must have gotten tired writing the same thing over and over again but you failed admirably. This is the bitch slap you need to never write like this again. It read like a 'Friends' episode.
Robin @ Jan 1st 2007 12:16PM
Gears is #1. Oblivion is #2.
Ace of Sevens @ Jan 2nd 2007 12:53AM
Personally, I loved the sarcasm. I LOLed at the reference to Zelda as a GTA clone.
Banana Kid @ Jan 1st 2007 2:55PM
WHERE, MY FRIENDS, IS VIVA PINATA.
Ndric @ Jan 1st 2007 12:29PM
Lol @ GoW beating Oblivion
Vrian_Sinth @ Jan 1st 2007 12:34PM
I'll have to agree with several posters. I would pick Oblivion and then Gears of War at number two. Both easily the best games out this year. They both had me hooked.
copa @ Jan 1st 2007 12:39PM
The sarcasm got pretty annoying.
Gears is really doing it for me. I had no interest in the game until it was released, and the reviews came in. I got it for Christmas, and have been playing online co-op only all the way through. What an terrific experience! This is the most fun I've had in an action game since Half-Life 2. I would much rather have fifteen hours of great-paced creative action that never gets old, than to see the game artificially extended to three times its length by requiring a lot of grinding.
Went over to a friend's house yesterday. He had a 360, a PS3, and a Wii. What did we spend the whole day playing? Guitar Hero 2.
I think Oblivion deserved a spot on the list.
Shagi @ Jan 1st 2007 12:41PM
Definately:
1. Oblivion
As far as Zelda , Guitar Hero, and Mario...none of those should even get a mention. A minigame adventure game, a rhythm game, and a 20 year old game...way to pick em.
jay @ Jan 1st 2007 12:51PM
Nice list, well written, badly conceived. The sarcasm probably entertained the younger members though.
GoW, game of the year? Certainly not mine. I thought it was repetitive as hell. I wouldn't put TP on the list either, it's longevity will spill over for years to come but I'd definitely stick Wii Sports in first. Purely because it absolutely changed gaming for me in a way that dance mats and web cams have been hinting at for years.
Kimosabae @ Jan 1st 2007 12:58PM
Steve:
It's not just you. I'm also conscious of the fact that the 3D Zelda games have become nothing more than a stale retreading of the same concepts and ideas since Ocarina.
But it's Zelda, a franchise revered by millions simply because of its history. Because of its eminent status among franchises, I think most fans of the series today are blind to how insipid its gameplay truly is. Gamespot's review was right on (I personally would have scored it a bit lower).
To make a long story short, Zelda:TP epitomizes why I've become growingly disenchated with the my favorite pasttime throughout the years (video games). I really do think developers have forgotten how to make truly fun games and consumers will never remind them as long as they support titles like Zelda based on reverence alone.
I'm ready for any idiot fanboy that wants to label me a "Nintendo hater". I'm probably a bigger Ninty fan than you are.
-SynikaL
Shagi @ Jan 1st 2007 1:13PM
Kimosabae, I of course agree with you as well about Zelda:TP.
Nintendo talks about how there no creativity in games and whats their killer app? A retread of the same game they have been putting out since the N64 days.
My biggest problem with Zelda TP is that fact that it is devoid of any meaningful gameplay elements. Its like watching a movie and shaking your fists at the screen. Zelda TP is a puzzle game dressed up like an RPG, with a bunch of horrible mini games.
It going to be hard to justify what I say about Zelda to fanboys especially in this format, I need to write a full and proper review, but anyways yeah Zelda shouldn't be on that list.
Adroit One @ Jan 1st 2007 5:56PM
Wow, just wow. People will never be satisfied. No one can blame Nintendo for making Zelda the way it is when they tried to do something different with wind waker and they completely got bashed for it. I mean really. To, Zelda is the game of the year. Yes, it's the same concepts that made OoT popular back in the days, but yet, it's still outrageously fun. It's still an epic adventure that has a much better story line than all the other Zeldas I've played (I'm an ol skool gamer). Regardless though, game of the year is no more than opinions from different people. No one will never be happy with these things. I do agree with the list except Gears should be 2nd and Zelda first. People that don't understand why Wii Sports is up there are obviously not looking at the big picture.
opnickc @ Jan 1st 2007 1:30PM
No love for Half Life 2 EP1? The epitome of a game as a narrative IMO.
Josh @ Jan 1st 2007 1:37PM
You're crazy.
Rusty Shackleford @ Jan 1st 2007 1:42PM
Good list. I don't agree with all of it but it seems to have upset fanboys from all three companies, and to that I say. HA!
Miles @ Jan 1st 2007 2:20PM
I hadn't played a Zelda game all the way through since Ocarina, and now I know why. I took a train 20 miles to a friend's house to play Zelda:TP just to be disappointed. It feels like what I did almost 10 years ago. I still think Rayman is the best game on the system, and thats a mini-game fest.
Oblivion not being on the list is just weird. And that goddamned Mario game that everyone was all amped about for the DS is the same fucking game I played when I was five. I can't believe Nintendo gets away with this and no major media outlets call them on it.
Samik @ Jan 1st 2007 2:01PM
I just wonder, with Joystiq's rampant XBOX360 faboyism, what wouldd have happened if GoW was a PS3 exclusive..Too short, Killswitch ripoff, repetitive, inferior multiplayer, lame uninspiring storyline, no innovation, overhyped. And yes, its got an interesting but repetitive gameplay elements and is fun to play. So does Tetris or PacMan. Resistance is one notch lower in graphics (though Joystiq would probably have you beleive its PS2 level) but far better plot, great weapons (even if no chainsaw) and equally good gameplay. If you look back over the years, ALL "game of year" awardees have great graphics...and a lot, lot more (think RE4 or HL1).
diskoboy @ Jan 1st 2007 2:10PM
Wow - two years in a row, I agree with everyones GOTY pics.
I've beaten Gears twice, already. And I'm going through it again, on insane. Best online gameplay experience since Halo 2, graphics slicker than a wet sheet of plastic.... I couldn't agree more with your choice!
And no, Oblivion does NOT deserve GOTY. Bad AI, choppy gfx, no online play.... Mine copy's been collecting dust for several months now.
diamondxp @ Jan 1st 2007 2:19PM
Hello Kitty Island Adventure Shunned again !
Frankie @ Jan 1st 2007 2:22PM
Is this the same Oblivion nerd whining 30 times?
Stone Temple Pilot @ Jan 1st 2007 2:32PM
Lots of negative comments about Zelda, which surprises me. I feel like Zelda has evolved quite a bit since its last iteration, yet many claim it's a rehash. The Wii controls alone separate this game from the bunch. Then add certain elements like swordfighting on horse back, the spinner puzzles, etc. coupled with all new puzzles, a gigantic game world, a great story line, awesome music, and how can you go wrong? Zelda is epic and it's an unbelievably fun experience.
Tell me how Gears of War innovated the FPS genre more than Zelda TP innovated the action/adventure genre, and you might be able to start convincing me how it deserves GOTY over TP. So far no one has mentioned anything more than graphics and online gameplay, which are the furthest things from innovation since Sony released the SNES, I mean PS2 controller.
Jason @ Jan 1st 2007 7:52PM
who the hell is writing joystiq posts today? first alexander's biggest disappointments of 06, now this? WTF FTW?
LAboy @ Jan 4th 2007 1:00PM
Gears deserved to be goty imo. great action game that never gets old.
Stone Temple Pilot @ Jan 1st 2007 2:37PM
And for the record, Wii Sports is unbelievable. It did for me what no game has managed to do in years. I've poored countless hours into that bad boy by myself, with friends, and even with family. Golf is unbelievably fun once you get good (my 9-hole record is -10), and the other games are great too.
Darkness @ Jan 1st 2007 2:50PM
I can understand why people don't like Zelda, but I don't think I can agree with them. I've been wanting to play as adult Link for years and I got it. We all asked for this game after the Wind Waker experience. I never even finished that game because it was just missing something for me. I'll admit that I wouldn't put Twilight Princess up there as the Game of the Year, but that's only because I haven't beaten it yet. I'm a ways after the Water Temple (don't want to give away any spoilers) and having fun so far.
The thing about this is, Nintendo can't really change the game much as far as the formula goes. In a way, the fans can make or break a game out of the gate. So there's a certain amount of fan buzz that needs to happen. Radically changing the series at this point could backfire on them. If Nintendo would have set a precedent of radically changing the game (ala Final Fantasy), then they could reinvent the game every iteration. I don't think they have the luxury at this point.
Would I like for them to change the puzzle heavy dungeons? Yes. Would I like to do away with hearts completely and have simply number for EXP? Yep. How about actually leveling up (making it worth killing all those monsters running around the countryside)? You bet. How would the fans of the series appreciate those kinds of changes?
Anyway, I've played Gears of War and it's fun, but I wouldn't put it on the Game of the Year list. But then, I don't think I'd put any game released in the past year on that list. Most have been rather "ho hum".
Kimosabae @ Jan 3rd 2007 1:30PM
Shagi:
"My biggest problem with Zelda TP is that fact that it is devoid of any meaningful gameplay elements."
I know EXACTLY what you mean.
My personal analysis of recent Zeldas has brought me to the conclusion that their most emphatic problem is their difficulty (or lack thereof).
Zelda: TP's sickeningly lenient gameplay is the overbearing and omnipresent black cloud that trickles its downpour of mediocrity into every facet of the game, corroding every edifice of its configuration.
In other words: The game's lack of difficulty takes its legs out from underneath it.
Novel concepts abound, nearly all made meaningless or undesirable due to the lack of it.
Being able to bottle various Chu monster jellies for different beneficial effects is cute, until you realize you'll have no use for them, due to a lack of concern of actually dying. The next enemy/shrub/pot you destroy will give you exactly what you need, before you even really need it (lose a single heart and it seems as though every enemy is dying to replenish it).
Hyrule overworld enemies are pointless endeavors in attempting to translate an idea to the player that the world is teeming with life. The games' inane combat system stands out especially here whether you're on horseback or on foot, because fighting these enemies is never fun; you'll often simply attempt to avoid them (unless you need energy of course, which is rare).
This is a problem with the games' enemies in general BTW. Very few of them actually engage your intellect (or its componential combat system) in any real way -- the armored beetles in the Water Temple are the most fun I've had with the combat system/enemies thus far (25 hrs in).
Don't even get me started on the bosses. Fans want to make an argument about this game being immersive? NOTHING reminds me that I'm playing a video game more than being introduced to a large and imposing creature that looks like it's supposed to kick my ass, only to effortlessly topple it on my first try.
This brings me back to my problem with the way games are designed in general today. It seems as though developers have forgotten how powerful a concept of instilling the fear of LOSING into a player can truly add to an experience.
The tension of your onscreen avatar succumbing to his trials can be so strong, it becomes tangible; a real immersive and symbiotic relationship that should only connected and severed by the player.
Not to mention the actual, very general human sense of accomplishment that occurs when outperforming a difficult task.
Of course, difficulty can also lead to frustration, which also hampers immersion; but smart game design alleviates this.
Sorry for the rant. Being in a rush and really wanting to voice these concerns lately have hurt the eloquence of my articulation.
Meh.
-SynikaL
OTAM @ Jan 1st 2007 3:23PM
Gears > Zelda.
I've seen it in many different places,but the people just seem to not get it yet.
Darkness @ Jan 1st 2007 3:39PM
Kimosabae, I know what you mean, but hard games are going to go the way of the do-do as long as the casual gamer is added into the equation. I downloaded Ecco from the Virtual Console a few weeks ago and I had fond memories of that game. After playing it again after a few years I find that it is a difficult game. In today's world a game like that wouldn't get released. That isn't saying that there aren't difficult games out there (Ninja Gaiden and Devil May Cry 3 both are tough games), but most games are simply too easy because the average gamer doesn't want to deal with the frustration.
There are some people I used to work with that thought Wind Waker was too hard. I can't even imagine that. I found that game to be so easy, I didn't want to finish it. Another friend of mine won't play Devil May Cry 3 because it's too hard. After playing Gears of War, I find that game extremely easy, too. What helps certain games get around this is online play.
I know people who are game designers (and I dabble in game design myself) and that's the issue that keeps coming up. How to make a game casual friendly. It's not like it was back when I was younger and I would slave away at the insane difficulty of Smash TV. I don't know how many hours and lives I wasted trying to beat that game. Heh, heh. Finding a good balance is hard. The harder your game, the smaller your audience is for the most part.
I will say this, I haven't had the need to use cheat codes in a LONG time. Why people still need Game Sharks and Action Replays is beyond me.
herman_munsters_stunt_double @ Jan 1st 2007 3:54PM
GOTY = gotta be Pac-Man.
Oh, bugger.
*gets back in the DeLorean*
Saint Jouten @ Jan 2nd 2007 2:06AM
http://www.deadoraliveinfo.com/dead.nsf/tnames-nf/Tyler+Steven