Finally, a definitive guide to the lucrative field of fanboyism! All you non-believers who think
fanboys are soulless amoeba are teh suxx0rz!
Wired has broken down the science behind being a fanboy into four simple rules:
- Your System Has No Flaws
- It's Not Broken, It's Hard-Core
- Praising Another System Is the Same as Insulting Yours
- Everyone's Biased but You
After taking at least 5 seconds to skim the bold letters above (don't pause for comprehension), you're now ready to pick the gaming system you know is the best and start your crusade. Bonus points for using the phrase "[
insert system here] PWNZ" more than ten times in one paragraph. Spelling skillz optional. Blind devotion a must.
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
savvydoc @ Mar 8th 2007 3:06AM
Board games ftw. :-/
beesnipe @ Mar 8th 2007 3:11AM
f1r5TT!!
ZoMMggg!!1 Leik J00 Ph@n80yzz R t3h Suxx!!111one1
evv0ry 1 nos d@t Pc i5 t3h PWnnzz0rzz!!!11!eleven!
amirite?
beesnipe @ Mar 8th 2007 3:12AM
No, please.... find the sarcasm.
NintendoFanbot @ Mar 8th 2007 3:17AM
Those bullet points describe exactly what Sony's been doing up to until GDC. Heh.
Those bullet points also apply to people who believe that PS36Wii is the best choice and believe they can't be unbiased because of the money they spent to have a 'credible' opinion.
Think about it. If anything, fanboys should be considered better because they are the fallguys of everyone who can't deal with their own criticisms.
I have a pro-Nintendo bias, and damned be all if I'm not proud of it. Microsoft is a really good console competitor this generation though. So Wii60 is acceptable by me.
Extinction @ Mar 8th 2007 3:17AM
I think the constant sony slams proves kotaku is a big fanboy at heart.
steve17 @ Mar 8th 2007 3:18AM
those are a good set of 4 rules. im guilty of a couple, but not all.
and i love the ps3 grill picture. good ol joystiq
matt @ Mar 8th 2007 3:28AM
PS3 rulez!!! it's got linux and...
suck on that you xbot gaymers with ur winblows loo!!!
BPMΩ @ Mar 8th 2007 3:28AM
＿＿__＿∧∧ ／￣￣￣￣￣￣￣
～' ＿＿__（ ﾟДﾟ）＜ Go kill yourself, fanboys.
ＵU Ｕ U ＼＿＿＿＿＿＿＿
Sorry, I'm bored...
CitizenGeek @ Mar 8th 2007 3:59AM
I'm a little confused as to why there is a PS3 next to that article, when everyone knows that the only fanboys that really fall into that category are Nintendo fanboys.
steve17 @ Mar 8th 2007 4:22AM
well the sony supporter is the most obvious definition of a fanboy. despite the majority of people severely disslikeing sony there are a select few who remain to do battle. they try their best with made up numbers and figures and exagerated tech specs and the good old "bluray is the shit! cause sony says so" ruitine. but everyone knows on the inside the ps3 isnt the king of the ring like they want it to be.
and nintendo fanboys arnt nearly as annoying as sony ones.
give me ten mario kids before 1 diehard MGS lover anyday.
your mother @ Mar 8th 2007 4:22AM
@CitizenGeek:
Yep, all the consoles have their share of fansluts.
I'm guilty of being a fanboy as well - here's my credo:
* The Games I Play Have No Flaws
* The Games I Play Are Not Broken, They're Hard-Core
* Praising Another Game Is the Same as Insulting The One I Play
* Everyone's Gaming Habits Are Biased but Mine
There. Stick whatever console you want among the bullet points. Couldn't care less, as long as I have a blast while I'm at it.
Davinche @ Mar 8th 2007 4:55AM
* Your System Has No Flaws
Nintendo fans suffer from this greatly.
Many, if not all Sony fans will admit that the ps3 price is too high for most consumers because of blu ray. All admit that psnetwork is not currently as good as xbox live, though they do believe it will get better. However many Sony fans do feel that blu ray is needed, though its not enough time in this genration to tell if its true or not.
Xbox fans also at times suffer from this (though not as bad as nintendo fans) They do not admit that the 360 has production problems, and that the company relies too heavily on shooters, though Ms is varying its launch up greatly nowadays.
Nintendo fans do not admit though that the wii graphic inferiority is a problem/disadvantage. They actually try to argue that because Nintendo saves money, thats good for everyone. They use to actually try to claim that the lower price would be reflected on too consumers, even though the accesories for the console are as high as all the other consoles, as well as game prices. When will you hear a nintendo fan admit that there is nothing besides ports and minigames curreently on teh wii? Never. They always have some claim to otherwise.
* It's Not Broken, It's Hard-Core
Nintendo fans though quick to insult psnetwork fail to realize that there online solution is worst then even the dreamcast one. They are quick to tell you that the 24 code bullshit has advantages because it stops online predators/child molestors, even though its just plain annoying and pointless.
They actually claim that the fact that there is still no online 3rd party games is not a bad thing.
* Praising Another System Is the Same as insulting yours.
Sony fans suffer from this the most. They try to claim that the ps3 offers the solution of a wii and 360 in one, when it does not. They are the least likely to support a 2 console system, and even if they like HD DVD better will not admit so because they have a PS3 with bluray init. Wii fans will praise 360 at times, vice versa with 360 fanboys. However neither will give PS3 credit for anything.
* Everyone's Biased but You
Nearly every post on Joystiq suffer from this. Every time there is a zelda/halo/metal gear solid topic you will find people who do not like the game some how coming in and telling everyone that they do not like it as if that somehow changes anyones opinions and as if they are correct and unbiased. They do not accept the fact that people like different things, and no matter how good something is, if you do not like it you do not like it. it does not make it a bad game or overated or everyone else biased. It just happens. Halo topics suffer from th the most.
In terms of the media...
Nitnetedo fans are the quickickest to claim proffesional game sites are biased such as gamespot and 1up, if they do not give a game they like a high score (eg Zelda with gamespot, SSx on wii for 1up) Sony fans and Ms fans are less liekly to make a big deal (No problems when Killzone score was terrrible, none when Blinx was either, though both were consideribly hyped) Give a zelda game less than 9 and you will be threateneg for you life.
Sony fans are quick to call bloggers biased. Even though if you ask me most are, because they have no need to be objective or take a neutral viewpoint. Therfore there point is valid and invalid at the same time.
Thats it!
bet0n @ Mar 8th 2007 5:14AM
ZOMG TEH COMMODORE PWNZ.
Well... actually not feeling any better after that...
CitizenGeek @ Mar 8th 2007 5:27AM
Well, in my experience, Nintendo fanboys really are the most horrible kind. Sony and MS fanboys, for the most part, are 'mature' or as mature as can be when it come to fanboyism. But, Nintendo fanboys really take the cake when it comes to being loud and ignorant.
As for myself, I consider myself a fanboy not of MSn, Sony or Nintendo, but of Square Enix. So, for me it's something like this:
- Your game Has No Flaws
- It's Not Broken, It's Hard-Core
- Praising Another game Is the Same as Insulting Yours
I wouldn't say that I think everyone who disagrees with me is biased, though.
bo @ Mar 8th 2007 5:49AM
@you all saying nintendo fans are the worst...
would you prefer that we shot people for our preferred console, or perhaps blindly followed yet another proprietary media format?
oh sorry, thats me getting all 'horrible' and fanboyish again.
Burnt Meatloaf @ Mar 8th 2007 6:49AM
*beesnipe: "No, please.... find the sarcasm."
Sarcasm is wasted on the stupid.
*bo: "would you prefer that we shot people for our preferred console"
PS3 = expensive. Theives = assholes. PS3 owners = shot and robbed.
Wow. Obviously, PS3 owners suck.
Logic: not a fanboy strong point.
Jonathan Wong @ Mar 8th 2007 6:53AM
Point 6 #
You are illiterate and write for Joystiq
bo @ Mar 8th 2007 6:57AM
clearly is isn't. despite your ever-so-eloquent (oh, and logical) equalities above, the truth is that nintendo fans are traditionally polite. i wont be the first to admit a console's faults, wii or otherwise. however, 360 and wii fans can take solace in the fact that their respective companies don't slap them in the face everytime a CEO open's their mouth.
bo @ Mar 8th 2007 7:00AM
argh, clearly IT isn't, and above comment directed at the logically named burnt meatloaf
Neal @ Mar 8th 2007 8:43AM
@ 15.
Shooting people for the console? That had nothing to do with video games at all. The shooting for the PS3 (and maybe a 360, I don't rememeber) were entirely to make profit after selling the system. It was an easy shot at almost 3000 profit.
bm @ Mar 8th 2007 8:50AM
"Sony and MS fanboys, for the most part, are 'mature' or as mature as can be when it come to fanboyism."
HAHA! That's amusing that you think this. But no.
MS and Sony fanboys use the word "kiddy" to describe/insult something else that they feel they're too grown-up for. Ergo, MS and Sony fanboys are 12 years old.
kevin @ Mar 8th 2007 9:15AM
bo, how about a mother of two or three dying from drinking too much water to win a wii. See your a typical nintendo fanboy.
gozer @ Mar 8th 2007 9:30AM
my fanboys are better, more mature, most hardcore and least biased.
oh how i love my fanboys.
HappyJack @ Mar 8th 2007 9:42AM
Why u hatin' on fanbois, 'stiq?
Who else but fanboys will toil, year after sweaty, back-breaking year, to build enormouse pyramids in honor of their chosen electronic devices!?
The future skyline depends on their blind obedience. Build, fanboys, build! Show your loyalty!
Kizzle @ Mar 8th 2007 9:46AM
#10/steve17 - get the fuck out of here. You fall right into the categories described earlier. You think there's a "but" or excuse or generalization to everything.
I fucking hate video games. All of them.
samfish @ Mar 8th 2007 9:51AM
"They are quick to tell you that the 24 code bullshit has advantages because it stops online predators/child molestors, even though its just plain annoying and pointless.
They actually claim that the fact that there is still no online 3rd party games is not a bad thing."
I've honestly never seen anyone defend ANY of this.
NO ONE thinks Friend Codes are a good things and NO ONE thinks the lack of 3rd party support is alright...generally speaking.
Sometimes people say, "I can see WHY Nintendo wants Friend Codes" or I've seen people not sweat the lack of 3rd party support NOW since a lot of people kinda were taken by surprise with the Wii.
Oh, and Sony fanboys are generally about the equivalent of Freepers. Nintendo fanboys are more like cheerleaders and you really never hear from 360 fanboys.
They're probably the best, in that regard.
REUYL @ Mar 8th 2007 9:54AM
Ah, the fanboy is strong with this one.
Diman @ Mar 8th 2007 10:07AM
Good job at defining yourself Joystiq, I applaud your "coming out".
Markusdragon @ Mar 8th 2007 10:13AM
"Most fanboys ally themselves with one of the latest generation of consoles, but a few diehards are still rooting for the Dreamcast."
Er, yay! *waves noisemaker*
Jon @ Mar 8th 2007 10:23AM
All fanboys are the same. They basically troll the web not to look for news but to bitch about other consoles.
mccomber @ Mar 8th 2007 11:06AM
"and you really never hear from 360 fanboys. They're probably the
best, in that regard."
Uhh... what? I think fanboys from all three consoles are pretty well represented on the pages of Joystiq. And by "well represented" I mean that they make my brain hurt.
deaftly @ Mar 8th 2007 11:17AM
ill have to agree, nintendo fanboys seem to be the most ignorant and brainless out of all 3
J @ Mar 8th 2007 11:21AM
But what do you mean Joystiq???? I thought you were Teh Biased!!!!!!
It can't be true!!!! Joystiq is Teh Biased!!!!!!!
ZOMGZOMG Loller Bearings FTW
(Oh yeah go Risk!!!)
J @ Mar 8th 2007 11:36AM
Sopme people do defend friend codes and nonsense. After home for PS3 was shown you had 1/2 the fanboys crying about how much better it is then the Mii idea and then you had an onslaught of people defending to the death that the Mii idea is better. They simply can't man up and say it was a good idea. At the same time you have Sony fans who run their mouth about power when your PC could probably slaughter a PS3 in about a year with about the same amount of investment. And guess what..... your PC has better memory, end of story. PS3 can't handle the extra oblivion content but I bet your PC could no problem. The other thing they cannot admit is that the wii controller is a good idea and works well for FPS games. Sorry sony fanboys but the six axis isn't shit compared to the wii remote. As for XBOX fanoys, they don't seem to spout off as much as nintendo or sony fanboys but thats just my general views. I mean I am sure there are a few off the wall nut bags, I just don't seem to catch them on here as often. Maybe b/c they are pretty content. I can't really rip on the 360 too much other then giving the same "PC is better" argument. That and a lot of games for the 360 get moved to PC anyways. As for the control I think its pretty decent. Yes it totally lacks motion. It does have force feedback. But I just like it because it reminds me of the sega saturn controller and for me that was one of the most comfortable controllers ever made. I could say things like scratched disks and loud dvd drive and power consumption ect. ect. but its basically nit picking and those things are really not all that important. Wii fans..... ZOMG lol! Sometimes they cannot admit that their system was under powered and if they get pwned they are in total denial. However it seems like people try to bully them and I got to give them some credit b/c they have the balls to not give two craps of what other people think. Wii is gonna be the under dog but its only $250 for christs sake and it will only get cheaper. Eventually Nintendo will have to drop the price and I hope it ends up being as cheap as a gamecube. It really should only be $150.00 IMO. Its not really worth the $250 but hey its got motion control and a huge huge back catalog with all the gamecube games (for cheap might I add) you could swallow.
What am I trying to say? All fanboys are in denial. Personally its gonna always be Sega for me. And they don't count for carp any more. Call me a fanboy all you want but I leave on this note:
Sega!!!!!
sheppy @ Mar 8th 2007 11:39AM
Heh... I know I'll get flamed for this but I could really give a shit.
Microsoft Fanboys.
These are the ones that amuse me the most. Namely because they are the ones that applaud all the unique and niche console exclusives they receive but never pony up the cash to support them. I loved hearing "rar! Fucking Psychonauts FTW!" among others just to watch those games fail for being too niche (Seriously, aside from world design and script, Psychonauts was basically a platformer 101 exercise). But hey, you guys had em. How many copies of Metal Slug 3 were sold, anyway? After all, Sony was "teh gay" for denying an arcade port for $40 and Microsoft was a champion for saying "sure, take a number." Meanwhile, nowadays, we get to hear about achievements (amazingly enough, all the friends on my buddy lists are not score whores) and voice chat (like being called racists names and screamed at alot by 11 year olds is an advantage. I'll keep my choice chat strictly clanplay on PC, thank you). But most of all, they love to point at any game on PS3 that doesn't live up to the hype. Which is funny to me too because they can't all be triple A and conveniently forget this stance when shit like Enchant Arm drops (coming soon to PS3, so the suckage will continue). Each comment includes a snide remark about PS3 and how much it either sucks or copies. From my experience, the MS fanboys are among the worst as steve17 definately shows here. At CGtalk, we had a 360 fanboy that was literally banned 3 times a week and he would just create a new account. It was funny, yet annoying, and ultimately lead to the policy of no gaming talk just to chase him away.
PS3 fanboys are hilarious as well. Each topic up here that seems to even remotely paint a negative picture on PS3 gets comments of "Joystiq is teh biased" when only really Blake Snow is. Also, people forget this is a blogging site, they are allowed to be biased as they aren't reporting the news, merely linking it with comments attached. Some actually don't believe Sony copies (but every company copies, period). Others are just annoying.
Nintendo Fanboys are, frankly, hilarious. With each generation, their stances change with the system. Seriously. SNES, Graphics FTW. N64, no loading screen (Quake 64 proved this wrong) and better anti-aliasing. Quality vs. Quantity being a popular phrase at the time. As if Clayfighters wasn't shit and I didn't fall through the floor of Superman too many times to count. Gamecube was about "We finally have storage space and third party support!" And of course, Teh Graffix. And now, with Wii, we have "graphics aren't important." Of course they used this same claim on the DS and it took a while to prove that one true and it still remains games without sprites on DS normally look like ass. It's like a constant state of denial. Not to mention, you get snide comments like "no one was shot for our launch" although people have been bitten for gameboy colors during their debut christmas because the factories were damaged by earthquakes. Not to mention PS3 doesn't have a fatality but Regiie said it so it must be true. And Reggie, what is with the hero worship with this guy? He's even said in many interviews his sole purpose is to sell you games yet people cling to him as if he's a morale pillar in the industry.
All three factions are annoying, really.
Almack64 @ Mar 8th 2007 11:40AM
Dreamcast FTW!!
J @ Mar 8th 2007 12:00PM
For Nintendo Fans, Reggie is their savior. I can kind of see why. You have all these goofy CEO's that talk all kinds of ridiculous stuff and who better to muster the Rohirm then Reggie? Reggie has a kind of persona or Aura about him that is magnetic. Its just the way it is. I'm not sweating him, I am just saying he is good with people. At the wii launch in NYC (I stopped by b/c I was in the city at the time selling my psp (lol but I do miss the homebrew ala psp rhythm). He came up the stairs and greetd fans. He is basically a celebrity and after that E3 speech a lot of Nintendo fans had respect for him. He kind of came in and took charge. I think people wanted to see some of the top Nintendo CEOs get slapped around. Frankly they have made many a bone headed mistake and I think Nintendo fans were pretty sick of it. I mean how can you hate the Regginator. He is funny as hell looking but has a no nonsense manner about him. I guess he represents the inner anger of alot of fanboys over so many many many MANY bullshit mistakes that they have made along the way and so many many many MANY broken promises.
NintendoFanbot @ Mar 8th 2007 12:07PM
Yeah, fanboys are in denial. I mean, you aren't supposed to enjoy the NES and SNES and everything that came after. People gripe about Nintendo not being as successful today but often compare a much fairer present-day Nintendo to the "evil tyrants" from 20+ years ago. [/sarcasm]
Everyone who has it in for fanboys is a fanboy themselves. Ponder on how to argue that for a while. NOW who's in denial? :D
Poisoned Al @ Mar 8th 2007 1:20PM
As PC owners don't really have fanboys. The enemy isn't the owners of other systems (because we KNOW we a better than them), but other PC owners.
"Someone got a higher score on 3D mark then me? I must overclock my machine until it melts into the earth's core, causing a huge volcanic eruption that propels us into the sun!"
TK00 @ Mar 8th 2007 1:53PM
The true fan-boys are easy to spot - They take time to post these loooooong "thought out" post on sites like this.
FYI, being called "boy" of any kind, be it fan or whatever, is an insult. Don't be proud of it.
BIG Reub @ Mar 8th 2007 1:53PM
Thank you FANBOYS! Thank you for making my workday enjoyable time and time again and making me so much more productive day in and day out! I have no need to leave my desk and watch General Hospital in the break room now. I can just stay here and watch the drama unfold. And thank you even more by being FANBOYS on an article that points out how silly the rest of the world thinks you are.
Thank you, for getting angry when some one makes a disparaging remark about an electronics manufacture that only wants you for your money. Thank you for making me feel sane!
matt @ Mar 8th 2007 2:33PM
ill have to agree, sony fanboys seem to be the most ignorant and brainless out of all 3
if you spit shine a turd, they will buy it
Megadeus @ Mar 8th 2007 4:53PM
There's one missing from that list:
- A new feature on your console is an groundbreaking innovation, the same feature on another console, even if implemented better, is a lame gimmick that's been available in [insert obscure product] for decades.
Abdon @ Mar 8th 2007 5:00PM
23. my fanboys are better, more mature, most hardcore and least biased.
oh how i love my fanboys.
Posted at 9:30AM on Mar 8th 2007 by gozer
qft
Questworld @ Mar 8th 2007 11:59PM
"23. my fanboys are better, more mature, most hardcore and least biased."
Yep, saw a few of those already in here. Kudos. Pretty funny actually.
"A new feature on your console is an groundbreaking innovation, the same feature on another console, even if implemented better, is a lame gimmick that's been available in [insert obscure product] for decades."
Sounds like some people's behavior towards Sony's Home service and Nintendo's Wiimote. Ironic, and yeah, it makes my head hurt trying to sift through opinions that are actually informative and good to read although I am also guilty in writing long opinions.
nwest @ Mar 9th 2007 11:29AM
The other thing they forgot:
A fanboy will never be a true gamer. A true gamer owns all major consoles and plays all the great games.
tim @ May 25th 2007 12:46PM
"True Gamer"!? @46 So in order to be a "true gamer" I have to have spent thousands of dollars on consoles and games? I've been playing video games since I was a little kid, but I've never been able to afford all the consoles available in any generation. Last generation I had a GC and an xbox, right now all i have is a wii, not because im a Nintendo fanboy but because it was the cheapest and it offered me a chance to play the great games of the past that i missed out on with the virtual console. I'd love to have a 360 and a ps3 but the prices are prohibitive.
I think a true gamer is someone who plays video games because they love video games, not because they love Nintendo, Sony or Microsoft.
Sean @ May 26th 2007 12:41PM
wow, it's just a joke, everybody calm down