"What if?" It's a question, albeit a lazily constructed one, that we here at Joystiq often enjoy asking. What if the PlayStation 3 was cheaper? What if the DS Lite was a miserable failure? What if human beings had balloon whisks for arms and flashlights for eyes and were forced to lead an existence composed entirely of unblinking and brightly lit baking? All important questions, though none as important as the one recently posed by the Olympic union of Mario and Sonic, two of gaming's most famous guys who jump on other guys to kill them.What if Mario chose someone else to go to the Olympics?
- DS Lite: 130,549
9,078 (7.47%)- Wii: 75,571
8,501 (12.67%)- PSP: 41,546
2,223 (5.08%)- PS3: 20,459
1,176 (5.44%)- PS2: 16,961
3,640 (27.33%) - Xbox 360: 3,492
582 (20.00%)- Game Boy Micro: 765
38 (5.23%)- GBA SP: 607
50 (8.98%)- Gamecube: 270
97 (26.43%)- DS Phat: 135
24 (15.09%)- GBA: 22
13 (144.44%)[Source: Media Create]
See also: Previous Japanese hardware sales charts
After the break -- the games that could have been.
Mario & Kratos at the Olympic Games
Good idea: Being a chronically angry native of Sparta, Kratos is very familiar with Grecian traditions and the culture in general. His physical prowess and dedication make him an excellent competitor in the Olympic games.
Bad idea: Kratos' encounters with known mythological characters is fairly limited, mainly due to the fact that he murders them shortly after meeting them. In addition, tearing his opponents limb from limb and turning even the simplest of track events into a skull-stomping exercise makes him a poor fit for Mario's ideals.
Target market: Half-naked Italians currently attending anger management classes.
Mario & Lara Croft at the Olympic Games
Good idea: The addition of gaming icon, Lara Croft, to the Olympic games highlights an element which is only applied to Mario in the most bizarre and fundamentally wrong cases -- sex appeal. Having her nimble frame leaping over rods and handling heavy balls is likely to expand the overall audience.
Bad idea: Aside from sporting an extreme disliking towards the medals handed out at the event, Lara Croft's inclusion will no doubt reinforce the misguided attempts by some to return the Olympic games to their ancient roots -- their ancient, naked roots.
Target market: Warm-blooded males who can't appreciate Mario's sensual side. So, just warm-blooded males then.
Mario & Luigi at the Olympic Games
Good idea: It's Luigi!
Bad idea: It's Luigi!
Target market: Luigi.
Mario & Ratchet & Clank & Jak & Daxter & Kane & Lynch at the Olympics
Good idea: Variety is key, especially when there's a danger of it being missing in the actual minigames. With so many pairings of famous pairings, getting consumer interest should be as simple as one... two.
Bad idea: The fight for the spotlight is bound to become a bloodbath -- and Mario's chances aren't entirely assured. Best to keep it simple.
Target market: Hopeless mascot addicts with a loathing for loneliness.
Mario & Cthulhu at the Olympic Games
Good idea: Not only is the dark lord Cthulhu particularly efficient at playing mind games with his competitors during the games, he also makes for an excellent and always entertaining master of ceremonies.
Bad idea: Getting Cthulhu to limit his scope to ceremonies only is a difficult prospect.
Target market: Everyone, whether they like it or not.
