Bungie, I am SO mad at you
Dear Bungie, Micro$oft and Major Tom,I am super mad at you for all the pain and grief you've put on me for the last seven hours and forty seven minutes. OMG, it's a simpel thing you had to do. All you had to do was flip the BEST BETA EVAR swich in your office and give me and the fans across the world sum Halo 3 action. But no, you n00bs couldnt' even manage that. Let's look at what I've done for you!
First of all, I gave you 60 bucks for my beta ticket i could have just left it at that, but I played the included Crackdown (more liek Suckdown!) game for over 80 hours. I got all the acheivvement points and stuff to see if it unlocked the beta early, but nothing fine, I said, I'll get my munny's worth later. I'll wait until the "official" launch date, whateva. So I waited. Like, a lot. I bought an xtra X-box 360 (an ELITE, which is awesome BTW) just in case I got red-ringed before the beta. I took the whole week off work so I could play it without being interrupted and I told my mom to leave me alone. I did all of that, and what do you give me? nothing.
You guys have lost all your credibility now. I've been staring at the crackdown menu for a whole day, when I could have been doing something useful! You wasted my time and I can never get it back!!1I could have picked up my daughter from school by now, but no, you make me sit here and wait and wait and wait until you get your freaking act together. After all that time playing Halo 2, writing fanfiction and making wallpapers of Master Chief (he pwns the stupid Arbitrary) and dedicating my days to you... this is how yuo thank me? No, let me thank you.
Thank you for completely screwing up my life, Bungie. This is all your fold!
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 3)
benjamin @ May 16th 2007 3:50PM
I'm sorry Joystiq, but I'm going to have someone stop by and serve you with papers.
It seems you've broken my sarcasm meeter and I need compensation.
NATO_Duke @ May 16th 2007 3:53PM
OMG - You told your mom to leave you alone, and you didn't pick your daughter up from school? This cat has some serious issues!
Nice posting btw.
kris @ May 16th 2007 3:53PM
its been silly hasnt it. people need to calm down its only a game, albeit a highly anticipated one. hope its out later but not that confident. at least it means they'll hopefully learn from their mistakes.
ridestowe @ May 16th 2007 3:53PM
el oh el
NATO_Duke @ May 16th 2007 3:53PM
OMG - you changed the cat picture to make me look like a fool. Bastards!!!!!
JodyAnthony @ May 16th 2007 3:54PM
fantastic post
Konny @ May 16th 2007 3:54PM
I would have never guessed that Ludwig was an emo.
ridestowe @ May 16th 2007 3:54PM
dont worry nato, it just looks like you're using 50's lingo. so stay cool kitty-cat.
Zertoss @ May 16th 2007 3:55PM
"I took the whole week off work so I could play it without being interrupted"
This almost sounded like a real intardnet rant up until this point. The chances of someone posting a rant like this actually having to worry about a job is exactly 0. Same for having a daughter.
samfish @ May 16th 2007 3:55PM
That picture is every Halo/360 fanboy to the letter.
danielOut @ May 16th 2007 3:56PM
Classic. I lawl'd all over my monitor.
spoo @ May 16th 2007 3:56PM
Thanks Ludwig for the best post in weeks!
Hahahaha, I'm still laughing.
^FourthDimensionGod^ @ May 16th 2007 3:57PM
i bet that guy in the picture is cutting himself with his moms razor while listening to green day and making himself believe the song has a lot in common with his life in his gated community house
cheesebanana @ May 16th 2007 3:59PM
I've been laughing at the bungie forums all day.
Never ever have i ever seen a forum full of so much crying.
Seriously...it is a FREE beta that nobody was obliged to give you. Be grateful you get anything at all. Usually a game of this size would never have a beta.
Seriously...its embarassing to the gaming community.
gunforhire @ May 16th 2007 4:00PM
Thank god for Joystiq, the voice of sarcastic reason in a sea of wailing fanboy bitches.
StratTastic @ May 16th 2007 4:00PM
LOL!!! That was priceless.
Why do I hear "Mad World" playing in the background....???
Slaziman @ May 16th 2007 4:01PM
LOOOL
Ludwig wins everything, as always
bigcheeze @ May 16th 2007 4:02PM
Joystiq, are you guys sponsored or working for Microsoft? From the sound of every post, it seems to be the case. Either that or the staff is composed of a bunch of stark raving mad MS Xbot junkies. Try acting like objective journalists for a change. You'll lose (if by this time you haven't already lost) your credibility, otherwise.
MrKniceGuy @ May 16th 2007 4:03PM
Correction kris.. it's a BETA, not a 'game.' Which means, you're helping M$ fix it. So far it's a good thing this is a beta and not the real thing. I don't really care if it's not online yet because I decided a long time ago to let YOU play the beta and fix the problems so I could play the game in the fall (Sep 25th now) and actually have fun. Thank you for being the guinea pig. :)
MrKniceGuy @ May 16th 2007 4:04PM
but you're right I hope it's up soon so they can work out all the problems yet to be found.
JodyAnthony @ May 16th 2007 4:04PM
bigcheeze...what?
maybe they just like videogames
maverick_saturn_626 @ May 16th 2007 4:05PM
Man, hardcore Halo fans are serious nerds ¬_¬ boys....get laid or something, theres nothing worse then being an idiot then being a socially retards, demented and wrecked halo idiot, jeez, its a game, not the next coming of Jesus!
GoonieGooGoo @ May 16th 2007 4:05PM
I feel their pain.....When's this damn BETA gonna go live....
Don't get me wrong....CRACKDOWN could be one of the funnest games I've played in years.......
Give Me Beta or give me death!!
Watching all my friends play it (as they attended the NYC Halo 3 Event).....ITS KILLING ME!!!
Jack of No Trades @ May 16th 2007 4:06PM
I wonder why kids want to fake that they had a bad life. Why would you want to have one? I had a very fucked up life and I pulled through it without dressing gothic or cutting myself. I used videogames and music to help me through the bullshit. I hate these fake ass punks that think they had a bad life just because their parents wouldn't buy them a brand new car. They are as bad as those fake ass gangsters.
Anyways, halo3 will be fun.
Arno @ May 16th 2007 4:07PM
Haha I would expect nothing less from a emo.
bigcheeze @ May 16th 2007 4:12PM
While the post is obviously sarcastic in nature and poking fun at whining Halo 3 fanboys on the Bungie boards, the attitude taken by Joystiq is to put everything MS on a pedastal. They bash everything Sony, and are neutral towards Nintendo (but like to brandish Nintendo numbers to make Sony look even worse). That is the current face of Joystiq. Why can't we just play games without being so pathetically in love one brand over another. The worst part is they try and claim they are objective by throwing faux jab at MS every once in a while. Utter shite. Joystiq is as transparent as Kotaku. At least Kotaku attempts to be objective even though they are snarling Xbots, as well (well, actually bitter SEGA fanboys, but regardless...).
me @ May 16th 2007 4:12PM
@ #10
don't laugh...I know 2 people who took the week off for it...
jaysins @ May 16th 2007 4:13PM
@samfish
Moron.
Anyways that was good and even though I'm really bummed about it not working, I'm one of the affected, I'm not going to get pissy and laughed my ass off at that as their are a ton of posters in the bungie forums saying similar things. Though I do have the day off from work and school today and was really looking forward to playing it (I just happened to get the day off and I didn't plan it like some people) I found other ways to amuse myself. Gym, blood donation, and homework. Not all Halo/360 fanboys have nothing better to do and are immature samfish. To bad the same can't be said for you.
Neoxkc @ May 16th 2007 4:14PM
Joystiq, please refrain from posting such tripe, and stick with news.
People don't come here for to the minute sarcasm updates.
Liquid @ May 16th 2007 4:14PM
Arbitrary FTW!!
I believe most public schools are letting out for summer. These kids got nothin but time.
chenry @ May 16th 2007 4:16PM
Dear Joystiq,
I know that I'm a man, and you are a collection of electrons and 1s and 0s displayed through my computer monitor. As such, carrying your child would be completely impossible, and if it were possible, it would be an affront to nature. Regardless, I wish to have your baby.
Love,
chenry
LowerHouseMember @ May 16th 2007 4:17PM
hahaha oh wow
Fhaze @ May 16th 2007 4:17PM
Off in the distance, you can see a smiling Dennis Dyack.
C. Grant @ May 16th 2007 4:17PM
bigcheeze: We didn't lose our credibility! It's right over there, underneath that pile of cash and Master Chief plushies that Microsoft sent over.
Pixelantes Anonymous @ May 16th 2007 4:21PM
Joystick, Im so disapointeed right about now. U make fun of sirius problem. I dumped my inflatable doll to play Halo 3 this morning and what do I get? NOTHING!
Im so gonna fail a lawsuite against you and Crackdown. I now ironic when I see it.
Oh, and btw, bigcheez, your a moron.
Jon @ May 16th 2007 4:21PM
If this thing isn't up by the time I get home at 6PM Pacific...I'm going to shed a single tear...and then destroy something.
RolexDPracer @ May 16th 2007 4:21PM
Well played Joystiq; well played.
Grant @ May 16th 2007 4:23PM
eh, thats basically a summary of the bungie boards.
it's actually funny when it's from the mouth of the beast.
On one hand, i had and have mad finals today, so at least this whole debacle is less distracting than the actual beta.
on the other hand, this is one less day of the 21 us crackdown users get to play. I'll be completely honest, i would have never paid more than $40 for crackdown if it didn't include the beta, plain and simple.
This also reminds me of when i bought Phantasy star online, just for the sonic adventures demo. The only difference there was that the demo sucked and PSO became one of my favorite games.
Dan @ May 16th 2007 4:25PM
If any of you know somebody that actually took a day off from school or work to play this video game, take them aside and punch them in the face for me.
BPM @ May 16th 2007 4:26PM
@ Jack:
Society has always been full of people who never want to be themselves, but be whatever's "cool."
@ bigcheeze:
Joystiq is owned by AOL. And while each blogger may have their personal preferences of systems and games, the site is, overall, unbiased. They both bash and praise all three console manufactures when they deserve it.
See:
4 PS3 annoyances: http://www.joystiq.com/tag/ps3annoy
vs. 12 Wii annoyances: http://www.joystiq.com/tag/wiiannoy
vs. 15 360 annoyances: http://www.joystiq.com/tag/360annoy
As for the delights, it's 2 for PS3, 3 for Wii, and 11 for 360.
BPM @ May 16th 2007 4:27PM
Oh, and bravo to Mr. Kietzmann for yet another funny post.
Kitezmann is the... mann.
Silver @ May 16th 2007 4:28PM
"I've been staring at the crackdown menu for a whole day, when I could have been doing something useful!"
Like applying more guyliner or downloading some new Emo tunes.
Note to Halo fan in photo: J Allard says "wear a suit jacket over that hoodie, it will make you appear mo kewler, yo."
Richard Mitchell @ May 16th 2007 4:28PM
"We didn't lose our credibility! It's right over there, underneath that pile of cash and Master Chief plushies that Microsoft sent over."
Aw man! You guys got plushies? All we got was 800 cans of Arbiter EZ Cheese.
Richard Mitchell
X3F
C. Grant @ May 16th 2007 4:28PM
BPM: Don't you know that Microsoft owns AOL? Of course, Sony controls 51% of them, and Nintendo owns Sony, so who we're 'bias' against is anyone's guess!
NATO_Duke @ May 16th 2007 4:29PM
bigcheeze - Dude, seriously, you need a hug. This was a funny article and you had to get all anti Joystiq. Go hang out at the Nintendo forums or something. Maybe there you can start a fight over whether Mario or Luigi gets more chicks.
BTW: Luigi does. Everyone knows that.
JodyAnthony @ May 16th 2007 4:32PM
"so who we're 'bias' against is anyone's guess! "
hahaha, JOYSTICK IS TOBIAS
Gorf @ May 16th 2007 4:34PM
My fucking console red ringed this morning. Guess I'll have to wait until September because there's NO WAY MS will have my console back in the next 3 weeks.
hvnlysoldr @ May 16th 2007 4:35PM
Come on Ludwig bring on the anvil parachuting walrus!
BPM @ May 16th 2007 4:37PM
Ah, touché, Christopher Grant!
dmbrandon @ May 16th 2007 4:37PM
People can say 'oh, well it's just a few hours.' and what not... But in the end it's pure bullshit.
What if they said Starwars episode 1 couldn't be shown for a few more hours, as you sit there and wait. Most of you nerds would have lost your damn minds!
I woke up early, broke all plans, etc.. To start playing this right away. And instead of standing in a game store, I was stuck on crackdown, pressing a-b-a-b-a-b over and over like it was my job.
This is an important day to alot of people. And no one seems to point our that they had three months to make this shit happen. But fuck, M$ got their crackdown money, wtf do things need to actually work for?
See: The fucking 360.
To make matter worse, while 300,000 people sit on their hands, They give us no news except the 'We know!' crap about 6 1/2 hours ago.
We don't have husbands coming home from war... We don't have babies on the damn way. This is our day. This was supposed to be the best day in a long time.
Call me what ever you want. Say how much halo sucks. But it doesn't change the fact that we want this game to goddamn work already. Especially since other people get to lay it for free, while we had to pay 60.
And don't give me that 'it was for crackdown' shpeal. (sp?) Fuck crackdown. If anything, I payed 60$ for the beta, and crackdown came free along with it.
Crackdown. Was. Not. Fun.
For the billions of damn dollars they make an hour, this should be no fucking problem.
By the end of today, I see myself owning a ps3.