We're not particularly fond of traditional corporate meetings. As a platform for communication, we find that a meeting frequently fails on multiple fronts, particularly the one that requires human beings to spit verbs at each other within, well, spitting distance. We much prefer the impersonal touch of an electronic network, though this is often unsuitable when a matter is of particularly urgency. Keiji Inafune's recent distress
regarding the Mega Man
franchise's supposed inability to recoup its "next-gen" costs is indeed urgent, and in urgent need of a good collar grab and face slap.
For the sake of the blue bomber, we endured an intense meeting with Capcom's own negative Nelly, the transcription of which can be found after the break (you know, that part where we put stuff that has nothing to do with the sales charts).
- DS Lite: 127,461
- Wii: 58,644
- PSP: 26,097
- PS2: 11,311
- PS3: 9,627
- Xbox 360: 2,044
- Game Boy Micro: 407
- GBA SP: 288
- Gamecube: 256
- DS Phat: 81
- GBA: 17
[Source: Media Create
See also: Previous Japanese hardware sales charts
"Oh my god! It's Keiji Inafune! Will you sign this?"
"Umm, I make it a rule not to sign anything like that."
"What if I asked nicely? Come on, look at it closely!"
"Don't wave that in my face! Please! I'm not comfortable with that sort of thing."
"It's disgusting! I really don't enjoy looking at another man's junk."
"Come on! How often do you see the European Mega Man 2
"Look, I thought this was supposed to be a meeting. Or is that too professional a term?"
"No, no, we came to talk business. The business of Mega Man
"Great, I don't hear enough about Mega Man
as it is."
"So, you're worried about making back the money you'd spend on a new Mega Man
"That's right. It'll cost millions... and I'm not sure people even like Mega Man
"I don't really know..."
"Gosh, Keiji, for a big time Japanese developer, you sure are being... what's the word I'm looking for? I want to describe your indecisiveness and general hesitance to commit to something. You're being like just like that, Keiji."
"Sorry, I didn't want to venture an opinion before I had all the facts, man."
"Well, let me show you them. I'll tell you why nobody likes Mega Man
anymore. You guys have lost focus. You've lost the plot. You've lost the spirit, the essence and the way. And you're in the Bermuda Triangle. And you threw the damn map in the river. And there's a guy in the hatch who--"
"Okay, I get it."
"Tell us, Keiji, what's Mega Man really
"Well, see, he's this man, right? He's a man who's... who's mega
. A mega man. He's a really, really, awesome man."
"Lies, Keiji. All lies
. You see, this is exactly what we were talking about. He's not a man! He's a robot!"
"Oh, right. A mega robot man, then."
"Wrong again! He's a robot boy
. Just a kid."
"Like I said, he's a mega robot kid."
"And what does he do, Keiji?"
"Well... he does mega things. Like shooting the bad guys."
"Keiji... just... no
. He doesn't just shoot them, he robs them of their powers
"So, he's a thief?"
"That's right! Which makes him a bad boy. And you know what? Gamers love playing as bad boys. Did God of War
teach you nothing?"
"So... what you're saying is I should return to Mega Man
's origins but cast them in a different light?"
"Yes, exactly. It's time to embrace a new name, Keiji. It's time for MEGA KLEPTOMANIAC ROBOT KID."
"I don't like it."
"MEGA KLEPTOMANIAC ROBOT KID ZX VS. SIGMA NETWORK HD FOR PS3."
"But you'll love the sequels even more!"