By complying with my request to cast your mind back to the month of February, you'll accomplish two very important things. Firstly, you'll conjure up the always hilarious image of a brain splattering across a slightly yellowed calendar page, preferably one of those featuring a woman you only dream of seeing on the romantic kind of date. And secondly, you'll recall the disappointing results of my last job interview, which saw the position of Finnish Sales Chart Tracker elude me entirely. Not being one to
Find the conveniently transcribed job interview after the break.
- DS Lite: 94,339
6,091 (6.06%)- Wii: 39,371
6,912 (14.93%)- PSP: 22,196
3,893 (14.92%)- PS3: 18,068
1,675 (10.22%) - PS2: 14,280
859 (5.67%)- Xbox 360: 1,635
409 (20.01%)- Game Boy Micro: 263
160 (37.83%)- GBA SP: 195
32 (19.63%)- Gamecube: 73
43 (37.07%)- GBA: 16
49 (75.38%)- DS Phat: 0
30 (100.00%)[Source: Media Create]
See also: Previous Japanese hardware sales charts
"Ah, Mr. Kietzmann. You're applying for Mr. Karakker's position, correct?"
"That's right. I just love cats! Big ones, small ones, even musical ones."
"Oh, that's... that's nice. I'm really more of a dog person. But let's stick to business, shall we?"
"Are you kitten?"
"Am I what?"
"Kitten. Like kiddin'. Are you kiddin'? It was sort of a joke type thing."
"Right. Umm, I guess I'd be LION? If I said that was funny?"
"I don't get it."
"See, a lion is a cat and... hang on, why are cats crawling into this conversation all the time?"
"Well, I'm here for the purr director job, obviously."
"Purr? You mean the PR director job?"
"Pee Arr?"
"Public Relations. Director."
"Oh. OH. Well, yeah, I could do that."
"Well, it says here you work well in a team and that your best positive attribute is 'healthy skepticism'."
"I don't know about that."
"But it says so on this sheet of paper."
"You're trusting some random printout? Where'd it even come from?"
"You gave it to me when you came in."
"Are you sure it was me?"
"Let me ask you this: Do you have any experience in this field?"
"Yes, I've had several."
"Years?"
"No, relations. Especially during college."
"Those would be private relations, surely."
"Oh no, they were public. There was this one time when I had this camera and -"
"Next question! How familiar are you with Sony products?"
"Very familiar. I have a Sony TV at home and you know, just like the name, I really have to say, 'Bravo! Job well done Sony! Bravo!' I've also got a PS3 because, you know, I'm really into HT graphics and blue movies."
"Oh god. You know what, I'm going to throw some hypotheticals at you."
"Will that hurt?"
"A journalist contacts you and requests a release date for an upcoming PLAYSTATION 3 game. How do you respond?"
"I find out when the Xbox 360 version comes out and add three weeks."
"A member of the media has found out and written about a super secret announcement you had planned. Do you let them run with it, or do you blackball them?"
"I'd wait for the dude to get home and run him through with my cutlass."
"The slaughter of a goat has somehow been associated with an upcoming PLAYSTATION game. What do you do?"
"I'd arrange the slaughtering of a more exotic animal associated with a competing product. Like, a gorilla. Is Donkey Kong a gorilla?"
"A blogger asks you to comment on rumor and speculation. Do you comment?"
"I don't... but by saying I don't, am I not commenting by default? And by remaining silent, could that not be interpreted as commentary? So... yes?"
"That's the wrong answer, I'm afraid. You were doing so well, by which I mean you really need to get out of my office."
"Okay, but which way is mine?"
