Joystiq vs. the Square Enix store

by Ludwig Kietzmann { Oct 1st 2007 at 1:00AM }

One of the greatest pieces of advice ever imparted by a space-faring amphibian comes directly from the Rebel Alliance's lovable but frequently surprised Admiral Ackbar. Whenever questioned about what exactly Japan's official Square Enix store is and what it represents, we feel compelled to swivel dramatically in our chairs, face the camera and blurt out, "It's a trap!"

And it's a sneaky one too. Don't march into the modest Shinjuku building expecting alarms to sound and a metal trellis to drop behind you, as the incredibly polite and professional cashiers aren't the least bit interested in capturing your body (that happens in another part of Tokyo, we hear). No, these people are silently clawing at the contents of your wallet -- and you'll find that very often the "people" are nothing more than androgynous CG citizens. If the life-sized Sephiroth trapped beneath the glass floor is pondering anything, it's the unusual business of selling real things from a fake place.

Here you'll find merchandise mined from a plethora of planets in the Square Enix universe, with every cellphone strap, shirt, figurine, lighter and necklace accounted for. If your favorite Squalls and Clouds and Soras have worn or wielded it, it's probably in a display case here with an exorbitant price tag to keep it company. Oh, and there are spoons -- yet another item meant to stir up your strange emotional attachment to places and characters that are, in reality, nothing more than reams of code and purveyors of profit.

You'll never catch us falling for it.

Gallery: Square Enix Store -- Japan

Well... dammit. And this was before we bought the Chocobo mugs.

Tags: Final-Fantasy, joystiqfeatures, Square-Enix, TGS07, tokyo-game-show

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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)

spartan029 @ Oct 1st 2007 1:04AM

Gator4Life @ Oct 1st 2007 1:13AM

Admiral Ackbar is the man.

Anticrawl @ Oct 1st 2007 4:30AM

Truely he is, sparked a world of paradies and memes that keep coming back again and again. One of the greatest Star Wars lines of all time.

"It's a trap!!"

Mr. Lucas tried to trump himself with the lame episode 3 Darth Vadar, "NOOOOooooo!!" But yeah, it failed to dethrone the Admiral.

Jouten @ Oct 1st 2007 1:25AM

I want! I want! =D

Bryan Young @ Oct 1st 2007 1:37AM

wow that is funny. i wish i could go.

jesus_bon_jovi @ Oct 1st 2007 1:37AM

So... how much for the Sephiroth...?

Rubang B (NDF - Heart) @ Oct 1st 2007 1:39AM

I've seen over 20 different kinds of slimes at both Yodabashi Camera and at some store in Akihabara. I also saw wyvern and golem figurines. The Enix half of the Squeenix beast is pretty big at representing over there too.

ark_v2 @ Oct 1st 2007 1:50AM

I've always though that that store is really stylish.

Sean DL @ Oct 1st 2007 2:01AM

So he's like Snow White, waiting fro his prince to come and giver him a kiss to wake him from his slumber?

Niiice...

Jouten @ Oct 1st 2007 2:06AM

Does anyone know if they ever branched off he FF series to make a RPG focused on Seph as the main and his story?

Negativecool @ Oct 1st 2007 2:09AM

Crisis Core would be the closest thing to what you seek.

Jouten @ Oct 1st 2007 2:19AM

Looks like I will be another vic for the FF:CC train! =P

Silver R. Wolfe @ Oct 1st 2007 2:21AM

@ Jouten

Though in Crisis Core, Zack is actually the main character. He just worked more closely with Sephiroth before Seph went crazy so if you want more back story on your favorite white haired villain, it would be the game for you.

Lifted 0ne 4l9 (NDF - Fire!) @ Oct 1st 2007 3:01AM

whats that Slime/Mario game?

Rubang B (NDF - Heart) @ Oct 1st 2007 4:32AM

Itadaki Street DS.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Itadaki_Street#Itadaki_Street_DS

Untamed @ Oct 1st 2007 3:04AM

OUCH. Some of those (very nice) trinkets are expensive. Did you see the price of the black FFVIII necklace/pendant? 16000Y!!

blooh (CDF - Ass Ring) @ Oct 1st 2007 3:18AM

what is that in real money

Untamed @ Oct 1st 2007 3:23AM

It's $138 CDN. :)

Kiryen @ Oct 1st 2007 3:38AM

Which necklace is this?
I think the silver Griever necklace was 80 CAD when I got it. Granted, this was 7 years ago, so my memory might be a bit rusty.

Untamed @ Oct 1st 2007 3:39AM

http://www.joystiq.com/photos/square-enix-store-japan/419742/

Rubang B (NDF - Heart) @ Oct 1st 2007 4:36AM

Whenever you need to do any currency conversions, just go to Google. For example, at Google, search for "16000 yen to dollars" and the result will be:

16 000 Japanese yen = 138.84800 U.S. dollars

It goes by Citibank's conversion rates and gets updated every day. You can try it with any forms of money and any amount.

Untamed @ Oct 1st 2007 3:29PM

XE.com is best Rubang.
Also, I did it in CDN$ because he asked for a real currency.

tako9 @ Oct 1st 2007 9:39PM

I have that necklace. It's available from the US store for $157. Being that it's made of .925 silver with a black coating, it is way expensive but I really wanted it.

DarkTetsuya @ Oct 1st 2007 3:54AM

If I've said it once, I've said it a hundred times:

"Just point me in the direction of the DQ slime merchandise and nobody gets hurt."

OK... maybe I haven't said it a hundred times, I still want the DQ Slime stuff.

ThornedVenom @ Oct 1st 2007 5:23AM

Before you know it, some asshat is going to make Sephiroth sex dolls for the needy. ;P

Evan @ Oct 1st 2007 7:43AM

It reminds me of the Warner Bros stores we used to have...
- pointless fiberglass character display: check
- plush toys: check
- themed jewelry: check
- clothing: check
- original production art: no, but I guess there's less re-sellable art involved in game production.

Spiral Prophet @ Oct 1st 2007 6:01PM

But does it have Themed Snow Globes?

Poops @ Oct 1st 2007 7:49AM

Ali Larter's head on a Conan body. That's what I thought I was looking at when I saw the photo on the front page of this post.

Come on, it's Ali Larter's head on a Conan body!

Emophia @ Oct 1st 2007 8:30AM

I will pay for that Sephiroth figure... And I've never even beat Final Fantasy VII...

Also, he's not wearing any pants... there's just a sheet over his lower body... I wonder how accuratly they modeled him... And what's with those tentacles groping him? His nipples look off centre... And why is he wearing lipstick?

timnc @ Oct 1st 2007 8:52AM

Dangit, why couldn't that store be open when I was in Tokyo last year. GRRRRRRR. Oh and those prices seem pretty reasonable. Some of those weapon displays are only $32 US. Then again from the pictures we can't get a good idea of scale.

Untamed @ Oct 1st 2007 3:31PM

Some of the prices do seem reasonable, I would pay 32$ for one of those weapon models, even if they weren't that big. But, that pendant I pointed out earlier is outrageous!

timnc @ Oct 1st 2007 3:35PM

I guess it would depend on what the pendant is made out of, and if it was hand made or machine made.

cartman80 @ Oct 1st 2007 10:41AM

Why do the Japanese hate everything that has to do with testosterone? Because of their military expansionism in the first half of the 20th century? I don't know, but I'm seriously curious. FFXII, FFXIII...the protagonists look like 12-year old transgender man-boy-girl sex workers from some sick man's fantasy. They make Justin Timberlake look like Burt Reynolds covered in blood after having skinned a deer.
Then there's Solid Snake though......I just don't get it.