Most bizarre thing you'll read today: Mass Effect's 'virtual orgasmic rape'
- Mass Effect is marketed to fifteen year old boys. That may be possible, but the game is rated M (17+).
- He says players engage in "the most realistic sex acts ever conceived." Sorry, but there are much better sex simulators.
- That players can customize an avatar's body and breast size -- that's just not true in the slightest.
- The piece de resistance: Players can "hump in every form, format, multiple, gender-oriented possibility they can think of." As we've gone over before, there's no love for our gay brothers in the game, sex is straight or between the ladies. Not to mention players can only have sex with a few characters -- it certainly isn't the Baskin-Robbins interstellar sex club of 31,000 flavors.
[Via GamePolitics]
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 3)
Captainbeefstain @ Jan 14th 2008 3:06PM
Poor Jean-Luc.
arrrgh @ Jan 14th 2008 3:15PM
he's had a rough few weeks
Ten Dolla Bill @ Jan 14th 2008 3:19PM
This guy isn't Jack Thompson's brother or anything is he?
Ten Dolla Bill @ Jan 14th 2008 3:19PM
This guy isn't Jack Thompson's brother or anything is he?
Dan @ Jan 14th 2008 5:00PM
He hasn't played the game, why is he commenting on it?
Super Fun Time Gamer @ Jan 14th 2008 6:39PM
He's pissed that Janeway made Admiral before he did. All she ever did was get lost for 7 years. And somehow make a Borg sexy.
Okay, I see it now.
Mromson @ Jan 14th 2008 8:21PM
I just rofled on the "the most realistic sex acts ever conceived." part.
Rocketboy @ Jan 15th 2008 9:44AM
Mrom... I'd think that the most "the most realistic sex acts ever conceived" would be, you know, real sex.
Alex McKee @ Jan 14th 2008 3:07PM
Uh, wow.
rv @ Jan 14th 2008 8:39PM
I know, right? These features aren't in my version. I knew I should have sprung for the special edition:(
Shagittarius @ Jan 14th 2008 3:07PM
Lets just hope Kevin McCullough doesn't play Peggle.
Ignatius @ Jan 14th 2008 3:09PM
I'm glad Picard is sharing our frustration.
Intentless @ Jan 14th 2008 3:09PM
god I love politicians...
Zoot Suit Jedi @ Jan 14th 2008 3:10PM
Goddam Bible Thumpers are just angry because Left Behind: Eternal Forces sucked.
chispito @ Jan 14th 2008 3:29PM
Just calm down, guys:
1) He is not a writer of consequence.
2) Nobody can decrease Ron Paul's chances of President at this point.
3) Liberals and conservatives both are guilty of this behavior, though on Capitol Hill it more often comes from liberal politicians (it's more of a nanny-state mentality). Remember Manhunt 2? If they had just read the reviews they'd know nobody was going to play it anyway.
aristokrat @ Jan 14th 2008 4:01PM
I've never heard someone call themselves a bible thumper, yet he describes himself as such. I was pretty sure that was only a derogatory term.
baby sea tuna @ Jan 14th 2008 4:04PM
Re: chispito's point #2
You're right, that would be like dividing by zero.
Trickob @ Jan 14th 2008 6:18PM
damnit! ron paul's going to take votes away from the democratic candidate and we're going to end up with another republican dip-stick again! its the green party all over again.
Dale @ Jan 14th 2008 7:27PM
@Chispito: It's not a Conservative vs Democrat thing... the vast majority of politicians are over 40. Regardless of your political views, at that age, you're very unlikely to have a clue about video games and politicians will jump on any cause that can make them look as effective as possible with the least effort.
FidliousWong @ Jan 14th 2008 3:10PM
How could Joystiq miss out on the sodomy bulletpoint?
blorg @ Jan 14th 2008 3:12PM
i havent played it yet, but does Mass Effect have ANYTHING to do with sex?
i also knew he was crazy as soon as he said "the X-Box 360, perhaps the most visually stimulating gaming system ever made"
Shagittarius @ Jan 14th 2008 3:19PM
Its not the size that counts, its the mass.
Shagittarius @ Jan 14th 2008 3:20PM
Its not the size that counts, its the mass.
Shagittarius @ Jan 14th 2008 3:21PM
Its not the size that counts, its the mass.
hvnlysoldr @ Jan 14th 2008 3:26PM
It's not the quality of points. It's the quantity.
Shagittarius @ Jan 14th 2008 3:29PM
Hvnly that sounds like nintendos stance on Wii software.
tmacairjordan87 @ Jan 14th 2008 3:38PM
that was a bit un-called for on this topic but still...zing confirmed
robert @ Jan 14th 2008 3:38PM
it's not the mass that counts, but the effect
Mr.ESC @ Jan 14th 2008 5:47PM
I'm not sure how but Robert and hvnlysoldr are both so full of Win.
Do you guys drink powerthrist?
hvnlysoldr @ Jan 14th 2008 7:42PM
I don't need caffiene. Whole oranges give me lots of win. Yes you must eat the seeds and skin. That's where the win hides.
Jerk Face @ Jan 14th 2008 3:12PM
Holy God... that guy is really fucking crazy. I mean.. REALLY. Not to mention that he is just making shit up through the entire article.
StrangeBum @ Jan 14th 2008 3:52PM
I quickly registered on the site and left my opinion. People like this really have no place trying to make political points, when they clearly have been so ill-informed on the topic at hand. It drives me crazy.
Ron Paul FTW!
Jerk Face @ Jan 14th 2008 4:04PM
The only guy crazier than the author of that article is Ron Paul.
StrangeBum @ Jan 14th 2008 4:09PM
Ron Paul may be a crazy muffucka, but dammit if I don't agree with him on just about everything.
It's too bad that the Libertarian party doesn't just step up to the plate and get him some damn nominations.
Trickob @ Jan 14th 2008 6:12PM
I only read the entire article because I wanted to read the part where he said, "heh heh, just joking!" but alas, he must have forgotten to include that...
Vegnagun bwf @ Jan 14th 2008 3:13PM
"My momma always said these shoes would take me anywhere I wanted to go"
King James @ Jan 14th 2008 3:17PM
I think Jean-Luc speaks, or gestures, for us all here. Just...just wow.
Marty @ Jan 14th 2008 3:18PM
Classic picture!
Worst Review Ever @ Jan 14th 2008 3:20PM
I think he must be thinking about that porn tie-in Mass Erection.
Yuccadude @ Jan 14th 2008 3:21PM
Read this via Penny Arcade, and I almost registered to ask him how exactly he recieved his information regarding all of these virtual fantasies he dreamed up, because I certainly didn't get any of the aforementioned hump this and hump that gameplay.
Avarice @ Jan 14th 2008 3:22PM
Yeah, yeah, that's great and all... but what's the Sex-Box's stand on immigration?
fulltilt @ Jan 14th 2008 3:33PM
Your avatar does not happen to be Rowsdower from 'The Final Sacrifice' does it? If so, you are awesome for that.
NeverSage @ Jan 14th 2008 7:18PM
It's a cult. They worship blue oysters.
Kristof @ Jan 14th 2008 3:24PM
This is what you get when people don't actually play a game but overhear something about a small part in a game and turn it into the main focus of the game. Like how GTA is simply "LOLZ kill ur hookerz 4 moniesz!"
Trowa @ Jan 14th 2008 3:27PM
In other news Jean-Luc Picard has decided to join the Borg. Before leaving he said that the reason for his leaving is that the Borg don't allow idiots like McCullough to think.
GreyFox @ Jan 14th 2008 3:27PM
THAT'S IT! CUT HIS MIC! HE'S DONE! CUT HIS MIC RIGHT NOW I WANT HIM OFF MY SHOW!
samfish @ Jan 14th 2008 3:28PM
I blame the liberals. After all, if they hadn't made this game that humanizes homosexuals in the first place, the conservative bigots wouldn't have anything to complain about.
edgore @ Jan 14th 2008 3:56PM
"humanizes homosexuals"
A particularly amazing feat when one of them is an alien!
hi2u @ Jan 14th 2008 5:11PM
The anthropomorphic aliens in Mass Effect are much more "human" than faeries, piles of sticks, or any of the other hateful epithets commonly directed against homosexuals, you know.
Trickob @ Jan 14th 2008 6:26PM
LOL, yeah, "a pile of sticks" I still remember when I was 10 years old and this kid called me the f-word and I'd never heard it before so I went and looked it up in the dictionary. My friends and I laughed him off the playground the next day, we thought he was an idiot! of course, now that I'm older, i realize that he WAS an idiot... fun memory...