Performance pills for pro gamers
by Alexander Sliwinski 
{ Jan 16th 2008 at 1:15PM }
A German company has created a pill that allegedly enhances gamer, uh, performance. Eurogamer reports that Tomarni's FpsBrain, developed with help from the Free University Berlin, claims to "accelerate neural processes, heighten perception and improve reactions." A batch of 60 pills will cost you €19.90 ($29.27).For chemistry folks the list of ingredients might mean something, but to us any "performance enhancing" that doesn't involve practice seems to point toward becoming an after-school special. The company states on its splash page that the product won't cause shaky hands and works within 60 minutes. There's also a 110% money-back guarantee, so if the pills don't work, you at least stand to make a profit.
Get a WordPress.com Blog
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
Marty @ Jan 16th 2008 1:21PM
I can't wait to see whole teams of Counter-Strike players having to testify before congress on their use of performance enhancing drugs.
"We didn't want to play like noobs, sir!"
Donald @ Jan 16th 2008 1:24PM
Fatality: "I'm not here to talk about the past."
Rubix42 @ Jan 16th 2008 1:23PM
I would love to see the statistics on the placebo effects of this pill. I'm a huge mind over matter guy.
DEEZNUTZ @ Jan 16th 2008 1:25PM
This will end badly.
Jeff Holland @ Jan 16th 2008 1:27PM
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/10230711?dopt=Abstract
Link to a study on one of the main ingredients.
Kendall B @ Jan 16th 2008 1:29PM
Are the main ingredients soda, pizza, and twinkies?
Grog @ Jan 16th 2008 1:30PM
There are a couple ingredients that I couldn't read (or translate, more accurately), but the only stimulant I see in it is 5mg of caffeine. Since your standard 12oz pop contains 5-10 times that dose, this hardly seems like a "performance pill" - more like an expensive multivitamin.
Matt B @ Jan 16th 2008 1:31PM
My gaming enhancement "pills" are beer and weed.
Co @ Jan 16th 2008 1:36PM
Substitute the beer for a glass of Crown Royal on the rocks and I'm in.
xFenixKnightx @ Jan 16th 2008 1:44PM
A 12 pack of Miller Lite and Xbox360 = a sweet
All-nighter
Victor @ Jan 16th 2008 1:50PM
Miller Light sucks, and weed makes you really suck.
Though if everyone else around you is high, it doesn't really make a difference :P
Edguy @ Jan 16th 2008 1:59PM
That reminds me of this one night I was online playing Halo 3. I went into matchmaking and the game consisted of three people that were high. One of them got into a Ghost and moved around in circles and the other two guys jumped over him as if it were jump rope.
I have to say, it was pretty entertaining.
xFenixKnightx @ Jan 16th 2008 2:18PM
Uhh ok? Thats what I like, I didnt say its the best and everyone should drink it. Thats my beer of preferance, now change your stupid avatar because nobody wants to see what you really lool like jackass!
Jeff @ Jan 16th 2008 2:47PM
I can't play challenging games when I'm stoned. Particularly now that we have all these beautiful next-gen effects. Staring into a beautiful HDR sky is too distracting.
When I'm drinking, though, I will fucking slay at Unreal Tournament.
GoldenS1104 @ Jan 16th 2008 4:57PM
Alcohol and weed actually make me worse at games, but they make me think I'm doing better, which is just as good.
T3H WICKERMAN (FDF) @ Jan 16th 2008 5:38PM
Gears n beers. Pills for blogging ;}
g3RC4n @ Jan 16th 2008 1:38PM
lol
graham @ Jan 16th 2008 1:47PM
Ha, Ha. Random drug screening in the world of professional gaming. That would be awesome.
WiNG @ Jan 16th 2008 1:48PM
I'm pretty sure this was already invented.
It's called "caffeine".
ThornedVenom @ Jan 16th 2008 1:50PM
Sorry folks, but I came from a day when games were about having fun, not practicing some high level sport.
I expect competition organizers to frown upon such performance enhancers, because just like in real sports, a real gamer never cheats.
meledeo @ Jan 16th 2008 1:52PM
It's just vitamins and amino acids with some caffeine. Not a big deal... could be marketed to a lot of different groups. Actually it's probably pretty good for you, except for the caffeine (which isn't that bad obviously).
Nate @ Jan 16th 2008 1:55PM
It only has 5 milligrams of caffeine. A standard "no-doze" caffeine pill has 200 milligrams. At that dose, I doubt even the lightest of lightweight non-coffee drinkers would feel it.
But yeah, it does kinda just look like a vitamin :)
Nate @ Jan 16th 2008 1:53PM
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tyrosine
Sounds like it works well when you're under extreme stress. I don't think "playing on nightmare difficulty" counts as extreme stress, however. And it definitely states that it doesn't offer any help under "normal circumstances".
JPN @ Jan 16th 2008 1:56PM
They made Hot Pockets into a pill?
Shagittarius @ Jan 16th 2008 4:56PM
diarrhea pocket!
Edguy @ Jan 16th 2008 1:58PM
Why would I need this when I already have Mountain Dew? :P
psychoticdream @ Jan 16th 2008 2:03PM
if those are the ingredients the product is legit and clean
yeah the caffeine is underdosed a tad
main things are b vitamins a bit of calcium, some glutamine and some tyrosine no biggie product's no different than a basic multivitamin really except its missing a few vitamins like A and D beyond that nothing much you pretty much get the same stuff from a bottle of red bull or a bottle of rockstar diet drinks
ScreamingSkull @ Jan 16th 2008 2:13PM
Entourage had an episode about this.
ark_v2 @ Jan 16th 2008 2:16PM
Concerta and Ritalin work like magic :D
Ghaleon @ Jan 16th 2008 2:26PM
Buy a Montain Dew six-pack and save $50
Jeff @ Jan 16th 2008 2:49PM
Honestly, I might buy these purely for shits and giggles.
And for during my AP exams....
oshin @ Jan 16th 2008 2:49PM
Question is, will 2 euro cover my medical bills after taking this.
Varone @ Jan 16th 2008 3:00PM
I'm a big fan of the 'Three Pint Zone'
dan stabbingworth @ Jan 16th 2008 3:01PM
When straight caffeine is to little and meth is too much...
dan stabbingworth @ Jan 16th 2008 3:02PM
blech, too, not to. I should just return my Engrish degree now...
bakedpigeon @ Jan 16th 2008 3:12PM
"Performance Pills For Pro Gamers"
Ya its called adderall.
Gbogdan @ Jan 20th 2008 10:13PM
Exactly.
Mark @ Jan 16th 2008 4:11PM
In the last major Halo 3 tournament here in Charlotte NC, I know for a fact that the top 3 double teams all used adderall.
It's sad really. Over-prescribing doctors combined with big profit, big pharma companies equals a generation of young pill heads.
MC @ Jan 16th 2008 3:45PM
Mmm, placebo.
Andrew Thompson @ Jan 16th 2008 4:14PM
way to steal my idea
i believe pwn pills came out first
http://youtube.com/watch?v=EnegD_VKKQg
shivr @ Jan 16th 2008 4:20PM
does this mean I'll be getting emails about this now?
"Please the ladies, enhance you gaming skill!"
"Dont be surprised if your gaming skill grows right before your eyes!"
Triforceowner @ Jan 16th 2008 6:12PM
Your reflexes are determines by your salt levels. The salt allows your nerve ends to communicate. Maybe that's what the pill is based on.
Rigor Mortis @ Jan 16th 2008 6:51PM
Miller Lite? Ewwww.
http://www.ratebeer.com/Beer/miller-lite/403/
Try some of these beers, dude - same style as Miller Lite, but far better
http://www.ratebeer.com/Ratings/TopBeersByStyle.asp?StyleID=3
drun @ Jan 16th 2008 10:14PM
Game Fuel？
Arathorn2nd @ Jan 17th 2008 8:11AM
Don't be fooled by this. The ingredient lists aminoacids, vitamins and caffeine.
The only "enhacer" there is caffeine, an amphetamine, the rest is just added to make the list bigger and the product different from off-the-shelves caffeine pills.
paravis @ Jan 20th 2008 6:31AM
People need to realize that the stuff in that pill, can be found in just about every "multivitamin" + a vivarin/cup of coffee. Tyrosine is an essential amino acid found in meats, eggs etc. It's hard not to get a ton of tyrosine with any big meal. Tyrosine supplements are all over the place as well.
I think this "performance pill", rather than being seen as an "alarming issue" in gaming, just shows that most gamers are completely oblivious to basic health vitamins, minerals, and amino acids. Go look at the back of a cereal box, lots of whats in this pill, you get a small portion of from a bowl of cereal.