Zero Punctuation causes 'Crysis' with vaguely positive review
by Alexander Sliwinski 
{ Jan 16th 2008 at 7:00PM }
Not since the Orange Box review has Zero Punctuation's Yahtzee spoken so highly of a game as he does this week about Crysis. And by "so highly" we mean he hates it slightly less than usual and barely manages a recommendation of it.
Yahtzee was certainly enamored with how pretty Crysis is, going so far as saying if the game were personified and in a male prison it would probably have it pretty rough -- well, unless the first-person shooter was into that sort of thing. Speaking of "that sort of thing," he does mention that your high-end PC may not be able to sit for a couple days given the PC parts needed to get it running at its very best.
Anyway, check out this week's NSFW review of Crysis after the break.
Yahtzee was certainly enamored with how pretty Crysis is, going so far as saying if the game were personified and in a male prison it would probably have it pretty rough -- well, unless the first-person shooter was into that sort of thing. Speaking of "that sort of thing," he does mention that your high-end PC may not be able to sit for a couple days given the PC parts needed to get it running at its very best.
Anyway, check out this week's NSFW review of Crysis after the break.
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 2)
jackgreene @ Jan 16th 2008 7:09PM
yay
Dan @ Jan 17th 2008 8:14AM
The graphics are undeniably good, but If you want double-digit framerates, then you need SLI 8800 Ultras and the worlds lowest resolution.
Jeff @ Jan 16th 2008 7:13PM
Crysis was the best singleplayer game ever. It gave me the same feelings of awe and amazement I first got when I played Halo 1 as a little n00bling to gaming.
mr nimblewick @ Jan 16th 2008 7:18PM
*cough* Figures. *cough*
tmacairjordan87 @ Jan 16th 2008 7:53PM
i was going to make fun of you until you said halo 1 was one of your first games, so your ignorance for even suggesting halo 1 is even close to being one of the best single player games ever is partially forgiven.
Poisoned Al @ Jan 16th 2008 8:13PM
My first game was "Horace and the Spiders." Top THAT!
(It would have been Checkered Flag, but the bastard deck ate the tape)
DWells55 @ Jan 16th 2008 8:44PM
Am I the only one who didn't find Crysis that great? I've still got a couple hours left, but so far it's been pretty run-of-the-mill for me. Yeah, it looks pretty, but the gameplay and the combat just didn't seem all that fun. I had much more fun with Call of Duty 4, Bioshock, Half-Life 2, Portal, FEAR, and so on.
Will @ Jan 16th 2008 8:56PM
Meh. Far as I see it, Crysis is only good for the graphics and almost qualifies to me as a benchmarking tool. I don't consider it worth buying because all I want to do is oogle at it and I can do that all I want in their demo, especially with the included editor. I already downloaded "hacked" maps which allow all the weapons, so now if I'm feeling bored I just run around with the TAC launcher and go "Pretty!"
Crysis, to me, has about as much value as the nVidia demos you can download for each new series of card.
Vegeta (aka Ska Oreo) @ Jan 16th 2008 9:12PM
It's obvious someone here didn't play Call of Duty 4.
Geist @ Jan 16th 2008 10:11PM
Crysis is fun, and I like the story (especially the holy-shit-in-a-handbasket last fifth or so of the game), but I'd be hard pressed to call it the best single player game ever. You really, really need to play some other titles.
Chainblast @ Jan 17th 2008 12:11AM
Crysis is a great game, a lot better than quite a few people give credit. That said it's hardly the best single player experience. There are too many games from the last 2 decades that easily shit all over it.
Slaziman (B-B-BRUSHED WITH FAAAAME) @ Jan 17th 2008 5:59AM
I dunno, walking behind baddies and giving them wedgies is pretty cool. Then switching to strength mode and throw them into the air and perforating them with bullets. Oh yeah.
t_m @ Jan 17th 2008 11:12AM
I can't play crysis, but halo1 had one of the worst single player games of any FPS ever. It made loads of mediocre FPSs released the same year look really good in comparison.
What it did have was great controls and great multiplayer.
Edguy @ Jan 16th 2008 7:15PM
So what Yahtzee is trying to get at here is that it's not only the high PC specs that have given the game it's substandard sales.
Spakkenkhrist @ Jan 16th 2008 7:20PM
right I'm going to take some in game footage of Crysis on my low-end PC to shut everyone up about this finally.
Edguy @ Jan 16th 2008 7:24PM
It runs all right on something less than an nvida 8800. It still looks pretty good at low-medium settings. My point is performance issues are unavoidable with this game no matter what you're running.
wootman @ Jan 16th 2008 8:20PM
bah, im running a x1950 at stock and can run it on high at a good fps, with no patches.
Burnt Meatloaf @ Jan 17th 2008 4:43AM
The only thing my dad says about it is an endless stream of curses when the save feature causes the game to crash -- which seems to happen about 60% of the time.
I find it ironic that Yahtzee highlights the insane level of loading and saving in FarCry, but Crysis has been having MASSIVE crashing problems while saving games. No, really. Check the forums and see how many people are complaining about it.
Also, my dad is one of those guys who spends $600 each on a CPU and graphics card, but I still say the game doesn't look that great on his machine.
To be fair, I've only seen about 10 minutes of this game running, but it doesn't surprise me at all that it isn't selling. And THIS is what gets a recommendation from ZP?
Slaziman (B-B-BRUSHED WITH FAAAAME) @ Jan 17th 2008 6:01AM
I haven't had that problem personally, then again I'm not quick saving every time I kill one enemy.
arrrgh @ Jan 17th 2008 11:23AM
meatloaf, what if yahtzee DIDNT have a problem saving? What if he was one of those who didnt experience this problem? It is possible you know
Fox318 @ Jan 16th 2008 7:18PM
I'm waiting till more info on the n-vidia 9 series comes out until I upgrade my rig(also 8 series prices will be down). I can't wait!
I just want to be able to run it on high 60fps and I'm hoping the 9series can do that.
TWIMTBP @ Jan 16th 2008 7:33PM
okay, what kind of info are you looking for? ;)
Fox318 @ Jan 16th 2008 8:07PM
I'm waiting for 1 card that can run crysis at very high settings.
Geist @ Jan 16th 2008 10:12PM
The robots will have taken over then, and you'll have no time for your human recreation while you slave in the Titanium mines of Jupiter's third moon.
Zsavior @ Jan 16th 2008 7:19PM
He also gave Mario Galaxy a great view(or atleast a great view for Yahtzee), anyway I didn't like Crysis. My computer isn't crap but it wasn't crysis ready at all. I could play it on medium but beyond that it just didn't seem that fun to me, but I am not a very big FPS fan so my word isn't exactly the best in the world in that department.
I do have a friend that loves the game and his computer is a beast so Crysis certainly does deserve some attention.
Easo @ Jan 16th 2008 8:27PM
Well i'm a huge fps fan, and I think Crysis is proof that pretty graphics dont make a game good. In my opinion, Bioshock is a better game, and I thought Bioshock was tedious and boring.
Abuzar @ Jan 17th 2008 7:24AM
Did any one check out the 2001: Space Odyssey monolith. Awesome book!
Disgruntled Goat @ Jan 16th 2008 7:23PM
Why, exactly, does this qualify as news? Do we really need an update every time this person "publishes" a review?
It reads like an advertisement. "Please support this glorified troll's desperate pleas for attention. He gets angry and vulgar over the most trivial things and he doesn't seem to enjoy life! You've never seen anything like this on the Internet before!"
I visit joystiq because IGN is owned by NewsCorp, gamespot somehow demonstrates even LESS journalistic integrity than the newscorp property, and joystiq, at its best, distills the essential news from every major gaming site to allow one to stay abreast of recent news/developments without spending an inordinate amount of time hopping from one site to another. The more "filler" stories you pad the site with, the less valuable it becomes.
You don't create an update every time EGM publishes a review, so why the heck do I care if "zero punctuation" has a new review out? If I wanted to see it, I'd keep up with it on my own.
Sorry, but "random malcontent hates popular game" is not news. This is the type of gristle I visit Joystiq to AVOID.
Trolls can have at it, I don't plan to return to participate in an idiot snakepit. I just thought I'd register my opinion in case anyone working at or reading Joystiq cares about quality control.
Beatz @ Jan 16th 2008 7:27PM
Yahtzee is not a random malcontent. He's a fucking god. Anytime he boots up his 360 we need an update.
CJC @ Jan 16th 2008 7:31PM
Because it's a video game news BLOG and not a "legitimate" news SITE? And as such the writers are entitled to write about nearly whatever they damn well please?
GaryM @ Jan 16th 2008 7:33PM
Page hits > quality control
;)
I agree with your sentiments, by the way.
Lord Chako @ Jan 16th 2008 8:10PM
I think you are missing the point.
The line between gaming "news" and "blogging" is a very fine one, and joystiq toes it. Granted they do cover gaming events, press releases and what not. But at the same time, they also cover/relay things related to gaming. That is the reason why they can have multiple updates a day, every day of the week.
There really isn't enough gaming "news" to have a site that updates daily. So sometimes they have to fill in the blanks with things that aren't technically "news", but still related to video gaming.
Zero Punctuation happens to have a half decent following, is different/sometimes funny, and therefore is warranted limited coverage.
Granted it is not "news", but at the same time, it is related to gaming. If joystiq only updated when actual gaming "news" broke, they wouldn't be in business. There isn't enough "news" in the gaming industry to warrant daily coverage.
Why do you think CNET, CNN, etc, have very small articles related to gaming news? It's not because they feel that gaming is a minor topic that is only worth mentioning 2 or 3 times a month. It's because there isn't enough "news" to report daily on.
Why do you think gaming magazines only come out once a month?
rv @ Jan 16th 2008 8:10PM
Its not so much the review, but the way he does it and that makes it entertainment, but not very informing. As entertainment, the timing isn't very important.
jsn @ Jan 16th 2008 8:40PM
his reviews are schtick and once that gets old, which it has for me, he's got nothing to offer. He's like a half-assed comedian who does the same routine for 10 years....
Kenny @ Jan 16th 2008 10:10PM
Well, that's just, like, your opinion, man
T @ Jan 17th 2008 12:01AM
It's called playing Devil's Advocate. While everybody may have nothing but lavish praise, he takes some time to bring up some of the negatives that everybody may be missing.
He just does it with a touch of humor to make it easier to follow, so that most sane people don't take him all too seriously.
Mr.ESC @ Jan 17th 2008 12:08AM
I wouldn't go as far as "GOD" but the guy is freaking good.
I would say Yahtzee is the LittleKuriboh of Videogame reviews and believe me that's a great honor.
On topic: If you don't like his show why you watch it? Joystiq staff is free to post whatever the hell they want and be damn grateful they do.
Shagittarius @ Jan 17th 2008 1:21AM
I think the point is everyone pretty much loves yahtzee's reviews, that is except for the ham-fisted chronic masturbating Disgruntled Goat and friends, so an update is appreciated.
CNash @ Jan 16th 2008 7:25PM
He's back on form; his Silent Hill review was funny, but this one had me with a perpetual grin.
Alex @ Jan 16th 2008 7:27PM
lol, I love Zero Punctuation, he's always funny, though I personally never use his reviews to make decisions on buying games, since he nit picks at every little thing, and I'm pretty sure he hates every game ever made that doesn't begin with the words Half Life.
Vegeta (aka Ska Oreo) @ Jan 16th 2008 9:13PM
either that or he hates every single game that isn't published by valve.
Mr.ESC @ Jan 17th 2008 12:11AM
Actually as a review I find it quite confusing but as a show is the most entertaining thing I have seen since YGO:TAS.
engine @ Jan 16th 2008 7:29PM
Kudos to Yahtzee for using Electric Six as part of his music.
Eugene @ Jan 17th 2008 11:27PM
Amen to that.
Jerk Face @ Jan 16th 2008 7:49PM
Crysis is like Half-Life 2 except less awesome.
jackbauer @ Jan 16th 2008 7:53PM
Yahtzee's humor in his reviews are a hit-or miss, having the same ratio to each other. When his humor fails it is ranges from hardly noticeable and epic fail, but when he hits the humor it's freaking hilarious.
His reviews do raise important points viewed through an unbiased paradigm, bu, eh , doesn't changed my opinion of crysis and how well it plays [I have to play on friend's comp :( my comp sucks ].
Anyways, another great entertaining video.
joe @ Jan 16th 2008 8:08PM
Columbo is indeed perfect. Yahtzee just earned several more points with me.
deaftly @ Jan 16th 2008 8:03PM
he was great at first but i think his 15 minutes ran out weeks ago
Shagittarius @ Jan 17th 2008 1:27AM
A review from yahtzee is awesome. Its like getting a hummer from the hot ass blonde at the end of the bar while her girlfriend who has a tounge like a giraffe is giving you a rim job, and then you sneeze.
jsn @ Jan 17th 2008 7:18AM
Shag:
obviously you've never had either... :)