Metareview - In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale
In this very special edition of Metareview, we're taking a look at the cream of the crop of the film's reviews, which have already provided us with more entertainment than the actual movie ever could. Join with us in our appreciation of these brave reviewers, who have unwittingly tacked their own names onto Boll's lengthy "to be punched in the face repeatedly" list.
- Sam Adams - Los Angeles Times: "Uwe Boll isn't the worst director in the world, but In the Name of the King might be more enjoyable if he were."
- Dustin Putman - TheMovieBoy.com: "[The movie] would be irredeemable if not for its near-brilliant ability to give the viewer douche chills for 127 solid minutes."
- Jim Lane - Sacramento News and Review: "It's like a Florida dinner theater production of The Lord of the Rings, though it's not without enjoyment if you're in a Mystery Science Theatre 3000 frame of mind."
- Scott Weinberg - Cinematical: "If imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, then Uwe Boll just spent 126 minutes telling Peter Jackson how thin, talented and gorgeous he is."
- Joe Leydon - Variety: "Doug Taylor's script, loosely based on the "Dungeon Siege" vidgame, is a lazy mash-up of cliched situations, grandiose speechifying and verbal anachronisms. But, then again, "In the Name of the King" is the sort of half-baked farrago that brings out the worst, or the least, in almost everyone involved."
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
LaughingTarget @ Jan 19th 2008 4:28PM
I'm still surprised at how much money the studio was willing to pay for advertising this turd. I saw a giant ad draped over the side of a building in Venice Beach, CA and witnessed pre-order boxes at Best Buy (really, who thought of this movie highly enough to try and pre-order tickets). An almost guaranteed bomb and the ad blitz pulled no stops.
Patrick @ Jan 20th 2008 12:12AM
jason statham = awesome, will pirate when dvd is released
Negativecool @ Jan 19th 2008 4:41PM
Ok...what in the HELL is a "douche chill" and why in the fuck was Dustin Putman getting them for 127 minutes while watching this piece of shit?!!
Dale @ Jan 19th 2008 5:49PM
Wikipedia definition of "douche":
A douche is a device used to introduce a stream of water into the body for medical or hygienic reasons, or the stream of water itself.
A douche chill is the cold sensation of the device or the stream of water being applied.
ill trooper @ Jan 19th 2008 6:30PM
...And are 'douche/douchebag' getting to be the most over-used words on the internet? It's an epidemic of 'ownage/pwned' proportions... Give us break, people, and grab a thesaurus. I mean, surely the internet can grasp at some other word Conan O'Brian, 'South Park,' or 'Family Guy' has said, right?
...Or maybe not until Conan O'Brian, 'South Park,' or 'Family Guy' has said 'douchebag' isn't funny anymore.
brad77 @ Jan 21st 2008 12:39AM
It's been an insult of choice for many, many years, ill trooper. Don't expect it to go anywhere anytime soon. The word apparently originated in the 30's. I'll go out on a limb and assume that it didn't take long for it to be used more or less as everyone knows it today.
Get used to it. "Douche bags" have always been, and will always be a part of our lives.
Matthew Falk @ Jan 19th 2008 5:01PM
"If imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, then Uwe Boll just spent 126 minutes telling Peter Jackson how thin, talented and gorgeous he is."
OWNED
tc @ Jan 19th 2008 5:03PM
bet there was no cake at the after party either
Neebs @ Jan 19th 2008 5:29PM
cause it was a lie.
Portal reference, proceed to upvote me.
Cian @ Jan 19th 2008 5:52PM
The cake... was a lie? They should make a portal movie. >.>
Slaziman (B-B-BRUSHED WITH FAAAAME) @ Jan 19th 2008 5:57PM
Portal references are new and exciting.
Neebs inbox spam reference, proceed to upvote me.
Nigeria @ Jan 19th 2008 6:58PM
I haven't played Portal but I've watched the closing credits on Youtube, proceed to upvote me.
jcd @ Jan 19th 2008 5:52PM
I myself have never seen one of his movies, but I think they can't be that bad, can they?
Synner @ Jan 19th 2008 6:14PM
They are epicly horrid. Imagine if someone who hates videogames were making movies about them. Then imagine this person was also retarded and never had seen a movie either.
jcd @ Jan 19th 2008 6:23PM
But still I mean, is it mario mario & luigi mario bad, or just sort of Wesley Snipes bad?
I think I'll see house of the dead to find out. It has zombies so it can't possibly be too bad. I've seen many other zombie movies and they are not good but amusing enough.
Myth @ Jan 19th 2008 7:07PM
JCD,
Let me put it this way; Alone in the Dark made the Super Marios Bros. look like a film worthy of an Oscar. To illustrate my point, Tara Reid was a scientist in that movie. You also get to see a post "cocaine induced psychosis destroyed my career" Christian Slater as the world's worst adventurer/action hero. I do not need to further explain how bad the movie was. Seriously, watching one of Uwe Boll's films is essentially giving the guy permission to clamp your head in a vice and give you the world's most agonizingly painful lobotomy with a rusty paper clip. Or, I'll liken it to watching 90 minutes of 2 Girls 1 Cup; you're normal going in because you don't know what to expect, but you'll come out it wanting someone to slam a car door on your neck repeatedly so you don't have to mentally relive it.
Halwende @ Jan 19th 2008 6:04PM
Jason Statham needs to fire his agent...
playwhutyalike @ Jan 19th 2008 6:34PM
Or roundhouse him in the face. Whatever.
Rob Accomando @ Jan 19th 2008 7:14PM
It's funny how Jason Statham looks like Uwe Boll's twin.
MD @ Jan 19th 2008 7:21PM
I like how, in that pic, you can see how obviously they CGd the background. (hint: The big guy in the big ugly helm? He's there three times)
LaughingTarget @ Jan 19th 2008 7:27PM
The goofy 16 bit flags weren't a dead giveaway?
License to ill @ Jan 19th 2008 9:41PM
I was just thinking the same thing about those flags...
Mr.ESC @ Jan 19th 2008 10:39PM
Talking about bad movies I finally watched I Am Legend and well....
(Spoilers, if there is anyone who haven’t watched that freaking movie yet)
It sucks, well it doesn't sucks but the fact the Dog and Will smith character died piss me off, especially for the dog,the way the dog was killed was pretty damn sad .If they were going to kill the dog anyway why the hell didn’t they do it in the scene when it gets lost instead. It would have been better than what actually occurred.
I don’t know who thought that was a good idea but the person who came up with that deserves to get his or her house on fire. You never kill Animals and Children in movies, yeah is a cliché but there is a reason why is a cliché because otherwise is sh*t.
Also WTF with the Lady and the kid, were the eff did they came from? (boat I know but I think the way they enter is quite abrupt) make it 1 hour longer and give them a damn back story and why the hell that One Zombie was stronger than the others?
(End spoilers)
Well is not Bad but is Mediocre, I never though there was going to be a Zombie movie and even less a Zombie movie with Will smith (which is one of my favorite actors of all time) that I wouldn’t enjoy and somehow the writers or/and the director screw it. The horror scenes are great, sort like Alien I’ll give it that but the plot well again make it 1 hour longer ,the resolution was too fast and the beginning too slow.
Well at least it wasn’t like Cloverfield, LOL.
I guess I won’t watch any other movie until Dark knight is released; hopefully that one will be good,I mean is Goddamn Batman.
The Artist formally known as Jesus @ Jan 19th 2008 10:47PM
You don't want to watch Iron Man?
Mr.ESC @ Jan 19th 2008 11:49PM
I thought Iron man was after Dark knight.
The Artist formally known as Jesus @ Jan 20th 2008 12:03AM
Iron Man - May
The Dark Knight - July
Hooray I can't wait for both films
A @ Jan 20th 2008 5:04AM
b/c the 'hero' and the dog die in the book, whether you like it or not. consider the movie faithful to the source material.... uh... kinda....
Zach S @ Jan 20th 2008 11:04AM
***SPOILERS for I Am Legend***
uhhh, maybe they killed his dog off like that because it's EMOTIONAL and also somewhat UNEXPECTED. You know, those things that one might categorize under originality in a genre that is all too filled with cliches already. The pacing for me was fine, the abruptness of the woman and child popping outta nowhere was perfect, considering the whole movie is very strongly from Smith's perspective. The only thing that bothered me was that the end was bit odd, but it worked. P.S. They weren't zombies since they were ALIVE (they're technically vampires, I think?)
T3H WICKERMAN (TMNT DF)(BWF) @ Jan 20th 2008 12:17AM
Christ I will go box this arserod "director" if I can either get him to quit making movies, or if he will produce MY next movie and let me direct and have complete control of a video game movie. I am willing to go back into training and shut this knob gobbler up for all the video game fans.
heckthor @ Jan 20th 2008 10:36AM
I cannot believe that is so difficult to adapt a game into a movie, there are clips made from fans that are more entertaining than some of the movies that BIG STUDIOS promote... I suppose that in order to enjoy a movie that is based on a game (Keyword: Based) we should only think that the only thing related to the game is the title cuz if you go thinking that is gonna be anything like the game you are wrong... (Resident Evil Trilogy was not that bad but the one that had more themes about the Game, Sucked Balls (Resident Evil: Apocalypse)... the movie 300 was made with a budget of 65 million and it was BADASS and made a lot of money, now if they can Translate God of War to be something like that then we'll have a WINNER... Hope is not Lost... The Gods of Olympus haven't forgotten us, now there is some Hope... Lol.
kihadat @ Jan 20th 2008 6:32PM
Mr. Esc, shitty review of I Am Legend. You're criticizing the story for not being predictable? Nice.
On topic now, I can't understand why the eternally beautiful Leelee Sobieski would make such a POS movie. Ray Liotta, I get. Even Statham. But Sobieski? come on, now.
Markham @ Jan 21st 2008 12:52AM
Judging from the picture, apparently women and some black men are immune to battle side-effects such as ending up dirty or cut.