Zero Punctuation not bewitched by The Witcher
by Ross Miller 
{ Jan 23rd 2008 at 4:32PM }
If you're wondering what a MUMORPUGER is, McSpacky Pants defines it as follows: "One click combat, endless drudging from place to place, quests involving killing X amount of monster Y for lazy stationary ... NPC 'Z.'" The NSFW video is embedded after the break. Stay tuned for after the credits roll for an adjustment of sorts to the Painkiller intro cinematic.
[Thanks to everyone who sent this in!]
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 2)
fischju @ Jan 23rd 2008 4:42PM
Not suprising, but I agree. I couldn't stand this game.
The UI was overcrowded and overcomplicated. The camera was horrbile, the controls were bad, the lighting was completely off, and they characters had no emotion (And very often no movement in convos - 55% of normal human communication is nonverbal)
Tykin @ Jan 23rd 2008 5:32PM
I completely agree. First let me say that I love PCRPGs, I've played BG I, BG II, ID, NWN, NWN2 and all the expansions those entail. Heck, I even played BG II with BG II: ToB to completion 4 times! Twice with a mage!
And yet I still found The Witcher boring, drawn-out, and overly complicated.
To be fair, I heard that the dialog/story won or at least was nominated. This is not the dialog in the English version. Apparently, the developers had a full script ready for the English version, but had to gimp it to pay for voice actors.
From what I've heard (this is all coming from the developers of The Witcher on the official forums, by the way), the original dialog is much richer and atmospheric than the overly nerfed final version.
Anyway, final word: you could do much better than this game. Go out and buy Baldur's Gate II with Throne of Bhaal if you want an epic PCRPG. It's only $10 on Amazon.
ronald.raygun @ Jan 23rd 2008 4:44PM
this is the best one yet, i want a little skit at the end of each review, or first impressions on a game that's been released.
Joshua @ Jan 23rd 2008 8:15PM
[+]
cheebs @ Jan 24th 2008 10:53AM
i have to agree - skits are always fun.
Why fun? Well Yahtzee sounds unreal funny playing a girl
Deck @ Jan 23rd 2008 4:46PM
Obviously, not his kind of game.
Though I disagree with him on this, as I love The Witcher. I think it is a great RPG. Its a pure RPG there is no doubt about that. Its great though! However I understand that the "pure rpg's" really don't have many fans, so I can understand how someone perhaps may not like it.
Rob @ Jan 23rd 2008 4:47PM
I loved that bit at the end. This guy gets better and better - and he knows how to pronounce z properly.
arrrgh @ Jan 23rd 2008 6:12PM
+1 on the z
sifer2400 @ Jan 23rd 2008 4:49PM
this guy is so good at making these Reviews
mr mobius @ Jan 23rd 2008 4:53PM
Best one for a long time. The bonus after was strangely brilliant and surreal at the same time. Yahtzee is on fine form this week.
Zarim @ Jan 23rd 2008 4:54PM
I was really excited about the Witcher at first but what really killed it for me was its horrible pacing. I still love the game, I just can't bring myself to finish it.
MrCheeks @ Jan 23rd 2008 4:57PM
20 mins. Outside. Pufferfish.
Epic Win.
Mike @ Jan 23rd 2008 5:25PM
My dog came over to check on me because I was cackling like a lunatic after that closing line. tears.
Obie @ Jan 23rd 2008 6:27PM
Hahah agreed, the best one yet.
Santo @ Jan 24th 2008 8:12AM
HUGE SUCCESS
arrrgh @ Jan 23rd 2008 5:12PM
another ace!~ i love this guy's style
Mr Khan @ Jan 23rd 2008 5:15PM
Odd, considering the PC gamer community felt that this game was one that could rival Mass Effect
But i suppose the time period creates the great difference between them. Both have massive worlds to navigate, but in ME you get to use Spaceships, in the Witcher you're limited to horses at best...
Neebs @ Jan 23rd 2008 5:30PM
Easily the funniest one yet.
MasterInsan0 @ Jan 23rd 2008 5:31PM
That little "bonus" at the end was certainly not what I was expecting, but absolutely hilarious.
dantad @ Jan 23rd 2008 5:34PM
AWESOME! I loved the bonus at the end! I cried!!! pufferfish...
LeChuck @ Jan 23rd 2008 5:37PM
I don't think you needed to explain the definition of MUMORPUGER, I'm pretty sure everybody here already knows about MMORPGs.
tony @ Jan 23rd 2008 5:50PM
that was sodding brilliant. yahtzee gets better every week. my favourite part was in the end bit when he said "yes, you do realise this is just a piece of wood, with the word resumé written on it...?"
gold.
root @ Jan 23rd 2008 5:50PM
"washing the gimp"
bahahaha - brilliant!
JakubK666 @ Jan 23rd 2008 5:51PM
Guys don't listen to Yahtzee. He criticizes every game + he hates RPG's so watch it for your own amusement then go IGN or Rotten Tomatoes and glance at Witchers 80% score!
theJmtz @ Jan 23rd 2008 6:36PM
Yahtzee hates everything, thats why it's funny. It doesn't matter if the game is good or bad.
The Artist formally known as Jesus @ Jan 23rd 2008 6:55PM
the rating system from Rottentomatoes just doesn't work for videogames
due to scores usually being one sided
unlike movies in which scores can vary greatly
Einhanderkiller @ Jan 23rd 2008 5:53PM
Looks like this'll be the first Zero Punctuation review I'll have to disagree with.
I loved The Witcher. RPG of the year for me.
Shawn @ Jan 23rd 2008 7:12PM
Couldn't agree more, and I have lots of sex with my Wife, so there goes that stereotype :P
Slaziman @ Jan 23rd 2008 6:04PM
Are you satisfied with my little dance you bureaucratic shit?
LMAO, the British accent just killed me.
Also LOL@washing the gimp... this guy draws out the most random references, which makes them all the funnier.
This one is easily the best, EVAR!
Deuxhero @ Jan 23rd 2008 6:09PM
"familiar medieval fantasy setting"
Looks like someone hasn't played the game.
Sora267 @ Jan 23rd 2008 8:59PM
He said he didn't beat it, that's why it was "First impressions"...
Geist @ Jan 24th 2008 12:05AM
Well he's right, in a sense. It's a world with dwarves, elves, gnomes, humans, magic, witches, etc. Magic is mysterious, potions are made to be drunk, the world is overrun by evil creatures and so forth.
Don't get me wrong, I'm having a helluva lot of fun with the game, but the world is pretty familiar, except that magic is something of a rarity, and potions aren't the cure-all to every affliction.
Alex @ Jan 23rd 2008 6:14PM
The Witcher?
I've a JoyStiq-aholic (I check JoyStiq 2-3 times a day) and I've never heard of this game.
Mr Khan @ Jan 23rd 2008 6:28PM
Join me or die. Can you do nothing less?
The Artist formally known as Jesus @ Jan 23rd 2008 6:56PM
only 2-3 times a day?
grable @ Jan 23rd 2008 8:41PM
Havent you heard of RSS ?? Why check something several times a day, when the shit can come directly to you?
Mal F4cti0n @ Jan 23rd 2008 6:40PM
sh*t, I am still laughing from the interview skit.
"20 minutes.....puffer fish"
Metacore @ Jan 23rd 2008 6:47PM
Can't wait for GDC just to see what he has in store for the!m
Robobagins @ Jan 23rd 2008 7:09PM
"MUMORPUGER" is officially the word of the day.
fco. @ Jan 23rd 2008 7:43PM
Yahtzee = the Maddox of videogames
Markusdragon @ Jan 23rd 2008 8:17PM
Okay, the 'do a little dance, woo-oo, woo-oo' has convinced me. Yatzee Crosshaw is just a ripoff of harsh TV critic Charlie Brooker.
Poisoned Al @ Jan 24th 2008 9:40AM
Actually, this guy is right. Zero Punctuation shares an AWFUL lot with Screenwipe:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bXOPIbb8ZjA
CuteUnit @ Jan 23rd 2008 9:01PM
I adored the Witcher. Yahtzee.. he's brilliant but for all his sass he's apparently so damn old that any time an interface inconveniences him to learn it instead of being exactly like the UI he had in the last game he played, he starts to froth.
Poisoned Al @ Jan 23rd 2008 9:45PM
Yahtzee has a sqweeky chair this week.
Markster @ Jan 23rd 2008 10:43PM
FYI:
If you watch his Tabula Rasa review, you will see that "MUMORPUGER" is just his little pet name for MMORPGs in general.
His point is that The Witcher plays just like MMORPGs, and that he hates both it and them.
lgndk11r @ Jan 24th 2008 12:03AM
Retard McSpankypants = character name of the decade!
Geist @ Jan 24th 2008 12:08AM
Though he was hilarious as always, I disagree with him on many points. I enjoy the Witcher a lot, despite a couple quibbles here and there.
And yes. Geralt has sex with EVERYONE. Like "Oh, hey lower townsfolk. Yes I know some gossip. *talktalktalkSEX*."
Or the half-elf maiden that was teaching me how to speak elven, and then somehow she and Geralt had sex...for some reason. Out of the damn blue.
StalkerDan @ Jan 24th 2008 12:42AM
Crap...I forgot to washed the gimp today.
EMaster @ Jan 24th 2008 2:44AM
"Now I just have to figure out if that was a man or a woman" ROFFL!!! Get this guy on the fucking podcast. Pay him money! Do something!!! Valve did it why can't u?
Kevin @ Jan 24th 2008 3:32AM
I second that. Get Yahtzee on the podcast!