The world's greatest fan-fic: Half-Life: Full Life Consequences

by Justin McElroy { Jan 30th 2008 at 9:10AM }

If you've ever needed concrete proof that children are, indeed, our future, look no further than Half-Life: Full Life Consequences, an awesome piece of classic fan fiction written by a nine-year-old and then animated by a group of evil geniuses.

By the way, if you need to win an internet argument any time soon, we're willing to bet that "zombie goasts leave this place!" and "BECAUSE YOU ARE A HEADCRAB ZOMBIE" are pretty much going to be the trump card of choice for the foreseeable future.

[Thanks, Cavalorn]

Tags: fan-fiction, half-life, valve

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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)

naxe @ Jan 30th 2008 9:24AM

why is a nine year old playing this game? seems too hardcore for that age group. my parents are guilty of buying me M rated games when i was younger but something has to be done about this problem. 10 year olds shouldnt be playing COD4 GOW. but w.e cool vid. i guess.

maverick_saturn_626 @ Jan 30th 2008 10:15AM

Come oooon... which 9 year old do you know that hasn't played GTA yet? What has Gears, Half Life, Halo and anything else got that GTA hasn't. Lmao

SF Legend @ Jan 30th 2008 5:38PM

Chainsaw bayonets.

Zach S @ Jan 30th 2008 10:14PM

The point isn't "what 9 y.o. hasn't played these mature games" but that "they shouldn't be playing them." Games are rated Mature because they have content that is not only 'not suitable' for children, but is also much more appreciated by adults.

Alexisonfire @ Jan 30th 2008 9:26AM

I.... cannot... stop... laughing.

That is too funny!

Joe @ Jan 30th 2008 9:34AM

Don't try to force the meme, Joystiq. If it is destined to be a meme, it shall be so.

Mr.ESC @ Jan 30th 2008 10:39AM

That's a good comment my friend but I'm afraid isn't acceptable...*Caps lock BECAUSE YOU ARE A HEADCRAB ZOMBIE *Caps lock

(Forced meme is forced)

Shignami @ Jan 30th 2008 11:35AM

Too bad this is old as fucking hell

Heres the original video:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=XZrkOTzPUC4

gokk @ Jan 31st 2008 7:44AM

I don't think you realize that it is already a meme.

Dan Bugglin @ Jan 30th 2008 9:31AM

GENIUS.

This is why Garry's Mod was created.

Hyams @ Jan 30th 2008 9:35AM

Here's his fanfiction account: http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1047027/squirrelking

And don't be mean! :( - he's only like nine years old and he's learning English through writing these stories. He's recieved reviews telling him to commit suicide and calling him a retard, which really isn't all that nice... :(

Ethan @ Jan 30th 2008 12:08PM

I do seem to remember writing a 10-page epic about a fox that'd lost it's mum when I was about the same age.

Basically, you're right. Even if it's filled with massive holes and the 'brother' character is obviously created so the author can insert himself, but a 9 year old who takes the time to write a story down of their own accord is better than most, I'd say.

opifex @ Jan 30th 2008 9:39AM

lolled my ass off!

Blazur @ Jan 30th 2008 9:40AM

This video had me in tears when I first watched. It's so stupidly funny...

DaveC @ Jan 30th 2008 9:50AM

Also check out The Idiots of Garry's Mod, hillariousness.

If you listen carefully though, you can hear the narrator laughing to himself [:P]

Fox318 @ Jan 30th 2008 10:09AM

This is a great example of how a score can make a film great.

Mikeawesome @ Jan 30th 2008 12:54PM

I agree. I think that that's new too.

Either way, regardless of how old this is, it's fucking hilarious, haha.

Stu L Tissimus @ Jan 30th 2008 10:10AM

Okay, I'm sorry, but you guys have no idea how old this is. The video may be new, but that's not the star of the show: it's the audio. The epic reading is at least a year or two old. Originated on a site that doesn't exist and quickly spread to YTMND.

Dustin @ Jan 30th 2008 10:21AM

That was probably the most entertaining five minutes of my days, until I go home and play REZ HD.

My favorite part was easily "BECAUSE YOU ARE A HEADCRAB ZOMBIE!" I lol'd, and now I'm loi.

ogvor @ Jan 30th 2008 10:22AM

This was the funniest things I've seen since the very first Yahtzee video.

The birds and the sun was almost down from the top of the sky ???

Chris @ Jan 30th 2008 10:25AM

I don't know what's more entertaining, the video, or the fact I known adults with worse English than the 9 year old who wrote the story.

Poisoned Al @ Jan 30th 2008 10:23AM

You Tube just keeps coming up with Source base win today.

Chris @ Jan 30th 2008 10:28AM

How typical is it that I should typo on a comment insulting someone else's English????
Sigh
How do you kill zombie ghosts anyways?

Poisoned Al @ Jan 30th 2008 11:25AM

You blow up their house! Dur!

Ethan @ Jan 30th 2008 6:45PM

That just makes them happy!

Mr.ESC @ Jan 30th 2008 10:35AM

Well, well this was a triumph
I’m making a note here, Huge Success.
Is hard to overstate my satisfaction

Awesome stuff, it reminds me of a Ren & Stimpy episode.
Epic Win.

This is a great way to start the day.

capt_carl @ Jan 30th 2008 10:48AM

I saw this video last week. I was rolling in laughter. Good times.

Obie @ Jan 30th 2008 11:09AM

Holy crap that was epic! That narrator barely kept himself from loling hehe.

andrew @ Jan 30th 2008 5:59PM

Nine year old? I'm not so sure...someone obviously is inspired by Jerry Jackson, which is a (hilarious) cartoon meant to look like it was done by a nine year old.

http://www.fat-pie.com/jerryjackson.htm

Check out "super marrio bro's parondies"

Ethan @ Jan 30th 2008 12:00PM

It appears kids also write the darndest things.

Obie @ Jan 30th 2008 12:43PM

BEHOLD, I bring you more awesome(?) Squirrelking fanfiction...someone needs to make his Halo dreams a reality!

http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1047027/

"Human people army guys hurry and come in ship!"

hahahahaha

ChiTownRuler23 @ Jan 30th 2008 1:46PM

wtf did i just watch?

Poisoned Al @ Jan 30th 2008 1:49PM

Watching it again, 2:53 STILL makes me lol.

Ranus Studios @ Jan 30th 2008 2:03PM

Hang on, I need to wipe these Tears of Laughter from my eyes.

Poisoned Al @ Jan 30th 2008 2:32PM

Oh god, they just keep coming today. I was crying at one point at this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fh8VfFH78jY

Yeah, I'm easily amused. Bite me.

crankypants @ Jan 30th 2008 2:38PM

"He was angry and mad..."

Angry AND mad?!@?!?@! Head for the hills, brotha!!

Jonah Falcon @ Jan 30th 2008 2:49PM

Meh. Concerned wannabe.

Neebs @ Jan 30th 2008 2:58PM

BECAUSE YOU ARE A HEADCRAB ZOMBIE

genoma @ Jan 30th 2008 3:52PM

IMO the DRM approach to games Valve has with steam is the way forward. Valve get's its revenue, gives us good games, contains piracy and since they are a great company, they invest in other developers.

Case in point is Portal

This was a triumph.