We feel kind of dirty giving any sort of attention to the cancerous boil on film directing that is Uwe Boll, but when the guy is acting this freaking weird we just can't help ourselves. Boll has followed up his offer to stop directing if an online petition against him reached 1,000,000 signatures with a heavily-accented YouTube video that manages to insult Eli Roth, Michael Bay, George Clooney and practically all of Hollywood as "fucking retards" that don't understand that Boll is "the only genius in the whole fucking business."
While Tinseltown insults are all well and good, what really interested us was Boll's call for a "pro Boll petition" to counteract the anti-Boll forces. Boll said he "expect[s] a million votes, Pro Boll," and he's already well on his way, with a whopping 72 signatures so far on the Pro-Boll petition set up by FilmDrunk.com. That's a far cry from the 137,644 that have signed the anti-Boll petition as of this writing, but maybe it takes "the only genius in the whole fucking business" to understand the vagaries of the math involved.
Watch the video and read a transcript of Boll's rant after the break.
Transcript (taken from FilmDrunk): "So hi here, sir, Uwe Boll, and I have a statement to make about ze internet petition. Zere's a petition out to stop Uwe Boll, and I said if zere are 1 million, on ze petition I stop actually making movies. And I want, zat zere is a petition also out zere like a PRO-BOLL petition and I expect a million votes, Pro Boll. And I hope somebody would set it up, and you all start signing it.
Because look, I am not a fucking retard like Michael Bay or ozza people running around in zat business, or Eli Roth, making the same shitty movies over and over again. If you really look at my movies, you will see my real genius. And if you go on May 23 on Postal, you will see zat I deliver a movie, what NOBODY else deliver in ze last ten years. What is way better zen all zat social critic George Clooney bullshit what you get every fucking weekend. So you have to wake up and you have to see me what I am, I am ze only genius in ze whole fucking business. Goodbye."
Reader Comments (84)
Posted: Apr 9th 2008 4:30PM (Unverified) said
Oh my god! Michael Bay respongs to Uwe Boll
http://www.bingegamer.net/index.php/2008/michael-bay-uwe-boll-is-a-sad-being
http://www.bingegamer.net/index.php/2008/michael-bay-uwe-boll-is-a-sad-being
Posted: Apr 9th 2008 4:39PM (Unverified) said
If only Michael Bay knew that he sucks too...
Michael Bay = Uwe Boll with millionarie budgets.
Reply
Michael Bay = Uwe Boll with millionarie budgets.
Posted: Apr 9th 2008 4:49PM (Unverified) said
I got nothing wrong with MBay. He directed Transformers, which is so awesome it makes my head explode.
Reply
Posted: Apr 9th 2008 4:50PM (Unverified) said
Forget the Lmao-lawn-mowers this calls for Roflcopters
http://roflcopterfinal.ytmnd.com/
Soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi.
Reply
http://roflcopterfinal.ytmnd.com/
Soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi.
Posted: Apr 9th 2008 4:53PM (Unverified) said
"I got nothing wrong with MBay. He directed Transformers, which is so awesome it makes my head explode".
Yeah Mbay is pretty cool guy,eh maked heads explode and doesn't afraid of anything.
Reply
Yeah Mbay is pretty cool guy,eh maked heads explode and doesn't afraid of anything.
Posted: Apr 9th 2008 4:46PM (Unverified) said
Posted: Apr 9th 2008 4:49PM Lone Starr said
My signature goes to the highest bidder.
Posted: Apr 9th 2008 4:56PM (Unverified) said
Well the bid goes like this:
Uwe Boll will give you nothing and he will keep producing bad movies until you like them and he will thank you by saying that he knew you were going to vote for him anyway because he is such an awesome guy and sh*t and that you love him like a God.
If you vote against Uwe Boll by the other hand we won’t have to break your thumbs.
Reply
Uwe Boll will give you nothing and he will keep producing bad movies until you like them and he will thank you by saying that he knew you were going to vote for him anyway because he is such an awesome guy and sh*t and that you love him like a God.
If you vote against Uwe Boll by the other hand we won’t have to break your thumbs.
Posted: Apr 9th 2008 4:58PM (Unverified) said
280. Michael Bay
Hello, this is Michael Bay. You might remember me as the director of such fine films as Transformers, Bad Boys II, Armageddon, and the video collection of the band formerly known as Great White(R.I.P.) I thank god every day that we have such fine internet movie critics such as SomethingAwful's Mr. Richard "Lowtax" Kyanka and the staff of Planetavp.com to bring the failings of Dr. Uwe Boll to the public. Without their hard work and expert critical knowledge of film, Mr. Dr. uwe Boll's movies might be taken seriously like that hack M. Night Shamyalan. So it might surprise you that I'm signing this petition in favor of Dr. Mr. Boll. So that he can continue to crap movies out of his ass and I can continue to stomp him in every concievable way. So keep on keeping on Dr. Boll, maybe you'll get Jim Carrey to play the lead in the Farcry movie.
Hello, this is Michael Bay. You might remember me as the director of such fine films as Transformers, Bad Boys II, Armageddon, and the video collection of the band formerly known as Great White(R.I.P.) I thank god every day that we have such fine internet movie critics such as SomethingAwful's Mr. Richard "Lowtax" Kyanka and the staff of Planetavp.com to bring the failings of Dr. Uwe Boll to the public. Without their hard work and expert critical knowledge of film, Mr. Dr. uwe Boll's movies might be taken seriously like that hack M. Night Shamyalan. So it might surprise you that I'm signing this petition in favor of Dr. Mr. Boll. So that he can continue to crap movies out of his ass and I can continue to stomp him in every concievable way. So keep on keeping on Dr. Boll, maybe you'll get Jim Carrey to play the lead in the Farcry movie.
Posted: Apr 9th 2008 4:59PM (Unverified) said
Worst. Director. Ever.
Posted: Apr 9th 2008 5:01PM Monkeydog said
I feel bad that I actually agree with his Eli Roth and Michael Bay comments.
But it really doesn't take a genius to realize their faults, if that's all he's going on, I'm a total genius.
But it really doesn't take a genius to realize their faults, if that's all he's going on, I'm a total genius.
Posted: Apr 9th 2008 5:24PM Someguy2222 said
...
Posted: Apr 9th 2008 5:24PM ThornedVenom said
Who wants to start a list of film directors who had proven to be better than him for the past 10 years (Michael Bay and Eli Roth excluded)?
Him insulting them is one thing, but him selling himself as the hottest shit out there was WAY too fucking much.
Him insulting them is one thing, but him selling himself as the hottest shit out there was WAY too fucking much.
Posted: Apr 9th 2008 6:05PM mikec89 said
I lol'd
Posted: Apr 9th 2008 6:07PM jumpshot said
I'm tired or this guy. I hope we get a million votes to send this smug joker a message.
He's obviously worried if he's asking for a pro Uwe petition. I'd assume the investment group that backs his movies are the ones signing his petition.
I want GOOD people making game movies... please stop him before he gets to Assasin's Creed or something.
He's obviously worried if he's asking for a pro Uwe petition. I'd assume the investment group that backs his movies are the ones signing his petition.
I want GOOD people making game movies... please stop him before he gets to Assasin's Creed or something.
Posted: Apr 9th 2008 6:09PM DonaldMick said
Is it possible to anti-sign a petition?
Posted: Apr 9th 2008 6:28PM horngreen said
Hell I signed it. Game to film movies suck because game stories suck as does Mr. bay.
Posted: Apr 9th 2008 6:21PM Mr Slayer said
Uwe Boll is a madman and needs to be stopped at all costs.
Posted: Apr 9th 2008 6:47PM Funkmaster General said
Well, I've signed the petition to stop the madman known as Boll.
SIGNED THAT BITCH.
SIGNED THAT BITCH.
Posted: Apr 9th 2008 7:01PM Heywatchitbuddy said
this petition = free publicity for Uwe
Posted: Apr 9th 2008 7:02PM bobseph said
It doesn't matter if you think Bolls movies are funny or you don't care that his movies are bad when he is screwing up so many game franchises in the movie industry. Bloodrayne could have been as good as underworld or house of the dead could have been as cool as 28 days later. So he may be funny now but when he directs your favorite games' movie and screws it up see whos laughing then.
Posted: Apr 9th 2008 7:50PM (Unverified) said
From the post "...That's a FAR CRY from..."
Get it? Because he's making a Far Cry movie? Yeah? Yeah? No? No. I'm sorry.
Get it? Because he's making a Far Cry movie? Yeah? Yeah? No? No. I'm sorry.
Posted: Apr 9th 2008 11:07PM Deprincer said
Oh man... Uwe Boll is a badass. I'm totally signing the Pro Boll.
Posted: Apr 10th 2008 12:19AM (Unverified) said
sigh.. the thing has 630 signatures right now. Too people who sign because it's funny no just no. The jokes on you when he ass rapes your favorite games.
Posted: Apr 10th 2008 1:22AM (Unverified) said
I signed it. Number 651. Why not? There are a lot of bad directors out there. I am a huge video game fan, but that doesn't mean I feel particularly offended when a video game gets turned into a horrible movie. Why are bad movies based on good video games any worse than bad movies based on good books? There is no petition to keep the director of "Love in the Time of Cholera" from making movies any more, but that movie completely missed the point of the book and was mediocre in every respect.
Dr. Uwe Boll is unfairly singled out by a community of people who takes their hobby far too seriously. Really, "ass rapes your favorite games?" If you don't want to see the movie, DON'T GO. Did the Mario Brothers movie "ass rape" the franchise? Did that crappy Captain America movie from the 80s stop the world from being appalled when he was killed? Did having The Rock star in DOOM "ass rape" John Carmack? Someone earlier was saying that if you signed the pro-Boll petition, they'd "break your thumbs." Overboard much?
Look, I don't like him much either, but let's give the guy a break. He's doing what he loves, and moderately successfully as well. More power to him. If you love your work enough, sooner or later that will come through in the final product and make something special. Good for Boll, he's making a living by doing his dream. All you people who want him to stop so much need lives badly. It's just a couple of bad movies. He never killed anyone, for god's sake.
Reply
Dr. Uwe Boll is unfairly singled out by a community of people who takes their hobby far too seriously. Really, "ass rapes your favorite games?" If you don't want to see the movie, DON'T GO. Did the Mario Brothers movie "ass rape" the franchise? Did that crappy Captain America movie from the 80s stop the world from being appalled when he was killed? Did having The Rock star in DOOM "ass rape" John Carmack? Someone earlier was saying that if you signed the pro-Boll petition, they'd "break your thumbs." Overboard much?
Look, I don't like him much either, but let's give the guy a break. He's doing what he loves, and moderately successfully as well. More power to him. If you love your work enough, sooner or later that will come through in the final product and make something special. Good for Boll, he's making a living by doing his dream. All you people who want him to stop so much need lives badly. It's just a couple of bad movies. He never killed anyone, for god's sake.
Posted: Apr 10th 2008 2:35AM Courtney said
692 right now. If he just made more video rants like that, I would actually watch more of what he films!
Posted: Apr 10th 2008 8:47AM (Unverified) said
The petition is up to 833 signatures now. Keep 'em comin.
Posted: Apr 10th 2008 2:09PM (Unverified) said
how can you not like this guy, he's a character and cracks me up, so what if he makes a bad movie, he's not the only one so let's relax people!!!
Posted: Apr 10th 2008 2:45PM MPTownes said
Calling Boll a cancerous boil does a disservice to actual boils filled with cancer.
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