New Xbox 360 update doesn't do anything

by Justin McElroy { Apr 18th 2008 at 8:00AM }

The next time you fire up your 360 you'll be prompted to do a system update and we hope you're sitting down when it happens, because after it's complete you need to be prepared for the thrill of performance identical to before said update. No, there's nothing. Don't try poking around, you're just going to get your heart broken.

Genie paramour and Microsoft spokesman Major Nelson said the code is solely to "prepare for future growth of the service." We're hoping the update is tantamount to a young girl getting a saddle the night before her thirteenth birthday, only the metaphorical pony is the Spring Dashboard Update, information on which has been unusually scarce. We'll let you know when we get some.

Tags: dashboard-update, dashboardupdate, xbox360

Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)

Hamza @ Apr 18th 2008 8:05AM

I doubt anybody really looks for changes after updates either way.

Benny @ Apr 18th 2008 8:07AM

I thought Home had finally arrived...

:(

Zarim @ Apr 18th 2008 8:08AM

wat

Captain Skyhawk @ Apr 18th 2008 9:29AM

Naw, its support for the Warhawk DLC

Tim The Enchanter @ Apr 18th 2008 10:04AM

It's putting code in your xboxz and stealing your internets

Rususeruru @ Apr 18th 2008 8:23AM

Hmmm... finalizing HD-DVD support? No, I think that's been done. opening it up for Blu-ray support, nah that'll be a huge deal and *should* be slipped in with the spring update with little fan fare before it happens (just to screw with everyone). just trying to irritate me with a system restart, yeah I guess that's what it's for, damn you Microsoft!

Rususeruru @ Apr 18th 2008 8:25AM

Also, I thought that they weren't going to refer to them as the Spring and Fall updates anymore... yet Major Nelson still calls them that... hmmm whatever.

mcatrage @ Apr 18th 2008 8:57AM

Lets just hope they're ready for GTA4 and there isn't any down time.

Richie @ Apr 18th 2008 8:59AM

This is just an update to ban 360 hackers from XBL. It's the same with the update before Halo. This will be exactly the same.

ScottG13 @ Apr 18th 2008 9:03AM

Oooh, I love the sweet sweet massage of "preparedness."

xFenixKnightx @ Apr 18th 2008 9:19AM

Update? Probably a message from MS to its box saying congrats on kicking the "Big Black Behemoths" ass this month ;) GTAIV will secure another victory for 360 next month as well. MS should lower the price righ now right b4 the GTAIV release.

FrankTheCrank @ Apr 18th 2008 9:56AM

MS...you should drop the core. Sell only HDD equipped systems. Redesign the 360, internally, and externally. Sell it as a "new" and improved model. Finally, drop the price by $100.

The Pro...with a 60GB drive for $249. I'm in like Flynn.

xFenixKnightx @ Apr 18th 2008 10:08AM

I agree

Squirrel3D @ Apr 18th 2008 11:43AM

Me too

343 Guilty Fart @ Apr 18th 2008 12:43PM

I concur

Ysleiro @ Apr 18th 2008 1:30PM

I most absolutely concur.

By now production cost must be down significantly and they should be able to shave 100 off no problem.

They should drop that darned Arcade crap though. It's only a matter of time before a game gets seriously handicapped because of fear of losing out non-hdd gamers.

Obie @ Apr 18th 2008 9:39AM

I am sure its just gettin' ready for WiiWare.

Arno @ Apr 18th 2008 9:46AM

It's probably another security fix. Microsoft puts those out silently and then months later we learn that we could have had homebrew on our 360's.

PSN: KillaKornbread (the shirt is a lie!) @ Apr 18th 2008 10:05AM

an update that does nothing? im sure it does something. maybe not anything exciting but it has to do something. its probably security and stability stuff. they do it all the time on PS3.

Oshi @ Apr 18th 2008 10:11AM

Man. I completely forgot about the Spring update. C'mooon H.264+Matroska support...

DoctaDJones @ Apr 18th 2008 12:17PM

And support for MP4s through Media Center Extender.

I'm sick of not being able to watch my Podcasts though the extender interface when I know the X-Box can play them through the dashboard.

Ronshatmycarl @ Apr 18th 2008 10:36AM

You had me really, really worried about where you were going with the thirteen year old girl and saddle metaphor.

FSK405K @ Apr 18th 2008 10:41AM

I can't be the only one who immediately thought of a 13-year-old girl getting a push-up bra for her birthday? You know, to "prepare for future growth of the service."

amart @ Apr 18th 2008 11:04AM

... lil' much?

WhereAmI @ Apr 18th 2008 11:07AM

All i really want in an update is to be able to stream from the computers again. Ever since the last update the PCs see the Xbox but the 360 can't see anything else in the system, I'll get around to checking when I feel like rolling out of bed. God damned strep throat.

Steve @ Apr 18th 2008 11:19AM

Mine streams from my computer just fine!

Jake @ Apr 18th 2008 11:14AM

I could be imagining things, but it seems to have changed the
contrast settings on my 360. Menus, dashboard and games do not seem
to look the same. This is hard to quantify - has anyone else noticed
anything funny?

Mark G @ Apr 18th 2008 11:41AM

What's with the top secret bullshit with the major updates. WTF! What can't MS drop us some info about what is coming in the Spring Update. Why do we have guess and hope. Why can't MS just crush our hopes now and say "there is nothing you actually want coming in the spring update, just some tweaks so we can sell you more shit".

Aaron @ Apr 18th 2008 12:20PM

it allows you to have your own picture's as a wallpaper

Benny @ Apr 18th 2008 12:25PM

Nope, that's been around since launch.

Aaron @ Apr 18th 2008 12:29PM

i didnt know that oh well now i do thanks

Wilhelm @ Apr 18th 2008 6:25PM

Haha yeah that's been around for a while, though I only just discovered it a couple weeks. Pretty sweet actually, found a few awesome backgrounds and transfered them over to my 360 (via usb drive) and it works good.

gregory mitchell @ Apr 18th 2008 9:34PM

i thought they made an update for the ".." is online popup while your watching a movie. also i thought you could it at the top of the screen

Microswirl @ Apr 18th 2008 11:25PM

Did they start resetting cheaters' gamescores to "0" yet? Or changing profiles/gamertags labeling them as cheaters? Maybe the update is preparing for that.

Schmobu @ Apr 19th 2008 5:55AM

prolly a security update. Even then I'm waiting for the onmg we totally ripped you off for your gold subscription, and now we wanna stop having a crap net service where you have to pay for everything, including like a 30 px pic for like a buck, and a stupid, this should just be updated like on every game on the PC for free bullshit of every game out there, why does Naruto require you to pay for other characters, and the micro micro payments, pay to access your money access account. holy crap the Microsoft internets is the gayest.

Note: this is my actual opinion on the gayness of Xbox Live.

cBlack @ Apr 20th 2008 10:23PM

Schmobu, this is how they make their "munnies", afraid..

Sure, it sucks, but that's part of the reason why I don't personally give a damn about the 360. I mean, yeah.. it's got some shooters. Nothing special and something that'll be ported over to the PC in time..

Pretty much all the crap that people have been paying for, a lot of us have been doing on a PC for years, for free, oh, and you don't need a matchmaking service to baby you in to a server IT thinks is right for you.

Sure, some of you will stand up for the service probably noting that there are games on that thing that you can't find anywhere else. That's true, but I don't think that the console, the game, and the service fees are worth it.

I don't know where I'm going with this, hell.. I'm probably just bitching at this point. Feel free to disagree with me (I know someone will), but plzzzz do it in a respectable manner.

-C.Black