Zero Punctuation takes on the God of War

by Alexander Sliwinski { Apr 30th 2008 at 4:00PM }

Zero Punctuation's Yahtzee isn't content with taking on just God of War: Chains of Olympus this week. No, he takes on the whole bloody franchise. What we end up getting is almost four minutes of Yahtzee admitting that he's nitpicking and that the series helps give us relief from our 9 8:30 to 5 6 (with a half-hour lunch break) lives. The trademark Yahtzee anger just isn't there in this review, but considering it was overflowing in last week's Smash Bros. piece, an easing of tension might be good for a week.

This week's NSFW review eviscerating God of War: Chains of Olympus can be found after the break.

Tags: escapist, god-of-war, god-of-war-chains-of-olympus, godofwar, yahtzee, zero-punctuation, zeropunctuation

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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)

ko @ Apr 30th 2008 4:07PM

I wonder how many "GTA GTA DO GTA" emails he's getting today.

Donald @ Apr 30th 2008 4:19PM

Over 9000.

But since he's in Australia, he can't really give true impressions of the game we see in the rest of the world because Aussie censors are [expletives deleted]

RPGJock @ Apr 30th 2008 5:12PM

But just like SSBB, we will get it through an importer than stick with the censored version.

RPGJock @ Apr 30th 2008 5:13PM

And when I say "we' I meant to say he...

I am just glad the email reached me this time to confirm the post.

Neowyrm @ Apr 30th 2008 5:15PM

GAMETRADERS ROBINA.

Noshino @ Apr 30th 2008 4:09PM

haha, that was freaking awesome

THE WICKER MAN (BWF) (GT: Dalek Prime) @ Apr 30th 2008 4:13PM

you're awesome.

Noshino @ Apr 30th 2008 4:09PM

haha, that was freaking awesome

THE WICKER MAN (BWF) (GT: Dalek Prime) @ Apr 30th 2008 4:13PM

you're awesome.

Noshino @ Apr 30th 2008 4:09PM

I guess so awesome that it deserved an automatic double post....

JakubK666 (Ninja Defence Force) @ Apr 30th 2008 5:50PM

You're still awesome.

dizzy @ Apr 30th 2008 4:09PM

I haven't played a God of War game before (gasp!), but I was under the impression from some of his prior reviews/rants that the series had those quick-time/reaction events that he hates so much. I'm surprised he didn't say anything about it...

sicsided @ Apr 30th 2008 4:31PM

i think it was more that after GoW and RE4 every frikin game had to have it.

Sir Fidlious Wong (Zeon Defense Force) @ Apr 30th 2008 5:21PM

I don't know. When he ranted about it, wasn't it because of the rare times they show up, ala Uncharteds GTE final boss?

Eric @ Apr 30th 2008 4:10PM

Can not wait for his GTA 4 review. It will be epic.

Lone Starr @ Apr 30th 2008 6:07PM

You're Eric.

Shagittarius @ Apr 30th 2008 4:11PM

I like the message at the end of the video:

THIS JUST IN: BRAWL STILL SHIT

syrik zero @ Apr 30th 2008 4:12PM

I love his reviews =) Even if I don't always agree, which I almost always do, they're so fun to watch

THE WICKER MAN (BWF) (GT: Dalek Prime) @ Apr 30th 2008 4:14PM

Hell lets make it three shall we?

LaughingTarget @ Apr 30th 2008 4:27PM

He seems to be losing it already. I hope he hasn't fired off his load already and this is just a weak spell.

Mr.ESC @ Apr 30th 2008 4:34PM

I liked more the other reviews this wasn't one of his best reviews also that God of War PSP is too short to say anything bad about it but is still a great game but I wouldn't buy a Ps2 port,the PSP version is the way to go.

Vegeta (aka Ska Oreo) @ Apr 30th 2008 5:19PM

Dude. Periods and commas are your friends.

Sir Fidlious Wong (Zeon Defense Force) @ Apr 30th 2008 5:23PM

Well, periods make your GF's panties messy and comas are a short walk from death. So I really don't see anything particularly friendly about them. Unless you're a sadomasichist.

Mr.ESC @ Apr 30th 2008 8:12PM

Sorry I thought this was a yahtzee thread.In yahtzee threads you try to use the less punctuation as possible like in DBZ threads whihc every post must be typed in CAPS.

Anonymous @ Apr 30th 2008 4:59PM

Well if you'd paid attention to his Uncharted review you'd remember that he doesn't hate QTE's per se, he just hates them when they're shoved in as awkwardly as possible with no real relation to the rest of the game, like they were in Jericho. In God of War they're an integral part of gameplay and you're not punished with death if you don't get it exactly right on the first try.

As for him "losing his edge..." What? There's really not much of an axe for anyone to grind with God of War. It's a decent action game with an unbelievably violent main character and tons of gratuitous brutality. There's really not much else to it. No real extraneous bits, not too much emphasis on puzzles, etc. Just because his personal opinion isn't met with official fatwahs declared on him by Smashboards.com or whatever doesn't mean he's "slipping." He's been doing that PC Gamer column for a while now and that hasn't been declining.

LaughingTarget @ Apr 30th 2008 5:05PM

Brawl wasn't funny either, and he hated that sucker. The last four were just not very good.

tmacairjordan87 @ Apr 30th 2008 6:14PM

I personally enjoyed his complete destroying of brawl. Glad not everyone is nintendo's bitch

dizzy @ Apr 30th 2008 6:38PM

I assume your first paragraph was in response to me, to which I will say that when I payed attention to his Umbrella Chronicles review, Silent Hill review, Jericho review, Tomb Raider review and Heavenly Sword Demo review, he wasn't exactly affectionate towards quick-times to put it lightly, thus my assumption of him not liking them to begin with.

And, as I mentioned before, I never played a God of War game before, so I don't know how integral to the gameplay the specific actions are. I would imagine they would feel different from the usual hack-n-slash of the rest of the game though.

el serpiente @ Apr 30th 2008 7:40PM

Brawl was the funniest one.

Phranctoast @ Apr 30th 2008 5:04PM

He took his sweet ass time with this one.

Well...at least he hits he franchise.

Roto13 @ Apr 30th 2008 5:04PM

I haven't laughed at Zero Punctuation in a few weeks. Maybe he's losing his touch.

Shagittarius @ Apr 30th 2008 5:12PM

You didn't laugh when he said all your girlfriends wanted to fuck him?

Roto13 @ Apr 30th 2008 5:15PM

Nope. Rolled my eyes, though. He probably believes it.

English people....

Vegeta (aka Ska Oreo) @ Apr 30th 2008 5:17PM

Unlike you shag, he's not that shallow.

el serpiente @ Apr 30th 2008 7:41PM

VEGETA HAZ REZPECT FO DA WOMINZ.

FireStiq @ Apr 30th 2008 5:12PM

The f*&^ you button, thats my boy Yahtzee for ya, epic as always.

Rabidkeebler @ Apr 30th 2008 5:10PM

I still find him as sharp as ever. I was a little worried a few weeks ago when he stopped using vulgar words and and references to various female body parts.

Yourself @ Apr 30th 2008 7:17PM

Yeah his humor used to be a little bit wittier than that. If it was all curse words and giggles why not just watch (latest college gross-out comedy).

Vegeta (aka Ska Oreo) @ Apr 30th 2008 5:19PM

Well that was a better ep.

By better I mean I chuckled at least twice instead of staring at my screen with an emotionless look on my face.

DBuck_Eye @ Apr 30th 2008 5:27PM

I gotta ask: is "digress" the new "hip" word these days? I keep hearing it left and right and quite frankly, it is pissing me off. It always struck me as one of those words that stupid people use to try and sound smart and when people who I thought had SOME intelligence use it it throws off my perception of either them or my definition of the word.

Desi_D @ Apr 30th 2008 5:28PM

And "quite frankly" is the old "digress".

RobLink (MKWii code : 0989 1866 6646) @ Apr 30th 2008 5:37PM

"Furious, blood stained stickle-bricks"

That line right there was pure gold.

hvnlysoldr @ Apr 30th 2008 9:17PM

It's no Branston Pickle.

TheOverlord#2 can has Mario Karts?(MK:2578-3517-9859) @ Apr 30th 2008 10:17PM

I only think he is losing his touch cause he has been doing top rated games so that he can please his fans and get more traffic from the well known games.
He is hilarious with Ok & mediocre games and he needs to stick with them with a funny AAA title review thrown in every once in a while.