We've been railing against the LCPD for years, so it's nice to see a more mainstream publication like The Onion finally notice what we've been saying all along: Liberty City's cops are the absolute worst. Just look at this statistic: "Since the surge in crime, which began on April 28 at midnight, more than 830,000 civilians have been murdered-nearly one-tenth of Liberty City's total population." Unacceptable.
It's even threatening to drive some people out of town! "Sure, we have excellent radio stations and an incredible range of things to see and do here," public defender Kiki Jenkins says. "But if I were younger, I'd move to Mario World in a second." We hear you Kiki, we hear you.
[Thanks to everyone who sent this in.]
Reader Comments (23)
Posted: Jun 9th 2008 10:33AM (Unverified) said
This is why I love JoyStiq. When there is nothing to post they post these awesome bits =D
Reply
Posted: Jun 9th 2008 10:35AM baby sea tuna said
Holy crap, I can just save to clear my wanted level?! I wish I'd known that some 50 hours ago!
Reply
Posted: Jun 9th 2008 10:59AM SoCoolCurt said
lol its like that in every GTA game. i always get scared they will take it out though in newer games. i really helps when you get up around 4+ stars.
Reply
Posted: Jun 9th 2008 12:16PM Korova Pamplona said
That's why they are called Safe Houses.
It is a bit artificial, but so is everything else in GTA, a little.
Reply
It is a bit artificial, but so is everything else in GTA, a little.
Posted: Jun 9th 2008 10:38AM (Unverified) said
I read and passed this around last week. God I love The Onion.
Reply
Posted: Jun 9th 2008 10:39AM (Unverified) said
"I was buying a hot dog from a street vendor in Hove Beach yesterday when I saw someone run a red light, barrel down the sidewalk, careen into a garbage truck, exit his vehicle, steal a nearby convertible, and drive away,"
Guilty....but it was worth it for that Feltzer!
Reply
Guilty....but it was worth it for that Feltzer!
Posted: Jun 9th 2008 10:48AM (Unverified) said
Ludwig's lion cubs or Justin's McNugget Kids: whose offspring do I most want to bear?
I'm going to need some time to think, boys.
*gets tipsy, winds up impregnated with Chris's Horace Grants*
NOOOOOOOOO x'[
Reply
I'm going to need some time to think, boys.
*gets tipsy, winds up impregnated with Chris's Horace Grants*
NOOOOOOOOO x'[
Posted: Jun 9th 2008 10:58AM baby sea tuna said
This is the best Onion video-game-related article since: http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28288
Reply
Posted: Jun 9th 2008 11:18AM (Unverified) said
to all who said "I love the onion" etc. you may also love Sarcastic Gamer. They wrote nearly the same article about a month ago:
http://sarcasticgamer.com/wp/index.php/2008/05/liberty-city-pd-on-strike.html
Reply
http://sarcasticgamer.com/wp/index.php/2008/05/liberty-city-pd-on-strike.html
Posted: Jun 9th 2008 12:17PM (Unverified) said
No idea is original(especially the the obvious ones like this). GTA cops have always been a bunch of scrubs. Why are people only taking notice of it now?
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Posted: Jun 9th 2008 11:52AM (Unverified) said
And when breaking news like this drops, it's key to get it out as quickly as possible.
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Posted: Jun 9th 2008 12:19PM Korova Pamplona said
Justin,
You broke my sarcasm meter. Now what am I gonna do?
Reply
You broke my sarcasm meter. Now what am I gonna do?
Posted: Jun 11th 2008 7:25PM (Unverified) said
That was the first Onion article in a while that I read all the way to the end. They usually have a great headline and first paragraph but then they just keep on and on with the same joke.
This one was gold all the way through.
Reply
This one was gold all the way through.
Posted: Jun 9th 2008 12:36PM galfridus73 said
Ahhhh... Kiki. The best of the girlfriends in the game. I don't know how many times I've had her clear my wanted levels...
Can't see her moving to the Mushroom Kingdom, though. But I could see her defending Bowser in court...
Reply
Can't see her moving to the Mushroom Kingdom, though. But I could see her defending Bowser in court...
Posted: Jun 9th 2008 2:20PM (Unverified) said
Yea, it's Mushroom Kingdom, not Mario World.
Besides that, the article was pretty spot on.
Reply
Besides that, the article was pretty spot on.
Posted: Jun 9th 2008 1:34PM (Unverified) said
That's kinda the point: ANYWHERE's better than Liberty City.
Though granted they do have awesome kart races there.
Reply
Though granted they do have awesome kart races there.
Posted: Jun 9th 2008 3:01PM ummfada said
lol, at Montel in the picture (the cop)
http://www.tvboyfriends.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/windowslivewritermontelwilliams.ilovethisman-f026montel1.jpg
Reply
http://www.tvboyfriends.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/windowslivewritermontelwilliams.ilovethisman-f026montel1.jpg
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