The Onion investigates Liberty City cops' incompetence

by Justin McElroy { Jun 9th 2008 at 10:30AM }

We've been railing against the LCPD for years, so it's nice to see a more mainstream publication like The Onion finally notice what we've been saying all along: Liberty City's cops are the absolute worst. Just look at this statistic: "Since the surge in crime, which began on April 28 at midnight, more than 830,000 civilians have been murdered-nearly one-tenth of Liberty City's total population." Unacceptable.

It's even threatening to drive some people out of town! "Sure, we have excellent radio stations and an incredible range of things to see and do here," public defender Kiki Jenkins says. "But if I were younger, I'd move to Mario World in a second." We hear you Kiki, we hear you.

[Thanks to everyone who sent this in.]

Tags: grand-theft-auto-iv, gta-iv, gtaiv, the-onion

Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)

syrik zero @ Jun 9th 2008 10:33AM

This is why I love JoyStiq. When there is nothing to post they post these awesome bits =D

baby sea tuna @ Jun 9th 2008 10:35AM

Holy crap, I can just save to clear my wanted level?! I wish I'd known that some 50 hours ago!

SoCoolCurt (PSN: KillaKornbread) @ Jun 9th 2008 10:59AM

lol its like that in every GTA game. i always get scared they will take it out though in newer games. i really helps when you get up around 4+ stars.

Korova Pyro aspect @ Jun 9th 2008 12:16PM

That's why they are called Safe Houses.

It is a bit artificial, but so is everything else in GTA, a little.

Farseer (GDI) @ Jun 9th 2008 10:38AM

I read and passed this around last week. God I love The Onion.

voodoo_craig @ Jun 9th 2008 10:39AM

"I was buying a hot dog from a street vendor in Hove Beach yesterday when I saw someone run a red light, barrel down the sidewalk, careen into a garbage truck, exit his vehicle, steal a nearby convertible, and drive away,"

Guilty....but it was worth it for that Feltzer!

Obie @ Jun 9th 2008 10:40AM

I love the Onion, they always nail it just right.

=DeadlyViNYL= @ Jun 9th 2008 10:48AM

Classic.

Chase @ Jun 9th 2008 10:48AM

Ludwig's lion cubs or Justin's McNugget Kids: whose offspring do I most want to bear?

I'm going to need some time to think, boys.

*gets tipsy, winds up impregnated with Chris's Horace Grants*

NOOOOOOOOO x'[

baby sea tuna @ Jun 9th 2008 10:58AM

This is the best Onion video-game-related article since: http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28288

DiscoGhost @ Jun 9th 2008 11:18AM

to all who said "I love the onion" etc. you may also love Sarcastic Gamer. They wrote nearly the same article about a month ago:

http://sarcasticgamer.com/wp/index.php/2008/05/liberty-city-pd-on-strike.html

kataztrophy @ Jun 9th 2008 12:17PM

No idea is original(especially the the obvious ones like this). GTA cops have always been a bunch of scrubs. Why are people only taking notice of it now?

Gaucho @ Jun 9th 2008 11:26AM

wow, you guys are late on this. This came out last week.

Justin McElroy @ Jun 9th 2008 11:52AM

And when breaking news like this drops, it's key to get it out as quickly as possible.

mr mobius @ Jun 9th 2008 12:14PM

Not know that even the internet in South Africa has a time delay. Thats why Justin took as long. He just replied to your comment pre-emptively since there is always a comment like this on this type of article.

Korova Pyro aspect @ Jun 9th 2008 12:19PM

Justin,

You broke my sarcasm meter. Now what am I gonna do?

teenagertc @ Jun 9th 2008 11:31AM

The Onion > NY Post & NY Daily News

Gaucho @ Jun 9th 2008 11:43AM

& the onion > NY times

Mutant @ Jun 11th 2008 7:25PM

That was the first Onion article in a while that I read all the way to the end. They usually have a great headline and first paragraph but then they just keep on and on with the same joke.

This one was gold all the way through.

Geoffrey Sperl @ Jun 9th 2008 12:36PM

Ahhhh... Kiki. The best of the girlfriends in the game. I don't know how many times I've had her clear my wanted levels...

Can't see her moving to the Mushroom Kingdom, though. But I could see her defending Bowser in court...