Fanswag: Win Battlefield: Bad Company

One day a traveling salesman was driving down a back country road at about 30 mph when he noticed that there was a three-legged chicken running alongside his car.

He stepped on the gas but at 50 miles per hour. The chicken was still keeping up. After about a mile of running the chicken ran up a farm lane and into a barn behind an old farm house.

The salesman had some time to kill so he turned around and drove up the farm lane. He knocked at the door and when the farmer answered he told him what he had just seen.

The farmer said that he was a geneticist and had developed this breed of chicken because he, his wife and his son each like a drumstick when they have chicken and this way they only have to kill one chicken.

"That''s the most fantastic thing I've ever heard," said the salesman. "How do they taste?"

"I don't know," said the farmer. "We've never caught one."

in soviet russia funny is you

Here's one from Carlin:

Conservatives want live babies so they can raise them to be dead soldiers

Did you hear? The new Call of Duty is being developed by Treyarch.

fun-knee?

Did you hear about the new McDonald's Burger? It's called the McJackson. It is 40 yr old meat between 10 yr old buns!

Guns dont kill people, I kill people

Accrington Stanley!? Who are they?

EXACTLY!!!

If you look closely (and ignore the fact that it's just a hole for the ring to go through), it looks like the smiley face attached to the grenade on the caption pic has a dot on its head. I call subliminal messaging to brainwash us into becoming Hindu. I knew EA had a hidden agenda, now I know what it is!. Next thing you know, they'll be trying it in Madden as well. That pimple I saw on John Madden's forehead isn't a coincidence...

It's a bit long but REALLY RELEVANT:

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,"

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I Understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about." The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit."

There is no "I" in "Team", but there are four in "Platitude-Quoting Idiot".

loved the demo and the snarky movie jabs at other games, the snake one comes to mind, good stuff

I like to play blackjack, but I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in semicircles.

Hey look, I found an eye patch and a free game.

Last week I helped my friend stay put. It's a lot easier then helping them move. I just went over to his house and made sure that he did not start to load shit into a truck.

What kind of bear is best? Black Bear. Fact: Bears eat beets. Bears, Beets, Battlestar Galactica!

When you talk to God, it's called prayer; when God talks to you, it's called schizophrenia.

How I met your mother.

This just in: MGS4 is a movie.

I'm reminded of the time I opened up a can of whoop ass in the Bad Company Demo... only to find out I had a zip-lock container of left over whoop ass in the fridge... THATS TO MUCH WHOOP ASS!!!

A kid I know got raped by a goat, now that's funny. I saw it too.

What kind of key doesn't open doors and is edible.

a TurKey

Four words you can't say on X3F: Master Chief's Fanny Pack.

I was married once...but I got better.

your mom is bad company...ooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhh

Homer: Old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.

X3F is like school on saturday, no class.

Wow you guys are giving away a lot of stuff, hooray.

An Irishman is sitting at the end of a bar. He sees a lamp at the end of the table. He walks down to it and rubs it. Out pops a genie. It says, "I will give you three wishes."
The man thinks awhile. Finally he says, "I want a beer that never is empty."

With that, the genie makes a poof sound and on the bar is a bottle of beer. The Irishman starts drinking it and right before it is gone, it starts to refill. The genie asks about his next two wishes.

The man says, "I want two more of these."

Stolen

WOMEN'S RIGHTS.

Has anyone done this already?

Two women talking in Heaven:
1st woman: Hi! My name is Wanda.
2nd woman: Hi! I'm Sylvia. How'd you die?
1st woman: I froze to death.
2nd woman: How horrible!
1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?
2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.
1st woman: So, what happened?
2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking.
I ran up into the attic and searched,and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds.
I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.
1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer---we'd both still be alive.

When I read all the comments on this post, I stopped, Dropped, and ROFL'ed.

:D

Take my Battlefield: Modern Combat, PLEASE.

If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?

hmm..If "CON" is the opposite of "PRO", what is the opposite of PROGRESS?

What's brown and sticky?





A stick!

Walter: My wife jumped on her menstrual cycle and ran my ass over! It has a sound too it goes biiiiiiiiiitch bitch biiiiiitch.

i just flew in from seattle, and boy are my arms tired!!!

Dunno original author, but received it in my email last week...

First-year students at Texas A&M's Vet school were receiving their first anatomy class, with a real dead cow.

They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them, 'In Veterinary Medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor: The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the animal body.' For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the dead cow, withdrew it and stuck his finger in his mouth.

'Go ahead and do the same thing,' he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the anal opening of the dead cow and sucking on it.

When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and said, 'The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger.' 'Now learn to pay attention. Life's tough, it's even tougher if you're stupid.'

What do you find in a clean nose?

Finger Prints


What do you call a turtle with a boner?

Slow Poke

Two guys walk into a bar, the third one ducks.

Xbox Live Enabled 2-24 Players*

*Disclaimer - EA will discontinue servers in 18 months.

Get to the achievements people the clock is ticking!

woahhhhhhhhh cod5 is coming out! you know what the trialer shows?!?! you can climb trees to snipe. psh. who needs a tree when you got a tank cannon blowin' up that tree. hazza to destructible environments! snipers should stick to the ground :D

Glitter is the herpes of craft supplies.

I want to die by being hit by a cement truck. That way, there's a statue of me right away.

Hey! Did you hear Dr. Atkins died? Slipped on some ice, hit his head, died on life support....The man that invented the all meat diet...died a vegetable. -Christopher Titus

What does Star Trek and toilet paper have in common?

They both circle Uranus looking for Black Holes.

but.... but I'm not funny! I can't leave a funny comment! WTF! This isn't fair! I want Bad Company! Don't discriminate against me just 'cause I'm boring and trite. OMFG you guys stink. Fine, whatever. Here, I'll be funny.

What's brown and sounds like a bell?
DUNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG.

A man walks into a bar and orders one shot. Then he looks into his shirt pocket and orders another shot. After he finishes, he looks into his shirt pocket again and orders another shot. The bartender is curious and askes him "every time you order a shot, you look in your shirt pocket. Why?" The man replies, "I have a picture of my wife in my pocket and when she starts to look good, I go home."

one day i go to the park and 2 two balloons POP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Brett Farve, Peyton Manning and Tom Brady die, go to heaven and meet God. God says "Brett, what do you believe in?". Brett say "I believe in you God." God says "Peyton, what do you believe in?". Peyton says "I believe in family and you God.". God say "Tom, what do you believe in?" Tom says "I believe your sitting in my chair!".