You! Stop what you're doing! What are you playing over there? Cooking Mama? You think that sort of pansy-ass cooking game is going to cut it here? You're pathetic! You wouldn't last a second in Ubisoft's video game version of the Fox TV show Hell's Kitchen, coming this September for the Wii, DS, PC and Macintosh.

That's right, you'd break down in tears the second a "faithfully rendered 3D Chef Ramsay" yelled at you for putting too much oregano in the marinara sauce or some other piddling infraction. Why don't you go running to your precious Cooking Mama if you can't take the pressure of "the show's high-pressure kitchen and dining room challenges." Of course, if you do that you won't get access to "authentic Gordon Ramsay recipes, including many that are offered exclusively to game owners." That's right, you play with the big boys, you get the big rewards.

Hold it! Did you just twist the Wii Remote when you were supposed to shake it? You did, didn't you. That's it, I'm closing this kitchen. You're cooking career is OVER!