Zero Punctuation unleashes the fury on Alone in the Dark

by Alexander Sliwinski { Jul 18th 2008 at 7:50PM }

Zero Punctuation's Yahtzee has himself an awful game this week with Alone in the Dark, and he uses the opportunity for all that it's worth. This is a classic episode for the amount of ire it dishes out. Yes, it's everything one expects from Yahtzee reviewing Edward Carnby's latest misadventure in the well-intentioned, but ultimately flawed, game.

The NSFW clip can be found after the break.

Tags: aitd, alone-in-the-dark, atari, zero-punctuation

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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)

syrik zero @ Jul 18th 2008 8:04PM

That was good. I quit playing the game after getting stuck in some stupid platforming climbing sequence and dying and having to do it all over again because I couldn't get the tarded character to do what I want. Horrible game. But I do agree that the game could have been great.

Benny @ Jul 18th 2008 8:06PM

I did laugh at this review quite a lot, but I do think Alone in the Dark has been treated very harshly. It actually got some decent scores despite its flaws, and has STILL managed to become an industry joke. I guess it just goes to show what the hype train can do to a not-so-great game.

Benny @ Jul 18th 2008 8:07PM

Also, what's up with the 'Prostitutes Fight Back' advert at the end? It's fucking weird. Perhaps they've finally had enough of the mistreatment they get at the hands of GTA players...

journeyman @ Jul 19th 2008 10:15AM

EVERYTHING gets 'decent' scores nowadays, what with paying off and 10/10 being thrown around like it means nothing. Yahtzee is one of the few big-name game reviewers who can still be trusted these days.

Shaq-Fu @ Jul 18th 2008 8:11PM

Not bad. I sense Terry and Gonads will be a running gag in the vain of Uncle Tusky?

Can't believe he didn't want to revive Sarah. He may need her to play Twing-Twang

Ass Masterson @ Jul 18th 2008 8:16PM

Yawn. So he just repeats the same things everyone else has already said in their reviews weeks ago, but he says it real angry. Oh, and with a British accent, which for some reason makes everything someone says comedy gold. Can someone find him a real job?

alejo699 @ Jul 18th 2008 8:53PM

If criticizing something someone has already criticized before is boring and pointless, why would anyone be interested in your criticism of repeat criticism, Bobo? Yawn indeed.

GenBanks @ Jul 18th 2008 8:54PM

I live in the UK so the fact that he says it with a British accent doesn't really make a difference to me... And I still enjoy it.

mr mobius @ Jul 18th 2008 11:25PM

I'm with Gen. It just makes it easier to follow him talking fast. It doesn't do any comedy for me because I'm from Ireland and we have funnier accents as well as the fact an awful lot of tv is from the UK (I'm Northern Ireland so we are part of the UK).

Ethan @ Jul 19th 2008 2:43AM

Funnier accent my arse.

Shaq-Fu @ Jul 19th 2008 4:55AM

My mom's family is from Wales, so I'm used to funny accents.

@alejo699:

You Fool! Do you know what you did?!?! You created a paradox, damnit! YOU'VE DOOMED US ALL!!!

Sean @ Jul 19th 2008 7:52PM

Yawn, your criticism of Yahtzee is the same crap we hear every week.

BigD145 @ Jul 18th 2008 8:33PM

Soooooooo.... it's a PC game produced by a relatively new company that requires massive patching 3 years down the road? Oh, ok.

Shaq-Fu @ Jul 18th 2008 8:38PM

No, it's a PC game produced by the same people who made E.T. the Extraterrestrial and Superman 64. Did another company make the PC version? Because Atari has pretty much been around forever.

saladin0813 @ Jul 19th 2008 11:53AM

You forgot Enter the Matrix.

Jhongerkong @ Jul 18th 2008 8:55PM

High-larious

Deprincer @ Jul 18th 2008 9:27PM

yahtzee = one of the greatest things to happen to the internet

Conor @ Jul 18th 2008 9:30PM

I hate it when a game you want to like does badly =(

Very funny as always.

Vegnagun bwf @ Jul 18th 2008 9:32PM

That was much better than most of the stuff he's done lately.

Simon Cruise @ Jul 18th 2008 9:43PM

Absolute ledge!

Mr Khan @ Jul 18th 2008 9:55PM

Alone in the Dark needed more delays

carg0 @ Jul 18th 2008 10:14PM

the reason Croshaw is so popular is not just because he's honest. it's because he's unrelenting.

he's not like the average 'little bitch' from X-play, 1up, Gamespot or IGN who will claim to not like a game with one hand while appologizing for it profusely with the other in an effort to placate everyone.

for Croshaw, being "brutally honest" isn't just a catchphrase like it is for the f*tards i mentioned above. he follows through on his opinions from beginning to end and he doesn't give a damn what you or i or (most importantly) game developers/publishers think.

Shaq-Fu @ Jul 18th 2008 10:45PM

Hey, you leave Ryan Clements out of this :D

BPM [MSN: BPMdotEXE @ hotmail.com] @ Jul 19th 2008 12:03AM

So... I'm confused now... Yahtzee's gay now?

Shaq-Fu @ Jul 19th 2008 4:37AM

Its a joke. At the end of the Lego Indy review, he "reviewed" Crystal Skull. That was just him taking the clip and adding funny captions

Wiinterfang @ Jul 19th 2008 12:51AM

That was funny.

VoLiTioN @ Jul 19th 2008 12:54AM

Yahtzee. "yawn*

eldee @ Jul 19th 2008 1:59AM

I'd just like to say "I told you so". See my post on this blog entry:

http://www.joystiq.com/2008/04/20/alone-in-the-dark-descent-trailer-looks-more-than-decent/2#comments

And I quote.. *ahem*:

"You say that [I am being overly critical of the early videos], but how many times have we seen a game's potential squandered because the final polish was never applied to the game? This is atari we're talking about... if it comes down to the wire, Atari will force this one right out the door to keep their offices open.

So yeah, when they release a video that has room for improvement- it deserves critique where critique is due, regardless of what stage of development it is in. It lets the developers know that we're watching, and we will definitely notice if the animation is shitty when it comes out.

That said, credit is also due when something is done right- which I think most people have acknowledged. Aside from some polish issues, the game is shaping up to be one of the best this year. I just hope they don't push it out the door just to get a paycheck."

Seriously though.. who DIDNT see this coming? Thanks for ruining one of my most anticipated games this year, Atari!

Cal @ Jul 19th 2008 11:30AM

Nice of you to delete my post for pointing out that the vid came out on Wednesday not Friday (and at the usual time of 6PM GMT). Posts like this shouldn't be used to fill up your post quota on a slow news day...

Shadow El @ Jul 19th 2008 1:34PM

Eh. I still think the new opening and the WTFADVERTISMENTS reek of selling out, but at least this video was one of the best in a long while.

Mr.ESC @ Jul 19th 2008 4:10PM

Um a bit harsh, I completed the game (Easy achievements evarr) and I must say that yes indeed it is broken but in some points he exaggerates.

Some wounds look like pieces of ham glued to his cloth but some of them, especially mayor wounds look absolutely great. I also like the fact he can keep going looking injured in areas were you will be dead in Resident evil, it seems Edward isn’t a pussy like Leon.

The driving section in the end of chapter 2 was completely brilliant for the first time but it get’s frustrating thanks to the broken physics. Some cars are immoveable, things that look like ramps aren’t ramps and apparently you can drive over stairs which is pretty weird, I was stuck on the final part of chapter 2 thinking I couldn’t drive through the stairs because the first attempt to do so failed but it seems if you are fast enough you can go over them.

The difficulty varies to the point is up to you, if you use combos most of the time and you know how to use your inventory you will be fine most of the time to the point is a cake walk. If you don’t know how to use it the game will just kick you ass.

The Darkness A.K.A One hit goo it was very frustrating and the cinematic of the same guy swearing over and over just torture my ears to the point a mute game, at the end I mange to pass after a full hour by mere luck. At the end of the game I discover I was doing it wrong, what you supposed to do was to take the tape and combine it with the glow sticks to just stick them to the walls and with that was just matter of using the flashback to clear your path and to be honest that made the game easy as cake.

About the fire effects as cool as they are they don’t work properly, sometimes you will end killing yourself when you try to set a chair, hammer of rake on fire. You can’t use your lighter to set things on fire and seriously was up with that? Why I can’t combine the flammable liquid with the rake in order to set it on fire with the lighter? It makes no sense? I can blow vehicles and make a flamethrower with sprays but I can’t use the lighter with the rake?

To end this critic the most stupid aspect of the game is the camera. The in game camera works fine but the camera for cinematic is completely broken, I missed a lot of cool cut scenes (You can see them in the “Previous Episdoe” video each time your continue.) for that issue. The game would’ve been a lot better with a proper camera for the cinematic, the game has some cool “O SHI-“ Moments that I missed for the camera.

Finally even with its flaws I liked Alone in the dark more than Assassin’s creed, believe when I say it has some aspects that compensate its flaws like the music, some O snap moments here and there .At the end liked Alone in the dark at least searching the roots of evil is easier than the God damn flags or orbs in other games and is sometimes challenging but it needs more Boss fights, puzzles and the Prince of Persia-ish parts of the game are awesome.

Some details like the video every time your continue are pretty neat.

I agree with Yathzee when it says it had a lot of potential.