Joystiq

Gosh, now we've made him sound like a kidnapper. Jake Power -- who we imagine to be Jack Bauer for kids and hard-of-hearing adults -- is a new brand of games for the Nintendo DS. Fitting neatly into Ubisoft's "Games for Everyone" range, the titles have been created for "boys ages five to eight years" and promise to indulge the men-in-progress with three "dream jobs," namely "Policeman," "Fire-Fighter" and "Handyman."

Wait a minute ... Handyman? Seriously, Ubisoft, this is 2008. We all know every young boy dreams of being a totally awesome, professional blogger one day! Who wouldn't want to sit around in their underwear, caressing nothing but a keyboard and a small tuft of distinguishing chin hair? Who wouldn't want to churn out snarky video game commentary, even if it comes at the expense of any tangible human connections? So what if there's no money or meaningful reward in it? It's not like you're throwing your life into a bottomless pit of aggressive anti-socialism and repetitive self-deprecating humor ... Just leave us alone, okay?!

Also, the Jake (and Sam and Tim) Power Fire-Fighter and Policeman games are due in North America in November 2008, with Handyman (freakin' Handyman!) following in early 2009.