Joystiq

Here's a fun fact you may not be aware of -- a majority of Joystiq's readers fall into the 65 - 80-year-old age bracket, explaining why a majority of our ads are for prescription arthritis medication, Stouffer's Seasoned Bread Stuffing, and seasons of Matlock on DVD. As such, only a select few of you know that many schools across the country will be back in session tomorrow. The anguish among the nation's young people is almost tangible -- excluding those whose schools operate on a quarterly schedule, or homeschoolers, or Guitar Hero aficionados with irresponsible hippie parents.

With all the superb, high-quality games that dropped this summer, we wouldn't blame you for feeling like your scholastic minds aren't exactly at their sharpest. Instead of doing your summer reading of The Sun Also Rises or attending your bi-weekly Algebra Club meetings, you focused your attention on moving up the ranks of Battlefield: Bad Company or toiling through the story modes of Soul Calibur IV. Luckily, the repercussions of your educational neglect aren't as severe as you might fear -- somewhat subliminally, these Japanese hardware sales posts have provided subtle instruction over the long, humid summer months.

Don't believe us? Perhaps you don't recall the various history lessons we've snuck into your consciousness. It seems you also don't realize the firm understanding of the statistical sciences we've surreptitiously imbued into your unaware mind. How quickly you've forgotten the important baking lesson that will certainly serve you well as you enter your incredibly challenging Home Economics course. Finally, think back to the valuable lessons of acceptance, resourcefulness, and stick-to-itiveness we imparted as we faced our own work-related hardships.

Hemingway is for the birds; we'd wager that as you grace the halls of your learning establishment tomorrow morning, you'll find yourself better equipped than your contemporaries for the mental challenges provided by your educators -- and for that, we have just one thing to say. You're very, very welcome.

- DS Lite: 78,666 18,232 (30.17%)
- PSP: 64,413 5,912 (10.11%)
- Wii: 53,036 14,530 (37.73%)
- PS3: 11,393 1,720 (17.78%)
- PS2: 10,168 1,665 (19.58%)
- Xbox 360: 7,358 17,604 (70.52%)

[Source: Media Create]

See: The scholastic archives