Terrible news: Gordon Freeman spotted near Large Hadron Collider

by Justin McElroy { Sep 9th 2008 at 4:10PM }

Well, that was fun, wasn't it, human race? We had a good run, didn't we? Had a few laughs? ... Oh, why are we saying goodbye to everyone we know and love? Well, as you can see in the picture above, Gordon Freeman was recently spotted at the Large Hadron Collider, a device with the capability to create a world-ending black hole.

Sure that's troubling enough, but here's the beautiful part: They're turning it on tomorrow. Yeah, and Gordon Freeman is there, so there's absolutely no way it's going to go well. We just want to be the first to say: We called it.

Tags: half-life, large-hadron-collider

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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 3)

Arnon @ Sep 9th 2008 4:15PM

Lulz

Ian Murray @ Sep 9th 2008 11:20PM

Remember seeing this on /b/ yesterday...

Mathieu Bonin @ Sep 9th 2008 4:16PM

Prepare for unforeseen consequences.

finaldarklord @ Sep 10th 2008 12:29AM

No, prepare for Full Life consequences.

Tez (PSN: Tezasaurus) @ Sep 9th 2008 4:15PM

Reddit and Fark sent CERN a crowbar, plush headcrab, and Half Life strategy guide.

http://www.reddit.com/goto?id=70i61

Zamzoph @ Sep 9th 2008 4:17PM

Well, time to move off the planet. It was nice knowing you all.

Microswirl (MKWii:1676- 4270-3674) @ Sep 9th 2008 5:35PM

There is no escape. Gordon Freeman will destroy the universe! Chewbacca and Spock and that robot that says "Danger, Will Robinson", all of it. Gone. Forever.

samfish @ Sep 9th 2008 5:43PM

Oh, you won't have to move off-planet. If a black hole is formed, all I have to do is stick my penis in it and plug it up. Problem solved!

Just like sticking your in a leaky dyke. Except a dyke would never let me stick my finger in her!
HEYOOOO!

PhydeWice @ Sep 9th 2008 7:17PM

I hear Xen is beautiful this time of year.

Binary Daoist @ Sep 9th 2008 4:25PM

Its a red letter day.

Mr Khan @ Sep 9th 2008 4:18PM

There's a similar chance of me being able to put my hand through a warm wall because the bouncing molecules happened to align and let it pass right through.

Tez (PSN: Tezasaurus) @ Sep 9th 2008 4:20PM

Thank god there is someone else here with common sense.

Arnon @ Sep 9th 2008 4:23PM

Seriously.. that's like me trying to push my entire body through a brick wall trillions of times before it actually happens..

cheng @ Sep 9th 2008 4:33PM

Is this a Portal reference? Since it sounds like a Portal reference, but you didn't mention Aperture Science, so you might actually have been serious.

Haggard @ Sep 9th 2008 4:35PM

You'd be screwed if they misaligned while your hand was still in there.

J @ Sep 9th 2008 4:35PM

Yeah, but what were the odds that anything would exist as we currently know it?

But, don't get me wrong... There are pretty potentially large benefits to the application of what they might find like:

Photon Drives
Sustainable Energy
Cancer cure
Did I mention Photon Fucking Drives!

(sorry, if this ends up as a double-post)

j.howlett @ Sep 9th 2008 4:35PM

a bullet seemed to pass through me once. i took it as a sign to change my ways. to bad for vincent though.

Mr Khan @ Sep 9th 2008 4:39PM

I understand the possible beneficial aspects, and i know the "doomsday singularity" thing is all in good fun

I'm just being a smartass.

BananaBoat @ Sep 9th 2008 5:43PM

This thing probably won't destroy the worldz (fingers crossed) but it'll probably screw with us in ways we can't imagine. For instance, if you happen to look due north on the night of a blue moon, you might see Elvis. THAT'S the kind of crap the anti-LHC people are worried about happening. The freaky ass Sixth Sense stuff that really owns your mind.

theturtle363 @ Sep 9th 2008 8:04PM

Tez, i somehow doubt particle physics and thermodynamics apply under common sense

BovineDeath @ Sep 11th 2008 3:36AM

Hey samfish that penis thing might work, we are talking about micro black holes.

Lone Starr @ Sep 9th 2008 4:19PM

I think the actual collisions are set for late October, so we have time.

Tez (PSN: Tezasaurus) @ Sep 9th 2008 4:21PM

Yeah, it's just getting switched on. It'll be awhile before any collisions and even longer before the results of them are known.

Brian @ Sep 9th 2008 4:22PM

no it will start tomorrow

Trent @ Sep 9th 2008 6:34PM

as I understand it, collisions will start as soon as the beam is started, but collision detection and analysis won't start until oct.

J @ Sep 9th 2008 4:28PM

Oct. 21

It's actually already been turned "on". From wiki:

"Initial particle beam injections were successfully carried out on 8-11 August 2008, the first attempt to circulate a beam through the entire LHC is scheduled for 10 September 2008, at 7:30 GMT and the first high-energy collisions are planned to take place after the LHC is officially unveiled, on 21 October 2008."

Vidikron (FU) @ Sep 9th 2008 4:40PM

They need to delay the test for a week or two. I'd like to play LBP, R2, and GoW2 before the world ends or I'm on the run from head crabs.

Cal @ Sep 9th 2008 9:17PM

At least a week delay please, I wants my birthday =(

Tombstone @ Sep 9th 2008 4:19PM

Well damn, were screwed. D=

Trickob @ Sep 9th 2008 9:50PM

we were? but we're not anymore? *phew!*

(sorry, I'm a smartass ;) )

baby sea tuna @ Sep 9th 2008 4:20PM

Haha, awesome.

Ghost @ Sep 9th 2008 4:21PM

That won't end good lol.

ANYWAY:

Hey why the f*ck I was banned?

My Mr.ESC account had like 5,000 post I was almost going to reach over 9000!

Not fair,Why you didn't ban the other guys?

Ghost @ Sep 9th 2008 4:22PM

Seriously REZ my account guys.

Anam @ Sep 9th 2008 4:26PM

You miscounted. You actually went over 9999 and broke the game.

Ghost @ Sep 9th 2008 4:31PM

Did I just divided by zero?

I really hope this is a mistake and it was some sort of antispam measure that blocked me.

I'll try tomorrow.

Jacksons @ Sep 9th 2008 4:31PM

You obviously know what you were banned for with a quote like "Not fair,Why you didn't ban the other guys?" Naughty!

Jakka(Naked Peach Brigade) @ Sep 9th 2008 4:34PM

Mr.ESC, welcome to the club.Wanna hang out or something?

Mr Khan @ Sep 9th 2008 4:36PM

What other guys? What did i miss?

That's why i don't like that they either completely delete or at least overwrite bannable comments. It kinda hides the criteria from the rest of us

They should (and i kid you not) take screen captures of bannable comments, and add them to a photo gallery. Just so we get a clearer idea of where "the line" is.

Anam @ Sep 9th 2008 4:36PM

*nudges Ghost*

Dude, that particular incarnation of naked Peach is totally hitting on you. You should go for it.

Ghost @ Sep 9th 2008 4:39PM

Well I hope I get my account restored because otherwise I don't feel like going though this sh*t again just to get banned again when I'm right.

Seriously can I get my acocutn back,C'mon Justin be cool.

Remeber when I was going to kill you and you were like no way and then I was like it was all a test.

It was great.

C'mon REZ.