EA gives up trying to take over Take-Two
by Ross Miller 
{ Sep 14th 2008 at 5:36PM }
ACT XVII
FADE IN:
EXT. TAKE-TWO'S PARENTS' HOUSE -- Electronic Arts ("Eric") has packed up its boom box and is getting ready to drive off, fed up with trying so long to court Take-Two ("Trina").
TRINA
Wait! Where are you going?
ERIC
Like I said in the letter I nailed to your door. "EA has decided not to make a proposal to acquire Take-Two and has terminated discussions with Take-Two."
TRINA
But but ... we talked in private on the phone. Even Felicia said it'd be okay. Was it something I said? Was it Niko?
ERIC
I'm sorry, but it's over. I've been out here holding my boombox since March and my arms are very, very tired. I'm hungry, I'm going to go make a sandwich now. I've got 15 new games in my pocket -- Spore, Dead Space, Mirror's Edge, some sports titles, etc. I think I'm going to deal with those.
TRINA
But ... !
ERIC
I'm sorry. Maybe some other time.
ERIC LEAVES
TRINA
(shouting)
Call me!
Wait! Where are you going?
ERIC
Like I said in the letter I nailed to your door. "EA has decided not to make a proposal to acquire Take-Two and has terminated discussions with Take-Two."
TRINA
But but ... we talked in private on the phone. Even Felicia said it'd be okay. Was it something I said? Was it Niko?
ERIC
I'm sorry, but it's over. I've been out here holding my boombox since March and my arms are very, very tired. I'm hungry, I'm going to go make a sandwich now. I've got 15 new games in my pocket -- Spore, Dead Space, Mirror's Edge, some sports titles, etc. I think I'm going to deal with those.
TRINA
But ... !
ERIC
I'm sorry. Maybe some other time.
ERIC LEAVES
(shouting)
Call me!
FADE TO BLACK
END OF SHOW ... ?
Reader Comments (Page 1 of 2)
BioRebel @ Sep 14th 2008 5:42PM
YAY! Maybe Ubisoft will step in and we'll see 2 of the best publishers get together.
jimbo @ Sep 14th 2008 5:45PM
Fucking Joystiq, just tell me the damn news, I don't need to read your lame "skits" about it. How about providing some actual insight into what happened, instead of this useless crap?
AnonymousTipster @ Sep 14th 2008 5:57PM
EA gives up trying to take over Take-Two
EA said:
"EA has decided not to make a proposal to acquire Take-Two and has terminated discussions with Take-Two."
Good enough news-post for you?
Wiinterfang @ Sep 14th 2008 6:08PM
What the fuck is your problem Jimbo? did joystiq did something to you? huh? do you want to take it outside?
Shmil @ Sep 14th 2008 6:11PM
jimbo is no fan of parody
Top Cat @ Sep 14th 2008 6:29PM
Jimbo, I guess thats why they give you the source link. I guess you could go and search out these items on actual news sites rather than a blog site if that is your preference.
I guess you're just a gobshite.
Nesagwa @ Sep 14th 2008 6:39PM
Blogs! We demand to be taken seriously as journalists!
Blogs! We make silly joke posts with no content linking to real journalists!
Ross Miller @ Sep 14th 2008 7:23PM
It doesn't exactly matter if you label us as a "blog" or a "journalist site" so long as you see us as an accurate source of information and news with the proper amount of skepticism, and snark when applicable and within the aforementioned parameters.
I could've run this as a dry press release announcement, or even reprinted the press release and moved on. You have the news, pertinent past coverage linked in a logical manner, appropriate quotations. Personally, I think this is more fun.
Chris Are @ Sep 14th 2008 7:52PM
"Personally I think this is more fun."
I agree Ross. :-)
Wiinterfang @ Sep 14th 2008 8:44PM
Don't listen to him Ross, his mother leave him for Joystiq.
Shmil @ Sep 14th 2008 8:49PM
"It doesn't exactly matter if you label us as a "blog" or a "journalist site" so long as you see us as an accurate source of information and news with the proper amount of skepticism, and snark when applicable and within the aforementioned parameters."
Yeah, what he said
thedonandmikeshow @ Sep 14th 2008 9:19PM
Jim, I could not agree more. Joystiq is my number one source for video game news (and there is no reason it could not be) but too often Joystiq falls short. Joystiq, you should be giving us the relevant information studded with your writers and editors take or opinion on the issue. Instead of that you replace a news article with this uninformative drivel which is completely void of any actual information or your view on the subject. It reminds me of some kid in school trying to impress with his creativity and overdoing it instead of performing the requested task.
Josh Warner @ Sep 14th 2008 11:09PM
@thedonandmikeshow:
And yet I see you're not only reading, but also contributing via posts to Joystiq. If you really don't want to be here, leave. The fact that you are here invalidates your post. Nevermind the fact that the entire point of the post was concisely summed up in the title!
@Ross Miller & co.:
This post, the Bizarro World one from a couple weeks ago, and other such examples of fine parody and writing are what keep me coming back. Those of us who have created parody ourselves know how difficult getting it right can be, and the work that goes on behind the scenes for posts like this is significant. Thanks.
Bandapin @ Sep 14th 2008 5:42PM
This calls for celebration!
Mr Khan @ Sep 14th 2008 5:45PM
Odd, since TakeTwo's financial strategy leads to a rollercoaster sort of existence, you think that eventually someone more stable would try to gobble them up
Immortal Technique PSN: johnnynumber5 @ Sep 14th 2008 5:52PM
Agreed. Just not EA. I don't want to lose NBA & NHL 2K to the EA franchises. Not to mention the MLB series -- which is good but I prefer MLB The Show only on PS3.
WhoMe @ Sep 14th 2008 5:46PM
Just when I thought posts couldn't get any more ridiculous.
Mo @ Sep 14th 2008 5:48PM
Hahaha that was hilarious, nicely done.
Donald @ Sep 14th 2008 5:50PM
And so the competition in the sports and hooker-bashing markets will continue unabated. This is good.
Metal_Gear @ Sep 14th 2008 5:53PM
Great news... now, when will Sony make their offer? >_>
SoCoolCurt (PSN: KillaKornbread) @ Sep 14th 2008 7:05PM
i think MS would make a move before Sony would. i doubt Sony has the kind of money (in the games division at least) that Take-Two is looking for.
Demolition Elmo @ Sep 14th 2008 6:04PM
"Who's gonna drive you home...tonight..."
GoldenS1104 @ Sep 14th 2008 6:11PM
Thank you, Ross Miller, for that fucking awesome post. I honestly haven't been following the EA/Take-Two stuff cause I'm tired of hearing about it, but I actually read this post cause it was amazing.
ANTCEP @ Sep 14th 2008 6:12PM
this is why i
Shmil @ Sep 14th 2008 6:17PM
let other people finish my sentences.
ANTCEP @ Sep 14th 2008 6:21PM
love joystiq and hate the comment system
Christopher Grant @ Sep 14th 2008 8:47PM
You and me both! :-/
In A World (XBL) @ Sep 14th 2008 11:00PM
Ya'll need some PHP to convert ">" into ">" before submitting to server.
dark_inchworm @ Sep 15th 2008 4:52AM
'm hot
BigD145 @ Sep 14th 2008 6:16PM
Yay? I haven't really been following much of this, but at least EA gave up.
lsl50 @ Sep 14th 2008 6:21PM
lol, take that EA!!!!!
Obie @ Sep 14th 2008 6:30PM
Good, don't let the door hit your ass on the way out EA!
FireStiq @ Sep 14th 2008 6:52PM
cause I don't want ass prints on my new door.
MastrCake @ Sep 14th 2008 6:45PM
CRISIS AVERTED!!!
aristokrat @ Sep 15th 2008 12:06PM
Conflict Resolved!
(My girlfriend now despises those words)
Jonah Falcon @ Sep 14th 2008 6:57PM
ove I get so lost, sometimes
days pass and this emptiness fills my heart
when I want to run away
I drive off in my car
but whichever way I go
I come back to the place you are
all my instincts, they return
and the grand facade, so soon will burn
without a noise, without my pride
I reach out from the inside
in your eyes
the light the heat
in your eyes
I am complete
in your eyes
I see the doorway to a thousand churches
in your eyes
the resolution of all the fruitless searches
in your eyes
I see the light and the heat
in your eyes
oh, I want to be that complete
I want to touch the light
the heat I see in your eyes
love, I don't like to see so much pain
so much wasted and this moment keeps slipping away
I get so tired of working so hard for our survival
I look to the time with you to keep me awake and alive
and all my instincts, they return
and the grand facade, so soon will burn
without a noise, without my pride
I reach out from the inside
in your eyes
the light the heat
in your eyes
I am complete
in your eyes
I see the doorway to a thousand churches
in your eyes
the resolution of all the fruitless searches
in your eyes
I see the light and the heat
in your eyes
oh, I want to be that complete
I want to touch the light,
the heat I see in your eyes
in your eyes in your eyes
in your eyes in your eyes
in your eyes in your eyes
SMcD @ Sep 14th 2008 7:00PM
Oh thank Jesus. Looks like we won't be seeing Grand Theft Madden 2010 anytime soon.
Pointz @ Sep 14th 2008 7:35PM
Yes SMcD because when people get bought out they start calling game Mass Fifa Effect and Burn Dead Space Out. Your just not funny.
SMcD @ Sep 14th 2008 7:58PM
Jesus Christ, it was just a joke. Settle down.
Shmil @ Sep 14th 2008 8:51PM
Mass Fifa Effect sounds like some terrible disease of phenomenon
PSRT @ Sep 14th 2008 7:06PM
The best Joystiq news post in a long, long time, Ross.
lololololol @ Sep 14th 2008 7:54PM
How is this officially the end?
EA still bought like 20% of TT shares during the process, and has only walked away from formal merger talks. Their march in the other direction will make TT's stock price fall, which could enable EA to buy them up cheaper than if TT had accepted the deal months ago.
This is still possible, unless EA makes a public effort to sell off their TT shares and wash their hands clean of the company.
Waqman @ Sep 14th 2008 8:57PM
Whats your name? Dong. Whats your first name? Long. Well then whats your middle name? Duk.
Jonah Falcon @ Sep 14th 2008 10:42PM
What the hell does Sixteen Candles have to do with Say Anything... ?!
Marrvia @ Sep 14th 2008 9:04PM
I think EA was more interested in buying Take-Two BEFORE GTA4 came out so they could take in the big profits, but that didn't work out for them, so they kind of lost interest. Take-Two doesn't really have any big titles coming out for quite a while, so if EA buys them out know, They will just be losing a lot of money for a while.
Squirrel3D @ Sep 14th 2008 10:02PM
I'm with jimbo on this site's parody's when they do news sometimes. Some of us wants to get right into the details and not have to waste time reading an unfunny parody.
Anyway, thank god. The gaming gods comes through after all, stopping a deal that would've made EA the Viacom of videogames IMO.
Brandon R @ Sep 15th 2008 2:30AM
I think you're going to the wrong site if you aren't looking for skits and/or parody. It's like going to a pizza parlor and expecting sushi. Each restaurant serves food, both just cater to different tastes.
Squirrel3D @ Sep 15th 2008 3:14PM
Well...different strokes for different folks. But this is one of the best gaming news sites out there.
Aren't you glad EA gave up on taking....um...take two?
Aeskel @ Sep 14th 2008 10:08PM
"Y'know so I guess what I'm just saying is that like..
EA like sucks my balls
I think that's like what I'm saying pretty much
They just suck my balls
Like I got this one ball here.. E.. E like sucks like this ball here..
and then the A.. the A sucks my other ball here..
So the E and the A are just sucking both my balls"
007craft @ Sep 14th 2008 11:29PM
am i the only one who has no idea WTF this post was about, or parodying?
I simply read the title, and hit the source link to find out what happened. I tried reading joystiqs post, but it was like high school gibberish to me.