Metareview -- Golden Axe Beast Rider (360, PS3)

by Justin McElroy { Oct 20th 2008 at 9:55AM }

Normally, we avoid metareviews of games that have been universally maligned because, well, who cares about them? But reader Joseph P. pointed us to a review this morning that made us reconsider our position on Golden Axe: Beast Rider. Let's see if you can figure out which one it is.

Eurogamer (30/100): "Castle Crashers has already shown that there's a market for well-produced 2D hackandslash, but instead we get this utterly charmless and shamelessly derivative 3D shrug of a game. SEGA might as well have released this as The Adventures of Fiery Boob Lady, and left their mothballed franchise with at least modicum of dignity."
IGN (32/100): "If had to sum up my feelings for Golden Axe: Beast Rider in five words or less, I'd actually do it in one: hatred. The game is so ridden with poor production values that there's absolutely nothing redeeming about the game, and its checklist of annoying issues will drive all but the already-insane crazy long before it ends."
GamePro (40/100): "Fans hoping for a worthwhile update to one of gaming's most revered hack-and-slash franchises will be sorely disappointed by this poorly designed and utterly mediocre title."
Play (90/100): "I could write another page on things I love about Beast Rider, like how bloody cool it looks when Tyris slices a body in two or hacks off an arm, subtle homages like scampering gnomes and thorny spikes, the naked body parts that Death Adder's minions use for decoration, how the game runs like a dream on PS3, and how awesome it is that the single-player experience wasn't compromised to add some bogus online crapola, but I think my work here is done."

You read that right: A 9 out of 10. How could something like this have happened, you ask? Well, in this missive, reviewer Dave Halverson theorizes that most reviewers didn't even finish the game. We haven't played it ourselves and with Halverson listing "the lack of a multiplayer mode" among the things he loves about Beast Rider, we don't know who to trust. Have any of you given it a shot?

Tags: golden-axe, golden-axe-beast-rider, metareview

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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 2)

Mike @ Oct 20th 2008 10:00AM

I'm gonna rock it Sesame Street style - One of these things is not like the others, one of these things just isn't the same.

The guy from Play should try out a few good games, and then compare them to this game, and see if he feels differently. I'm assuming, of course, this is the first game he's ever played.

Temidien @ Oct 20th 2008 10:02AM

Out of curiousity, have you even tried the game? I know it looks horribly mediocre and I tend to side with the majority feeling on a game, but if you haven't actually played the game there's no reason to diss the guy who enjoyed it.

Mike @ Oct 20th 2008 10:05AM

I did try it very briefly at a friends house - I can safely say, it's not a good game.

Temidien @ Oct 20th 2008 10:10AM

Alright then, fair enough. I didn't mean to go after you, I ust don't appreciate it when people on these boards attack games they don't even try to understand. Beast Rider may not be a gem in the gaming community, but some appreciate it for their reasons and it's not fair to the game creators to get such bad reviews of their product without proper evaluation. I don't know how right Halverson is on the issue, as I haven't played the game, but he has a point about reviewers not giving games a proper chance many times.

Mike @ Oct 20th 2008 10:17AM

To be fair, I will say I don't have enough hands on time to give it a proper review, and every game (even the terrible ones) will appeal to someone - it just seems this particular game was pushed out the door on a very low budget - and it suffered for it.

TheUsedVersion @ Oct 20th 2008 10:53PM

Sorry but you are full of it. The game definitely rocks. But of course you probably played the game for 20 minutes ala IGN and made your assumptions about it. People should definitely check the game out.

ZaxCG2 @ Oct 20th 2008 10:01AM

You can't get me to play a game that they slap an older, better classic name on and say its the same.

Oh wait... that's about every one of Sega's games?

((Read this post in under 2 seconds and you win a free internet))

Huey2k2 @ Oct 20th 2008 10:01AM

Note to self: Play takes bribes from game publishers.

Chargin'Chuck @ Oct 20th 2008 3:10PM

That's not exactly news. Play has always given shockingly good reviews to horrible games. How anyone can actually willingly read such a publication, whose editors have obviously never even heard the phrase "journalistic integrity" is a mystery to me.

bobartig @ Oct 20th 2008 1:20PM

Whether that's true or not, well, I don't really care. The important thing is that they also gave the universally-panned "Sonic the Hedgehog" for X360 an 8.5/10. Whatever their motivation, their reviews are utter rubbish, and their Sega reviews seem to be inflated by about 100%. Maybe his review was based on screenshots or something?

heypaul @ Oct 20th 2008 2:02PM

Remember this, guys? Take a look at the top of the list.

http://www.metacritic.com/games/platforms/ps3/lair?q=lair

Either these guys take bribes, or have never played a good game in their lives.

matthew dickinson @ Oct 20th 2008 4:28PM

No, Play Magazine just doesn't think with the herd. They give their own opinions.

See Dave Halverson's editorial about this:

http://playmagazine.com/index.php?fuseaction=SiteMain.showGamePage&Game_ID=887

This guy has been playing games for a long time, and the rest of the staff at that magazine is just as veteran. Seriously, they know their games...

klitorisaurus @ Oct 20th 2008 4:28PM

Maybe Play just has a soft spot for giant reptilian creatures.

You ever think of that?

DrunkRaba @ Oct 20th 2008 6:49PM

@ Heypaul

Lair was a pretty fun game, and the control was quite believable. Only hitch was trying to do the 180 flip, which you didn't really need anyways. Not that it was a great game, but was a good 7.5 to 8 for me.

Don Jose @ Oct 20th 2008 10:05AM

Was anyone, anywhere, ever looking forward to this game or even considering the possibility of playing it? I've considered it laughable since the first mention of it I ever read, which, not surprisingly, I can't remember. My mind started long ago working to do something that whoever greenlighted this will probably want to do for quite the rest of their career(s)...forget about it.

Vidikron @ Oct 20th 2008 10:39AM

I was, very briefly, when I first heard about it. Then when I found out it wasn't going to have co-op any interest I had was smashed. Co-op was the main reasons I loved the original and Golden Axe without co-op isn't Golden Axe.

VicViper09 @ Oct 20th 2008 11:52AM

YeaH I know man, this game reminds me of how Ledendary is gonna be, that game looks like shit.

jimmygotsmack @ Oct 20th 2008 1:16PM

I hoped the game would do good. I knew it was going to be horrible, but I hoped it would be good. Kind of like Dragon Ball the movie. Although, I actually look forward to that movie being horrible.

nealbailey @ Oct 20th 2008 5:27PM

Well, Don you obviously didn't grow up with the Sega Genesis. Golden Axe was one of the pinnacle titles for that system right up there with the Sonic Series and Streets of Rage.

I was really excited about this one until I read that you could only play as the chick. There was a little barbarian troll dude that you could play as in the original and when you used his magic, a giant fire breathing dragon appeared on screen (the entire screen) to kill your foes.

When I was 10 years old, it was the coolest thing I had ever seen in my life.

TheUsedVersion @ Oct 20th 2008 11:09PM

Actually there are a lot of people who were awaiting this game and here's a newsflash...... the game is actually good. Better than 3.2/10. Not 9/10 good but probably 7/10 good. The game looks good, plays good. By action game standards its incredibly long. It has unlockable outfits. Really awesome beasts to ride. The parry/evade system works beautifully. But my only complaint is that the combo system is not as in-depth as it should be. That and the game could really use a steady framerate. So while the game is not GOTY material it definitely gets the job done. Its really sad that this game has been marred by the IGN review. I think Dave Halverson probably tried to make his review make up the difference for the incredibly unprofessional and low review by IGN by giving the game a 9 when it probably should have gotten a 6 or 7. I definitely recommend this game to anyone who loves action games. Treat the first level as a tutorial to learn how to play the game and then enjoy from there cause it can be kind of slow for the first level.

Bewildered_Ronin @ Oct 22nd 2008 4:19PM

@ nealbailey

Then you obviously did not play the original Golden Axe, or you don't remember it very well. The female barbarian was the only one with fire magic. The male barbarian had earth magic, creating lava spewing volcanoes. The dwarf had lightning magic. Also, the dragon only appeared if you had the max number of magic tonics in your inventory. Anything less and fountains of flame or fireballs would rain down instead.

I crunched many a quarter into the arcade machine way before I got the chance to repeatedly beat the crap out of the Sega Genesis version.

waves @ Oct 20th 2008 10:05AM

Dave Halverson, you are a hack.

rasgueado @ Oct 20th 2008 10:07AM

The blurb from the last review is one sentence. I'm guessing his review is as broken as his grammar.

tmmoore_nc @ Oct 20th 2008 10:14AM

Play needs to end. Seriously, they have no credibility. None. Zero. Nada. Zilch. Null. Void. Insignificant.

Duke @ Oct 20th 2008 10:21AM

OK, I wanted this game to be good, but clearly it isn't. The reviews destroy the game and to see one review at a 9/10 is pretty strange. However, it's not so strange to see that score when you read the review. Dave Halverson's review reads like a virgin half wit's love (or lust) poem for a digital girlfriend - it's pathetic.

Dave said “But to score Beast Rider below a 7 is just irresponsible. These are not valid “opinions” of professional gamers.” Now really, you can’t be serious…all the other game reviewers are the crazy ones with invalid opinions? So, we are lucky to have you as the protector of truth in game play right?

Wrong.

How can one who says, “Her boobs are motionless until you reach Fiends Path, too, after which they have subtle natural animation, but I’m guessing that’s due to the detail on her various tops. Some flies, eh? Damn limited boob animation!” Then turn around and attack other reviewers for having invalid opinions.

Or there is this gem: “and there really isn’t anything more intoxicating than a beautiful half-naked woman riding bareback on a snarling beast.” This is what really matters to you in a game – that’s really sad. Not the myriad of problems the other reviews have seen, cause that stuff is way less important than a half naked digital image. You know, a batch of programmed pixels.

I know there are a lot of people around gaming who think that stuff does matter, and I for one don’t. Those of us who don’t have problems being around real women tend to concentrate on more game oriented issues. This is another person who just makes all of us gamers look like a bunch of immature losers who can’t get laid.

Jack Tretton @ Oct 20th 2008 12:11PM

I subscribed to Play a few years ago, and reading your excerpts from his latest review brought crashing back the realization of how many of the magazine's cover stories were actually Halverson's stroke jobs -- page after page of insufferable fawning masquerading as critique. And now it's our pleasure to learn the femme fatale in the new Golden Axe game boasts a supple bosom. Is it any wonder Play publishes those creepy "Girls of Gaming" annuals?

theturtle363 @ Oct 20th 2008 2:52PM

yeah but.....boobs.

On a more serious note, i do actually agree with you, everything that guy writes pretty much goes perfectly along with the aforementioned "girls of gaming" BS. However, saying people who like girls in video games are attracted to bunches of pixels is like saying you're attracted to photons when you look at a real girl

Kai @ Oct 20th 2008 3:48PM

So did you play the game or not?

fred @ Oct 20th 2008 7:49PM

I AM attracted to a girl's photons

t_m @ Oct 20th 2008 10:43PM

Don't forget: "The first two bosses (his lovely twin offspring) are what medieval wet dreams are made of"

and

"Be sure to take a good long look at the banshees, and when you’re not busy trying to kill her, the Queen of the Dead. May I have another, and another..."

I almost want to try out this game now. Party cos i feel sorry for it, and partly cos it sounds So Bad its Good in a Grindhouse style...

ExMcCloud @ Oct 20th 2008 10:23AM

I dont think PLAY has a good enough history to convince me this game will be good...lol....I'll rent it in 2 months after the my wallet recovers from the stroke its about to have......

Ghen @ Oct 20th 2008 5:44PM

too true

jonpants @ Oct 20th 2008 10:26AM

This is from the same guy that ran GameFan into the ground.

finaldarklord @ Oct 20th 2008 3:05PM

Oh shit... I KNEW he sounded familiar!

I used to swear by GameFan. That and Expert Gamer were the only mags I'd read. I think GF finally went down about the time the Dreamcast did, didn't know he had something to do with it.

FUUUUUUUUUUUCK

Wayne The Muppet Puppet @ Oct 20th 2008 10:28AM

I started this at the weekend. It's not great, but it's not bad. It doesn't deserver the slating it's getting. I'd give it 6/10 myself, but there's not a great deal of hack n slash this generation and so it's worth getting if that's what you're into. It's a damned sight better than Beowulf, that's for sure.