Metareview -- Golden Axe Beast Rider (360, PS3)

I'm gonna rock it Sesame Street style - One of these things is not like the others, one of these things just isn't the same.

The guy from Play should try out a few good games, and then compare them to this game, and see if he feels differently. I'm assuming, of course, this is the first game he's ever played.

You can't get me to play a game that they slap an older, better classic name on and say its the same.

Oh wait... that's about every one of Sega's games?

((Read this post in under 2 seconds and you win a free internet))

Note to self: Play takes bribes from game publishers.

Was anyone, anywhere, ever looking forward to this game or even considering the possibility of playing it? I've considered it laughable since the first mention of it I ever read, which, not surprisingly, I can't remember. My mind started long ago working to do something that whoever greenlighted this will probably want to do for quite the rest of their career(s)...forget about it.

Dave Halverson, you are a hack.

The blurb from the last review is one sentence. I'm guessing his review is as broken as his grammar.

Play needs to end. Seriously, they have no credibility. None. Zero. Nada. Zilch. Null. Void. Insignificant.

OK, I wanted this game to be good, but clearly it isn't. The reviews destroy the game and to see one review at a 9/10 is pretty strange. However, it's not so strange to see that score when you read the review. Dave Halverson's review reads like a virgin half wit's love (or lust) poem for a digital girlfriend - it's pathetic.

Dave said “But to score Beast Rider below a 7 is just irresponsible. These are not valid “opinions” of professional gamers.” Now really, you can’t be serious…all the other game reviewers are the crazy ones with invalid opinions? So, we are lucky to have you as the protector of truth in game play right?

Wrong.

How can one who says, “Her boobs are motionless until you reach Fiends Path, too, after which they have subtle natural animation, but I’m guessing that’s due to the detail on her various tops. Some flies, eh? Damn limited boob animation!” Then turn around and attack other reviewers for having invalid opinions.

Or there is this gem: “and there really isn’t anything more intoxicating than a beautiful half-naked woman riding bareback on a snarling beast.” This is what really matters to you in a game – that’s really sad. Not the myriad of problems the other reviews have seen, cause that stuff is way less important than a half naked digital image. You know, a batch of programmed pixels.

I know there are a lot of people around gaming who think that stuff does matter, and I for one don’t. Those of us who don’t have problems being around real women tend to concentrate on more game oriented issues. This is another person who just makes all of us gamers look like a bunch of immature losers who can’t get laid.

I dont think PLAY has a good enough history to convince me this game will be good...lol....I'll rent it in 2 months after the my wallet recovers from the stroke its about to have......

This is from the same guy that ran GameFan into the ground.

I started this at the weekend. It's not great, but it's not bad. It doesn't deserver the slating it's getting. I'd give it 6/10 myself, but there's not a great deal of hack n slash this generation and so it's worth getting if that's what you're into. It's a damned sight better than Beowulf, that's for sure.

Don't believe the masses they lie! Lol

Not everyone shares the same opinion, don't come down on one reviewer because they saw something special in the game.

I'm sure a majority of people hate some of the games I love.

Play magazine is still going?!
I guess that Sega ad money is all they've got then.

Awww crap, I was hoping for the game to be good.... guess I'll just stick with the XBLA version.

Wel im gonna buy it, never cared much about reviews anyways. Hope it wil get cheap soon becaus of all the bad reviews :P

Check out some of the other games this guy has reviewed. He gave Viking: battle for asgard a 9, and Kingdom Under fire: circle of Doom an 8. He obviously loves crappy hack and slash games, so it's no wonder he gave this one a 9 too.

I'm waiting for the Nega-Review.

I'm giving Play's 90/100 a 32/100.

Ok, since SEGA has released this craptastic game, hopefully they can start to release some details on the new Aliens: Colonial Marines game.

Dave Halverson is a god damn failure. He gave a 9/10 to the previous Sonic game as well. I was so enraged by it that I sent a nasty email to him. Clearly, the guy has a hard-on for whatever crap Sega is willing to force upon us.