Playland is an unassuming little arcade, tucked away just off a major intersection. It's well lit, features a decent array of games, and the owners seem to know how drab the decor is -- they tossed some bright yellow stars on the ceiling in an attempt to detract from the grimy floor.


Easily the most impressive and noisiest game in the whole joint is Thrashball, complete with digitized sound effects from none other than Augustus Cole, AKA The Cole Train. Stand near the game and you'll hear his classic lines like, "Ain't enough freaks to stop this man," "I can play all day, baby!" and of course his trademark, "Woo!" It looks like someone took a foosball table, an air hockey table, and Cyberball and proceeded to blenderize them all together. Just check out the details on the playfield and the controls. We seriously want this in our living room.


Next up is Malicious Delicious, which looks like a game where you get to play as Satan. There's not much in ways of a game screen, but the controls include a joystick, a "Poke" button and a "Tempt Soul With Cookie" button. A game after our own hearts. Beelzebub is really turning on all the charm when he decides to tempt your soul with a cookie.


Providing some Mortal Kombat-esque flavor is Carny Brawl, a game that looks like it pits carnival performers against each other. "Prepare For 3 Rings of Mayhem!" touts the cabinet, while the screen itself says, "Throw Down Under The Big Top!" JoJo the Bear is going to be squaring off against Jimmy the Clown, and the controls on this one are a joystick topped with what looks like a peppermint candy. Two additional buttons give you the ability to "Rook" (a carny term for a cheat) or "Mercy Shill," which might let you tap out, or at least sucker your opponent in. The circus was never this much fun.


Then there's one for our old buddy, Jack Thompson. Murder Simulator isn't quite as detailed as Carny Brawl or Malicious Delicious, but you can be sure it would be filled with enough gore to turn Thompson's hair even whiter. Sadly, this game doesn't feature specially labeled controls, but we're tickled that Epic included it.


Based on the cabinet artwork, Pharmageddon looks like a variation on Breakout, complete with lots and lots of pills. Perhaps it's the Gears version of Dr. Mario. Sadly, it has generic controls as well, although the artwork depicts a giant pill that probably serves as some sort of paddle.


Shooter appears to be a version of Tapper, with some harder alcohol going down. If you remember Tapper from the arcade back in the 1980s, you'll recall the little bartender who had to run up and down multiple bars, slinging down beers by pulling on a tap. The goal was trying to keep the patrons happy and the mugs from crashing to the ground. They actually had an "adult" version that featured beer, while the "kids" version featured root beer and was instead called Root Beer Tapper (you can play this version on Xbox Live). Suffice to say, Shooter is probably all about the rotgut. Just check out the shot glasses in the title on the cabinet, and the two buttons labeled "Pour" and ... "Pour."


Swee Ball doesn't seem to differ much from Skee Ball, with the exception that there aren't a ton of discarded tickets littering the ground. They probably got cleaned out by greedy kids after Emergence Day, because that ticket redemption booth, which normally features cheesy prizes under glass, has been picked completely bare. As for the name, we're guessing it's a reference to Epic's own Tim Sweeney.


Just to show they weren't messing around with security at Playland, there's a big NO LOAFING sign posted right outside the main entrance. Does this mean they didn't want hoodlum kids hanging around? The same kids who probably provided most of their income? Regardless, Playland looks like somewhere we would've hung out on Friday nights, back when we were thirteen. Smell the nostalgia.