From high atop the pillowed throne you've become so accustomed to over the years, I doubt you ever looked beneath you at the competition that scrambled to match your unparalleled sales prowess. Even if you had, it would have been quite the ocular feat for you to have seen me, jilted and decomposing in last place. Don't bother looking now -- I've been retired for quite some time, living out my days in a cottage on an island off the coast of Kumihama, a respite afforded to me by my lucrative years, and a perfect locale for me to focus my energies on planning your demise.
Fret not, dear brother -- my murderous ambitious were recently sated by the birth of our newest sibling, the DSi. You see, you're about to suffer the same fate which I befell, a fate worse than death itself: abandonment. "But, no," you may protest, "dad said they'd still love me when they received their new bundle of joy!" An empty promise, brother, I assure you. You're already quite far down the path I carved over two years ago, your sales figures rendered in twain, your rank plummeting just one week after the DSi's victorious emergence. You will eventually come in last, your weekly tally dropping into the double digits, then single -- then, deeming you irrelevant, Media Create will no longer list you.
It's a long, cruel road to obscurity, my brother. DSi shortages will boost your sales, giving you momentary resurgences -- but this is but a detour from your inevitable fate. You will be crushed -- though I will not be the one to do the crushing. I no longer harbor the disdain that rose up within my gut the day you entered the world and promptly stole the spotlight, your slender frame casting a shadow upon my bulky build. You are more than welcome to join me in Kumihama. We can spend our evenings sipping rice wine, and PictoChatting about our all too brief, camera-less reign.
See you in about eighteen months,
-- The DS Phat
- DSi: 104,897
67,028 (38.99%)- PSP: 43,726
6,632 (13.17%)- Wii: 24,726
1,603 (6.93%)- PS3: 18,354
21,233 (53.64%) - Xbox 360: 12,759
6,640 (108.51%)- DS Lite: 8,381
7,988 (48.80%) - PS2: 5,743
971 (14.46%)[Source: Media Create]
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