We've all said more than a few not-so-kind words about the collected works of the German film-mangler known as Uwe Boll -- a fact that divides the gaming community into two different groups: The Punched, and The Soon To Be Punched. Sorry, gang. It's an inevitable conclusion. You messed with the Boll, and now you're gonna get the horns.
Maybe, just maybe, he'll take you off his list if you help pay for his next film -- he's currently asking his supporters (and his bizarrely dedicated detractors) to help him foot the $18.5 million bill required to produce Blackout, his potentially upcoming "terrorist disaster epic". We assume he's talking about the plot of the film there, and not just previewing the buzzwords reviewers will use when critiquing the picture.
Kookily enough, avoiding pending pummeling isn't the only thing contributors have to gain from their donations -- hundreds will be chosen from the pool of would-be producers and rewarded with small roles in the film, as well as cash prizes ultimately equaling half of the amount Boll is asking people to donate. Also, at the end of next year, Boll will hold another raffle in which over 300 contributors will receive 20 percent of the film's annual profits; or, in simpler terms, absolutely nothing.
Reader Comments (53)
Posted: Feb 14th 2009 1:35AM iHavePants said
Why doesn't he actually get a real job? Direct porno's or something.
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Posted: Feb 14th 2009 1:51AM (Unverified) said
"What belongs to porno?!"
He's apparently saying he should direct the "or something" that belongs to porno. Pretty straightforward actually...
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He's apparently saying he should direct the "or something" that belongs to porno. Pretty straightforward actually...
Posted: Feb 14th 2009 10:08AM Spunky Monkey 190906 said
Oh god, the porno films already have cheezy plots, could you imagine Uwe Boll behind them, besides, which person would feel comfortable stripping in fron of that face, lmao
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Posted: Feb 14th 2009 1:21PM iHavePants said
I banish you to the furthest reaches of pun hell.
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Posted: Feb 14th 2009 1:42PM Batzarro The worlds WOrst Detect said
Katamari Indecency?
God of Whore?
In the name of the kink?
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God of Whore?
In the name of the kink?
Posted: Feb 14th 2009 4:28PM (Unverified) said
the funny thing is, World of Whorecraft actually exists.
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Posted: Feb 14th 2009 1:44AM (Unverified) said
It seems as if he feeds off this sort of press like some sort of attention starved leech so why don't we as gamers and film buffs, instead of signing a petition, all make a pact not to post news stories or talk about the guy. Total radio silence on any thing related to Boll or his "films."
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Posted: Feb 14th 2009 1:57AM (Unverified) said
That's what I've been saying about Jack Thompson...
And Cliffy B...
And David Jaffe.
But at least those last two guys actually do stuff.
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And Cliffy B...
And David Jaffe.
But at least those last two guys actually do stuff.
Posted: Feb 14th 2009 2:14AM SheppyReturns said
Some of his movies are terrible, some of his movies are passable. Truth be told, I actually laughed my ass off while watching Postal through Netflix. Nothing I'd watch again but worth a chuckle nonetheless. But people do so love a villian and pretend this guy is the worst director ever.
To which I say, REALLY?!? Apparently you people haven't seen a single movie made by USA, SciFi, or Lifetime in the past 10 years if you're still clinging to Boll being the "WORST MOVIES EVA!" He's not good but there are a hell of a lot worse and since his movies are only really hurting his trolls, let him keep doing them. Boll is rapidly becoming the Orsen Welles of our generation. A large assortment of bad to mediocre films but he'll keep making them because he actually enjoys making movies.
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To which I say, REALLY?!? Apparently you people haven't seen a single movie made by USA, SciFi, or Lifetime in the past 10 years if you're still clinging to Boll being the "WORST MOVIES EVA!" He's not good but there are a hell of a lot worse and since his movies are only really hurting his trolls, let him keep doing them. Boll is rapidly becoming the Orsen Welles of our generation. A large assortment of bad to mediocre films but he'll keep making them because he actually enjoys making movies.
Posted: Feb 14th 2009 2:23AM F1 Basu Gasu Bakuhatsu said
Battlestar Galactica: Razor
Nuff said.
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Nuff said.
Posted: Feb 14th 2009 2:36AM (Unverified) said
I'm guessing you have not witnessed the Epicness that is Ice Spiders?
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Posted: Feb 14th 2009 2:49AM Sly C said
if he enjoys making movies, he should take a tip from the people who made that half life miniseries. their budget (however much it was in the end) is waaaaaay smaller than boll's and theirs turned out great while boll's usually are crap. $19 million could be used for a lot better things.
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Posted: Feb 14th 2009 10:37AM SheppyReturns said
Actually, Uwe Boll didn't GET like that until he put up with two straight years of video game fans giving him shit. Eventually he snapped back and I loved every second of it.
Here's why. Us gamers? We CAN and often are pricks. Take a look at the outrage over the bad House of the Dead movie. Think about this for a second. Gamers bitched that the plot made no sense and it only served to have people shoot guns at zombies for an hour and a half. On Noes, Uwe Boll has destroyed a beloved video game franchise that's known for it's compelling narrative. He must suffer like G did. Uwe Boll is attaching himself to shit games, man.
As for why he makes game movies, he's answered this before. They are the easiest movies to acquire and finance for him. I mean nobody is going to see German Fried Movie or Seed from him. But he's got a group of people who go see the latest video game movie "just to see how bad it is." And considering Uwe Boll has yet to reach the level of shit called Super Mario Brothers or Dead or Alive, I'd say he's doing quite well. And actually getting better.
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Here's why. Us gamers? We CAN and often are pricks. Take a look at the outrage over the bad House of the Dead movie. Think about this for a second. Gamers bitched that the plot made no sense and it only served to have people shoot guns at zombies for an hour and a half. On Noes, Uwe Boll has destroyed a beloved video game franchise that's known for it's compelling narrative. He must suffer like G did. Uwe Boll is attaching himself to shit games, man.
As for why he makes game movies, he's answered this before. They are the easiest movies to acquire and finance for him. I mean nobody is going to see German Fried Movie or Seed from him. But he's got a group of people who go see the latest video game movie "just to see how bad it is." And considering Uwe Boll has yet to reach the level of shit called Super Mario Brothers or Dead or Alive, I'd say he's doing quite well. And actually getting better.
Posted: Feb 14th 2009 12:44PM Vcize said
The problem isn't that he makes shitty movies, it's that he takes licenses that people like and makes them into shitty movies. Granted, it's hard to make a good movie based on a videogame, but at least give it a chance by not knowingly giving the license to someone that has fucked it up every single time.
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Posted: Feb 14th 2009 1:24PM iHavePants said
Sheppy, clearly you havn't seen BloodRayne 2.
And I'm one of the few people anywhere who actually likes the Super Mario movie.
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And I'm one of the few people anywhere who actually likes the Super Mario movie.
Posted: Feb 14th 2009 1:47PM Batzarro The worlds WOrst Detect said
I wouldn't know. I've never seen any of his flicks. He hasn't made a movie of a game I like yet, and if he did...his reputation precedes him.
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Posted: Feb 14th 2009 9:04AM (Unverified) said
300 people will share 20% of the profit.
Say he makes $100 (unluckily) then 300 people will share $20 each, which is about $0.06 each.
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Say he makes $100 (unluckily) then 300 people will share $20 each, which is about $0.06 each.
Posted: Feb 14th 2009 3:16AM WiredKnight said
I'd gladly take him on in the ring, if it would get him to stop.
And if I can have all my fellow joystiq readers on my team.
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And if I can have all my fellow joystiq readers on my team.
Posted: Feb 14th 2009 5:00AM Bowser Rogozhin said
Only €33? That's too good a deal to pass up. I'll donate ten times over.
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Posted: Feb 14th 2009 6:46AM Paulmichael said
Haha no thanks Ooowee Bowl, I'll make more from the CoProducer project...
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Posted: Feb 14th 2009 9:11AM MrHashbrown said
I'll take the beating, thank you very much.
At least it will be less painful than the movie will.
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At least it will be less painful than the movie will.
Posted: Feb 14th 2009 9:33AM (Unverified) said
I have never watched any of his movies.
But if you don't like them there's an easy solution: not watching them.
I understand that it's fun to poke fun at someone who make bad movies, but this is just becoming bashing for bashing's sake.
IMO 99.99% of the naysayers couldn't direct a movie themselves. Even making a shitty movie requires *some* amount of skill and knowledge.
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But if you don't like them there's an easy solution: not watching them.
I understand that it's fun to poke fun at someone who make bad movies, but this is just becoming bashing for bashing's sake.
IMO 99.99% of the naysayers couldn't direct a movie themselves. Even making a shitty movie requires *some* amount of skill and knowledge.
Posted: Feb 14th 2009 11:11AM nandokun said
As another had stated, we don't bash him solely because his films are bad. We didn't start bashing him until he stated saying shit like what you'll read here
http://www.1up.com/do/feature?cId=3167238
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http://www.1up.com/do/feature?cId=3167238
Posted: Feb 15th 2009 3:43PM (Unverified) said
You're only saying that because you've never seen an Uwe Boll movie.
I guarantee you that a chimp with a camera could make a more coherent movie in an afternoon than Uwe Boll could given all the time and money in the world.
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I guarantee you that a chimp with a camera could make a more coherent movie in an afternoon than Uwe Boll could given all the time and money in the world.
Posted: Feb 14th 2009 10:09AM Spunky Monkey 190906 said
Blood Rayne 3, I think enough has been said ¬_¬
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Posted: Feb 14th 2009 10:10AM Spunky Monkey 190906 said
You would have thought he'd learn his lesson from the first 2, the rumour of a third terrifys me >.
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Posted: Feb 14th 2009 10:46AM HowdyDoody said
Okay I'm gonna risk it - it's "terrorist epic disaster", not "terrorist disaster epic".
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Posted: Feb 14th 2009 11:42AM (Unverified) said
He should direct a movie version of Bob's game.
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Posted: Feb 14th 2009 1:38PM Batzarro The worlds WOrst Detect said
Is there a line to get beat up? If so, what happen when you cut the line?
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Posted: Feb 15th 2009 3:39PM (Unverified) said
I met Uwe Boll once and told him he sucked and gave him the finger.
He didn't beat me up.
Please stop being afraid of this silly little man.
Reply
He didn't beat me up.
Please stop being afraid of this silly little man.
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