Joystiq Review: Watchmen: The End Is Nigh

... OK, with those nerdlingers gone, let's talk about Watchmen: TEIN's merits as a game, shall we?
Gallery: Watchmen: The End is Nigh
With the price of most retail releases set right at $60, it seems value isn't really a question when reviewing a game. The price is what the price is, so why debate how much bang you get for your buck? For better or for worse, the same can't really be said for downloadable titles. In terms of pricing, it's still the Wild West as soon as you exit through the doors of Gamestop, and like it or not, price is an issue.
Let's accept that, yeah, with a $20 asking price, Watchmen: The End Is Nigh goes in with one arm tied behind its back. It should come as quite a testament, then, to the sheer tedium of the game that I quickly forgot how much was being asked for it, and was instead stunned that so much development effort and cash would be spent on a game that's so very, very boring.
TEIN begins by letting you choose whether you'll play as demented vigilante Rorschach or the much more upstanding Nite Owl. Savor that selection screen, friends, because once you've selected your hero, the die is cast and you better be braced for three hours of punching.
Light attack or strong, it doesn't really matter, they both seem to be pretty effective. You can occasionally do a finishing move with a timed button press, or you can just keep punching the guy instead. You can do a counter attack to disarm an enemy, so you can punch ... but with a bat. (Full disclosure: There are also kicks.) If you are unsure of which of the punch buttons you're pressing, don't worry, as that information is displayed on screen every time you do it to help you string together combos. Yeah, it's very immersive. It's all sort of brain-numbingly fun for about 30 minutes, until it becomes mind-meltingly dull.
Okay, so there are a couple of other things happening. Rorschach gets a profoundly unenjoyable lock-picking minigame and Nite Owl can occasionally shoot a grappling hook. A few times per level, you'll have to press "A" to open a gate for your teammate, though I refuse to classify that as "gameplay." I'm pretty sure the developers are just testing to make sure you haven't trained a baby or beloved family pet to mindlessly pound the "X" and "Y" buttons.
But that's not the big surprise. What shocked me was just how much work was put into nearly every other facet of the game. It's the best looking XBLA release I can remember, it's got impressive voice acting and the combat animations are brilliant, especially those of Rorschach, who fights with a sort of visceral, wrestling-inspired style that almost (but not quite) makes the hours of punching bearable. There's even a cool conspiracy story underlying the whole thing.
The presentation work feels like Warner Bros. desperately trying to justify a weighty price tag, but its efforts are clearly misdirected. I'd actually consider dropping two sawbucks for a sub-3-hour experience. What I can't abide is paying $20 for a game that made me wish it was even shorter.
It's all sort of brain-numbingly fun for about 30 minutes, until it becomes mind-meltingly dull. |
Let's accept that, yeah, with a $20 asking price, Watchmen: The End Is Nigh goes in with one arm tied behind its back. It should come as quite a testament, then, to the sheer tedium of the game that I quickly forgot how much was being asked for it, and was instead stunned that so much development effort and cash would be spent on a game that's so very, very boring.
TEIN begins by letting you choose whether you'll play as demented vigilante Rorschach or the much more upstanding Nite Owl. Savor that selection screen, friends, because once you've selected your hero, the die is cast and you better be braced for three hours of punching.
Light attack or strong, it doesn't really matter, they both seem to be pretty effective. You can occasionally do a finishing move with a timed button press, or you can just keep punching the guy instead. You can do a counter attack to disarm an enemy, so you can punch ... but with a bat. (Full disclosure: There are also kicks.) If you are unsure of which of the punch buttons you're pressing, don't worry, as that information is displayed on screen every time you do it to help you string together combos. Yeah, it's very immersive. It's all sort of brain-numbingly fun for about 30 minutes, until it becomes mind-meltingly dull.
Okay, so there are a couple of other things happening. Rorschach gets a profoundly unenjoyable lock-picking minigame and Nite Owl can occasionally shoot a grappling hook. A few times per level, you'll have to press "A" to open a gate for your teammate, though I refuse to classify that as "gameplay." I'm pretty sure the developers are just testing to make sure you haven't trained a baby or beloved family pet to mindlessly pound the "X" and "Y" buttons.
But that's not the big surprise. What shocked me was just how much work was put into nearly every other facet of the game. It's the best looking XBLA release I can remember, it's got impressive voice acting and the combat animations are brilliant, especially those of Rorschach, who fights with a sort of visceral, wrestling-inspired style that almost (but not quite) makes the hours of punching bearable. There's even a cool conspiracy story underlying the whole thing.
The presentation work feels like Warner Bros. desperately trying to justify a weighty price tag, but its efforts are clearly misdirected. I'd actually consider dropping two sawbucks for a sub-3-hour experience. What I can't abide is paying $20 for a game that made me wish it was even shorter.









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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 2)
Markez @ Mar 4th 2009 12:27PM
Justin, you must really love the graphic novel. And I'll have you know I trained both the baby (not mine, actually) and the family dog how to play the game. They're cheevo machines.
Still waiting for that next XBLA game to get my dollars, other than Castle Crashers or Braid...
The Dark Wayne @ Mar 4th 2009 8:45PM
baby achievement machines, now there's a billion dollar business opportunity!
tony @ Mar 4th 2009 12:30PM
i actually enjoy this game very much and dont know why people are dogging it so much. its really not that bad of a game for the type of game that it is. it looks great and plays well, and alot better even than some of the 60 games that have been released in the past and recently. try the trial if you dont believe me.
J @ Mar 4th 2009 12:28PM
No video? no deal
Andrew Adams @ Mar 4th 2009 12:31PM
I trust Justin enough on his reviews that this seems unfortunate. I saw a few demos of the game and thought it might have some promise. Especially with the graphics it was sporting. Hopefully the movie will come through in the clutch.
txshurricane @ Mar 4th 2009 12:34PM
Wouldn't bet on it. Metacritic has it listed at 44 and dropping.
Alex @ Mar 4th 2009 12:46PM
I wouldn't be using metacritic for movie reviews, at least their overall score, trying to standardize all of the different scoring scales used by all of the different review sites they collect from is impossible. In my opinion almost everything on metacritic movie wise, is always slanted towards the negative even on movies that are good.
I mean they gave Dark Knight an overall of 82, and U2 3D a 83. U2 may have great music, but I'm sorry a 3D concert video can't compare to The Dark Knight.
I think the film is going to be great for those fans going into it who just want to see the novel on the big screen, I'm looking forward to it, heck I'm just happy its coming out on film period. At the very least it will expose the brand more to folks and hopefully get them interested in the graphic novel.
That said EW had a pretty good review, and it sounds like it comes down to how you like the actors and their performances.
CannabisPrime @ Mar 4th 2009 12:54PM
Rotten Tomatoes has it at a 68%.
heypaul @ Mar 4th 2009 1:08PM
"I mean they gave Dark Knight an overall of 82, and U2 3D a 83. U2 may have great music, but I'm sorry a 3D concert video can't compare to The Dark Knight. "
Keep in mind, though, that you can't compare two different mediums by their metascores. Different industries grade on different grading scales. For example, video game critics are probably the only critics out that more often than not grade on a 100 point scale. To gamers, a score of 80 is a relatively good game whereas in movies, three stars out of four translates to "good" but is only 60/100. Granted, U2 3D is technically a movie, but many critics seemingly reviewed it as an album.
NaeemTHM @ Mar 4th 2009 1:15PM
This movie will be one that people will either love or hate.
Also, need all of you be reminded 300 scored a 50% rating on RottenTomatoes, and pretty much abysmal scores from top critics? Yet it's loved by nerds all over this planet.
Alex @ Mar 4th 2009 2:00PM
Good point NaeemTHM, it was interesting to see how 300 was recieved by critics, regardless of your political point of view, it did seem to get reamed hard for having a slightly conservative tone to it, especially at the time with the war in the middle east. What's interesting with The Watchmen, is that Snyder has now done a graphic novel from a more conservative author in Frank Miller (google for his opinon on the war on terror he gave to NPR), and now a more liberal one with The Watchmen (moore critized miller for having an "anti-gay" message in 300) and I will most likely appreciate this one for it's message just as much as I did 300.
Either way, I am quite excited for the Watchmen, as a fan of the comic, (and I just recently refreshed by buying the motion comic on blu-ray) I look forward to seeing the movie on the big screen. I think what WB is doing with the Black Freighter and the extended directors cut that puts the black freighter into the Watchmen proper is awesome fan service and am excited they're doing it.
What will be interesting is to see all the crazed fan boys reaction to the film, who get made when ever something is "taken" from them and made into something else.
Derick @ Mar 4th 2009 2:16PM
Heypaul, 3 stars out of 4 is 75/100
Ratios!
heypaul @ Mar 4th 2009 5:29PM
And that is why I didn't get into Harvard business school... =(
Dartmerc @ Mar 4th 2009 5:43PM
"At the very least it will expose the brand more to folks"
Why would you want that? Isn't that the cool part of liking something with a cult following - you're better than all the other slobs that don't know about it?
sam @ Mar 4th 2009 6:04PM
So 300 was a shit film with nice graphics and a lot of violence/action; critics gave it low marks because it was shit, some fans liked it because of the graphics/violence. Not hard to understand.
Basically if you tend to like shit films as long as they have violence/action (or boobs or pretty cgi *cough* that final fantasy movie *cough*) then you should probably bear that in mind when you read reviews from critics who are more likely to be looking for a quality story and believable characters and acting.
I don't have much time for shit films personally so the critical averages are usually pretty good for me. I definitely won't be seeing 'Watchmen', though (or because?) I quite liked the book.
As for that 82 for Batman: Dark Knight, which I did see, it's maybe a touch high, but seems pretty fair to me. I agree that you can't compare to a music video, even if the music video was released as a film... compare it to another blockbuster if you like.
Vcize @ Mar 4th 2009 6:41PM
Seriously, who listens to movie critics anymore? They're so out of touch with the people reading their reviews that it's pretty much useless. It would be like a Wii gamer that's never played anything online reviewing Halo or Gears or CoD4 and giving it a 55/100 because they thought the single player was just OK and never touched the multiplayer.
I'll break it down for you. Movie critics are pretentious snobs that love anything involving a romance taking place in days of yore or a controversial topic like the holocaust. Meanwhile, if any movie has even any hint of action in it, it automatically has a maximum score of 50 out of 100 because anything with some action must just be a brainless action flick.
falcon @ Mar 8th 2009 4:55AM
vcise, that was probably the best thing i've ever read besides watchmen. i'll now be using that arguement quite frequently.
BxGT @ Mar 4th 2009 12:37PM
Watching men, the end is thighs.
Dan Diemer @ Mar 4th 2009 12:45PM
You're such a Comedian
Vegeta (DAT ASS!!!) @ Mar 4th 2009 12:49PM
Don't you know? A Comedian died tonight.
The Dark Wayne @ Mar 4th 2009 8:53PM
Good joke everyone laugh
Nick @ Mar 4th 2009 9:58PM
Skidoo!
Vegeta (DAT ASS!!!) @ Mar 4th 2009 12:49PM
If there's a demo of this, I'll give it try. Though I doubt I'll pay for this game.
Deck @ Mar 4th 2009 2:04PM
I am pretty sure that every XBLA game is REQUIRED to have a demo. So yes, it should have a demo.
Baby J Penn (PSN johnnynumber5) @ Mar 4th 2009 2:18PM
Like I said below Best Buy is selling a download token for this game along with two movie tickets for $25. If you are going to see the movie you might as well buy that set as you will be getting the game for $5.
FemaleOrca @ Mar 4th 2009 2:40PM
@Baby J
Or if you live in NYC you are practically getting paid to buy the game.
Ahhh, $10 movies. Those were the days, my friend.
NaeemTHM @ Mar 4th 2009 1:22PM
Dudes, remember when we would sit for hours on end and play Streets of Rage II? The game lasted, what 4 hours tops? Yet we came back for more every time.
Have we evolved into hard to please elitist? Surly this game will please those of us that like a good beatem up. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles was nothing more than "whoop this guys ass and move to the right", but we loved it to pieces damn it!
...ah who am I kidding. Watchmen has been raped Lucas style.
Markez @ Mar 4th 2009 1:39PM
I was considerably younger in those days, and the games you're mentioning were essentially the best of the best at the time. Same cannot be said for this game, apparently, simply because the genre is the same.
Kyle @ Mar 4th 2009 8:19PM
I agree with your Streets of Rage point. I tried the demo and I can forgive the repetitive gameplay since it's coupled with such high-production values and set in a world that I'm a big fan of. The only thing putting me off is the price. Same amount as Lost and Damned? Come on now...
TheFa1thful @ Mar 7th 2009 7:56PM
I would buy Lost and the Damned... but I can get Unreal Tournament 3 for three dollars less or Mass Effect for five dollars more. Not to mention the sweet chocolaty goodness that is the Orange box. I will buy DLC for things like... Fallout 3, but I see no reason to spend $15 on an expansion for a game I stopped playing about a month after it came out when I can get an awesome game for nearly the same price. Whether your selling horse armor or 10 hours of new content, I'll still pick buying Bioshock for $15 than DLC.
samfish (is ready for MadWorld!) @ Mar 4th 2009 1:23PM
I always have to try brawlers for myself before I pass judgment on them. A lot of people tend to criticize the genre are repetitive and boring, a la this review...but to an extent, if you're complaining about a beat 'em up/hack 'n' slash being repetitive, then you're in the wrong genre :/ It kinda comes with the territory.
...not that some games aren't offensively repetitive, though...
That said, this looks to be legitimately terrible. I'll try it if there's a demo, but I have no desire buy this. Hell, I don't even want to see the movie. It looks horrible, too.
Carrie @ Mar 4th 2009 1:39PM
Why does it seem like every time someone talks about this game, they build up their post like they're gonna try and defend the game, then at the end they're just "No, it's terrible."?
Either way I'll have to pick the game up, just cuz.
NaeemTHM @ Mar 4th 2009 1:44PM
Simple. It's because reality sets in and you realize there's no way anyone can do Watchmen justice in video game form. It's...it misses the point almost as bad as Fight Club: The Game.
samfish (is ready for MadWorld!) @ Mar 4th 2009 1:53PM
Because we've long since learned our lesson when it comes to movie tie-in games?
Also...there was a Fight Club game??
Magic Whiskey @ Mar 4th 2009 1:45PM
Downloading the demo now. It's MASSIVE. Why is the thing 1.35GB?
EshuElegbara @ Mar 6th 2009 8:12PM
I don't know about the 360, but on the ps3 you download the full game with a 30 minute time limit as the "demo," and then when you buy the game you get a 100 kb unlock code. I don't think MS does that, but I'm not sure.
That said, my buddy bought it and since you can download most stuff onto up to 5 PS3s, I acquired a copy. It's not bad, but I don't think I'd spend 20 bucks on it.
Rob Bourne @ Mar 8th 2009 2:05PM
That's how it works on 360. The trial downloads are actually the full games with a restriction in place.
Choose to buy the game and the restriction is lifted, meaning you don't have to download the rest of the game to carry on playing - so it's pretty good in that sense.
Dirty @ Mar 4th 2009 1:46PM
If its on XBLA it has to have a demo, by decree of Microsoft Common laws of Xbox Live mandates...... or something.
Jack Tretton @ Mar 4th 2009 1:47PM
Is this the only Watchmen game hitting the 360/PS3? I seem to recall an EGM cover story or feature-length article about "the Watchmen game." This can't be *that*, surely?
AoE @ Mar 4th 2009 2:28PM
it is :(
danielsdesk @ Mar 4th 2009 2:49PM
pretty sure it is... I think they were planning on making a full fledged game but production money or budget cuts or something cut it down to a more feasible episodic kind of product.
KBeat @ Mar 4th 2009 1:50PM
Nerd interruption begin.
Shouldn't Rorschach be shooting the grappling hook? Night Owl II made it for him after all.
Nerd interruption over.
NaeemTHM @ Mar 4th 2009 2:06PM
YOU FOOL!
If you were paying attention during the novel you would know Nite Owl states he gave Rorschach the grappling hook during their partnership.
Hand over your Nerd badge and gun sir.
KBeat @ Mar 4th 2009 2:15PM
Well then, we must assume they've yet to reach that point in their partnership. It must happen in 1973. My bad! :)
Rob Bourne @ Mar 8th 2009 2:11PM
I thought everyone knew this game was set before the novel/movie.
Tsk!
Outinthedark @ Mar 4th 2009 1:57PM
Thanks for the review. Was considering buying it because I got 4 tickets in the Best Buy deal with 2 1600 point cards I was going to buy anyway...well was going to buy 1 card.
I'll spend my points elsewhere and patiently wait for Galactrix.
Neuromancer @ Mar 4th 2009 3:26PM
You could just try it yourself you know, there's a free trial of every Live Arcade game.
Outinthedark @ Mar 4th 2009 3:30PM
I gotta free up space for it!
His review just encompassed all the other impressions/reviews. I kinda already knew this game was not going to get a buy from me for the paltry 3 hours of gameplay.
Deck @ Mar 4th 2009 2:03PM
I recognize games have come a long, and we expect more out of them than in the past. Even XBLA games, or smaller games like this.
But is a basic ol' beat 'em up really THAT bad? There's not much variety in them sure, but they sure as hell can be fun. No maybe not as the ONLY game that you play for hours upon hours, but three hours of a beat 'em up? With production values such as this one? That sounds pretty good to me.
Granted, I also am not attached to the Watchmen lore.
Baby J Penn (PSN johnnynumber5) @ Mar 4th 2009 2:15PM
Best Buy is selling a token to download the game and two movie tickets for $25. It seems if you wanted to see the movie anyway and maye try the game out that would be a way to soften the expense. Just to have two people go to the movies in my town is $20 without any concessions. I would have bought it if they had any PS3 packs but they were only for the 360 at my local Best Buy.
Just something to think about for fans of The Watchmen who are 100% sure of seeing the movie. You would be getting the game for about $5 or so depending on cinema costs.